nstewart, I agree that it's unfair to paint anyone as a Zezebel unless they're a certain kind of murderer -- one who believes in stopping at nothing to get what she wants. Jezebel's "sin" had nothing to do with adultery. She murdered a man because her husband, the king, wanted the land of a man who refused to sell it to him.
I suppose that I am refering to the revelations use of Jezebel as opposed to referring to the historical queen you are referring to. I believe this is the more common association in any event, as being a "jezebel" is most often associated with being sexually immoral, not arranging a murder. Feel free to substitute Jezebel for "harlot", "whore", "slut" or some other ugly word if you like, my message is the same.
My guess is that the OW is a pleaser as the OP appears to be because that is what this adultress DH wants, someone who just wants to please him and not look out for themselves. This is possibly why she is allowing the DH to treat her as crappily as the OP. No, I don't know for sure, I'm just making a guess because certain types of men like a certain type of woman ~ it's easier to get away with this type of behaviour if the woman is only thinking of pleasing the man, not thinking critically about a situation, and not sticking up for herself. A friend of a friend recently went through a mightily crappy situation (and still is in it). Her DH was having numerous affairs (with call girls, etc) and emptied out their bank account, stole money from his business and clients, and essentially left this women and her two kids in Canada and moved somewhere in South America. This woman has no idea where her DH is, and is surviving off money her dad is giving her at this point because he DH left her deeply in debt and she doesn't have a job because she married her DH out of high school and has never worked. She is the ultimate pleaser and DH was able to get away with all of this for so long because she just didn't question him at all, and just aimed to please him in everything. She had NO IDEA this stuff was going on. So, maybe I am wrong about OP and/or OW but this is what has happened to a friend of a friend recently so maybe it's skewing my perspective.