Weekly Chat Thread - Jan. 20- 26th - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[Melany]

I am having a VERY hormonal moment. I lost it on my husband this morning. Yesterday, he took me to lunch and made the comment that he didn't think we could handle another pregnancy if we decided that this baby was missing out. We were talking about how nice it was for our older kids to have each other to play with. I really think the emotional break-downs I keep having are due to how isolated I am. I swear, I'd call it PPD at times. I mentioned to my MW that I feel so isolated and she didn't say anything, so I just don't know what to do. But, back to this morning. I just looked around the room and started bawling. We've been talking about getting things ready since Thanksgiving and we are no closer to having it done, but only 3 weeks out from when my MW will drop off the birthing tub to have it ready. I'm just feeling overwhelmed and under-prepared. 

AND, I'm really annoyed at my husband who won't take the time to take a belly shot of me. I have 2 belly shots from this entire pregnancy and only one is in focus. I've asked him and he keeps putting me off.  

[spughy]

Oh, Melany, I'm sorry.  It's so important for us all to have people around that we can just natter to and joke with and relax... I often think I'd like to live more rurally but to be honest, so much of whatever day-to-day happiness and contentment I feel comes from things like stopping to chat with friends and neighbours while I walk the dog and being able to go for coffee with someone at a moment's notice or my Wednesday night dreadful-tv-fest with girlfriends.  You work from home, right?  Is there any way to get more day-to-day contact with coworkers or friends?  Is there a mom's group or anything near you?  Failing that, is there anyone you can call on the phone just to chat with? 

[scruffy too]

Spughy - congrats on the normal blood pressure reading!  It's such a relief to have normal readings that I'm tempted to ask my MW to take it again immediately afterwards to see if it's even lower now that I'm not stressed about whether or not it's normal.  Mine has really gone down this last month (I always have higher readers because I have white-coat syndrome and am so nervous in doctors offices, which apparently carried over to my house when my MW takes it).  But this month I've been rocking perfectly normal numbers.  So either all the vitamins are working, or I'm actually completely at ease with my MW.  Probably both.

Melany - hugs.  These pregnancy hormones are quite the trip!!  All my belly shots I took myself.  DP keeps saying he will, but doesn't, and I'm not one to wait around for someone else to help me.

Everyone - Sleep... Jeepers... I was up 4 times last night to pee.  Getting out of bed is getting trickier, especially with a full bladder.  And this week I've been waking up 30 minutes before my alarm.  I'm already taking Magnesium twice a day.  Any other safe things to try?  I keep saying I'm going to start listening to my Hypnobabies/birthing CD, but I haven't yet.  I shouldn't complain too much, this is the first week since darn-near conception that I haven't been up for 1.5 hrs in the middle of the night, just chilling out.

Forewarning: verbal diarrhea ahead.

DSS7 got in a fight at school yesterday.  Then once the fight was broken up and the other boy apologized, DSS started the fight again.  When the teachers separated them, he started hitting them (two women).  This seems like a fairly natural progression to me and doesn't come as too much of a surprise (other than hitting his teacher, that's a little over the top).  But there's been red flags since Kindergarten that his parents have excused. 

Even yesterday, DP called the ex to tell her and she completely excused DSS's behavior.  She said he was nervous that the new baby wouldn't like him.  Okay.  Fair enough.  However, why are you only telling us now??  At our place, he hugs and kisses my belly and hasn't said anything negative about the new baby.  I'm not saying she's lying - I'm saying she needs to let us know if this is what he's saying at her house so we can address his concerns.  He's still responsible for his behavior though.  Especially since it's not like this is new - just a continuation of disruptive and violent behavior. 

