First and foremost, I'm sending big BIG hugs to you for your difficult birthing experience. It sounds like a whirlwind of conflicting emotions and sensations. I hope that I can offer you some support and insight - mom to mom. I, too, am a Hypnobabies student. I attended a group class. I did have a support person somewhat in my instructor, but I never hired a doula. (My biggest regret) I had a really difficult long birth, as opposed to your short one, and that posed some unique challenges too. (Prodromal labor) Most of the details of my birth are irrelevant because this is about your healing and your upcoming birth, primarily. In short, I had birth trauma that is making me resonate strongly to your story. I began to acknowledge and weed through the details of my birth around the time my daughter turned 1 year old. She is now 2.5 and I can tell you, that through talking, more talking, crying, more crying, reading, learning (re-reading Hypnobabies material, too) & attending ICAN (Int'l Cesarian Awareness Network).... I AM finally to the place where I can tell my story without crying. I AM to a place where I truly feel that the best course for moving forward is the acknowledge what went beautifully RIGHT, and the things that you did SO WELL, too! Taking responsibility for each choice that we made along the way, is key. Forgiving ourselves, for we did the best that we could in the moment, and that is all we can ever do. Having a birth that went other than as planned is completely normal, and happens a lot!
Hypnobabies prepares you for all scenarios, never promises pain-free, and gives you the information and tools to have the best possible birth experience for YOU... & you did exactly that! Your baby's birth happened the way it did for a reason, or many reasons. I hope that you soon find peace and acceptance of yourself, your body, your first birth, Hypnobabies, and the choices you made along the way. Now.... you're learning how to make this next one even better, and you can do it!! I hope you re-consider scheduling a c-section. Really try to take in how much you have learned already, how much you just quickly learned from the responses here - - how much can you continue to learn day by day as your next birth approaches!! Imagine all the confidence and reassurance that will come along with that, and know that it will have you so beautifully prepared to give birth again!! If you choose to, you can do it! :)
How was your pregnancy? It sounds like you were feeling healthy and confident in your ability to birth your baby & felt confident that baby knew his/her bday when you did the nipple stim,- is that true? The way you described it, it sounds like your body responded SO well & that's a really wonderful thing because to me, it says that you were really in tune with your body and your baby!! (That's also a cornerstone of Hypnobabies programming - to follow your instincts because only YOU know what is right for your body & your baby - because this is YOUR birth and you & baby call the shots.)
In early labor, it's extremely important to start using the Hypnobabies tools that we have early on & use them often. Something that stuck with me is how powerful the Fear Clearing/ Deepening combo is for this particular time - - to let go of any last minute emotional blocks that may inhibit our minds, and therefore, our bodies, and then then Deepening, to bring us down to the deepest state of hypnosis and relaxation, while also employing our hypno-anesthesia for increased comfort during this time.
Now, since your labor went so fast, as you described, and came on intense & maybe caught you off guard a bit, it sounds like you did the absolute best that you could in the moment, under the circumstances that you were dealing with - - environment, emotional & comfort (or pain) level. Did you feel you did not have the opportunity with everything coming on so strong to go down deep into hypnosis? Did you have Hypno-doulas who were familiar with our deepening cues & language? Something to consider, is that maybe the sensations you were feeling might have been more intense, and more painful without Hypnobabies. If you did your practice, then the programming was still with you, helping you still at some level. In order to get the most out of your programming, you'd have to really choose to use your tools. Birth partners &/or doulas usually "can help" immensely here in many ways with the hypnosis, comfort measures, emotional support and reassurance - - thereby reducing fear - tension- pain cycle. As you stated they were arguing with you about getting drugs and that is not OK, nor helpful in any way! Your birth, your choices. Undue stress in such a really critically important time for you leads to- increasing tension - pain - fear that something is wrong or your doing something wrong, etc...... you get it. In those circumstances, I think a lot of people would have difficulty tuning inward during their birthing time, whether they were students of childbirth hypnosis, or not. You did the best you could, and you did great.
No one can know in advance how a birth will progress. Especially with our 1st births - - - we have NO benchmark for comparison for "Is this normal?" We have to trust that it's normal for us, but it doesn't sound like you were feeling incredibly supported. Worry, and over-thinking what we are feeling, and what is happening leads to tension, and tension leads to pain. I sound like a broken record so I'll stop there because all of that aside - - it sounds like you handled what you were feeling & experiencing amazingly well!!!!
Have you ordered your medical records and prepared to choose your next birth team? I would do that. Start conversations early on, and be honest about everything your feeling so you can continue to heal, and line up the best team for you, that supports your birth philosophy. Keep talking, journaling, and seeking out experienced birth professionals to discuss what you experienced, and what you desire for the future birth.
I am happy to hear that you avoided a c-section! The amount of stress on your body (surgery & int/external healing) and baby (often premature - & separated from mom too quickly, for too long after) is not something to be taken lightly. That is how my birth story ended, with a c-section, but I know now why it did. The reasons why are layered. I have dissected, and processed the layers of my birth story, willingly, so I could fully heal. I urge you to do the same, as you are beginning to do here.
Keep in mind how serious surgerys across the midline of the body are, and google it for more info. Adhesions from c-section scars also can cause problems but learning how to thoroughly heal from a c-section through research could help you immensely if you choose that route. Women need to attend to our body's healing after a c-section much more than OBs are advising. It's SOOOOO much more than just "don't lift or drive for 6 weeks" or whatever they tell you. A woman CAN heal beautifully from a c-section but not all do, without effort, and research and support on that end, too.
I wish you all the best on your next birthing journey!!
Much love, healing & support your way -