I'm not sure if I'm "one and done" - Page 2

[mamarhu]

I have done both - raised an only, then, when ElderSon was almost 15, I had 2 more. A year and 2 weeks apart. Didn't exactly plan that detail (yes, it is possible to get pregnant while exclusively breastfeeding). The intensity of my relationship with ElderSon was more than with the Dumplings, but in many ways, 2 is easier in my experience. They amused each other, and my lifestyle was already set up for kids at whatever age and stage. I think they benefited from growing up with each other - sharing, empathy, things like that seemed to come more naturally to close siblings. Neither of the younger ones, now teens, are very close to the older one, but I don't know how that might change when they are adults. I have a sister, 15 years my senior, with whom I am closer than my 2 year younger brother. See a family pattern here, anyone?
 

[MrsGregory]

I have two brothers, one is much younger;  I am 13 years his senior.  I was absolutely a surrogate parent, and I still treasure the memories of him slipping into my bed with his lovey at night, before I moved away.  As adults, we don't have the same kind of closeness that I have with my close-in-age brother, but that is a mixed blessing, truly.  We also don't have the same "baggage" as I have with my other brother. 

I feel the same as you on many levels with just "the one".  I cannot imagine loving another child the same way I love her.  It seems impossible.  I also struggle because I am the eldest, and there has never been any question in my mind that my younger brother was far more liked (and loved, I suppose) than I was.  I am terribly afraid that I will favor one child over another, and I will leave one of my children with the same kind of hurt that I have.

On the other hand, I want Little Miss to have siblings, and I do kind of miss the little baby phase.  Unbelievable, but true.

I wish I had advice, but I only have encouragement, and empathy. 
 

[Bug-a-Boo's Mama]

Originally Posted by A&A 

You don't have to decide today.  (My kids are 5 years apart).

No you do not. 

DS turned 7 in December.  I was pretty sure-even encouraged DH to get a vasectomy (he never did)-that he was going to be it.  I'm happy.  DH has always wanted more.  But has gone along with me-hoping I'd change my mind.  DS has wanted a brother or sister for years.  Talks regularly about when we get a baby.

Three or four weeks ago it changed for me.  I have no idea what it is that changed but it all did.  In late April/May we are going to start trying for another.  No idea if I'll get pregnant (age) but we are giving it ago.  I am actually really good with what will be an eight year age gap.  In the past I would always end up feeling sorry for DS and how things would change for him-but anytime I start that now I force myself to not think that way.  This is truly what everyone (now ;)) wants.  

So for all the things you are thinking now-imagine adding several years onto that.  We are done with ALL the baby stuff and getting a child who can do things solo, be independent and we are throwing that all out (thoughts I had yesterday) and starting over.   

[Peony]

I always said I would have two kids. And then I had one. DD1 was this very intense, screaming child, well for years. I couldn't even entertain the idea of other child. Every time someone else around me fell pregnant, I thought they had lost their mind. Back there somewhere in my mind, two children sounded good but as long as it just wasn't anytime soon.  Eventually the day came where i woke up one day and was ready to be pregnant, right then, I was ready! The two girls are just shy of 4 years apart. The spacing was wonderful. We went on to have a boy exactly 2.5 years after the last girl. When that boy was 18 months I unexpectedly became pregnant with another boy.  I went from leisurely having 2 kids in four years to then having the last 3 kids in four years. We have certainly crossed over to the large family category now. Some days I truly can't believe this is my life. The noise level, the chaos, the sheer level of insanity that is our daily life. Wow. It makes those first few years with just DD1 seem so very long ago and so very peacefully. We COULD travel and tote her places, it wasn't easy because well, easy and DD1 have never ever existed in the same sentence but we could of done it. These days just going to the grocery store and everyone living through it feels like climbing Mt. Everest. I don't like to think about the things I could be doing had I only had 10 year old DD1, but I'm guessing it doesn't involve prying the 18 month monkey off the bookcase for the 500th time every day while he screams and hits me! 

I'm not big on having more kids just for siblings. Have more kids because you want to. If you desperately desire more children then have them, it will be fine, if you don't desire more, then don't, it will be fine too. 

[mamazee]

I thought I was done after one. She was such a high needs baby. It was really hard.

I eventually changed my mind, but my kids are seven years apart. I actually like the age spread. They don't fight over stuff because they use different stuff. I can concentrate on the little one when I need to because the older one is very independent. I was able to focus on the older one in her needier years without having to split my attention between her and a baby. It really worked out well. There are positives and negatives to close, medium, and longer spacing. I'm quite happy with how things worked out for us.

And of course having an only child has positivies and negatives compared to having more than one child too. Nothing wrong with sticking to one if that ends up feeling right.