Any large families? « Back to Group Discussions

[Stayathomemommy]

pregnant with # 7!!  I dont know why with every pregnancy i feel like i am starting at square one.  what type of birth?  midwife or unassisted? ultrasound or not?  tell others now or later?  when to tell my other kids?  at 7 weeks today.  always think i will have things more "together" before the next one and then i find i am just as disorganized as ever.  Homeschooling has been really going well this year so determined to not that fall apart while i am tired and dealing with 1st trimester sickness.  Husband is excited about baby but not with my mood swings so also determined to not let my emotions get the best of me....hahahaha!!!  I am thinking exsercise is the key this pregnancy.  walking a couple times a week and doing some videos with the kids to keep us active.  

cant wait to tell everyone but at the same time get sick thinking of telling people that i know already think we are "crazy" for having 6.  last time was really good and we just told people in a cute card so they could process it on their own and talk to us when they were ready to "talk nice" i dont think surprising unsupportive grandparents is a good idea!  but for those who will be thrilled i am searching the web for a unique idea to tell kids and family.  all the ideas out there are over done or wont work for a big family.  any ideas??

[CookAMH]

Not us, but I am friends with many large families (6-9 kids) and think it's awesome.  We may top out at 4 as we didn't start as early as some.  You look great in your pic...was that last pregnancy?

[Stayathomemommy]

Yes that was me pregnant with#6, .......hahaha you definately pop sooner in consecutive pregnancies but I am not that big at 7 weeks. Guess I better update things on mothering!

[SweetKidsOfMine]

Pregnant with number 5. 8+ weeks now. We've already told our kids and the oldest 2 are excited. My 4 yo does not want another baby and says he is happy with his baby sister.
Nervous about telling certain family members as well. Although it shouldn't be a huge surprise since they all know I've always wanted a larger family.
Op are you finished at 7? Or still undecided? We are definitely done after this one and Dh will be going for the V. Kinda sad but my mind and body! knows its time.

[momzilla]

We are expecting #6.  My side of the family, especially my mother, is not accepting of my pregnancies.  She also has bi-polar, so with each pregnancy she has had a mental breakdown  My  in-laws are beyond supportive, though my mother-in-law worries quite a bit (she tries not to show it).  

Last time we didn't tell my side of the family until I was 20 weeks....amazingly I was able to "hide" it from them for quite some time.  (Both sides of the family live within miles of us.)

When we announced last time, I wrote a one page letter describing our beliefs about family and our ability to care for our children.  This allowed some simmering down time, before I actually saw them in person.  My biggest stressor in pregnancy is "telling" family.

I'm thinking a card will be in the works in the weeks to come.  I don't want to have to hide my pregnancy.

[aidenn]

Originally Posted by momzilla 

We are expecting #6.  My side of the family, especially my mother, is not accepting of my pregnancies.  She also has bi-polar, so with each pregnancy she has had a mental breakdown  My  in-laws are beyond supportive, though my mother-in-law worries quite a bit (she tries not to show it).  

Last time we didn't tell my side of the family until I was 20 weeks....amazingly I was able to "hide" it from them for quite some time.  (Both sides of the family live within miles of us.)

When we announced last time, I wrote a one page letter describing our beliefs about family and our ability to care for our children.  This allowed some simmering down time, before I actually saw them in person.  My biggest stressor in pregnancy is "telling" family.

I'm thinking a card will be in the works in the weeks to come.  I don't want to have to hide my pregnancy.

I'm not a large family (I'm expecting #3) but I have nothing but love for large families.  However, this sentiment caught me eye, because even though I have a smaller family, I am utterly shocked how with each subsequent child, it's less of a community jubilee and more of a personal judgment/commentary on how you choose to run your family.  My DH and I are not religious but we believe that every child that we are blessed with is a wanted child and will enrich our family life.  Sure, it can make money a little tighter, but we all know that what makes kids thrive isn't the sort of thing that comes with a big salary.

Telling family has been my biggest stressor this time.  My MIL rather adamantly stated that after my spirited second daughter that she wouldn't watch our kids anymore unless it was sporadic, so I quit my job to be a SAHM.  Now she passes judgment on our financial sacrifices in living frugally so we can afford for me to SAHM.  Telling her about this pregnancy is such a dread for me, so we're planning on telling her on her birthday: it's up to her if she wants to ruin her own special day with animosity towards our new family member.  I am fortunate that this pregnancy my mother now lives with me and while I am sure she has reservations about our growing family, it's not presented as passive-aggressively as it is with my MIL.

