Intact 2yr old boy, masturbating excessively.

[melissaof2]

Hi,

It's 2:30 am and I've been reading threads trying to find an answer.

Interesting reading and great website, so I decided to join.

My son is 2.2 yrs, uncircumcised & has started "masturbating" in the past 2 weeks.

I read a thread here that didn't like the term "masturbating", but in this case there's no other word for it. He will lay on the floor on his front and vigorously hump the floor. He sweats and turns flushed, moans and lets out a sigh every now and then.

I am not a prude and don't have issues with his masturbation. It startled me because I wasn't expecting it at such a young age. He's verbal, but there's no way we can explain to him that he should go to his room. He just wouldn't understand, as we don't let him play in his room alone yet anyway. He does play in the living room sometimes while we are in the kitchen/bathroom....etc.. He's doing it in front of family, friends, he doesn't care he's a baby really. We try to distract him with toys and activities to overcome the social faux pas.... but whatchagonnado really?

He's not potty trained yet. He hasn't even begun to show any signs of retracting his foreskin. He had one infection (balinitis) 6 months ago (he got bathtub crayons as a present and I didn't realize they could cause an infection). While being seen by the Dr. for the infection, it was pointed out to us that he has a small praeputial sphincter. Two doctor's looked at it and recommended circumcision.

Here's my question:

While I'm rejecting the idea of circumcising.... is it possible that all this masturbating could cause paraphimosis?

[hedgehogs4]

I'm gonna say normal & no.

[mtiger]

I agree that it's rather normal. I disagree that 2+ years old is too young to understand "this is not something we do in public areas - of our home or elsewhere. I know it feels good, but we do this in private places, like your room."
 

[Mirzam]

I have to disagree with the above two posters, a 2 year old boy "excessively" masturbating is not "normal" IMO. I am sorry I can't answer your question as I have no idea, but I would probably say no . I would be very concerned about this if it were my child were doing this.

Did he have adverse reactions to any vaccines, high fever, high pitched crying, excessive sleep for example? Or has he ever had an illness that resulted in severe acute symptoms?

[philomom]

All children masturbate. My line was to smile and send them to their rooms. "Everybody does it , nobody likes to watch".... very similar to nose picking or other bad habits.

[hedgehogs4]

Well, it sounds like he only discovered this recently so he's trying it out. I can redirect 3 year olds but two is a little young and I wouldn't my kid to be confused or feel shame. I'd just distract if its bothering me at that age, maybe whisper " not in front of grandma". My oldest wasn't too crazy with it but my youngest was constantly draped over furniture at that age .

[Lazurii]

My friend's son masturbated a lot when he was 18 months-2.5 years.  And she said it was A LOT.  I can't say specifically in your situation but it very well could be on the far end or "normal".

As for the playing alone in his room, unless his room isn't child-proofed I see no reason why he can't be in there alone.  IMO children do need some time away from constant parental supervision.

To add:  You son's foreskin is supposed to be like that at his age.  Retraction isn't supposed to take place until puberty, and phimosis is INCREDIBLY rare in young children.  Peaceful Parenting has a wonderful article on the matter.  Succinctly, phimosis cannot be diagnosed until post-puberty.  My son is five and still cannot retract.

[EchoSoul]

Hey, when you notice the signs of him about to do it, how about silently moving him to his room, so he gets the message?

[vermontgirl]

I think that any amount of masturbation is fine, I would just expect him to do it by himself. My son occasionally wants "alone time" and I always know what it means. He goes up to his bunk bed and rests up there for awhile. I have no idea what level of touching he does, but I just leave him alone and let him have private time. I think he was three when he started doing this, and we always told him it was healthy and normal and told him it was something to do in private. I think it is healthy. Besides, if it is not "normal" (what the heck is normal anyway) what are you going to do? It is just what he does, so accept it and encourage him to be by himself. It is fine!

[TCMoulton]

Originally Posted by Mirzam 

I have to disagree with the above two posters, a 2 year old boy "excessively" masturbating is not "normal" IMO. I am sorry I can't answer your question as I have no idea, but I would probably say no . I would be very concerned about this if it were my child were doing this.

Did he have adverse reactions to any vaccines, high fever, high pitched crying, excessive sleep for example? Or has he ever had an illness that resulted in severe acute symptoms?

I have never heard of masturbating being blamed on vaccine status, don't you think that's a bit of a stretch?

OP if you are uncomfortable with his behavior I see nothing wrong with telling him that his bedroom is the appropriate place for what he is doing.

[homemademomma]

I'm definitely scratching my head at the vaccine thing. I agree that it is probably normal, and that he is definitely old enough to understand that it is a private activity. 

How come he can't play in his room alone? 

[treeoflife3]

Originally Posted by Mirzam 

I have to disagree with the above two posters, a 2 year old boy "excessively" masturbating is not "normal" IMO. I am sorry I can't answer your question as I have no idea, but I would probably say no . I would be very concerned about this if it were my child were doing this.

