Very confused, angry, and have a lot of questions about my birth experience - Page 4

[demeter888]

Banana731,

Thanks for all your insight and suggestions.  I did meet with my OB today and have started discussing the pros and cons of a scheduled c-section with him.  He is a pro vbac type of doc who is taking me to task on my reasoning for considering one, which I appreciate.  But ultimately, I have read a lot about it as well as what to expect recovery-wise and think it might be a better choice for me.  I'll see. In any case I will also look in to Penny Simkin because I might jinx myself by not preparing.

Because my labor was bad enough that I have been very hesitant to even get pregnant again since then, and this time it was not a planned pregnancy (on my part, anyways), I see the reward in potentially in getting therapy for it too.

[mylilmonkeys]

Originally Posted by demeter888 

Hi Sarafi, Thanks for posting about your experiences.  I have concluded that when  it comes to birth related pain I am just a wimp; you are clearly braver than I am.  I have a question about the epidural 'wearing off'.  How does it wear off?  I have read about this before but can't make sense of it.

It depends on how it is set up.  Not all epidurals are on a continuous pump.  With one of mine, I needed to transfer in from home birth for an epidural because my son caught part of my cervix between his head and my pubic bone.  They gave me a "bolus" which is just a single dose of meds into the epidural space, but did not hook up a pump.  I just needed the pressure of the contractions to subside for long enough that he could be pushed up and free my cervix and then he was born.   Mine was approximately a 2 hour dose.  When a pump is placed, they can control how much of the medicine is being delivered, so if someone wants it to wear off for pushing, they dial it down.

[skycheattraffic]

Mine was a single dose epidural too. The line was open and available if I needed more (or if I was to need an emergency CS) but by the time it started to wear off I was ready to push. To clarify, for me "starting to wear off" meant that contractions went from "I'm aware that I'm having a contraction" (zero pain) to moderate/heavy period cramping sensation. I pushed for two hours and at the end I was still totally numb for stitches. After another half hour to 45 minutes (baby bliss), I was able to shuffle to the bathroom holding furniture and pee. The thing about epidurals though is that a different woman (say same size and weight) may react utterly differently to the same dosage.

[fergie830]

Sometimes even continuous epidurals don't continue to work for a mom as she expects.  Sometimes discomfort can come back all over, or just on a certain side or spot.  Nurses help roll mom back and forth to allow the medication to use gravity to cover all areas, but sometimes the anesthesiologist has to come back and give another bolus of medication even for a mom who has a continuous epidural.  And sometimes they don't work at all and a Mom feels no relief.  When they do work, they often work very well but it's a good idea for moms to have lots of ideas of ways to cope just in case the epidural experience isn't what they plan for. 

[glassesgirlnj]

And sometimes they work TOO well! I had an epidural, since my BP was skyrocketing, and when it came time to push, I still literally couldn't feel or move anything below my waist. My spouse had to lift one of my legs into the air, and my doula had to lift up the other one...

Luckily, it didn't cause problems with pushing - my daughter was born in only five pushes! - but I felt totally disconnected from the moment of her birth. It may have contributed to the problems we had breastfeeding, also. :( So, another perspective.

[Alenushka]

They jsut added more medicine to mine

[Quinalla]

I'm sorry you had such a hard and painful birth experience and were also so unsupported by pretty much everyone on your birth team I too was caught off guard in my first labor a few times, first because of the "you'll know when you are having a contraction" I didn't know and then for pushing, it didn't go like anyone had talked about either and I felt all wrong-footed during pushing. Anyway, one thing I did want to ask is did your midwife or OB ever tell you why your baby's heart rate was staying low so long after pushing? Besides the pain, that seems the other worrisome part of your story.

Contractions can hurt a lot in my experience and especially if you go from 0 to full-blown contractions, ouch! Many births the contractions ramp up from mild to that level, so you have time to adjust and prepare and figure out what works (for some like you it sounds like movement, others like me relaxation laying down, others water, etc.), I can't imagine trying to immediately adjust to full blown contractions. It doesn't sound to me like you were being a wimp, just that your contractions started very hard. I do think it makes a lot of sense for you to plan to head to the hospital right away, assuming contractions start that way again with this labor, and get the epidural as that sounds like it worked well for you last time. I think it is also a great idea to read Active Birth and whatever other books you think will help so you have better methods to cope with the pain this time around.

to you and good luck with making your decisions. One last thought, I agree with others that there is no one-size-fits-all method for everyone. I knew that hypnosis was not a good fit for me after researching it, but unfortunately most methods want to claim they work for everyone and I just don't believe that is the case for any of them. I think the best bet is to research as many different things as you can to have a well stocked tool box and then use what works for you during labor.