He kicked one of my dogs on Sunday, too.  He was having a really hard time treating the animals nicely since he moved in (2.5 years ago).  He frequently hits the chickens on the head with a bucket, or chases them, chases the cat, or pokes her/pulls her tail until she cries, and kicks at the dogs for no reason.  This fall it really seemed like we had gotten through to him that he needed to treat the animals nicer.  Then Sunday he boots my Rottie.  So we immediately canceled his play-date, drove the little dude home, and watched him have a melt down for an hour.  All the while I'm thinking, if you can't be nice to my animals, why should I even think about letting you around my baby???  (Inside voice though!!)  And I should mention, the animal thing wasn't new when he moved in.  His parents had tried adopting a dog when he was 2.5 and again when he was 4 and ended up returning them because he couldn't learn to be nice to them.  Like, WTF? 

His behavior is very frustrating to me [obviously] but during this pregnancy, my coping skills are shot and I just want to shake him.  Or cry.  And he didn't even appear sorry for his actions yesterday. 

Then when we dropped him off at school today, I thought we'd be going in to talk to his teacher, and DP just hugs him and tells him to have a better day.  I was like, "really?  We aren't going in??"  He was like, "why would I go in??"  I'm like, "because he hit his teacher yesterday and you should have a quick face to face with her, if nothing else to show her you take this seriously and to show him you take this seriously."  I mean, why should DSS take this seriously if neither of his parents seem to REALLY care.  Don't get me wrong, DP's pissed.  But being pissed isn't productive.  I'm about to have a baby with this man that knows his kid hit a student and two teachers and can't walk his a$$ into the school to talk to the teacher for one minute??!! 

I feel like I'm in some crazy dream where sh%t's hitting the fan and I'm the only one that's noticing [or caring.]  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Sorry for the rant!

[Melany]

scruffy too: Can you make an appointment with DP and yourself to talk to the guidance counselor at the elementary school. I've started to go through the one at our son's school because the 3rd grade teacher is an a$$, but that's another issue, not sure if you remember the incident where she yelled at me in the hallway in front of him. We've had some behavior issues that the teacher does not share with us until it becomes a major emergency or she can't take it anymore. The guidance counselor talks to my son, he hasn't gotten to the point of needing one on one discussions, but there are about 100 kids in the school that he is working with for different issues, a lot of boys with tons of energy. Sometimes kids need help with their coping skills. Sometimes grown-ups do, so it's hard to assume that every kid will figure it out on their own. Point out to DP that as DSS gets bigger, this behavior will be harder to address. He doesn't sound like a bad kid, just one who needs some help with his choices. 

I can only assume that you feel you aren't allowed to push on this because you're the step parent. I'm sure there are toes that will be stepped on, but if you are concerned it isn't something you have to ignore just because you are the step-mom. Talk to DP. You have great things to say about DSS, so it I can't see this as an issue with how you feel about it him, let DP know that, but it is a safety issue with a new baby. Talking to the guidance counselor and becoming active in how it is handled at school isn't a bad thing and it could give you some tips on handling things at home, too.

As far as my crazy hormones, my brother just sent me an overly expensive gift and I promptly started crying the front entry way of my house. I think the UPS guy witnessed it. On the plus side, I don't have to worry about our expired carseat anymore, but my brother shouldn't have sent this since he is already in med school debt to his ears. Stupid hormones.

I do need to get out. It's just hard. We've lived here for 5 years and I really don't feel like I've connected well with more than a few people in town and I don't want to ask too much of those friends. We talk about moving back to Seattle, but I think my husband would be miserable if we did that. 


 

[Chapsie]

Originally Posted by Melany 

I am having a VERY hormonal moment. I lost it on my husband this morning. Yesterday, he took me to lunch and made the comment that he didn't think we could handle another pregnancy if we decided that this baby was missing out. We were talking about how nice it was for our older kids to have each other to play with. I really think the emotional break-downs I keep having are due to how isolated I am. I swear, I'd call it PPD at times. I mentioned to my MW that I feel so isolated and she didn't say anything, so I just don't know what to do. But, back to this morning. I just looked around the room and started bawling. We've been talking about getting things ready since Thanksgiving and we are no closer to having it done, but only 3 weeks out from when my MW will drop off the birthing tub to have it ready. I'm just feeling overwhelmed and under-prepared. 