Did he have adverse reactions to any vaccines, high fever, high pitched crying, excessive sleep for example? Or has he ever had an illness that resulted in severe acute symptoms?

Mirzam, you so silly!  How on earth would vaccines cause masturbation?  I'm pretty sure the only thing that causes masturbation is 'oh huh, I brushed up against my genitals and it felt good... I need to see if that happens again!'

at any rate, the OP never defined 'excessive' so you can't say for certain if what her son is doing is out of the range of normal.  Masturbating is... maybe there is an amount that isn't.  OP gives no indication other than that one undefined word that her son is masturbating any more than many many other little boys.  Maybe I'd be concerned if she said 'my son is masturbating nearly the entire day, over and over, and refuses to do other things he enjoys (park, eating treats, whatever) so that he can continue to masturbate more.  She didn't.  She simply said that in the last 2 weeks, he's been doing it quite a bit, including in front of others.  Normal for a two year old.

OP, your son isn't too young to learn that some things aren't appropriate in certain situations or places.  I recommend making his room safe for him to be in alone so that he can go there if need or want arises.  More than likely, he'll get bored of this and do it less often pretty quickly and if you do tell him to do it in another room alone, he may choose to not do it at all since kids his age generally prefer to be around others.  Eventually, how often he does it will be unknown to you :)

[mamajama]

Please don't post about your child's personal experiences on the internet.  It is an invasion of privacy and it's unsafe and unethical.

[kitteh]

Mamajama, if that is the case then we ought to shut down most of mothering.com!

I'm here to chime in with the "it's normal" crowd. We have also experienced this sort of thing with my little girl starting around 18 months or so. She used to try to do it in public, like at the park, and would get rrally mad and throw a tantrum when we made her stop. That was a really frustrating and difficult phase! But luckily she has come to understand that some things are for private time.

[mamajama]

Originally Posted by kitteh 

Mamajama, if that is the case then we ought to shut down most of mothering.com!

I'm here to chime in with the "it's normal" crowd. We have also experienced this sort of thing with my little girl starting around 18 months or so. She used to try to do it in public, like at the park, and would get rrally mad and throw a tantrum when we made her stop. That was a really frustrating and difficult phase! But luckily she has come to understand that some things are for private time.

[kitteh]

Oh please. Should I also not post about our challenges with potty training, because that is for private time? No one is being explicit or obscene, we are just mamas looking for advice and support with these things. Nothing unethical or unsafe about it.

[mamajama]

OK I should calrify and try to phrase this in an inoffensive way,.   There are people who come onto the internet looking for stories about children that involve sexuality.  they invite people to share stories of their own children that involve sexuality in some way or they browse around looking for those stories.  If you share stories about your own children in this way, you are exposing them to predators--even indirectly.     It's a good rule of thumb to not share anything about your child that you wouldn't feel comfortable telling your child you shared, or that you wouldn't allow your child to share him or herself.

[contactmaya]

It could be a yeast infection/thrush making him itchy  (an imbalance in his glut flora) Treat it with some plain probiotic filled yoghurt, dabbed literally on the area.  Kids do masturbate alot at that age though. They are discovering their bodied.They eventually develop a sense of privacy. You can let him know that that is something done in private., but dont get to worried about it, he is only 2 after all. At 4 i might do some redirection. I found my 7yo and 4yo figured out by that age that it was private on their own (i may have told  them once or twice)

[Lazurii]

Originally Posted by mamajama 

OK I should calrify and try to phrase this in an inoffensive way,.   There are people who come onto the internet looking for stories about children that involve sexuality.  they invite people to share stories of their own children that involve sexuality in some way or they browse around looking for those stories.  If you share stories about your own children in this way, you are exposing them to predators--even indirectly.     It's a good rule of thumb to not share anything about your child that you wouldn't feel comfortable telling your child you shared, or that you wouldn't allow your child to share him or herself.

There are disgusting people out there.  But, (controversial opinion ahead!) if they don't do anything to my child, but instead peruse these stories in the confines of their own home, what damage does it do to my child?

[mamajama]

Originally Posted by Lazurii 

There are disgusting people out there.  But, (controversial opinion ahead!) if they don't do anything to my child, but instead peruse these stories in the confines of their own home, what damage does it do to my child?

It is a violation of trust.   You have more power in the adult/child relationship and to publicy expose your child's personal info to predatory people is an abuse of that power. It perpetuates a false sense of security for others who may be naive enough to post info about their own children with identifying details accompanying those posts.   It sets a bad precedent for general internet safety in your household.  And it feed into the fantasies of people who can escalate beyond reading this stuff for pleasure (exploitive enough in itself) to more damaging actions.  It also makes for unhealthy boundaries.