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Very confused, angry, and have a lot of questions about my birth experience - Page 2

post #21 of 99
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fruitfulmomma View Post

 

Weird. Not sure if you read Active Birth, it has been a long time so I might be remembering it wrong cause I don't remember anything like that, but yeah the only time I need to move during labor is during the contraction. Movement is the only thing that makes them bearable. I hated the tub in my room in my last birth (1st planned hospital birth) because it was far too thin to be moving about. Between contractions I rest.

 

 

Please excuse my bad typing; I correct 20x the mistakes you see. I am wearing fake nails for the first time in a very long time and it sucks to type.

No, I didn't read active birth but I would like to.  And you do seem to be like me with contractions, and that is great and very encouraging to know I'm not the only one!

thank u thank u...

post #22 of 99
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama View Post

Hi, Mama 

 

I am a moderator and I approved a bunch of your posts. Post from new members get held for moderation for spam prevention, which is usually not a big deal but a big bummer if you want to have an active conversation and are feeling open about talking about your birth. I'll try to validate your posts quickly. 

 

I also waited until I was pregnant again to really think about my first birth - so long that my old midwives were retired. I can relate to wanting more understanding now that you're pregnant with your second baby. I hope you find some more information about your birth, especially your unusual contractions. heartbeat.gif

Hi Mod Mama,

 

Thank yoiu for your reply. I got extremely frustrated with this policy of holding posts earlier today but decided to come back and give it another shot.  I do think it's weird that the site allowed me to start a thread and get all invested before I found out about the policy and was in the heat of the moment, but that is not up to me and I am glad you are here to help the site along so people like myself can get some info.

 

I have no idea who to ask about the contractions, aside from this place, to be honest!  I have a hypothesis that some kind of adhesion formed on my cervix from the baby's head pressing so hard on it for so long leacing up to the labor, and that the contractions were fighting to break this adhesion.  I have NO idea if that's even feasible.  

post #23 of 99
I was thinking about the conversation going on here and something was bothering me. Why when a mother comes for support we question whether or not she learned the method right from the right group? That is not the issue. A hypnobabies expert could have had the difficult labor the op did. The issue is she was let down in her experience. There's no right way to give birth. You can do everything "right" and still get the short end of the birth stick. Support is not judgement and questioning technique is a lot like blaming the mom. There are other forums to stand up for your preferred method. Bravo brave momma OP.
post #24 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by eabbmom View Post

Support is not judgement and questioning technique is a lot like blaming the mom. There are other forums to stand up for your preferred method. Bravo brave momma OP.

For sure the birth stories forum is a support forum and normally when a mom comes after a birth the main thing to do is listen and congratulate her on her new baby!  It seems like demeter is looking to discuss her birth and try to figure out some of what went wrong, which has opened the conversation up a bit and I hope the direction is meeting the OP's needs. 

 

Demeter, Welcome to MDC! 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by demeter888 View Post

I have no idea who to ask about the contractions, aside from this place, to be honest!  I have a hypothesis that some kind of adhesion formed on my cervix from the baby's head pressing so hard on it for so long leading up to the labor, and that the contractions were fighting to break this adhesion.  I have NO idea if that's even feasible. 

You may post to the birth section with just the description of your contractions and see if a focused thread draws in birth professionals and other mothers who may have had a similar labor who may have some ideas for you.  I know that posting about my first labor (even 10 years later) gave me a lot of clarity on what happened. With my second labor (FYI) I did have a few of the same issues but they were about half as challenging, which was far more manageable. 

post #25 of 99
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by eabbmom View Post

I was thinking about the conversation going on here and something was bothering me. Why when a mother comes for support we question whether or not she learned the method right from the right group? That is not the issue. A hypnobabies expert could have had the difficult labor the op did. The issue is she was let down in her experience. There's no right way to give birth. You can do everything "right" and still get the short end of the birth stick. Support is not judgement and questioning technique is a lot like blaming the mom. There are other forums to stand up for your preferred method. Bravo brave momma OP.

Thank you sooo much eabbmom!!!

I am glad you can understand why I was defensive about the way a few things have been said/questioned.

 

But over all it has been really positive and I'm not mad at anybody,  I'm pleasantly surprised and happy to have this help.

post #26 of 99
Thread Starter 
Quote:

 

Demeter, Welcome to MDC! 