AND, I'm really annoyed at my husband who won't take the time to take a belly shot of me. I have 2 belly shots from this entire pregnancy and only one is in focus. I've asked him and he keeps putting me off.  

::HUG::  I totally get this.  I spent most of last winter feeling isolated like this.  It was so hard.  I second what Spughy said about a moms group.  Are there other pregnant women at your midwife's office that you could meet with?  I am a leader at my church's MOPS group (mothers of preschoolers-- for moms of babies in the belly to babies in kindergarten) and I love the fellowship that it gives me.  It is just a gathering of other moms!  It is so nice to know that I'm not alone and there are lots of other women in my area that are going through similar everyday trials.  MOPS is all over the continent, I'm sure there is a local group near you.  Check local churches because that's where the groups are hosted.  

I am also feeling very underprepared!  We have to completely redo our back room in order to make it our bedroom (this is where I'm planning to give birth!)  This includes removing a huge coal stove, redoing the floor, hanging one door, taking out an outside door, and redoing the bathroom!  I have NO idea how we're going to get it all done... but I have to choose every day to not stress about it.  What will happen will happen!  

And... I've had no belly shots at all this pregnancy either, except for the ones on my iphone that my 4 year old took of me!  haha!  My DH keeps putting it off, too... maybe it's a third baby thing!  :)  

[delilahbeau]

Sorry everyone seems to be not sleeping well, I haven't been sleep great but it's been ok

Scruffy - I would absolutely be freaking out pregnant or not!! Violence to animals and to others humans is very serious, and I really think it needs to be addressed with counseling. I mean this is how serial killers start out. Not trying to say he is but definitely some big red flags. I would sit down with dp and calmly express your concerns, reinforcing that you only want what is best dss7. i know it can be very difficult and sticky when it comes to step children but sometimes we can see things more clearly because we are somewhat removed. I will be sending good thoughts your way. I speak from experience, and how you are feeling about protecting your baby is very real.

AFM- Sorry i havent been on much, but seeing the doctor twice a week for non-stress test, once a week for ultrasound, regular ob appts and chiropractic, not to mention work and DD.....things have been overwhelming!! But had an awesome us this morning that i thought i would share.

Yes that is her little foot....she was playing with it almost the whole us, it was so special!
Edited by delilahbeau - 1/23/13 at 12:26pm

[Chapsie]

Originally Posted by scruffy too 

Spughy - congrats on the normal blood pressure reading!  It's such a relief to have normal readings that I'm tempted to ask my MW to take it again immediately afterwards to see if it's even lower now that I'm not stressed about whether or not it's normal.  Mine has really gone down this last month (I always have higher readers because I have white-coat syndrome and am so nervous in doctors offices, which apparently carried over to my house when my MW takes it).  But this month I've been rocking perfectly normal numbers.  So either all the vitamins are working, or I'm actually completely at ease with my MW.  Probably both.

Melany - hugs.  These pregnancy hormones are quite the trip!!  All my belly shots I took myself.  DP keeps saying he will, but doesn't, and I'm not one to wait around for someone else to help me.

Everyone - Sleep... Jeepers... I was up 4 times last night to pee.  Getting out of bed is getting trickier, especially with a full bladder.  And this week I've been waking up 30 minutes before my alarm.  I'm already taking Magnesium twice a day.  Any other safe things to try?  I keep saying I'm going to start listening to my Hypnobabies/birthing CD, but I haven't yet.  I shouldn't complain too much, this is the first week since darn-near conception that I haven't been up for 1.5 hrs in the middle of the night, just chilling out.

Forewarning: verbal diarrhea ahead.

DSS7 got in a fight at school yesterday.  Then once the fight was broken up and the other boy apologized, DSS started the fight again.  When the teachers separated them, he started hitting them (two women).  This seems like a fairly natural progression to me and doesn't come as too much of a surprise (other than hitting his teacher, that's a little over the top).  But there's been red flags since Kindergarten that his parents have excused. 

