It's a Boy!? « Back to Group Discussions

[lolliegee]

Okay, warning you in advance, this is going to be long.

So, I had the Materni21 test done because of my high risk status (44 years). Got the results yesterday and baby is healthy and a boy! I'm stunned. I really was expecting a girl. Let me explain. 

About two years ago, I had an experience (for lack of a better word) in the shower where I felt two very strong feminine presences. I also had the feeling that they were babies waiting for us. I don't know how to explain it exactly, but it didn't feel like babies we were supposed to adopt, but ones that were to be conceived by us. I know this may sound really out there, but it is what I experienced and I come from a family of, shall we say, sensitive people. My husband and I have different beliefs. He's a Christian, I'm not religious at all. He believed it was a message from God and I just felt like it was from the universe or something. Didn't really put too much weight on where it came from. This experience is one of the reasons hubby didn't have a vasectomy. Although, we didn't plan this pregnancy, we both felt that it was meant to be, particularly in light of my experience.

Fast forward a bit to where I would have sworn that I felt implantation pain twice, one low and to the right, one higher and to the left. Distinct pains from the rest of what I was feeling and had spotting the next day, so timing seemed right.

First u/s was inconclusive as to whether or not there were two babies. Second, clearly showed one. This was the first surprise. Although, I just figured that maybe I was supposed to have them at different times, or maybe I misunderstood and there was only one. I don't know.

Now, this pregnancy has been so different from my last few that I believed it was because of it being a girl this time. I've had two girl dreams. Also, the whole heartbeat thing, the first time it was 183, the next couple times in the 160s, I know not hard and fast evidence, but coupled with everything else, it seemed likely to be a girl.

Fast forward again to yesterday, when the lady told me boy. I was stunned and honestly thrown. Of course, I will love this child just as much as I would have a girl, but it's left me a bit confused. I don't know what to do with my experience now. How can I trust something like this when reality didn't even come close? Where does that fit into things? I know there is no way I could convince DH to try for another, probably not even if we won the lottery. But, at the same time, I still believe that somehow, we're supposed to have those girls.

I'm trying to process this. I have 5 boys already (well, four boys by birth, one born a girl is now trans), so was looking forward to having the bond that is a mother/daughter bond. Sharing my passion for breastfeeding and birth and family. Yes, I know I can (and do) share this with my boys, but it's not the same. I love all my kids to pieces and know I will love the new one as much, I think I'm grieving a bit for the person I was expecting and trying to come to terms with the person that I now know is coming. 

I hope you all don't think I'm whining, I'm just looking for some support. Thanks for listening.

[Tenk]

I'm not suggesting this is what you're going thru but after K passed in 2006, we had a boy after and when I got pregnant again with L I SWORE she was a boy.  I felt in my hear that we were NOT supposed to have another girl that K was our last girl and we were meant to have the 2 oldest girls and then 3 little boys.  That's what i saw, that's how it was supposed to be and for this reason I was DEVASTATED.  I changed my mind about having my tubes tied, I felt totally disconnected to the baby and probably even started feeling a bit depressed prior to birth.  DH went on a trip with his dad for a week, came back on Sunday at 8p, I was admitted at 8a on Monday morning.  Had several shots of turb to stop ctx, had amnio on Tues to check lung maturity (neg, not mature) had steroid shots on Tues and Wed (along with twice daily NST) on Thur had a non reactive NST, followed by nonreactive BPP and baby came by emergency c-section at 33w5d.  NICU for 13 days, followed by pumping every 3 hours.  when she came home I didn't want anyone to hold her, I was struggling with sleep/pumping/trying to nurse/bottle feeding pumped milk/ and everything else that comes along with a new baby.  I ended up with PPD and PTSD (from K's birth/death similarities) and my life sucked and I just could NOT be the mom I needed/wanted/should've been.

I think all of this started with gender disappointment :( and I wish that I had gotten help while pregnant so I didn't go thru this (or it could've been less) and put my family thru this.  Again, I'm not suggesting this is going to happen or even what you are talking about but gender disappointment is real and it can be hard to deal with.  Would it help if you spoke to someone about what you might be feeling? 

How many weeks are you?  Do you have an ultrasound photo?  I'm sure everything will work out the way it's supposed to Shelia <3

Edited by Tenk - 1/26/13 at 7:57am

[coalifetime]

((hugs)) for gender disapointment and not knowing 'what the universe' is telling you.  I am not trying to be silly by referring to your universe experience, but I want to embrace that you have felt a closeness to something greater than we are normally aware of.

I have not guessed correctly about the sex of my other two children.  I am nervous that I am not guessing the sex for this one too.  I will find out the sex and use that remaining time in my pregnancy to bond and fantasize.

I want to share something that I do.  I don't think that it needs to be a special 'christian' thing that I do, or private.  Perhaps it can be something that you may find helpful to consider according to your own beliefs.  What I have done is that I pray for my chidren's lives as well as for their future partner's lives too.  I believe that their parnters are out there and alive and dealing with experiences that sometimes need protection and special guidance.   I choose to believe that my prayers for the future will make a difference in their lives.   I do not think this needs to be special for only christians to think and pray about, and perhaps your special connection with the feminine souls (I am not sure how to describe it but I like to think of it this way) can be strengthened by trying to seek guidance for them by praying/wishing for their health and welfare.  