 

You may post to the birth section with just the description of your contractions and see if a focused thread draws in birth professionals and other mothers who may have had a similar labor who may have some ideas for you.  I know that posting about my first labor (even 10 years later) gave me a lot of clarity on what happened. With my second labor (FYI) I did have a few of the same issues but they were about half as challenging, which was far more manageable. 

 

Thank you, I will do that this week! 

post #27 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by demeter888 View Post

 

I don't believe I did read active birth once I started honing on hypnobabies I avoided books like this (thanks again to them!), 

Active Birth is listed in Hypnobabies curriculum in Class 1 under their recommended reading list...

post #28 of 99
Hey Mama.....

 

First and foremost, I'm sending big BIG hugs to you for your difficult birthing experience.  It sounds like a whirlwind of conflicting emotions and sensations.  I hope that I can offer you some support and insight - mom to mom.  I, too, am a Hypnobabies student.  I attended a group class.  I did have a support person somewhat in my instructor, but I never hired a doula.  (My biggest regret)  I had a really difficult long birth, as opposed to your short one, and that posed some unique challenges too.  (Prodromal labor)  Most of the details of my birth are irrelevant because this is about your healing and your upcoming birth, primarily.  In short, I had birth trauma that is making me resonate strongly to your story.  I began to acknowledge and weed through the details of my birth around the time my daughter turned 1 year old.  She is now 2.5 and I can tell you, that through talking, more talking, crying, more crying, reading, learning (re-reading Hypnobabies material, too) & attending ICAN (Int'l Cesarian Awareness Network).... I AM finally to the place where I can tell my story without crying.  I AM to a place where I truly feel that the best course for moving forward is the acknowledge what went beautifully RIGHT, and the things that you did SO WELL, too!  Taking responsibility for each choice that we made along the way, is key.  Forgiving ourselves, for we did the best that we could in the moment, and that is all we can ever do.  Having a birth that went other than as planned is completely normal, and happens a lot! 

 

Hypnobabies prepares you for all scenarios, never promises pain-free, and gives you the information and tools to have the best possible birth experience for YOU... & you did exactly that!  Your baby's birth happened the way it did for a reason, or many reasons.  I hope that you soon find peace and acceptance of yourself, your body, your first birth, Hypnobabies, and the choices you made along the way.  Now.... you're learning how to make this next one even better, and you can do it!!  I hope you re-consider scheduling a c-section.  Really try to take in how much you have learned already, how much you just quickly learned from the responses here - - how much can you continue to learn day by day as your next birth approaches!!  Imagine all the confidence and reassurance that will come along with that, and know that it will have you so beautifully prepared to give birth again!!  If you choose to, you can do it! :)

 

How was your pregnancy?  It sounds like you were feeling healthy and confident in your ability to birth your baby & felt confident that baby knew his/her bday when you did the nipple stim,- is that true?  The way you described it, it sounds like your body responded SO well & that's a really wonderful thing because to me, it says that you were really in tune with your body and your baby!!  (That's also a cornerstone of Hypnobabies programming - to follow your instincts because only YOU know what is right for your body & your baby - because this is YOUR birth and you & baby call the shots.) 

 

In early labor, it's extremely important to start using the Hypnobabies tools that we have early on & use them often.  Something that stuck with me is how powerful the Fear Clearing/ Deepening combo is for this particular time - - to let go of any last minute emotional blocks that may inhibit our minds, and therefore, our bodies, and then then Deepening, to bring us down to the deepest state of hypnosis and relaxation, while also employing our hypno-anesthesia for increased comfort during this time.

