Large families - when did you decide to just let it happen?

[tm0sweet]

I plan on tracking my fertility still, but DH and I have decided that we are ready to welcome as many children as we end up having. I've done the bc go round and I'm not comfortable messing with my body's natural cycles as well as very greatful that DS2 has no ill effect from being conceived while I was on the pill.

So the question is: when did you come to the decision to just let nature take its course? Was it a hard choice? Had you always planned on a large family? I'm nervous about this path, but I know it is the right choice for my family I'd really love to hear your stories about your lovely familes!

[MamawPam]

I feel that as long as you and your husband can afford to raise as many children as you have that it is a wonderful thing. My parents let nature take it's course and I am so thankful that they did. She had 10 live births, 5 boys and 5 girls. The 11th one was stillborn. After that she had to have a hysterectomy. We had a wonderful childhood and remain very close today. God blessed us to have the necessities in life and were always thankful for what we had. I think that the most important thing is that Mother and Dad never asked for help from anyone to raise us. Daddy was self-employed for the most part as a carpenter and Mom stayed at home until the 10th child started school. We are all adults now with children and grand-children of our own. Daddy is gone to be with the Lord now and Mom is almost 84 years old. I spend my days taking care of her and my weekends enjoying my grands. God bless you and your family and ones to come. May you have happy and healthy children and love them like God loves them.

[1babysmom]

For us, we never really gave it much thought (didn't have a "limit" to how many we wanted either, though) until after our first couple pregnancies...that were miscarriages.  It then became really clear to us how sacred this whole process is and we didn't want to try to control that or interfere with any blessings that God had in store for us.  We both had/have high hopes for a big family one day!

However...I must say...one thing that has been REALLY difficult for me now, 9 years later, is that it never occurred to me that we could take the "just let it happen" approach and be on the OPPOSITE end of the spectrum as most families who choose that path (or at least, almost all the ones you actually hear about and see on places like this).  I've lost far more than I have here in my arms and it's been pretty difficult for me to watch those around me with similar convictions have baby after baby with no issues.  It was just a reality slap, I guess.  BUT...if anything, it's definitely confirmed to me that we don't want to prevent more of these precious blessings, because once you lose one (or more) you definitely have a better (or just different) understanding of how precious those lives really are and much more appreciation for it all. (not saying those who haven't lost don't appreciate it, but it is of a different magnitude after the fact...)

[htcmom]

When I was pregnant with our 4th child I was totally overwhelmed with life so DH got a vasectomy when I was 8 months pregnant. 5 years later we realized we totally regretted it. So DH had a reversal and we decided that we would take how ever many more kids God blessed us with. So far that has been 2 little boys. And I can't imagine what it would have been like not having them!

[waywornwanderer]

I'm currently pregnant with my first babe (due sometime around the 13th of February!) so I don't have a large family. But my husband and I really do hope to have a large-ish family one day. We're both 23 years old and had been married a year and a half, practicing Natural Family Planning, when we decided to go ahead and just "take a chance". (The conversation pretty much went "it's my birthday week and I know I'm probably heading toward my fertile period. we've been delaying having kids for over a year even though we both want them. is there really a good reason right now to abstain? would it be so awful if we DID conceive on this one night?") So, yeah. We conceived the first and only time we ever flouted our NFP method's rules. And we were stoked, because we're young and have plenty of time ahead of us to have a large family and space our kids a little bit out. (We know one couple who currently has a two year old, a fourteen month old, and a newborn. Which works for them I guess, but is not for us!)

We want a large family because they rock! They're their own little communities and support systems. Built-in learning and play. There is always something to do, someone to talk to. DH is the oldest of six, I'm the oldest of five- so we're both acquainted with being part of families that are a little bigger than the norm. We know families with 9-12 kids, though, so five/six really seems kind of small to us! 

We decided to really take things one child at a time, stay open to life and God, and see where that takes us. I'm really committed to health, and it is important for the sake of my body and my littlest nursling that I give at least 21 months spacing between each kid. That way, I have a good year to recoup physically/nutritionally from pregnancy, as well as a solid one year of exclusive breastfeeding before I even think about taking on another pregnancy. We're thinking maybe seven kids will be a good number for us, but again, we're staying flexible to our family's needs and growing priorities.