[demeter888]

Hi Quinalla, 

Thanks for the reply and great thoughts.

To answer your question, I still don't know why my baby's heart rate stayed low for so long and I don't think they knew either.  I had extremely powerful and coordinated core and abdominal muscles compared to most women from a naturally high muscle mass and extensive dance training i different styles including oriental.  So, my mom's theory is that my pushing was very hard on my son because I was able to bear down with so much force (and I wouldn't have sensed it not being right because of the epi nor did I have hardly any urge to push most of the time).  

My abs are now just about ruined however so I am not as worried about squishing the next baby quite so hard.

[demeter888]

Originally Posted by glassesgirlnj 

And sometimes they work TOO well! I had an epidural, since my BP was skyrocketing, and when it came time to push, I still literally couldn't feel or move anything below my waist. My spouse had to lift one of my legs into the air, and my doula had to lift up the other one...

Luckily, it didn't cause problems with pushing - my daughter was born in only five pushes! - but I felt totally disconnected from the moment of her birth. It may have contributed to the problems we had breastfeeding, also. :( So, another perspective.

During my final pushes the team held my legs back to my chest and I am extremely flexible.  But by the time my epi wore off, my hips were in a lot of pain from that and this made walking difficult but manageable for a few days but I will not put up with that again.  Then there were incredibly painful hemmorrhoids from blowing out my a-hole from pushing so much.  My face was so swollen my eyelids were swollen as if I had had a severe allergic reaction; also from pushing, but that went away after a few days.  And of course epesiotomy stiches means very little sitting for a few weeks.   My butt is ruined.  It took a full year before I recovered a very small amount of my old sex drive but it will never be the same again. 

The doc says the latter  is from carrying the baby, not pushing him out.  But I had a pelvic floor the day before I delivered and it was in much better shape before I was bent in half and cut open.  

I really apologize if I got too graphic; I am holding back, actually.  

[eabbmom]

It seems to me that you're really doing some good emotional work. I am very happy that you have a doc that isn't scalpel happy, that way if you decide on a surgical birth it was really your own thoughts. Your first birth recovery must have been so hard and it sounds as though the physical one may never be complete. If you do seek therapy may I suggest someone that is well practiced in birth work, others may not understand. I really appreciate your ability to speak truth to your experience, you're truly brave.

[Kamiro]

Hi Mama,

I only read your OP, and want to respond to that. Then I will go back through and read the rest of the thread later this evening.

I have had 4 children, all at home with a midwife & DH. Babes were 9-10 pounds and 19-22" long.

No scary incidences like shoulder dystochia, or even a tear. I did have two slightly malposition babes - nuchal hand & posterior.

Labor was hard work, and yes - painful. Out of my mind painful at times. Worth it, absolutely - but still painful at times.

For babe #4, I did Hypnobabies somewhat. After a very personal stillbirth situation of my most closest friend, I found that my trust in birth was shattered and no amount of hippie talk nor faith talk within myself could take that anxiety and fear. nor guilt away. This is why I bought the Hypnobabies home course.

I faithfully listened to the scripts, though I did not practice with my husband.

I will say that it was the most POSITIVE, BEAUTIFUL pregnancy I had experienced, and I really believe Hypnobabies was the reason for it. I (as I said) had a lot of emotional garbage going on and I think Hypnos scripts helped that SO much.

When labor time came, things went very fast for me (as is normal with a multip mom). I had contractions all day that were annoying,  but it was at about 3:30 pm when they became coming very regularily and getting to the point that I could not really talk comfortably through them that we went ahead and called the midwife.

She came around 5 pm and contractions were definitely 5-6 minutes apart and lasting 45 sec-minute.

I bounced on my ball and relaxed through it as best as I could, but movement was still necessary for me. I think some of Hypnobabies was very helpful here, because in between contractions I was able to talk and laugh.

By 6:30 there was no doubt in my mind I was in labor. It was requiring all of my EVERYTHING to get through contractions. Time did seem to fly, and the pain seemed lessen if I stood in the shower and had DH rub my back while I breathed through contrax.

By 8:45 pm or so I was in  transition and.

Whoa Nelly...