 

Now, since your labor went so fast, as you described, and came on intense & maybe caught you off guard a bit, it sounds like you did the absolute best that you could in the moment, under the circumstances that you were dealing with  - - environment, emotional & comfort (or pain) level.  Did you feel you did not have the opportunity with everything coming on so strong to go down deep into hypnosis?  Did you have Hypno-doulas who were familiar with our deepening cues & language?  Something to consider, is that maybe the sensations you were feeling might have been more intense, and more painful without Hypnobabies.  If you did your practice, then the programming was still with you, helping you still at some level.  In order to get the most out of your programming, you'd have to really choose to use your tools.  Birth partners &/or doulas usually "can help" immensely here in many ways with the hypnosis, comfort measures, emotional support and reassurance - - thereby reducing fear - tension- pain cycle.  As you stated they were arguing with you about getting drugs and that is not OK, nor helpful in any way!  Your birth, your choices.  Undue stress in such a really critically important time for you leads to- increasing tension - pain - fear that something is wrong or your doing something wrong, etc...... you get it.   In those circumstances, I think a lot of people would have difficulty tuning inward during their birthing time, whether they were students of childbirth hypnosis, or not.  You did the best you could, and you did great.

 

No one can know in advance how a birth will progress.  Especially with our 1st births - - - we have NO benchmark for comparison for "Is this normal?"  We have to trust that it's normal for us, but it doesn't sound like you were feeling incredibly supported.  Worry, and over-thinking what we are feeling, and what is happening leads to tension, and tension leads to pain.  I sound like a broken record so I'll stop there because all of that aside - - it sounds like you handled what you were feeling & experiencing amazingly well!!!! 

 

Have you ordered your medical records and prepared to choose your next birth team?  I would do that.  Start conversations early on, and be honest about everything your feeling so you can continue to heal, and line up the best team for you, that supports your birth philosophy.  Keep talking, journaling, and seeking out experienced birth professionals to discuss what you experienced, and what you desire for the future birth.

 

I am happy to hear that you avoided a c-section!  The amount of stress on your body (surgery & int/external healing) and baby (often premature - & separated from mom too quickly, for too long after) is not something to be taken lightly.  That is how my birth story ended, with a c-section, but I know now why it did.  The reasons why are layered.  I have dissected, and processed the layers of my birth story, willingly, so I could fully heal.  I urge you to do the same, as you are beginning to do here. 

 

Keep in mind how serious surgerys across the midline of the body are, and google it for more info.  Adhesions from c-section scars also can cause problems but learning how to thoroughly heal from a c-section through research could help you immensely if you choose that route.  Women need to attend to our body's healing after a c-section much more than OBs are advising.  It's SOOOOO much more than just "don't lift or drive for 6 weeks" or whatever they tell you.  A woman CAN heal beautifully from a c-section but not all do, without effort, and research and support on that end, too.

 

I wish you all the best on your next birthing journey!!

 

Much love, healing & support your way -

Carissa

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

post #29 of 99

Dear demeter888,

Where to begin... First of all I am really proud of you for sharing your story. I'm glad that it sounds like you are getting to the point of being ready for healing; it seems to be a good sign that you feel you did nothing wrong. That is a very true statement. I believe that every woman has a birth experience that most likely has positives and negatives, and it is partly her perception of those circumstances after the fact that allows her to process and to heal.

I know that a couple of other Hypnobabies "fans" have already responded, but it sounds like there may still be a little confusion here about the program. (That is okay. There is nothing wrong with you for having the perceptions and feelings that you have about it. Nothing at all.) To me, it sounds like the program either a) just wasn't a good fit for you to begin with, and that's okay, or b) it's possible that Hypnobabies could have "worked" for you but yet you had some feelings and perceptions about birth and pain that were buried deep within you that did not bubble to the surface until your labor actually began. This may have prevented you from feeling the contractions as pressure waves like your Hypnobabies practice and programming had prepared you for. It sounds like you completed the practice in the home study program just fine.

I do have to stick up for the method though when I say that although I can understand how a percentage of women ends up feeling "duped" when they do not experience what they expect that they will, Hypnobabies in no way intends to deceive women. In fact, it actually places women in control of their own experiences by giving them an opportunity to change their current perceptions of childbirth, and by giving them tools to help them change the way they perceive pain. Because the program claims that a high percentage (about 70%) of Hypnobabies moms experience comfortable labors, and another 15 or 20 experience manageable sensations (this was me), this leaves another 10 to 15% of women who didn't have a comfortable experience at all and felt dissatisfied with their births.

Any woman worth her salt who is supporting another woman through her journey, whether it's a childbirth educator or a doula or anyone else, has empathy when women feel angry or dissatisfied with their births. And let me just reiterate that there is nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you feel about your experience. It's just the way things went down for you.