Even yesterday, DP called the ex to tell her and she completely excused DSS's behavior.  She said he was nervous that the new baby wouldn't like him.  Okay.  Fair enough.  However, why are you only telling us now??  At our place, he hugs and kisses my belly and hasn't said anything negative about the new baby.  I'm not saying she's lying - I'm saying she needs to let us know if this is what he's saying at her house so we can address his concerns.  He's still responsible for his behavior though.  Especially since it's not like this is new - just a continuation of disruptive and violent behavior. 

He kicked one of my dogs on Sunday, too.  He was having a really hard time treating the animals nicely since he moved in (2.5 years ago).  He frequently hits the chickens on the head with a bucket, or chases them, chases the cat, or pokes her/pulls her tail until she cries, and kicks at the dogs for no reason.  This fall it really seemed like we had gotten through to him that he needed to treat the animals nicer.  Then Sunday he boots my Rottie.  So we immediately canceled his play-date, drove the little dude home, and watched him have a melt down for an hour.  All the while I'm thinking, if you can't be nice to my animals, why should I even think about letting you around my baby???  (Inside voice though!!)  And I should mention, the animal thing wasn't new when he moved in.  His parents had tried adopting a dog when he was 2.5 and again when he was 4 and ended up returning them because he couldn't learn to be nice to them.  Like, WTF? 

His behavior is very frustrating to me [obviously] but during this pregnancy, my coping skills are shot and I just want to shake him.  Or cry.  And he didn't even appear sorry for his actions yesterday. 

Then when we dropped him off at school today, I thought we'd be going in to talk to his teacher, and DP just hugs him and tells him to have a better day.  I was like, "really?  We aren't going in??"  He was like, "why would I go in??"  I'm like, "because he hit his teacher yesterday and you should have a quick face to face with her, if nothing else to show her you take this seriously and to show him you take this seriously."  I mean, why should DSS take this seriously if neither of his parents seem to REALLY care.  Don't get me wrong, DP's pissed.  But being pissed isn't productive.  I'm about to have a baby with this man that knows his kid hit a student and two teachers and can't walk his a$$ into the school to talk to the teacher for one minute??!! 

I feel like I'm in some crazy dream where sh%t's hitting the fan and I'm the only one that's noticing [or caring.]  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Sorry for the rant!

WOW!  So sorry to hear this, Kristin!  This must be so frustrating for you.  I can't imagine being a step-mom... I mean... a lot of the responsibility but not the same level of authority as the mom and dad.  I would feel so helpless at times.  I hope DSS7 transitions really well with the new baby and that he begins to treat your animals with more respect. 

P.S. how cool that you have chickens.  :)  

[delilahbeau]

Melany.....I think how you are feeling is pretty normal, i would feel the same way, and it only makes it worse because we dont know if its really us or the hormones! Hang in there.
Edited by delilahbeau - 1/23/13 at 3:12pm

[scruffy too]

Delilahbeau - what an incredible picture!  Those 3D ultrasounds are amazing!! 

Thank you for the support with DSS.  Step-parenting is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be.  Especially when bio mom and dad are smothering him with love and kisses and excuses - it feels like I'm the only voice of reason sometimes - I completely agree that because I'm a little removed from the situation I have a bit of clarity that quite frankly should be recognized! 

DSS is in counseling (Play Therapy), and it's made a marked difference with the animals (except for this latest slip up.)  I've spend the last decade working with murderers so I am maybe too aware of the connection between animal cruelty and the inevitable trek into the justice system.  I feel soooo bad for my animals when he's mean to them - I blood pressure goes through the roof.  And my dogs are sooo gentle!  But they're both getting older (Rottie will be 10 this Spring, and Bull-mastiff will be 12 - very old for large breed dogs!) and I can't expect them to always walk away.  And goodness knows that if they ever bite, I'm the one in sh!t.

Thanks for hearing me.