That is a time when normally, I feel - out of control, crying, denying that I am having a baby (or even wanting to) hits full force. This time the pressure of the baby and lack of water being warm and high enough in the tub (which I had slunk to seeking some relief) just made the situation major suck. It was as if all the relative 'ease' I had had during labor was gone and I was dying.

Pushing sucked worse than normal.

In fact, usually I can push one of my chubby munchkins out in 8-15 minutes. This time it took over a half hour and I think that is the surest indicator that Hypnobabies was still influencing me even if I didnt think so. (You know, the whole "breathe your babe down"..) I like to be active, this time I very  much just surrendered to the process and it was not pleasant...

So..Where was I again?

It was an ideal birth by many peoples standards. It was NOT ideal by mine.

Still - Babe was healthy, pushing time was still less than what is considered standard, labor was 10-12 hours long, active labor was 3 hours (which was the exact amount as #3. #1 was 24 hours and 6 hours, and #2 was 12 hours and 4 hours) --- BUT

I feel so scared of pushing another baby out of my body that if/when we have another child I am seriously contemplating a hospital birth so I can have some drugs....

A part of me knows I won't do that (Women in my family have always home birthed except for 3 births by my Grandma in a hosp, which involved twilight sleep) so to me natural birth in all its glory and gore is just....normal. But, I fantasize and debate...lol

I don't know if you have a lower pain thresh hold or not. My personal peanut gallery opinion??

You (as a first time Mom) made the decision that you were going to have a beautiful, positive, pain free birth. Your reality was much different. Now you are picking up the pieces. Sherlock Holmes would be proud of my astute observations.

Nah, seriously though....

As a second time Mom you are both battle wounded (knowing kind of what to expect) and battle experienced (meaning because you know kind of what to expect, you can take the experience for what it is without all of the "THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE RAINBOW KISSES AND ANGEL FARTS!" distractions.)

I know of a woman I talked to who for her first birth did Hypnobabies and had the blissed out, pain free birth. She was pregnant about the same time as me this last time. For her #2 birth she faithfully did her Hypnobabies and (smugly, perhaps?) told all of us in our play group due how WONDERFUL birth was and how she could not wait to do it again.

I believed she could, she was empowered and had a great frame of mind which really are very important for birth.

But..

They are not every thing.

I truly am saddened to say that for her second birth (as best as I could gather before she quit coming) was quite traumatic for her because there was a lot of unexpected pain.

Needless to say there was a lot of spring out of her step, and even though I could tell others felt she may have gotten a bit of her comeuppance...I just felt sympathy for her.

(I figured I would let her process it a few months before contacting her, I actually forgot about her until now..So I will be doing that this weekend.)

Basically, birth pain is nothing new under the sun. Some births hurt worse than others. I screamed a lot this last birth.. For my second birth, I felt as if I was being drawn and quartered and couldnt sit (lots of bruising on my tailbone) for YEARS afterwards. I also didn't bond quite so readily. I still think I would have been better off if I had sought some pain meds for that birth.

It is ok to desire drugs. It may even be ideal under some circumstances.

You need to work on your new plan for this birth with your adjusted expectations, and then 'let it go' peacefully - this is a new babe and a new birth and I can say as a 4 time mom - None of them have been the same! . I say this with all love. There is always going to be something unexpected. If we wanted something predictable, we would have baked cakes - eh?

I hope I helped in some way.

[Quinalla]

Originally Posted by demeter888 

Hi Quinalla, 

Thanks for the reply and great thoughts.

To answer your question, I still don't know why my baby's heart rate stayed low for so long and I don't think they knew either.  I had extremely powerful and coordinated core and abdominal muscles compared to most women from a naturally high muscle mass and extensive dance training i different styles including oriental.  So, my mom's theory is that my pushing was very hard on my son because I was able to bear down with so much force (and I wouldn't have sensed it not being right because of the epi nor did I have hardly any urge to push most of the time).  

My abs are now just about ruined however so I am not as worried about squishing the next baby quite so hard.

That seems to make sense to me, thanks for following up!

And I have to call BS on your OB too, episiotomies cause a lot of problems! Yes, carrying a baby is hard on your pelvic floor to be sure, but being cut open makes it so much worse. I'm sorry you are dealing with healing from that still too

[jennybennett]

Originally Posted by demeter888 

I don't mind debating, and like I said I can take it up with you in another appropriate forum if you like.

Hi there,

Thanks for your reply. I would like to exchange thoughts with you further about your experience, as I think I am understanding more now about what you're going through. Feel free to email me directly: [e-mail]. I couldn't figure out how to PM you within the forum.