[velveeta]

I am not even sure that I understand my perspective, but here goes... I am pregnant with my fourth. We have watched signs of fertility, and even then, not been super careful. All of my friends are in this uber-hippie zone with me, but don't necessarily share my views on being open to what the Universe brings. I am not religious, but I do question... Who am I to close the door for a soul who was looking to join our family to fulfill his or her soul growth? And although we don't discuss it in this way, my husband feels exactly as I do. Pregnancy is very hard on me. Very, very hard. But, our kids are just so rewarding, we know so strongly it is always worth it.

It is such an interesting paradox to me that we are so overjoyed at the prospect of pregnancy, even though it is so painful, draining, etc. it says a lot about the wonderful reward! LOL.

[owlhowl]

I love the idea of a big family!! If I didn't need to have cesarean births, we would likely just go with the flow and have more babies! As it is, we have 3 wild boys and are considering a fourth baby someday, but that would be our last.

[Tenk]

I'm pregnant for the 12th time and we have 5 living children.  I definitely would not be pregnant now if we hadn't lost all the babies that we have, but I'm so happy and excited at the prospect of having our 6th child.  DH told me the day I met him that he wanted 5 children, I had 1 already, and we are having *praying* our 5th together (well, way more than 5th but praying this one stays alive).  I have never regretted this for a second and we've never used any form of bc in 13 years.  This is the last one though because I will be having my 3rd c-section, I delivered 4 vaginally, and this is very hard on my body.  DH will have a vasectomy after we get a living baby this time (again praying we do!) and our family will be complete.  BUT he will not have a vasectomy until we have a living breathing baby in our arms.
 

[zjande]

The moment that God sent my now- husband to me!   

Okay so it was actually 9 mos. after we met, that is when we decided to cease using birth control. We met close to 9 year ago, and I am pregnant with our 5th baby together (my 7th child in total). I had always dreamed of a large family but never was in the right life situation to have one. It's too bad I didn't meet my husband until I was 30. Otherwise we could have had 10!

[cynthiamoon]

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Edited by cynthiamoon - 4/1/13 at 2:12pm

[Peony]

We had four and that pushed us both solidly into the no more children ever again camp. Four seems, feels, and costs a lot! It's the cost and strain that sealed the deal for us, we've got multiple special needs going on, and it's a daily struggle to just keep up with these ones. 

[erica812]

So glad to find this thread.  After the birth of our third child, we decided to just let things happen--more or less.  Our daughter is 21 months now, and we are hoping for a 4th child sooner rather than later.  We've done Natural Family Planning for our whole marriage--almost 12 years--(except for the first three months when I used a free samle of the Pill), and our three children were very, very planned.  We were both teachers, so we have three summer babies.  We would like #4 to be a little bit more of a surprise, so we are trying to stay very relaxed and just enjoy each other and prayer that #4 will come along in God's timing.

[HouseofPeace]

we're just now wondering when we'll let that happen.... after we found out we could have babies at all, we knew we wanted a large family.  meaning 5 and possibly more.  we have had 5 in 7 years (7 pregnancies), and we still don't 'just let it happen' like so many of our friends do!  we work very hard using NFP to try and space our children far enough apart that my body has time to recover from birth and pregnancy and make each pregnancy more likely to be successful.  since i ovulate around 4 months PP, this is something i feel responsible to try and do.

now we've hit 5 little ones, and i'm wondering when we'll feel done.  we're praying very hard about what our family and life will look like.  my husband travels, and is self-employed and though we've always managed to have enough, it can be very hard on us to live this way.  i also work from home on the side for farms and literally get paid in food which is a huge benefit as well.  i'm only 32, so we could have quite a few more little ones if we keep going!  even w/ NFP and trying to space them!!!

for the first 6 weeks after birth, i feel done.  like never again.  i love pregnancy, i hate labor, i LOVE new babies.  new baby (i have an 8 week old) is slowly seducing me to saying another one would be so wonderful!  but we're not quite to saying that we'll just keep going until my body quits.