Melany - I agree with Chapsie - is there any moms groups you could hook up with?  I haven't hooked up with my local one yet, but I know they're there for me as soon as I make the effort.  Sometimes just knowing what number to call can alleviate the feeling of isolation, even if you don't call it right away.

[SlimP]

Melany, I really feel for you as I am pretty isolated too from family and friends. A local mother-baby group saved me from PPD after DS and I still meet up with some for playdates. It's so important to get out and easier to make new friends when you have similarly aged babies......lots to talk about.

Scruffy, it must be v frustrating being so involved yet not really having a say. Perhaps your partner needs reminding of your objectivity regarding his son and your concerns regarding the parenting of the baby you're soon to have together. He may well be insensitive to his child's actions if excusing them has become a habit.
I particularly dislike cruelty to animals, though it may be a phase kids go through, and spend a lot of my day shouting at DS to leave the dog/cat/chickens alone.

Chapsie, I admire your decision to choose not to stress each day. I aim for that but haven't quite mastered it yet!

Delilah, beautiful picture, you can totally see her adorable face. What a cutie! I'd love to see my little one in that detail now.

AFM, no belly shots for me either except the few I've taken myself and put up here I've gotten grumpy with DH a coupla times, asking does he not want to photograph his beautiful pregnant wife.....but learned if I want something, I have to pretty much do it myself.
Sleeping well enough, though I wake loads and it often takes a while to drift off again. I live for the weekends when I get lie-ins and do find it hard if DH is away and I can't. DS still comes into our bed every night and although he's night-weaned for about a year, I've yet to catch up on my sleep from the first 2 years of his life......I only got 4 hours in a row a few times over that period. I loved my sleep, still do, but boy have I aged hard the last few deprived years. Nervous my new little man will be the same, he sure can't be much worse I guess!

Baby still transverse, and posterior, hard to even find him he's so deep back in me. Doing inversions, slant board and amatsu haven't changed his position. Meeting midwives Friday.

[Melany]

Originally Posted by scruffy too 

Thank you for the support with DSS.  Step-parenting is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be.  Especially when bio mom and dad are smothering him with love and kisses and excuses - it feels like I'm the only voice of reason sometimes - I completely agree that because I'm a little removed from the situation I have a bit of clarity that quite frankly should be recognized! 

DSS is in counseling (Play Therapy), and it's made a marked difference with the animals (except for this latest slip up.)  I've spend the last decade working with murderers so I am maybe too aware of the connection between animal cruelty and the inevitable trek into the justice system.  I feel soooo bad for my animals when he's mean to them - I blood pressure goes through the roof.  And my dogs are sooo gentle!  But they're both getting older (Rottie will be 10 this Spring, and Bull-mastiff will be 12 - very old for large breed dogs!) and I can't expect them to always walk away.  And goodness knows that if they ever bite, I'm the one in sh!t.

This is a tough one, and more so on you due to your background. I'm glad that some things are working and hopefully you can be the voice of reason to DP.  I'd be upset about the pets, too. Even the chickens. They are fragile. 

Is it possible that DP is leary to address it because of the relationship status with his ex and maybe he is opting to take the easy route because that is what she is doing? Any chance the two of you could meet with the play therapy counselor without DSS and talk about the latest issue. Maybe the counselor can be the "bad guy" and suggest some interventions with the school that could get DP to feel he can be more involved. 

[Chapsie]

Originally Posted by SlimP 

Chapsie, I admire your decision to choose not to stress each day. I aim for that but haven't quite mastered it yet!
 