--Jenny

[Kamiro]

oh Dem, I just read the rest of your posts. :( I am so sorry. It does sound like you had a very, very, traumatic birth and have had some awful fall out the last couple years. It will get better. It just takes time.

Keep processing your experiences, but I do say try and let it go as you can and remember it is a different babe and different birth coming up (as I said in my last post)....

These things just aren't easy...maybe that is why they are so worthwhile?

Much love.

[demeter888]

onemore,

Of course your story helped!  I learned things from it. 

If I had not prepared for my first pregnancy at all, my experience would have been an emergency c-section, which would have been just as traumatic (emotionally if not physically), and this time around I'd be trying a home birth!  It's just the way the cookie crumbles.  The grass is always greener on the side where you get what you expected, no matter how wacky the expectations are.  But this time around regarding your birth, your expectations were quite impossible to be clear on for obvious reasons.  I can see how that might have made your experience difficult in most circumstances.

I am really sorry about your friend's loss (also your loss), regarding her stillbirth.   How could I trust the universe or anything in it all all ever again?  That is what I would ask.  I have been in that place.  To even contemplate it, raises questions, and I'm just a semi-stranger reading about it. 

I do think my past traumas in life have had some sort of part to play in the way I interpreted my pain during labor, as unrelated as it is, and your friend's loss was a big loss to you too, and these types of losses touch us deeply enough to affect us on a subconscious level in moments of possible doubt.  Labor is a very special kind of process that evokes our deepest fears and memories of pain.   There are ways to heal.  There are ways to expose these things.

The right solution might be pain medication in your next labor, or it may be prayer and meditation.  Or both.  Neither mean anything in and of themselves. How you feel about your place on this earth doing the most amazing thing there is...needs not to be defined by any one point in time.  

I am betting that next time you will get yourself in to a really good place and let it be exactly what it is and do whatever it is you need to do about it for you.

You have my respect Mama. 

[amlikam]

Demeter I have been popping in and out of this thread and finally want to reply. It took me awhile and I will admit I didn't reall all of the posts but tried to follow through on what you wrote best I was able.
First I want to thank you for sharing your story. I feel sadden to see several posts which seemed to be less than supportive of your experience. Having had some of my own birth trauma (possible birth rape with a hospital midwife) tere were times peoples opinions of what I did wrong of could have done differently reminded me of being raped by a "friend" in college. Many people asked me why was I in his room? Especially by myself? It was as though me being there negated his responsibility to humanity to understand no means no, and yes means yes. I believe that you were failed by several systems: your midwife, support team (partners refuse to support your choice for pain relief), HB and all the other places you could name.
I don't know what is the righ choice for you. I know that the right birth is one that the mother feels supported and seen. While I am a supported of homebirth, UC, unmedicated birth, I am foremost a supporter of a birth where a mother gets the care that feels appropriate to her.
My suggestion is no matter what type of birth you decide on that you continue to trust yourself, question your providers and talk with your partner about how they can better support you this time around.
As a doula I am willing to support a mother's choice for her birth experience. I do my best to know what se is hopping for and have been at several c-births including a planned c-birth.
One thing that moms find useful is creating a plan that makes the experience the most gentle and supported c-birth possible. If you decide to have a cesearan I would encourage you to work out the plan with your provider to help minimize shock or more trauma.
You know your body best and I know you suggested midwives/homebirth is not an option you are considering. However reading your story I thought there seemed to be an idea that the idea of doing HB perfectly lead you to stay still more than you would have liked to naturally. I have yet to see a unmedicated birth for a mom which didn't involve moving. HB seems like it could be a great augmentation but to be honest I am not sure I subscribe to all that, I would be more incline to suggest physiological birth requires movement.
Which leads me to something you said above. You mentioned you are a dancer. This made me think of 2 things: 1. You must have felt really unsupported by a method which encourages stillness and calmness when you are a mover by nature. 2. In my training I remember the instructor mentioning how dancers and horse riders often have pelvic muscles made of steel and a good exercise during pregnancy is to work on relaxing them (with a jade egg or balls). I think your thought of this contributing to the decels in heart rate would be a good inclination.
Have you tried belly dancing? We have several belly dance for childbirth classes in our area, I wonder if that would be a good fit for a dancing mama- even if you elect a c-birth this time around. My understanding is that they work on how to release the pelvic floor while in dance as well.
I do hope you begin to put the pieces back together. I know therapy didn't work for me, what I found most helpful were ritual/ceremony, birth circles, red tents, emdr, eft, circles of women who experienced birth/postpartum trauma and post partum support groups. Talking to real people who understood and singing (my dancing) seemed to be the best route to healing for me. 5 yrs later I plan for a homebirth with a team I trust. But this is because I experienced trauma to some degree at the hospital and felt unsupported in my wish for an unmedicated birth and had a snowball of interventions several without my consent. Never again will I feel that powerless.
I strongly encourage you to find a team to support you in your power and in making the choices that are right for this birth for you and baby. And hopefully they will all remember it is your experience not theirs. Best wishes and please feel free to Msg me off list if you wish to talk more.
You are an amazing woman and I am honored to witness your story and be a part of you healing process. Thank you again for sharing your journey.

