I'm back, and I think I want to UC!

[zapzipzee]

We planned a UC with DD and I was on here a lot.  I did all my own prenatals.  After ten hours of awful back labor, DH was no longer supportive and we transferred to the hospital for an epidural.  I was completely ignored, and the doctor just did whatever they wanted, against my wishes.  DH ended up going home shortly after DD was born because he caught a bad cold while there (probaby from the nurse with the runny, sneezy, coughiness).  He didn't show up until around 1 the following day when his parents decided to visit.  He doesn't understand what was so bad about DD's birth, other than the outrageous bills that wiped out our savings account completely.

It took a while getting PG with #2.  We planned again to UP/UC this time, but at 15weeks I got a weird rash that our GP diagnosed as Pitiraisis Rosea (sp?), and it really scared DH, as the outcome was thought to be pretty bad for baby if it survived. We found a midwife who seems to be very non-invasive, and even though she has repeatedly assured us that since I'm still pregnant and the baby is moving around a lot, that the baby probably wasn't affected.  If it was affected, she has assured us that it wont cause problems at birth, only problems with nursing, movement, and would require physical therapy to help walk, etc...  totally different than the GP's description....

At the first appointment at 17 weeks, the MW was sure my dates were off and measured my fundus.  She measured 20 cm, but noted that it was above my belly button, and should have been AT at 20 weeks.  I was charting, and know when I ovulated, so she said there might be twins.

At 23 weeks, she measured my fundus and measured only 24cm.  Both DH and I had measured that morning, he got 28, and I got 29.  When I told her that we were getting atleast 28 and I had been growing at about 2cm/week, she just said, "oh, everyone measures a little different."  Then proceeded to tell me I might have a little extra fluid, which is common in twins, but she could only feel one baby, and only heard one HB.  She could only find the HB right where the baby was kicking, and when I commented on that, she just said she knew, with no explanation.

DH and I talked about it on the way home, and he's perfectly happy with her explanation with the measurement difference.  We've been measuring weekly, so I know it wasn't just an anomoly.  DH did note that she measured a little different than we do. She measured more like just the visible portion that sticks out, and pulled the tape really tight.  When DH and I measure we go from the top edge of my pubic bone, to the top of where we can FEEL my uterus, and we lay the tape across... it doesn't depress my stomach when we do it.

This week, DH measured like the midwife did and the smallest he got was 26, measuring like normal, I get 30.  At 24 Weeks, I'm measuring 30.

If you were UCing, would this concern you?  What would you do in my position?  Would you switch back to UC?  DH is perfectly happy with the midwife, and doesn't understand why I want to UC if nothing is wrong.  I want to try to convince him to UC, but not if I'm being crazy about this...

Thanks,

Kristin

[fayebond]

I really value my DH's advice in this area (he's the string to my worrying kite), so I would go find another midwife to get a second opinion.  Actually, given my experience with a certain local hospital (who left us waiting for an hour and a half for one appointment and didn't even bill our insurance for any visits, we slipped through that many cracks), I would go there and get an intake appointment and an ultrasound, THEN take that info to the first and second midwife/s for an opinion.  But our insurance would cover all that because its "preventative care", so, I'd weigh the finances if that was different.  After doing all that, and taking DH to said appointments, I would go at the UC/HB conversation. 

Whatever you choose to do, I would encourage you to communicate with your DH. Bullet points and alot of listening work well with my guy, but you know how yours is.  You need to understand his perspective as much as he needs to understand yours.  And communicate with the midwife.  If you are worried, she needs to know that (even if she disagrees, and frankly I'd rather have a MW who doesn't fudge the facts as she sees them than someone who says I'm right and then does something else).   

[phathui5]

Have you had an ultrasound?

[zapzipzee]

Originally Posted by phathui5 

Have you had an ultrasound?

No ultrasound.  I'd rather not have one unless I need to.  I'm trying to figure out if I need to.  If my measurements are correct, and she can only feel one baby and hear one heartbeat, I feel like I need to to find out why I'm measuring so large.  If her measurements are correct, then I see no reason to.