My current facebook timeline picture says: "pray more. worry less."  I guess it's kind of been my motto over this last pregnancy.  Something I have been working hard at!  After all I've been through in the last few years (some highlights: emergency c/s and PPD with my son, DH getting hit by a car and being out of work for a year because of his injuries and the financial fall out of that, confronting a burglar in our house in the middle of the night and the resulting anxiety that that brought me, two miscarriages and a near-fatal obstetric hemorrhage with loooong recovery with resulting depression...) I've come to realize that I. AM. NOT. IN. CONTROL. OF. MY. LIFE!  That has been a really hard lesson for me to learn, as I am a pretty stubborn and independent person.  In all of my struggles and trials... God has provided for me and my family.  Everything has turned out just fine and I am in a stage of much contentment in life right now.  I know there will always be ups and downs... but it's not worth worrying about right now.  :)    It is just so much easier to throw that worry at God and let him carry it for me, haha.   I am a completely different person now than I was before all that stuff happened to me and I am happy to say that the person I am now is better off than the person I was before.  :)  

[Melany]

Thanks for the comments. I looked into the local MOPs group when we first moved here and my daughter was 2. I never felt welcome as a working mom, so I've never gone back. 

We were part of a great parents group in Seattle when my son was born. The group met in the evening and involved both Mom and Dad. I actually liked that group because I could talk shop with most of the Dads and talk babies with all the Moms. Silly, I know. It also was a great group for my husband. He really felt involved with both kids. 

[Chapsie]

Originally Posted by Melany 

Thanks for the comments. I looked into the local MOPs group when we first moved here and my daughter was 2. I never felt welcome as a working mom, so I've never gone back.  

Aw, that stinks!  So sorry you had a negative experience!  Is there a different MOPS group near you?  I really love my group and there are a lot of working moms that go.   

That mom and dad group in Seattle sounds amazing!  I would love going to something like that.  I hope you'll be able to find something that is just right for you.  Even if it is just calling up a friend for breakfast every now and then.  My sister in law has been very consistent in asking me out on monthly "dates" (we usually just go out to a coffee shop and share a dessert and talk for an hour or two) and it is so refreshing and energizing for me to just be out with a friend (we leave the kids at home with the husbands).

Whatever feels right to you... you need to find whatever outlet you need to feel more your usual self.  For some people, journaling is helpful, or reading a good book.  I like to go out with friends because I'm extroverted and that works for me.  If you're more introverted, what is is that energizes you?  Focus on that.  Even just driving someplace by yourself and singing loudly in the car (seems silly but it is good stress relief!) or writing down inspirational quotes or Bible verses that encourage you on a 3x5 card and hanging them on the wall of your bathroom where you can see them and be reminded regularly of how awesome you are!  :)   

I would mention your feelings to your midwife again... I know she brushed you off last time, but feeling this way is a BIG DEAL and she is a good resource person.  What about going to your local library for story time?  I met one of my best friends by doing that.  :)   

Hoping for an awesome playgroup for you to join where you feel welcome and loved!  

[scruffy too]

SlimP and Melany - thanks for giving me more to think about.  It's such a hard subject to bring up with DP because he's so defensive of DSS.  He values me as the step-mother to his son: tells everyone how patient I am, never yelling, never hitting, always having time for DSS, until I question DSS's behavior, or [gasp] DP's parenting, then I'm "picking on DSS."  <sigh>  I agree that he should meet with the Play Therapist (I've been urging him to go for months).  HUGS to all the step-mamas out there!!! 

Melany - your Seattle parents group sounds great!!  I'd never really heard of a co-ed parent group, but I guess with evening meetings, more dads are home.  What a smart idea.

SlimP - you described my worst nightmare about being a first time mom - NO SLEEP for two years.  That literally scares the crap out of me!!!

Chapsie - I aim to let go more (and prove daily - usually on this forum - that I'm doing a crumby job of it.)  Some days are better than others, though, and I really do try to roll with the punches.