You know, to be honest it sounds like you really rocked your labor, by arriving at the hospital already at 6 cm (that's amazing!) and ultimately giving birth to a very healthy baby boy with awesome APGARs who nursed right away. I know that maybe you aren't able to see it just yet, but I would call that a success.

I hope that you have a much better experience this time around that leaves you feeling supported instead of angry. I hope you find a doula who is a better fit for you and can remind you how amazing your body is and help you through everything you experience with this next baby, whether it's positioning, back rubs, or whatever you need. Sending you lots of good thoughts and virtual ((hugs)).

post #30 of 99
And I should also just clarify that of the 15 to 20% who may not call their experience comfortable, many of those Hypno-moms are still able to say they were satisfied with their births, for many different reasons. I should not have implied that all of those 15 to 20 percent were dissatisfied because I really don't believe that's true. Some had c-sections or other interventions they hadn't planned on. Some experienced a great deal of pain. But the difference, I think, is that they came through on the other side feeling proud of how strong they were. I hope you can get to that point too.
post #31 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by demeter888 View Post

Thank you sooo much eabbmom!!!

I am glad you can understand why I was defensive about the way a few things have been said/questioned.

 

But over all it has been really positive and I'm not mad at anybody,  I'm pleasantly surprised and happy to have this help.

 

I want to gently point out that Demeter is a new member of MDC and she is sharing her birth story. Yes, mixed in there is her experience with a particular program and I'm sympathetic to those who have benefited from that program wanting to clarify but I think the focus really needs to be on this mama and her experience. Please keep in mind that this is the Birth Stories forum and it is intended as a supportive environment for mothers to share their birth story. heartbeat.gif

post #32 of 99

Oh mama.  :(  I just want to wrap you in a big hug.  I am so sorry that you felt like you invested a lot into a program and didn't get what you expected out of it.  I don't want to get into details about the program since that's not what you're here for, but I used Hypnobabies and had a polar opposite experience.  A lot of what you're saying about what the program's philosophy or teachings are aren't what's in line with my understanding.  More to the heart of that matter though... you have all my sympathy!  I want to acknowledge that you did such an amazing job surrounding yourself with support (two doulas?? that's incredible!) and investing in a program that is definitely not just a teeny bit of work.  And now you are preparing for another baby's birth and taking steps to heal from your previous birth experience so you can make the space for new baby to have his/her own journey (whatever the method of birth may be).  You are one dedicated mama! 

 

I would second the suggestion about talking to a trained birth story listener or a therapist familiar with birth trauma.  I'm not sure if you'd be open to it, but I know the founders of Hypnobabies (Kerry & Carole) are always open to hearing from moms who have used their program and are more than happy to listen to every kind of birth story.  I don't know if that might offer some consolation or closure to your birth story, but I just wanted to throw that out there.  I'm so sorry you had to advocate for yourself so strongly to get pain medication when you needed it, but it's wonderful that you knew what your body needed.  You knew when you needed pain medication, you knew when you needed to move during a pressure wave even if that wasn't what you felt like you were "supposed" to do.  What a wonderful sense of intuition you had!  

 

Even though your birth of your little milk monster (is that what you called him? I can't find it now!) wasn't what you had hoped for or expected, it sounds like you did a wonderful job of rolling with the punches and making the best decisions for you and your baby.  I'm so proud of you and wish you the most healing and peaceful birth the second time around.  

post #33 of 99

demeter,

 

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It is really helpful to me, personally, to read about women's different experiences with childbirth preparation methods so that I can advise clients. I've heard both positive and negative reviews of hypnobabies. What I'm hearing from you is that it didn't really prepare you for what labor was going to be like.

post #34 of 99
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaCass85 View Post

Oh mama.  :(  I just want to wrap you in a big hug.  I am so sorry that you felt like you invested a lot into a program and didn't get what you expected out of it.  I don't want to get into details about the program since that's not what you're here for, but I used Hypnobabies and had a polar opposite experience.  A lot of what you're saying about what the program's philosophy or teachings are aren't what's in line with my understanding.  More to the heart of that matter though... you have all my sympathy!  I want to acknowledge that you did such an amazing job surrounding yourself with support (two doulas?? that's incredible!) and investing in a program that is definitely not just a teeny bit of work.  And now you are preparing for another baby's birth and taking steps to heal from your previous birth experience so you can make the space for new baby to have his/her own journey (whatever the method of birth may be).  You are one dedicated mama! 