I talked with DH some more, and he thinks she's the professional and we should just do whatever she says without question.  I disagree.  I feel like I know my body better than she does, and it's up to me to make sure everything is ok and keep it that way, not her.  She gets paid whether everything is OK or not, even if she doesn't arrive in time for the birth.  It's very frustrating, because she does less for prenatals than I do.  Her UA only tests 4 things, mine tests like 12.  And she's basing growth off one measurement every 4-6 weeks.  Baby's positioning alone can alter that several cm, so I dont feel that is an accurate judge of growth.  My blood pressure is higher by alteast 20 points just by going there - still normal, but not normal for me - at home and at DH's work after chasing DD around it's in the high 90's low 100's.  She couldn't tell us any more about baby's positioning that we could figure out.  I feel movement everywhere and a few hard spots once in a while.  She found the heartbeat where the baby was kicking, then gave no explanation when I inquired about that.  We also find the baby's heartbeat... I'm terrible at estimating, but DH is pretty good (he's a paramedic).

I guess I'm just frustrated because I feel the appointments are pointless, dont answer the few questions I DO have, and I do a better job doing my own "appointments."  If there is only one baby, I feel having her at the birth will be pointless too.  DH doesn't think it makes a difference either way, but wants her there incase there's something wrong with the baby because of the virus.  The GP (who is his physician advisor at work) has him convinced the baby wont be able to breath when it is born and will need hospitalized until it's muscles are strong enough to do so on its own.  I personally, dont think this is the case due to all the kicking I feel, I think he was just using a scare tactic because I hadn't had any traditional prenatal care when I saw him (he used to be an OB prior to "retiring" into GP).

I've done some more research, and I'm going to try some epsom salt baths and see if my measurements go down or atleast maintain rather than getting bigger.  If they do, I think I'm going to talk to DH about what we can get to help him feel better about not having her at the birth.  Maybe getting an infant BVM....  The ambulance can be here in less than 5 minutes, and if it's out on a call, they'll call the second out and DH can go down and staff it, or just have the driver bring it down (there's only one paramedic on shift at a time, the other's take turns staffing the second out ambulance).

If I continue to get bigger, I'm going to request an ultrasound prior to our next appointment.  I'm not sure what the insurance covers ultrasound wise, but it appears to fully cover in-hospital births, so an ultrasound shouldn't be to crazy expensive.

Thanks ladies!

[BlessedJess]

Since you want to know what a UC mama would do - here goes...

I never had the rash issue. But....( I would personally do my own research on the topic and draw my own conclusions after a lengthy investigation, it's how I roll)

My husband is a veteran medic from the 1st Gulf War. He's been abused by the medical system (or rather some of the people in it, if you prefer) and is not extremely trusting of their conclusions, having seen screw ups himself. In fact, his first wife was an OR nurse and she was always coming home and giving him the gory screw up stories. I wonder if she would have gravitated towards UC if she'd had a kid, she certainly was painfully aware of what went wrong in surgery all the time.

My babies have all been born at home, the first two with midwives present. And thank God it was only two times with midwives, because the other pregnancies have always had something about them that would have been lost if I had been attended for those births. I much rather have the presence of my husband and my older children or perhaps a close friend or two. That's it. I need to tune every other voice out when I am in labor and let to process work. I feel no fear holding me back when I do it that way. (although there will always be that little shot of adrenaline towards the end that stimulates the fetus ejection reflex, just go with it.)

Having said that, I'm not against intervention when needed. I love that "autonomous UC" that was recently posted. It's a powerful example of how some of us will not get the go-ahead for UC, instinctively driven by inner knowing that the baby needs help for birth. There will not be the strong trend towards infection in a healthy UC, but that doesn't mean that you can't have a birth accident. I think the majority of those stories are due to the woman being in denial about the pregnancy and refusing to look at it - or - it is just unfortunate circumstances. But I really think that most of us are going to feel driven towards the safest choice.

Sometimes the safest choice is birth at home unattended.