[sarafi]

Originally Posted by Demeter888 

Hi Sarafi Thanks for posting about your experiences.  I have concluded that when  it comes to birth related pain I am just a wimp; you are clearly braver than I am.  I have a question about the epidural 'wearing off'.  How does it wear off?  I have read about this before but can't make sense of it.

For the record, I am a super wimp!

What you went through was horrifying, and not a good way to birth a child. I am so sorry for us both that we had very similar experiences with our first births.

Did you miss the part about seriously thinking about jumping out a window at one point during my second labour? My first post had a typo, I went from 1-2cm(not 6 cm) to pushing in a little over two hours, due to cervidal with my second. And I had back labour. Not a joke, I found out first hand that the windows were nailed shut. My husband is still horrified that I did in fact try to see if jumping out was an option when I was left alone, thinking it would take many hours more. Men don't get the pain--and if you aren't induced the pain can be quite manageable. 

Labour can hurt a lot, especially when it induced or the baby is mal-presented. You know what, even we wimps can "do it"! After birth # 2 I started to impose an "anyone can do anything for 24 hours" timetable on my labours and also international flights with children, and then of course adjust as needed. It helps to think of it all as a very temporary pain which has an inevitable end.

My epidural "wore-off" very suddenly a few hours after it was placed,  I was supposed to push a pump to get more medicine when I needed it, but I really didn't notice any feelings, until the super-pain came on. Then I did get two more doses by the doctor, and he tried to re-insert it and re-administer,  but it just didn't work at all at that point. I assume I would have needed a general to have a c-section.

Just after this two friends had babies with the epidural working on only half of their bodies. I know these are not the normal experience and that many woman love their epidurals, but personally I would rather be able to move around and deal with pain than be stuck in bed in pain due to failed medication.

So, again, I am not in the least bit brave, but would do almost anything to not be pinned in a bed on my back for hours during un-medicated labour:-) And honestly, it's not so bad when baby is presenting well and labour is relaxed and you are allowed to move around.

Edited by sarafi - 2/3/13 at 6:04am

[sarafi]

Originally Posted by demeter888 

Warning: This post may be something a person using any type of hypnobabies would prefer to avoid. Or anyone wanting to hear a positive story. These are mainly the negative aspects of my birth story and my partial criticisms of hypnobabies.

I have questions that I need to get resolved because I just found out I am pregnant again and have seriously been considering a scheduled c-section and avoiding a midwife this time.  Some of you reading may not have time for all of it but please feel free to reply anyways.

I gave birth in Michigan at Henry Ford West Bloomfield in April 2011.

Mamas,please share any experiences you have had similar to any of the info below and any related insights.

 

I am sharing the parts of my birth that I find confusing in the hopes that others can weigh in. Admin, please let me know if you are going to move this thread to a different forum so I can follow it.

I had been station 0 for at least three weeks prior to delivering. I could feel the pressure on my cervix and it was uncomfortable but bearable.

 

I was 'due any day' when I did try nipple stimulation with the approval of a midwife the day before I went in to labor.

It was around noon the following day when I felt a strong cervical cramping.  I immediately dismissed the possibility of it being a contraction because:

1. It was painful.  It was equivalent to the worst menstrual cramp I'd ever experienced and concentrated in my cervical area (where the head was pressing down.  I was told that contractions usually start out slowly.  This one was the type 'they' used to describe active labor stage. Not possible. My first 'labor'? Not likely.

2. It was concentrated in my cervix.  I was told that contractions reverberate throughout the uterus and usually start in the rear.  Mine felt like a blender. 

3. I was not in any way sure what it was. I was told by both my doulas (YES, I had TWO!), that when I had a contraction, I would 'know' it. Um, wrong! 