 

I would second the suggestion about talking to a trained birth story listener or a therapist familiar with birth trauma.  I'm not sure if you'd be open to it, but I know the founders of Hypnobabies (Kerry & Carole) are always open to hearing from moms who have used their program and are more than happy to listen to every kind of birth story.  I don't know if that might offer some consolation or closure to your birth story, but I just wanted to throw that out there.  I'm so sorry you had to advocate for yourself so strongly to get pain medication when you needed it, but it's wonderful that you knew what your body needed.  You knew when you needed pain medication, you knew when you needed to move during a pressure wave even if that wasn't what you felt like you were "supposed" to do.  What a wonderful sense of intuition you had!  

 

Even though your birth of your little milk monster (is that what you called him? I can't find it now!) wasn't what you had hoped for or expected, it sounds like you did a wonderful job of rolling with the punches and making the best decisions for you and your baby.  I'm so proud of you and wish you the most healing and peaceful birth the second time around.  

 

Hi, Thanks for the hugs, and right back at you:-)  I was just not one of the lucky ones, and I truly feel that some of us are lucky and some of us are not, when it comes to this kind of method.  And because the HB discourages studying methods aside from it, it is flawed IMO. I have this in writing in the book; it's made very clear to avoid other coping methods outside HB.   I am not sure what I said about it that you think is not in line, but I'll be happy to debate it in a different forum.  If I misunderstood something, coming to terms with it is also part of healing; not just seeking validation, and I welcome that if it is done from a respectful and rational position.

post #35 of 99
Thread Starter 
Quote:

 

I would second the suggestion about talking to a trained birth story listener or a therapist familiar with birth trauma.  I'm not sure if you'd be open to it, but I know the founders of Hypnobabies (Kerry & Carole) are always open to hearing from moms who have used their program and are more than happy to listen to every kind of birth story.  I don't know if that might offer some consolation or closure to your birth story, but I just wanted to throw that out there.

 

 

Hi again,

Nothing against you, but: I am sure their stuff helped a lot of people and harmed many others.  It didn't help me much, and it did not give me the tools I should have been armed with for what to do when I dinn't  feel the way they tell me to. The course has little to nothing about how to stay in hypnosis during things like epidural or c-section or epesiotomy.  Nothing

 

That is jacked up; a major, major flaw they caused by telling me to avoid learning any other methods or not giving more.  I am angry at this program and its founders and could care less about their opinion!

post #36 of 99
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by avalonbirth View Post

Active Birth is listed in Hypnobabies curriculum in Class 1 under their recommended reading list...

 

Oh, so THATS what I did wrong? Not read the 15+ books in their reading list in a few months period when I was also working full time on top of doing their courses religiously?

 

 

Actually, there's about 25 accordijnjg to their website here

http://hypnobabieskc.com/recommended-reading-list/

 

But I am being fair and only counting their specific books for birth, since, we all know I will have time to read the other 10+ books on parenting while breastfeeding and listening to their breastfeeding CD at the same time.

post #37 of 99
Thread Starter 

You seem on one hand to want to be emotionally supportive, but on the other hand you have inserted an agenda into it.  

I think if you understood from my posts that I am clearly not receptive to hypnobabies and clearly have no interest in the philosophy any more, you would have avoided making certain statements. 

 

"Hypnobabies prepares you for all scenarios, never promises pain-free, and gives you the information and tools to have the best possible birth experience for YOU... & you did exactly that!  Your baby's birth happened the way it did for a reason, or many reasons.  I hope that you soon find peace and acceptance of yourself, your body, your first birth, Hypnobabies, and the choices you made along the way.  Now.... you're learning how to make this next one even better, and you can do it!!  I hope you re-consider scheduling a c-section.  Really try to take in how much you have learned already, how much you just quickly learned from the responses here - - how much can you continue to learn day by day as your next birth approaches!!  Imagine all the confidence and reassurance that will come along with that, and know that it will have you so beautifully prepared to give birth again!!  If you choose to, you can do it! :)""

 

 

 

my reply:

1. That is just wrong.  Hypnobabies did not prepare me for having excrutiating contractions from the beginning and all I learned was that it was nothing like what I was programmed to expect. Also, I don't feel I need to 'forgive' myself for anything.  As hard as I am on myself normally, in this case I don't think I did anything but the best I could, and I did well. Despite being scared and unprepared thanks to HB.