[spughy]

Scruffy I just want to quickly point out - for reassurance - that the behaviour your DSS is exhibiting towards animals isn't the same as the kinds of behaviours noticed in pre-serial killers - they tend to hurt animals out of curiosity, and in a planned, deliberate fashion, and they tend to do it in secret.  It sounds like your DSS is striking out at animals, out of frustration, because he feels a need to vent at or hurt something and there aren't any available humans.  I think it warrants more concern for your baby, but less for his future - and because the play therapy is apparently working, I think it's likely as he grows older and gets more tools for dealing with his frustration he will be less inclined to take it out on things with feelings. (I would bet money that if you had breakable objects in your house that he could access and that he knew were very important to you, he would opt to break those rather than kicking your dogs.  Give it a try - buy a big ugly vase, tell him that it was sent to you by your dear aunt Mildred, it's very special and to please be careful with it... I would guess it wouldn't last long, but it might save your dogs a kick or two.  Please note that I am not a psychologist.  )

If he's 7 (am I right about that?) then he's old enough to start talking about behaviours in a more abstract way and apply those concepts to himself - not in a way that allows him to control himself just yet maybe, but at least in a way that allows him to look back at things he's done and maybe see another way that could have been almost as satisfying and less damaging. In other words, taking play therapy to the next level - kind of a "this is why we're doing this, these are things you CAN do when you're feeling mad/hurt" sort of thing.  But that's something that your DP and his ex need to work on together... and it's obviously hard for them.  You may have better luck approaching them from the perspective of "he's maturing, and he's done really well with the play therapy, but maybe he's progressed enough that therapies for older children might work better for him now" - pitching it as progress, rather than "he's still a problem child, deal with him please".

[chocolatechip]

Originally Posted by writermama12 
I was wrong about my babe being transverse most of the time, he is actually Oblique. I didn't even know what that was until today when I kept feeling him hiccup behind my right hip and jamb his foot under my left rib.... Does anyone know much about this position and outcomes?

Originally Posted by spughy 

I don't - but I think my baby is oblique too.  I feel hiccups down really low but they are off to one side and I get foot (knee?) pushings out my right side all the time. 

Can either of you tell where the head actually is? I'm not sure that where you might feel hiccups is a good indication of whether the baby is oblique, since you might be feeling his chest rather than the head? Not that I'm overly educated about these things.  But I do know that at my last two midwife visits, the baby's head has been centered low right over my pelvis. At the same time, I often feel hand movements off to either side low down, and also get big kicks/knees coming out the side, usually on the right. At the moment, my midwives seem perfectly happy with the positioning. Interestingly, after poking around Spinning Babies a little bit, it also looks like having the baby's back to the left, and feet to the right, is optimal: http://www.spinningbabies.com/baby-positions/head-down-is-not-enough. Which sounds good for you, spughy! Writermama, you might just ask your midwives to describe the baby's positioning next time they check. 

 

Originally Posted by beautifulnm 

And finally, on the GD front, I think the dietitian was trying to kill me with carbs. After stressing the importance of a before bed snack my morning numbers were elevated..  I went back to my normal dinner, maybe some coffee afterwards routine and NO SNACK, and back to normal fasting numbers. Eat a sandwich before bed, my butt.

So funny how different our bodies all are. I'm usually far more happy with a snack before bed than I am without one. While pregnant, at least!

Originally Posted by spughy 

Today, I am 7 years older, existing on less sleep than I typically got during a night with DD, and I had a hard time following the plot of this week's epsiode of Castle.  If pregnancy wants to take credit for making me better at handling sleep deprivation, it had better get its game on.

spughy, I wish you lived closer and we could be friends in real life. Did you start watching Castle for the show, or mainly for Nathan Fillion?  I could barely follow the plot this week either, and I'm getting a decent amount of sleep. My husband, on the other hand, predicted who the murderer would be at a remarkably early moment (we make a game of it, trying to identify which somewhat-extraneous character is going to turn out to be the guilty one).

Originally Posted by spughy 
We're on a 2-week schedule now instead of once a month, and next week we'll go over the labour plan... yikes!  (Although a big part of me kind of wants to say "screw the plan, let's just roll with whatever happens" I know that midwives just don't work that way...)

Curious what you mean by "midwives just don't work that way." How detailed of a labor plan are you supposed to have? In our childbirth class, our instructor basically said not to worry about a primary birth plan if we were having a home birth, but to write up a Plan B (non-emergency hospital transfer) and Plan C (c-section). Our midwives pretty much agreed - they just work in the moment. Except for things that have to be decided ahead of time, like IF I were to test positive for GBS, would I want antibiotics or not, that sort of thing. I guess they might also want to know if my husband wants to help catch the baby, and that sort of thing. But it's really casual.