4. I was told by several hypnobabies instructors that if I had pain it meant something was wrong.  Not only that, but the entire philosophy of hypnobabies is that it should be painless, so I went in to immediate denial that this could possibly be what a contraction is supposed to feel like.  (I have since become increasingly critical of hypnobabies due to this and other very serious flaws I believe it has).

Over the course of the next 5 hours, I had two more contractions the same way but just chalked it up to some strange pain, and by the third one I went ahead and took precautions by getting as deep in to hypnosis as I could and getting in to the bath. But they all felt painful and concentrated in the cervix and I did not time them but it was roughly 10-20 seconds each.  I had a lot of trouble being in deep hypnosis for hours upon hours when I wasn't even sure if I was having contractions or when the next one would occur and especially when it means something is wrong according to the hypnobabies "experts", but I tried.   The contraction under hypnosis and in the tub was still pretty painful.  In fact, it was the kind I imagined only during active labor. So, I got out of the tub and scowled.  I had had a really upbeat attitude throughout my pregnancy about my delivery and all of it came crashing down when my labor didn't meet hypnobabies convenient little formula,or anyone else's story I read or heard, for that matter. How much time I wasted on useless stuff that was not going to work one bit!

By this time, I already knew that I could not possibly bear them being spaced any closer together than they already were.

By the time my husband got home, I was grumpy and reclusive and in a lot of denial.  You see, hypnobabies works only with denial; you are supposed to deny anything negative or painful and avoid people who wouold even dare to share something less than positive. As a result, I threw out my olamaze training and I also missed out on the important lesson my mom had to give me about her own painful birthing experience.  

We called the midwife, I described what was going on and by that time I had had my fourth 'pain' (I was not yet calling it a contraction or BIRTH WAVE), she said I might be in early labor and not to come in, she was very confident.  Mind you, this was her telling my husband; I was too upset to even talk to her. Not more than 30 minutes later, I screamed through another (wave of pain) to my husband to 'call her back!'  This time she heard me in the background and said to come in.  My husband ran all the traffic lights to get us there.

I then started having contractions about 15 minutes apart.  And, here is when I learned something my doulas and hypnobabies had told me NOT to do:

moving around as much as possible During my contraction, and 'fighting it' actually decreased the pain by about 60%.

ALL the books I read said to relax as much as possible during difficult contractions but to remain active in early labor.  Yet another harmful bit of advice that, had i known the truth, would not have been nearly as terrified and things would not have escalated as they did.

I had to be in a wheelchair to get into the hospital and had only had 6 or so contractions up to that point over a course of about 6 or 7 hours.  When they told me I was 6cm dilated (about 30 minutes after checking in), only then, I finally accepted that I was in labor. I was absolutely certain I wanted pain medications and I had no regard at that point for anything except pain relief. I fact, that is why I had gone there; I did not believe my baby was on his way, though I was crawling around screaming in the intake wared.

And here was another very annoying thing: I had to ARGUE for about half an hour with the midwife AND my husband before she ordered an epi.  I never asked for a drug-free childbirth, only to not offer drugs unless I asked for them. For these people to argue with me about it made me feel unsupported and let me make something clear: that is really no better than telling someone they need pain relief drugs when they don't feel like they do.  I did not ask for a natural birth. I asked to not be offered something; arguing with me is rather the opposite of what I want during times like that! Grrr!

I got my epi probably around 7-8cm and told I could push within an hour or so after that.  The epi did reduce the pain almost entirely but by this time I was so disappointed and nervous that my birth didn't go the way hypnobabies said it would that I had a whole other set of concerns.  Primarily, I did not feel like pushing, but when I did push per the doulas instruction, ,the baby's heart rate dropped and stayed down for several minutes.  So they told me to stop pushing, and kind of farted around not sure what to do, so by the time I really DID feel like pushing sort of, which was a few hours later, I was told NOT to push until the midwife got a 2nd opinion.  And most of you know who that 2nd opinion is coming from.  I wss threatened with a c-section a few times, but my midwife 'fought' for me, I guess.

Let me cut to the chase: I pushed intermittently for 5 very long hours before they suddenly decided I needed an 'emergency' epesiotomy because the baby's heart rate was still staying low for too long after pushing.  I was in labor about 24 hours from the first contraction.  I had even at one point said I would prefer a C-section to an epesiotomy in my birth plan, but later retracted that because I wasn't sure.  Now I wonder...but I am sure experiences and opinions might vary.

