I just re-read your birth story (a third time). I know you're focused on your birth now because you're pregnant with your second child. I think a lot of what you struggled with for your first birth will not be as much of an issue this time around. I had my fair share of advice that didn't work so well for me. My homebirth midwife told me that pooping during labor was rare and I also remember being told that I would know the feeling of contractions and, more importantly for me, that I would know the urge to push. None of these things was especially true for me, especially the urge to push, which was not 100% recognizable for either of my births.
During my second birth, I did know that I was in labor - even for the very first contraction and even after a week or so of Braxton Hicks. I just knew it and the first contraction was mild. The rhythm of the labor was wonderfully smooth and manageable - it felt "natural'. Even in transition and pushing (for 2 hours) I was aware of my energy reserves. I experienced none of this for my first labor. For my first I was just totally along for the ride...in a bad way.
Another thing that will be different this time around is that you know that a variety of techniques, books and etc. is what you need to use for preparation. You know what worked for you the first time as well. You also know that birth is unpredictable. I wonder if this birth will be a healing process for you. I know it was for me (though I didn't have quite the hard time that you did). How far along are you?