I can think of at least 2 such times for me and my babies, even maybe 3 out of the 4 free births I had where I would have not been happy with a midwife or hospital. The first time was a birth where at 36 and a half weeks my waters broke. Likely thanks to a gingivitis issue that was pretty serious. I was misled to ignore bleeding gums in pregnancy as a warning sign of infection that could harm the baby. She had to come out but she was small and early for her own needs, although healthy, even enough so for home birth. I gave birth 3 days later in my bathtub. She was in great shape when she was born, posterior (sunny side up) and all. It was beautiful. She fooled me into thinking she was big by coming down backwards. LOL

The last time I think I was pregnant with twins for most of the first 2 trimesters. I heard more than one heartbeat twice, before my measurements fell backwards 13 cm. I still didn't know if I had lost a baby or not at that point. I knew enough that I didn't want or need to know if that had happened. The thing to do was to hope for and expect the best and deal with the fallout of only delivering one. I even made two baby quilts after that, just in case we were still having two. They are beautiful reminders. I'm glad I have them. I went into labor when my waters broke and had a 36 week baby that same day who was 3.5 pounds, complete breech, perfectly healthy, who acted full term and grew so fast that at 12 weeks he just topped the scales at 9.5 pounds on just breastmilk at home, having been carried and fed constantly. He's sleeping in my moby wrap on my back right now, in fact.  His head popped out (I'm trying to straighten him now) and he's stilting to the side a little. LOL It's weird but he has always loved to stretch his neck on purpose and has great head control. Even in his sleep he does it. :D 

(sadly, I gained 48 pounds as recommended and think the general consensus for optimal weight gain left me very pregnant looking and chubby. At his birth I only shed 5 pounds. I don't know what the right weight gain standard is for every woman, but consider yourself warned, gaining more does not make a fatter baby all the time. You must grow a big enough placenta for that to happen, you need lots of magnesium to do that and must absorb that magnesium)

[zapzipzee]

What if your husband wanted the midwife, even for unrealistic reasons... would you still go unassisted?

I had terrible back labor with DD - the reason we ended up going to the hospital - and there's no way I could hide that from anyone, if it happens again, long enough for the midwife not to get here in time.  She's at least 1.5hrs from us, if she left immediately.  I was in labor for 20hours with DD, probably because of the transfer, but 10 at home.  I just dont see her not getting here "in time."  I have considered it - I might manage if he was on shift, but then I also run the risk of him being on a call and also missing it.

Thanks!

[phathui5]

Quote:

Her UA only tests 4 things, mine tests like 12

 

I know this wasn't the point of your post, but all the UA really needs is protein and glucose. I don't think there's much point to testing for more things.

[BlessedJess]

Originally Posted by zapzipzee 

What if your husband wanted the midwife, even for unrealistic reasons... would you still go unassisted?

I had terrible back labor with DD - the reason we ended up going to the hospital - and there's no way I could hide that from anyone, if it happens again, long enough for the midwife not to get here in time.  She's at least 1.5hrs from us, if she left immediately.  I was in labor for 20hours with DD, probably because of the transfer, but 10 at home.  I just dont see her not getting here "in time."  I have considered it - I might manage if he was on shift, but then I also run the risk of him being on a call and also missing it.

Thanks!

I would really look into hypnobirth. I do think its possible to have a painless labor. I had one, in fact. No loud moans or screams necessary. I've also moaned and yelled, even after that birth. Pray about finding  a way to birth peacefully and blissfully.

And have your contingency plan in place as well. If he wouldn't take no for an answer - my man - I would probably just insist on keeping her in the next room over unless there was a true emergency. That way the midwife is there, she can talk to and calm down the husband. Otherwise, don't mess with the vibes, I would say.

I wouldn't start a shooting war over having a midwife present, though. I would be good about warning of the consequences, though. Men who don't get involved enough or usurp a birth run the risk of putting speed bumps into the marriage. After all, in birth, YOUR top priority is getting through the birth in a way that serves your well being and that of your child. Husbands are not supposed to be putting up roadblocks to that end, or they might leave obstacles in their own lives.

There are certain things in life a man should know. It's not a good idea to hit a wife, rape her, neglect her or hijack her birth scene needlessly. Just like a woman needs to realize that she shouldn't engage in pointless power struggles and bickering with the husband, emasculate him or starve him of care and affection. I just want to say to these carried away fathers - certain things are supposed to be self evident.