[MonkeyPrincess]

I completely get what you are saying. And I can completely understand how that would be unnerving, when you have such a clear sense of something. I do believe though, that eventually you will understand what the little girls presence was. 

I hope its okay to share some of my experiences relating to the same thing. Sorry I don't have more to offer, just that I can relate. 

I simply *expected* my fourth baby (a boy) to be my daughter. Well, he came out and I was SHOCKED. Shocked. He didn't have a name for eight days. Every time I'd change him, I'd feel that shock all over again. I'd randomly just blurt out, "He's a boy. He has a penis." After he was born, I *saw* my daughter, the one I was expecting, in dreams. In pictures of the kids, someone was missing. I'd slip and say things like "in the girls room" but only had one daughter. I'd mentally take stock of the kids through out the house and come up short one, because I was counting the baby I didn't have. Well, she was born two and a half years later, exactly who I had been expecting all that time. I always joke that they made a pact on the other side, and she let him jump in line or something. ;-) The plan had been for my husband to get a vasectomy after our fourth came, and I told him he could but it wouldn't matter...she was going to come anyway. 

Shortly after she was born (about three months), I was at a blessing for a friends baby. Her pastor came to me after the ceremony and said sorry, but she had to tell me that she saw two little babies around me, and she was confused because they weren't mine but they were just such a strong presence along side of me. And now I'm carrying twins, I'm assuming they are the two babies she spoke of. 

Along the same lines, my oldest was 18 months old when my second was born. When we brought her home from the hospital, he was confused. He asked more than once where the other ones were, where's the five? I actually have it on video, we didn't know what he was talking about and just explained we only have one baby, thought he was only a year old, does he even know the concept of five? But watching the video years and years later, having five kids, it was a little weird. And, also on video, the first thing that same kid said when my fourth was born was "Now you just have to have our sister, then we'll all be here!". 

[ashleybrook]

lolliegee-- i totally hear you and though i haven't been through what you are talking about, i absolutely understand your need to grieve, process and then be able to move forward. sometimes i have things that i think are intuition and something else comes to be...and i think well, what was all that other thing about?!?! anyways, i don't think we always understand--but maybe someday you will. :)

monkeyprincess--your stories gave me goosebumps. :) thank you for sharing. 

[rainbownurse]

A friend of mine was telling me a similar story, she was totally sure her last baby was a boy, she just knew that her youngest was going to be a boy. She had a girl, and did not get pregnant again. She now has sole custody of her grandson and is raising him. Maybe those two girls are farther in your future than you think, maybe they're your boy's partners 

[Tenk]

Originally Posted by rainbownurse 

A friend of mine was telling me a similar story, she was totally sure her last baby was a boy, she just knew that her youngest was going to be a boy. She had a girl, and did not get pregnant again. She now has sole custody of her grandson and is raising him. Maybe those two girls are farther in your future than you think, maybe they're your boy's partners 

What an amazing way to look at this <3

[heyitskalista]

Originally Posted by rainbownurse 

A friend of mine was telling me a similar story, she was totally sure her last baby was a boy, she just knew that her youngest was going to be a boy. She had a girl, and did not get pregnant again. She now has sole custody of her grandson and is raising him. Maybe those two girls are farther in your future than you think, maybe they're your boy's partners 

I like that! 

I wouldn't write off what happened, like rainbow nurse said...they could come into your life in different ways than you expected!

I'm a little nervous about this baby's gender...I almost want to find out but hubby is firmly team green. 

After we lost our last baby, I had a dream that I was pregnant with twins.  I went into labour and gave birth to a tiny baby girl with lots of dark hair.  She was born too early and died in my arms (so I think she was the baby we lost).  But labour stopped and the other baby (which I instinctively knew was a blonde boy) waited to come later.  I really feel like that is this baby...but I'm afraid that I'm wrong. 

[lolliegee]

Thank you, all, for being so validating of how I'm feeling! (I would have responded sooner, but it's been a very busy last few days.) I so appreciate the understanding. I like the different ideas you've given me. Obviously, I still don't know what it all means, but hopefully I will someday. I'm beginning to come to terms with it. I still feel kinda sad when I see a baby girl or some girly clothes. I was so looking forward to sewing some girly stuff. Boy stuff isn't nearly as fun to sew. But, I'm sure with all these kids, I'm bound to have at least a granddaughter or two that I can sew for. I'm finding myself starting to be able to refer to the baby as he now and we've started talking names. (I don't know how on earth we're going to come up with another boy name! We had such a hard time last time.) I'm trying to be good about giving myself time to process and feel what I need to. Ha, not always easy with little kids running around, always needing something. Anyway, thanks again for all the support, it's greatly appreciated.

[lolliegee]

Originally Posted by ashleybrook 

monkeyprincess--your stories gave me goosebumps. thank you for sharing. 

Me too! Kids are so awesome!

[lolliegee]

Kalista, what an interesting dream. It'll be fascinating to see if it comes true.
Edited by lolliegee - 1/29/13 at 1:33am