I could feel them stitching me up afterwards, and whinced through every stitch.  By the time I pushed out the placenta, it was just pure exhaustion and horror, and yes, it took effort and I won't even talk about my lady bits because that's another therapy session.  The menstrual cramping of my uterus shrinking afterwards was so painful I was in tears by the time I was given any pain medication.

There is an important part of this I am leaving out because I consider it somehow exclusive from this story: I gave my son life, and he gave me life, and he is the most wonderful miracle I have ever had the joy and privilege of knowing.  His apgars were 9/9 due to his not crying long enough (which is good!). He took to my nipple with gusto, Etc.  I have shared his story many times before, but sharing the rest of this is just too overwhelming to switch up my emotions to him.

No, my son is now almost 2 and I have been too angry to even talk about my disappointment.  But, now that I am pregnant again I have to.  I need to resolve things and find care soon.

Basically, I might be in the wrong place to ask this, but I would like to know if anyone has had a similar experience or is glad they scheduled a c-section. 

One tip I have is that people should ask their own mothers about their birthing experiences.  My mom had me completely natural and said she would have done an epi in a heartbeat of she had known how painful it would be!  Is it possible that we both just have extremely low pain threshholds? That would explain a lot.

I probably have lost any hope in doing a natural birth but I think for most people (on this website, at least) it does seem to be the best option.  What went wrong in my case, why were my contractions so odd?

Please share any experiences you have had similar to any of the above and any related insights.

I just re-read this, and still think you did a fantastic job. Baby was apparently in a great place, and your contractions, seemed supremely effective which may have made them more painful--given what you shared about the pains before you reached the hospital and how far along you were at that point. I think if you had a good idea of the time-line and what was happening so far, you would have been able to deal better with the pain. If you have any knowledge of animal husbandry you know that our bodies slow down or even shut down when we are stressed, no matter how far along we are in labour. I've gone from "I can't stop pushing", to oh the doctor that hurt me is here, "I'll just hang out until contractions make the baby fall out" before. It's nature's way of making us safe, and may explain the delay at the hospital.

People don't talk about the after pains enough! My sister just yelled at me for not telling her about them when she had her second. They hurt, much like labour, and they hurt a bit more the more kids you have--although I would say I didn't notice a difference between kid 3 and kid 4. One thing that I've insisted upon after my first is that if I need to be stitched I want "four shots in all corners and ten minutes to let the work". Why do doctors think that even if they only have four stitches left we would rather suck it up than have one painful shot and then three pain-free stitches?

I honestly repeat: "you'll give me four shot's and then wait ten minutes" at all prenatal visits and make my birth partners aware and even have my doctor repeat it during labour before I push the baby out. I think there's the assumption that if you "go natural" you are fine with pain, but I am not! I ask for the good drugs (Tylenol 5) and tons of shots if they want to stitch. We're not martyr's, we just want to move around while giving birth.

I really hope you find peace with this next birth. I will say that my back, pelvic muscles and legs all were so very damaged from the first birth with epidural and forced pushing and forced confinement to a bed. I've not had that experience with the other three. I really don't think planned surgery is the answer to limiting your bodily damage-and I do think that if a wimp like me can do it almost anyone can!

**and I am not joking about my wimp status, I also make dentists give me four shots before any work. I don't like pain at all

[nisojon]

I totally feel for you. I did hypnobirthing with my first baby (who's almost 6 now). I'm a reader so I also read Birthing From Within and some other stuff too, but I did the Hypnobirthing class and practiced all the things you're supposed to and all that and boy was I shocked with how much pain even early labor brought! I was also in denial (for other reasons) and when I found myself in the hospital, in pain and only 3cm dilated I was really worried about how the rest of this thing was going to go. I too found that I couldn't sit still or be in the tub in active labor (ouch!), that I needed to move around. Around 6 cm I told my husband, "I don't think I can do this anymore!" and I wasn't thinking about getting an epidural, I was hoping they could just put me out and get her out. Fortunately, my midwife was very experienced, kept treating me like my body could do it and more importantly seemed to be really in tune with what might help - walking and "dancing" with my husband while three people gave me counter-pressure. The whole thing took 24 hrs and she also had apgars of 9/9 - just shy of 10 because she too didn't cry much (she made up for it later :)).

The only good thing that I came away with from Hypnobabies+experience was the ability to relax quickly between contractions. It didn't help with contractions but I was able to quickly relax between them. I too was shocked that the placenta coming out could hurt so much!

