I really hesitate to post this, because then I am admitting that I'm not so zen and I have worries and negative thoughts.
I am quick to replace those thoughts with positive ones and I positively affirm everyday, but the other thoughts docross my mind.
If anyone has any ideas as to how to get the negative ones from even crossing my minds path, that would be wonderful. Or if anyone else is kind of going through the same thing that would be wonderful too. It's a long post, so if you get through it, bless you :)
I don't remember being so concerned with much my 1st pregnancy. Other than a minor bleeding scare at 10 weeks, I was pretty zen about everyhting else. Not even worried about birthing at home for the first time or anything.
This time around, as soon as I got pregnant, thoughts of miscarriage rates started to cross my mind. Again, I would replace them with positive thoughts and affirmations, but they still came. I had to take myself off MDC and other boards because I felt like the word miscarriage loomed everywhere. I had to stop myself from buying a doppler several times, because instead of easing my mind, I think I would have obsessed with it. I secretly looked around for places to get an early ultrasound, but I never found one near me that didn't cost a whole lot(I wasn't on my current insurance yet) and wound up not getting it. I couldn't beleive myself. I'm so not a u/s person and thought that early ones were ridiculous, because if you're going to miscarry there isn't much you can do about it.
I guess around 4 months, the miscarriage thoughts subsided and I was on to what if somethings wrong with the baby thoughts. Again, with babygirl, I was so not a u/s person, but I could not wait until I got an anatomy scan. I wound up going to a school to get one done at 18 weeks. I truly was worried, but I didn't let on to my DH or midwife, because they think I'm so positive and worry free. I didn't want to even speak of anything remotely negative. To try and make my long post shorter, I have had 3 anatomy scans and all are fine. The first,they didn't do all the measurements. The second was to do measurements the first didn't and the third was because I started with another HCP.
In my heart of hearts, I know that baby is perfectly healthy and will be born safely and beautifully. I actually have no worry about birthing at home as a 1st time UCer, go figure! So now, I should be enjoying my pregnancy and looking forward to birth. But just like the first 4 months of pregnancy looming in my head, thoughts of what if somethings wrong with the baby loom. Ugh, it reminds me of those first few weeks with your first newborn. When you know nothing is wrong, but you continue to have worry thoughts.
Can anyone relate or have stories to share?