[Cutie Patootie]

I guess we are considered a large family now.  I'm pregnant with baby #5.  I'm so not prepared for the "not so pleasant" comments, all around. Trying to think of some great things to say in response. ;)

[kmarie8284]

It is so sad to me how negative people get about large families. We are friends with quite a few larger families (5 kids or more), and some of the comments they have had to put up with, both from family and total strangers, are just awful. I guess I know what to expect in the future . We're expecting #3, but are not necessarily done and we're not really sure when we will be. Thankfully both my parents and my in-laws are super kind and supportive. We have gotten some comments from their parents though. The generation that was raising kids in the 50's doesn't really seem to understand why in the world anyone would have more kids if they already have a boy and a girl .

[tigerlilymomma]

I also am NOT looking forward to the comments.

I am only pregnant with #3, child #4, but my husband is disabled and I am the breadwinner of the family. #2 was planned after a grueling six years of trying to get my husbands back fixed. We are the poster children of what happens when you are uninsured.

But this lil one is a plesasant surprise. We joked how our baby would need a sibling to keep him company since the older two have been so amazing together. But I've pretty much been celebate since having my son 8 months ago d/t tearing and painful intercourse. well, I finally healed up, gave it a try, and...

Not wanting to share the news

[100%mom]

We are expecting #6. We will probably wait at least 13 weeks if not longer to tell anyone.

[breachaplin]

This is child number 5 for us (baby number 4 since our oldest son is adopted). We are not done by any means and I think that our family is respectful of that. My disabled father-in-law lives with us and I am not sure how he feels on the matter, but he loves our little 16 mo old, she is the apple of his eye so I think he will be good with more. We told everyone as soon as we found out because we were all together for the big family Christmas party...my grandma literally fell on the floor :) but she got over it and is happy for us now.

[lavatea]

Cooking #4 here. DH doesn't even know yet. He's not going to be a happy camper. My sister was excited. I know she will be the only one in my family that is, though. My mother's been telling me since #2 that I don't need anymore...

I am telling DH next week after the first OB/sono appt. Will wait until much later to tell anyone else.

[bohemianmama]

Also pregnant with #4 here as well.  I know its not a huge family, but sometimes I feel the the old lady who lives in a shoe! lol it seems that  everyone I know has 1 maybe 2.  We havent told family yet.  My mother will be happy she is from a big family and always wanted one herself, unfortunatly she had fertility problems and was never able to conceive, so my brother and I were adopted.  She will be very happy with lots of grand children :)

I am nervous. I will be honest. My middle son is almost 5 and  a very challenging child to parent.  He is as sweet as can be, but has a lot of enviromental sensitivities, food aversions, and trouble getting along with his siblings. I need to get some organization on his life before this baby is born or I don;t know how I will handle him.  He will be starting half day kinder around the time baby is due. He thrives in school type situations so I know he will do well there and I hope that having that structure will help him at home as well.

[amy9798]

Originally Posted by breachaplin 

This is child number 5 for us (baby number 4 since our oldest son is adopted). 

This is our exact situation! I thought I posted without remembering it for a second!

We share a household with my parents and they are definitely part of caring for the kids. Part of me almost feels like we needed to consult them before deciding to add #5. They think 4 is already a lot, so hopefully the news that #5 is on the way will be accepted relatively well.

Our kids will be 15, 13, 9.5, and 6.5 when the new baby comes. They have been begging for another baby for months so I know they'll be thrilled. I kind of feel like this is one last sweet blessing for our whole family to enjoy together. Never thought we'd end up with 5, but I'm really excited about it!

[mamaw/two]

We are expecting baby #6 here:)  I'm so happy and excited that I want to shout if from the rooftops, but unfortunately, no all of our family feels that way.  My family is supportive for the most part, but his is not.  Luckily, it's only his mom and dad that we have to deal with, as he is an only child.  The trouble is that they have a way of really getting to him with their comments, I'm worried about the shame and embarrassment he will feel after they get through with him:(  My kids are all so excited and happy.  I'm only 9 wks, so hoping this baby is strong and sticky:)

[thefreckledmama]

This is #5 for me, #2 for DP, but his daughter is 23, so we'll only have 5 under the same roof. My family knows, mostly because we told the kids and well, once the kids know, everyone knows. Lol.