[chocolatechip]

melany, I do hope you can find some people to connect with! They must be out there! I know you drive to Seattle regularly - could you meet up with some of the moms/dads you knew from your old group? Or attend a support meeting here? Or is it too hard to fit it in to whatever your schedule has to be to make the trip? You could always stop by and meet me, if you want - I'm flexible, and happy to meet new people. 

scruffy, good luck with your dss. I'm sure you will find something that works for him.

Everyone else - I'm glad I had a chance today to at least read through the thread and see how you're doing! Things are busy this week, and I'm likely to be almost entirely out of touch next week (trip down to CA to my old grad school to give a talk and do some teaching about fish bones!). I'll be at least lurking when I can. 

I feel like my appetite went down for a few weeks, and now is up again (30-31 weeks). Anyone else notice this?

[spughy]

chocolatechip I'm sure we would get along wonderfully! I admit I did start watching Castle just for Nathan Fillion, but I kept watching it for all the other characters.  Some of the plots are silly but I do enjoy nearly all the characters.  Except maybe Martha, she kinda bugs me - and Alexis is a little TOO good (although, having a child who is shaping up to be rather like her... let's just say I'm not as dubious as I once was.)  I like the way everyone on the show grows and changes and I *really* like how they're handling Castle & Beckett's relationship - especially the recent episode with Castle's ex, I thought that was well done.  And I'm glad that it wasn't just me being sleep deprived that made this week's episode seem unduly convoluted!  BTW - one of my best IRL friends actually lives in Seattle - we see each other a couple times a year - and we originally met via my Nov 05 DDC here on MDC.    Next time I get down to Seattle we'll hook up and go for coffee, k?

What I meant by the "midwives don't work that way" - midwives here don't want to be making decisions, they want the moms (and dads) totally informed and making their own decisions.  So I'm guessing the labour plan would include things like at what point we'll go to the hospital, who will be in the birthing room, under what circumstances or at what point an epidural or other medication/pain relief will happen, preferred labour positions, and in my case, when and if we're going to make a call about an episiotomy (I have a poorly-healed and surgically "fixed" section of my vagina that I'm worried about and I fear I'd have another bad tear next to it - I'd rather have a cut opposite...)  And then all the stuff after birth - do I want to test baby's blood sugars given my borderline gd status, do we want to do a vit K shot, the eye guck, etc. I'm pretty sure early cord clamping isn't standard and babies aren't bathed until a day or so post partum at our hospital, but I'm sure there's other stuff that I forget now.  So my midwife wants direction on pretty much everything, while part of me wants to totally bail out and say "whatever. just get it out of me"  which is just me being tired and cranky and not wanting to think about all that right now - if I truly wanted that I would have gone with one of the really excellent OBs that we have here who are just as committed to natural childbirth as the midwives but who operate from an entirely different doctor/patient paradigm rather than the midwife/client paradigm. 

I'm still tired.  Did that even make sense???

Oh, and on the baby positioning - my midwife checked yesterday and she seems to think that the critter is positioned perfectly for this stage.  I have learned the hard way not to be too complacent about that because DD was exactly the same - until labour started and she flipped around posterior.  But I think the problem was that because my labour started in the middle of the night I followed my midwives' advice and tried to go back to sleep - I think regardless of the time of day I go into labour this time, there will be no lying down - I'll be moving around and keeping the baby aimed in the right direction.  My doula agrees - she thinks that for me, because of my limited torso real estate, I need to make sure that when things start happening, I'm not inadvertently restricting where the baby can go and that if I stop moving, it'll be really hard to start again when labour picks up.

[Chapsie]

Spughy, both of my kids rotated in labor, too. DS started anterior and rotated posterior and DD started posterior and rotated anterior about 6 hours into labor (yay!).