 

 

 

you:

"Did you feel you did not have the opportunity with everything coming on so strong to go down deep into hypnosis? "

 

my reply:

 

I did, and I tried it, as I explained in my original post. I followed the course very carefully. I  did hire the best doula I could find.  I did everything I could.  I am not an expert but there is very little I miss, and when I make a decision I do it with all the facts, and when I prepare, nobody is more prepared than I am.

 

I know you spent a lot of time trying to be helpful and positive and promote what you think is unfailingly useful, and I am going to reread your post when I am not feeling on the angry, defensive side and disrregard the things you ask/suggest that I find a little bit upsetting. (if you see a few other posts on here I hope you can understand why I am getting touchy).  I know you have some good info to offer and I do appreciate your intentions and time.  Just keep in mind that what works for you doesn't work for a lot of other people, and just because it didn't work for me does not mean that it is going to by aporoaching it differently next time. Sometimes HB is the clearly wrong choice for people, and I would not expect an HB advocate to have the cold hard stats, but it's no small number.

 

I think first time moms who use HB are rolling the dice. Until there is extensive research on this topic (it's still not a widely understood method of birthing), women making the choice to use HB are potentially setting themselves up for the same disappointment I experienced.  But that's for another thread, I guess :-)

post #38 of 99
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennybennett View Post

And I should also just clarify that of the 15 to 20% who may not call their experience comfortable, many of those Hypno-moms are still able to say they were satisfied with their births, for many different reasons. I should not have implied that all of those 15 to 20 percent were dissatisfied because I really don't believe that's true. Some had c-sections or other interventions they hadn't planned on. Some experienced a great deal of pain. But the difference, I think, is that they came through on the other side feeling proud of how strong they were. I hope you can get to that point too.

 

 

Hi Again Jenny,

 

I don't know where you are getting statistics from, but this is clearly anecdotal/observational and based on your opinion and experience.  So, using stats again gives off the impression of an agenda.  I know you like hypnobabies: I get it:-)  But there is no quantifiable data proving it doesn't cause problems for people like me.

 

I don't like it, and don't think it prepared me for my birth at all.  I think it scared the crap out of me on how I was going to cope with excrutiating pain when I was taught to expect otherwise.

 

OK, I will try to calm down.  Thank you again for responding to my posts.

post #39 of 99

I apologize if I made your blood boil by quoting those numbers. Those are just the percentages based on the birth stories Hypnobabies receives, submitted to them by the students. You are certainly entitled to your opinion. I do disagree with you that the program is fatally flawed, simply because the majority of students do experience easier and more comfortable childbirth. It's helping a lot of women. But again your viewpoint is yours and you don't have to apologize for it, just as I don't for mine. As the moderator gently pointed out, this thread is not for championing any one method over another, but rather to allow you to share all your thoughts and feelings so I will simply be done saying anything additional about the program from here on out. Promise!

post #40 of 99

I'm really, really happy this thread is helping you feel better.  At the end of the day, my wish for all birthing women is to have positive birth experiences... whether that be home or hospital, medicated or not, vaginal or c-section.  But one thing is bothering me, and that is the assumption that Hypnobabies moms are missing out on mysterious, magical pain-coping techniques by not taking a hospital class (which mostly teaches medication choices and maybe some patterned breathing) or by taking a different out of hospital childbirth class.  The reason Hypnobabies asks its moms to not take another class is because the philosophy is the opposite... birth can be easier and comfortable vs. it's the most painful thing ever but you can do it! In order to have a pain-free birth, one must believe it is actually possible.  Perhaps another class would have been a better fit for you and helped you feel better about how your birth happened, but having taken some of those other classes myself I don't think they have any techniques that would have drastically changes your birth in terms of pain coping.  It sounds like you were doing all the right things in moving, using water, changing positions, and surrounding yourself with a team that supporting natural birth.  Whenever birth takes unexpected turns, it can be very scary and I'm really sorry that happened to you. 

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