Its officially been a year since I had sex!

[Shonahsmom]

Can anyone say sexually fustrated?

I left the extremely abusive relationship with my daughter's father over three years ago. For the first two years that I was single, I knew I wasn't ready or exactly interested in a relationship or anything serious, but I did date casually and had a fairly regular (and very responsible) sex life. After two years I got tired of the dating scene and no longer felt like I had the time, energy or interest in spending time with anyone that I was not really interested in pursuing something serious with. That guy has not come along. And that's fine, genuinely it is.. I will not settle for anything less than what I know I want and deserve in a partner. Its not exactly that I'm lonely. I have become very accustomed to and comfortable with being alone. Its just, jeez, its been a year... and not just for sex. A year since I have hugged, kissed, cuddled with, held hands with, gone on a date with or walked down the freakin street next to a man. I swear, its been a year since a man has smiled at me, asked for my phone number or approached me in any way. I know that I am an attractive woman. I dress well. I have pretty hair. I'm intelligent and funny. I'm employed. Nothing about me has changed from when I was having little problem attracting men a year ago. If anything, I have grown and improved a lot of areas of my life. But I am starting to feel like I must have horns growing out of my head or something.

So I am dealing with starting to feel self conscious and unattractive coupled with feeling some intense longing for some type of physical affection. Bad combination, I know.

Can anyone relate?

[L.J.]

You lucky girl......it's been 3 years for me!

I'm now just starting to attract the type of men I really want in my life.....it's been a long journey here. Maybe it will all come together soon!

[Patchy Dragon]

I have found a lot of men are intimidated by a woman who CAN do it all by themselves. The right one will come along. You diffinitely want a man who can respect you, your child(ren), and your lifestyle. They are not easy to come by...

[Soul-O]

I can certainly relate, and agree with Patchy - I think a lot of men are intimidated by the fact that you have taken charge of your life and are doing it all for yourself and your daughter. I understand that you feel good about where you are emotionally, but the need for companionship is a strong one. Believe me - I fight the desire to be in a relationship constantly, and I've only been apart from my stbx for five months! I think, for me, it has a lot to do with being emotionally absent from the relationship before I was physically absent. In my mind, I'd left my ex about a year before I actually made the move, so I've felt "single" for a long time.

Now, as far as a suggestion for you..... would you be averse to joining a book club, bible study, political action group etc. as a means of meeting like-minded friends? I'm thinking if you get out a bit more beyond working, you would be able to meet people in a more relaxed setting and perhaps make a connection.

I wish you luck, and comiserate with your situation.

Take care - I know you will

[the sunshine]

Is this a contest? six years for me, with extenuating circumstances. I know how hard it is to not have the little intimacies, the backscratches, running hands thru hair.

Hugs to you, and to all of you.

[wemoon]

Well, for me only a few months since I've had sex with a human (although my vibe has seen some use hehe). I feel for you gals, cause I'm frustrated with only having a few months under my belt. Don't let yourself get depressed and feeling unattractive, no matter what! That will just make it worse! Maybe a spa day is in order, pamper yourself with a pedicure, a facial, whatever you can do.

[SingleDad]

Coming from the opposite side of this, I can say that a confident, strong and attractive woman is intimidating for a man to approach, even though those qualities are some of the most attractive to us. Never think of yourself as unattractive because of those qualities.....just know that you're waiting for your perfect match in those arenas, and that there are tons of men every day that pass you by and think.....if only I had the nerve.....

[Pynki]

Perhaps it's a vibe you're putting out..

Ya know.. Like when your are "looking" for some you do do thing differently than when you soo aren't looking for it.. It doesn't mean that you are any less attractive.. It just means that you are less available..

I know what I am trying to say, but it's not coming out right I don't think..

I feel your pain.. Been there.. Done that.. Not as a single momma though..



There's some kisses and hugs and action for you from one momma to another.. I think you are FAB_U_LOUS!!!

Warm Squishy Feelings..

Dyan

[lilmiss'mama]

A year and a half for me! For awhile it didn't bother me, but lately I would like to be intimate with a man, not necessarily sex. I did order a Wascally Wabbit though, which should be here soon! I am hoping it will tide me over!

[mocha09]

You know, I don't really have a sex drive. Maybe it's because I'm still breastfeeding, or maybe it's that I get very little sleep. dunno. But I sure am glad it's been gone since dd came along. I miss the the snuggles, though.

Single Dad, you fill such a needed role on this board. I hope you never go away. You are awesome. Your words are kind and genuine, and I hope you realize how many lives you have touched.

lilmissmama, what the hell is a "Wasscally Wabbit?"

[lilmiss'mama]

Mocha09-- :LOL check out bettersex.com under vibraters!

[Shonahsmom]

Lilmiss,

:LOL

The toys defintely help. Literally, I could go the rest of my life without sex with a man as long as I have my toys (they do the job SO much better than any man I've been with) .... its just the intimacy I miss.

[lilmiss'mama]

Yep, I know what you mean! I miss the es

[maemaesmama]

OMG! You guys are cracking me up I never would have ever thought about purchasing such a thing! Not because I think it is wrong, but just beacuse, well.... I don't really know why It has been almost 2 years for me I always wanted a good sex life. Goodness knows I did my part LOL. When I used to force myself to sleep with my xh I swore that if I ever got out of that relationship, NEVER would be to soon to have to come face to face w/ a naked man again! Now I feel differently. I dream about it a whole lot I want to wait for someone who loves me this time It just wasn't fair that I gave so much of my self to someone who never knew how to appreciate any of it But, that's a different thread~

[mocha09]

Oh. I didn't need to go the website. I got the drift.

I was thinking that a Wascally Wabbit was some sort of food, or restaurant or something. You were like, I ordered it and it should be here soon..... I was imagining some enormous pizza you were waiting for to arrive! :LOL I must have been hungry when I was reading this.

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by Shonahsmom

The toys defintely help. Literally, I could go the rest of my life without sex with a man as long as I have my toys (they do the job SO much better than any man I've been with) .... its just the intimacy I miss.

I am right there with ya!!!!

Heck, it wasn't any good when stbx and I were together anyway, still needed my "Tarzan" when I was gettin' some! He had the staying power of a 15 year old boy!!!!

[lilmiss'mama]

I would have never thought about purchasing one either, before I was given one. Yes, a now xbf gave me one for Christmas a few years ago! We were dating at the time, so I don't know what that means, but I am grateful!

[isleta]

Wow! All these suggestions...hmmmm

it has been 5 years for me and i too get frustrated not only by the lack of intimacy, but by the lack of companionship.

I am too a very srong woman who has strong beliefs in many areas, that's why I am always at activism hehe!!

I too feel the lack of getting asked out is a tough one. But, I also feel that I am with ds when I am out mostly and do feel that sometimes i have no time or place to meet someone except the gas station:LOL!

Also, i would consider you asking someone out that you find attractive-couldn't hurt!!

So, ya I relate!!