Vasectomy VS Tubal Ligation?

[Selfish Wife]

My husband and I have 4 children. 2 of his by a previous marriage, I brought one to our marriage and we had one together. Our youngest is now in school, my husband and I are 41 & 43 respectively. After the birth of our last, I've used an IUD for birth control. The time is about up on the IUD. I started hinting about him getting a vasectomy a couple of years ago. Last year after my annual Gyno appt I brought home information on both vasectomy and tubal ligation. Six months ago we had another discussion about more children. Hurt by his delay of even looking into a vasectomy, I said "Are you just saving yourself for your next wife?" To which he said he didn't know it was so important to me and that he didn't want anymore children period. First part of this year I had another Gyno appt and talked to the Dr about tubal ligation. When I made the appt I mentioned to my husband I would be looking into tubal ligation. After the appt, I told him that the office would call me when they had a time I could get into surgery. I've no set up the Pre Op appointment and the OR appt for it to be done.  I have gotten not ONE word out of him about any of it. Based on the cost to our family, the relative dangers of each procedure, the recovery time for either procedure, it makes since for him to get the vasectomy. After all, I've already gone through child birth, wasn't that enough pain an suffering?  I sometimes think he just doesn't love me enough to do this for us.

Am I just being a shrew?

[katelove]

Have you actually discussed the pros and cons of both options with him or have you just hinted? Most people aren't very good at taking hints about things that they'd probably rather not do. Also you're sending rather mixed messages, I think, by making the appointment with your gynaecologist to discuss tubal ligation.

I would have a conversation with him and tell him you would prefer he had a vasectomy for XYZ reasons and then ask him his views.

[Selfish Wife]

Thanks katelove for the response. 

We did actually have a discussion on the pros/cons dangers of each recover and costs of each during our big discussion. But I did tell him he would need to go research and make an appointment to find out about it from a Dr himself. At this point he didn't even take that first step. If then he just didn't think he could go through with it I might feel differently. For now it just feels like it's all on my shoulders for all the birth control/IUD/tubal ligation and he doesn't care which I do - just so he doesn't have to. I'm not trying to make him out to be an A$$ but in this situation, the lack of even cursory concern, in a concern. He is also the type that if he feels like someone is forcing him to do something - he just flat out won't. Very fine line - after 9 years together you'd think I'd be better about picking my battles. This is just one that I didn't even think should even be a battle. We decided not to have children and the most inexpensive, least evasive and least time down is the vasectomy - hands down. But I can't make a Dr. appt for him either.

The discussion will happen again - soon with all the pros and cons and I'm thinking some couples counseling too to help with the discussion.

[Xerxella]

The other idea is you could have the essure procedure. Or at least look into it. It's an outpatient procedure with much less side effects than tubal ligation. This, of course, doesn't address his lack of concern for birth control, but is just another option. Good luck.