I knew when I got pregnant with my second baby (now 3 1/2) that birth was painful and that I wanted to labor at home for as long as possible - with a big back yard to walk around in. I also read more books about coping with contractions and that kind of thing. I was really happy with the midwife group so I stayed with them. I felt like they honored my desires and treated me with dignity.

Well this little boy was also overdue like his sister and when that first "real" contraction came - I definitely recognized it. I only ended up staying at home for  1 1/2 hours as I began vocalizing and shaking and my husband recognized that I was moving into transition and told me it was time to go. I was determined in the car ride there (ouch!) that I had already done the natural birth thing and that I wanted to have pain meds. You can imagine my horror when I got into the room and they nurse told me I didn't want an epidural (how'd she know that?). I said, "I'm not so sure about that!" The midwife came and said, "Let's check you, you are probably farther along than you think" I was 7cm and she told me, "this baby is coming soon. What do you need to do?" I don't know how, in the midst of crazy head, I knew that I wanted to be on a birth ball in the shower. I can actually say it helped. Every so often I'd have a contraction that was actually tolerable (now that I wasn't trying to insist that birth wasn't painful). The midwife could tell by how I was acting, what was happening in my labor and was so reassuring saying things like, "that pressure you're feeling is your baby moving through your bones. He's going to be here soon." When I finally felt the urge to push (which I hadn't felt overwhelmingly with my daughter - but really felt with my son) she told me, "you can have this baby anywhere you want. You can stay in the shower or we can help you move to where you want to be." I had two contractions on my way to the bed, got on all fours and he was out with the next contraciton. Three hours and ten minutes from the first "real" contraction to his birth. It was definitely intense but I actually had the flood of endorphins that they talk about associated with natural birth and I felt "high" for two weeks after that (which was a huge blessing seeing as how my two year old at the time was so challenging).

I'm pregnant with #3 now and feel much better about what birth is like and how I'll cope with it and I have to chalk it up to careproviders who treated me like my body was made to do this, but who were also very respectful about my desires and hopes. I would definitely suggest "Birthing From Within" as it does help you process through past birth trauma and disappointment and gives you tools for a realistic birth. I'd also suggest finding care providers you feel safe with and who respect your wishes - if you feel like you were able to make choices regarding this birth that came from a place of peace, confidence and being as informed as you want to be - you'll probably feel good about it. I just wouldn't decide exactly what to do til you feel like you've come to some resolution regarding your first birth. Blessings to you as you prepare to welcome #2! May you feel good about this one's birth, however it ends up looking.
 

[dayiscoming2006]

Birth can be incredibly painful and I am glad I never did anything like hypnobabies. I'm sorry for your experience. I actually had a really painful experience the third time - my unassisted birth, but I breathed, I prayed, I screamed, I did whatever I could to get through it and I'm glad I did. I had a natural birth with my second child too and though the contractions got pretty painful, pushing didn't hurt with him, it was actually a relief. So, I think each birth can be very different. I would absolutely not schedule an elective C-section because I've heard that is very painful to recover from. Also, you risk infection and the baby doesn't get it's lungs squeezed out nice in the birth canal, etc. It's safer to have a vaginal delivery in an uncomplicated pregnancy. I had an epidural with my first, they didn't give it to me until I was 6-7 CM though and within 30 mins it was time to push. I prefer my all natural births to the epidural birth. 

What I like about natural delivery. I like being up and moving around to help things progress and deal with the pain. I like being able to feel what is happening and how things are progressing. Once you inform yourselves about the stages of labor and what to expect it is easier to see. I knew when to push and I was able to push on hands and knees or kneeling while leaning against something. That was much better than pushing on my back. I had an episotomy with my first birth. She did it after my baby's head was already out, I'm certain it was for more money and not out of necessity. It took a year to feel no pain in my scar there. I didn't tear or anything when I pushed hands and knees or kneeling while leaning. I might have had a few skid marks with my 9lb 3 oz(third) but that's all. What I'm saying is inform yourself, prepare yourself, see all your options and then make a decision for the safety of you and your little one and for the best birth experience. 

I admit after my third, I thought I would never want to do this again because it was pretty hard to get through, but here I am, I'm a little scared, but I know there's only one way out of this and I can make it through. Thankfully, I have God to lean on. 

I have a med-low pain threshold normally and birth is really tough, but I made it through. I think your problem may have been the hypnobabies making you think you could have a pain-free birth, when that is rarely the case.