We haven't told his side yet, there have been some issues with my progesterone levels and baby's heart rate and he'd like to wait; we have an u/s tomorrow, and after that if everything is well, we're telling his mom, daughter, and other family. His mom LOVES my kids-he lived out of state when his daughter was growing up so she only got to spend time with her occasionally-so I'm especially excited for her to have a grandchild she can see often and consistently.

I haven't had any snarky comments from anyone-but my SIL warned me that once you have so many kids, a pregnancy is kind of a non-event and not to feel bad when people aren't very excited or interested.

I'm excited for the whole "yours, mine, ours" of having a child together. Especially because he always wanted a large family, but his ex wife had mental health issues that prevented them from having more.

I just want to know when I get my housekeeper named Alice! Lol

[momzilla]

Well, we finally announced to my side of the family.  (They don't like our decision to have more than 2 or 3 children.)  Actually, my husband went over to my parents with the kids and told them in person first.  (I was getting some lab work done.  I read over and over not to put yourself in the position to hear initial negativity from loved-ones.)  This is baby #6 for us.  We posted the announcement on facebook after, using "The Brady Bunch" idea posted here: http://gratefulforgrace.com/2012/09/pregnancy-announcement-ideas/

My parents then came over the next day for supper.  They didn't say one word to me about the pregnancy, not even congratulations.  (I expected this.)  My mom looked less than thrilled to be over at our place.  

Waiting to tell them was causing quite a bit of anxiety and even depression.  I'm glad the announcement is said and done with.  Now, I can fully embrace my pregnancy!

[aoifesmiles]

This is my 5th baby, but 4th child because number one was stillborn (I like to keep him in my count). I was very surprised at some of the reactions I got, the attitude was very 'can't you control yourselves!'. I always wanted 4, I don't feel we'll have anymore. We only have a 3 bedroom house, and while it feels manageable having 4 small kids I just can't imagine them in this house as teenagers! I'm thinking my dh and I can get a little apartment in the city then and let them take over the house. ;-) I'm very excited about this baby, it's a little bitter sweet knowing this is the last, but then all the kids will be fighting and I think we're barking mad having another!!

[onematchfire]

I don't understand why people feel they have the right to be judgmental about large families. It's really nobody's business. Both my parents come from large families (nine on her side, six on his), and I wouldn't have it any other way (especially since my sister was killed in an auto accident when we were both in our early twenties -- having lots of cousins and aunts around helps). I'd be happy to have a big family, I think, but since I'm already 34 with the first, it's probably not in the cards.

[thefreckledmama]

Originally Posted by onematchfire 

I don't understand why people feel they have the right to be judgmental about large families. It's really nobody's business. Both my parents come from large families (nine on her side, six on his), and I wouldn't have it any other way (especially since my sister was killed in an auto accident when we were both in our early twenties -- having lots of cousins and aunts around helps). I'd be happy to have a big family, I think, but since I'm already 34 with the first, it's probably not in the cards.

Exactly.  I think that's just a nasty side effect of american society; people worrying and feeling the need to comment on everyone else's life choices.  I personally feel that choosing to only have one child stinks, because so much about life and diversity can be learned through having a sibling-but that's my own opinion, and I don't go around griping at parents who make that choice. I've had one or two comments about "when am I going to stop" and "don't I know what makes a baby".  I usually just shrug it off, because that's just their need to interject themselves into my life.  I'm a little apprehensive about this weekend and the first big family gathering on his side of the family.  I've heard through the grapevine comments some have made about me being pregnant, and I've readied myself with different phrases to respond with like "hmmmm, you really think that's an appropriate comment/question to say/ask someone?" or, simply laughing and saying something offhand like, "I just think it's funny you think that could actually be true" (as in the "what makes a baby" question) or "I just think it's funny you think that's appropriate."  I think the only reason I even feel the least bit defensive about such comments is that my younger three children were all conceived with the aid of fertility meds, so the fact this baby is a genuine absolute surprise is incredibly exciting and awesome to me. 

For what it's worth, my ex husband's grandmother was 40 when she had her first child, after two decades of infertility for unknown reasons, she then went on to have 5 children,