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Team Green-ies

post #1 of 30
Thread Starter 

For the few of us here that are waiting to find out the sex of our little ones until the big day, lets chat......


How about sharing how you came to the decision, how you think of your baby without a gender-based pronoun, what you plan for your baby to wear in the first few days, and how you deal with the relentless questions about what 'kind of baby' you are having....

post #2 of 30
Thread Starter 

To start, my story. I wanted to find out the gender of my first, but DH convinced me it would be fun to wait. I really loved looking down at my little (5lb2oz!) newborn and discovering I had a girl. We both were happy to wait with my second and are waiting again with #3. 


I have 2 girls and many, many people ask it we are wanting a boy. I have zero preference (though publicly tell people that if it is a boy, even if I dye all the pink clothes blue poor thing is going to be wearing all purple). DH also says he doesn't care. 


I have a whole bunch of gender neutral newborn clothes, so no issues for the first few weeks. This baby's first outfit will be the same as for my other two: a sage green sleeper and I'll knit a very special hat to match (each baby has had their own hat knit by me in the last few weeks of preg). 


Anyone else on team green?

post #3 of 30

We're not going to find out the sex. I am certainly very tempted--- I can almost taste the joy and excitement that the Finder-Outers are experiencing over on the "Baby's Sex" thread! But I think we'll deprive ourselves a little bit longer. Or, about 20 weeks longer.  eyesroll.gif


This is our first, so we're doing our best to acquire gender neutral hand me downs from friends.  I also actually have some very well preserved clothes from when my brother and I were infants--- so I have those to turn to, also.

post #4 of 30

i consider myself a 'wanna be green' even though we are finding out. We didn't know for the first two and I thought it was great! BUT dh really wanted to know... so because this is our last child and because I love him (sigh) we are finding out. I am a little torn about it because I loved the thrill of finding out after labor but I'm trying to let it go. 


That said, we did have an U.S. already but it wasn't clear for the midwife the sex. he GUESSED boy but said it was only a guess. I am kinda hoping my dh leaves it at this and we can just go with '70% boy, 30% girl' - which is what we've been telling people for the last couple weeks. 

post #5 of 30

We're also not going to find out the sex ahead of time. I love the idea of the surprise, and I also like the idea of meeting our little one on his/her birthday, and have them introduce themselves to us - without having already picked out a name or having a preconceived idea of their personality.  I think that having a summer baby makes this easy as far as preparing for a first child, since we can stock up on plenty of gender neutral onesies for the first few months.

post #6 of 30
Yay. I'm not the only one. Not finding out for the second time. Going with the same name either way. We have a fetus name for baby and that helps with the pronouns. When someone uses one gender pronoun I use the other. This can be a fun game.

I like fun and funky girl stuff but just can't stand pink, pink, pink. My DS 5, is a gender bender anyway so we have some "girlish" stuff anyway. I have bought some greens and browns and Halloween onesies.
post #7 of 30
Thread Starter 

Woke up in a panic last night. We *think* that we will send our DDs to an all-girls school. If this is a boy it will be a logistical nightmare to have kids in two schools. I was convinced at 3am that I had to find out the gender asap so I could deal with this problem (umm... you know, since it will be important in 6 years). Once morning came it became clear that waiting an extra 20weeks will not change the outcome (nor is it actually important, or something I can actually change. I'm sure we can sort it out).


We have fetus names too. DD1 was sesame. DD2 was peanut. This one was supposed to be peppercorn, but it just doesn't fit. DD1 wants to call it camera, that also isn't working. Hoping o come up with a name that works soon... this pregnancy is flying by.

Edited by bearandotter - 1/30/13 at 11:13am
post #8 of 30
This is our first, so we're doing our best to acquire gender neutral hand me downs from friends


Even though DH and I just found out the sex, I'm still gathering gender neutral items and will make that clear to my in-laws and parents that I do NOT want all blue stuff (I prefer gender neutral anyway- earth tones)  :)

post #9 of 30
While we know the sex of the baby I am trying not to gender assign. Though I don't know how long that will last for, people seem so ready to offer gender assignments. With DD we worked at offering a spectrum of fluid gender however pretty early it was clear she was very comfortable in the strong feminine.
I don't know but with this baby I am more conscience about the gender spectrum so it might be that I will be learning more about parenting a child who doesn't self identify at the polar end of the spectrum.
Not many people seem to understand this and think I am odd. (many think i am odd for many other reasons, this is just the icing). While I plan on getting rid of most of dd's clothes that is more based on the large age gap than anything. I don't want to hold on to things in my small house anymore.
I will admit with DD we use some pronouns and reference her brother because it helps with the conversation. However when she was going through the baby clothes we talked more about the difference of sex vs gender when she asked about the pink and purple "girl" clothes. And explained colors belong to everyone.
For sanity we use gender pronouns at times but are asking for more neutral clothing and language where possible.
post #10 of 30

As we like to say over in Queer Parenting, when someone asks you when you will find out the baby's gender, you can say in about 18 years or so.  The sex is a little easier to say now.  Many people don't understand the difference.  We would like to avoid having people buy us lots of gender-specific things, but we shall see how that plays out.  My sisters each have a boy so we should get lots of hand-me-downs.

post #11 of 30
Thread Starter 

So true and thank you all for speaking to the gender topic. I do hate using the word 'sex' for its connotations, wish there was another one that worked better.... And some, including a close friend who identifies as transgender, would argue that sex isn't clear cut either.


I've found "pink washing" an incredible thing to fight. I try to buy as much orange and green and red as I can for my girls, but my mom and MIL LOVE to send copious amounts of pink our way, and I feel guilty not to use them. Finally after 3 years, my eldest is growing out of the wardrobe of clothing given to me at various showers. I don't know how it all sneaks in - out DD1 who had never been exposed to anything girly (no TV, no girlie dolls, more friends that are boys, and I don't believe I own any pink) when given the choice of quilt for her big girl bed chose..... Bubblegum pink. 


I find it quite interesting that there have been comments by quite a few that they either don't try to impose a fixed gender or are open to their kids making their own choices. Curious to think that some of us that choose to be team-greenies not only for the surprise, but also because perhaps the sex of our child is not so important or self-identifying as it is for some other people

post #12 of 30
I can't wait to see how my 5 yo DS will dress the babe. He's got some style and isn't afraid of pink for a boy.
post #13 of 30

Funny on the subject of colors here, each of my kiddos are attracted to different colors and they really seems to go with their personality..

My dirt and earth loving boy is Green, Firey little man wants to wrestle and be wild most of the time is Red, etc. ..

It also makes it so much easier on an outing because their town wardrobe ONLY consists of their color (by their choice!) therefor when I check to make sure I've got everybody I just have to look for their color. I think we'll have the entire color spectrum before long here....

Oh we are also a Tie-Dye family so it makes for a very colorful outing when we're all together, (myself and husband included).


Colors ARE for everyone!


My eldest (the only girl) has been known to dress up her brothers for a tea party and other than a few red cheeks and giggles they love dressing up for the party, even if it does include hair barrettes and pink gloves.

post #14 of 30

We are not finding out either. There are so few great surprises in life, and hubby and I both agree that this is one we want to remain :)


We have tons of "gender neutral" clothes, however my 2.5 yr old also rocks pinks, purples etc, so we're not opposed to "feminine" colours on a boy either. I'm cheap and broke and I refuse to buy new baby clothes with how fast they outgrow them, so I have tons of thrift store ones. We have a local store that is $3 per bag and often has awesome kids clothes.

post #15 of 30
Originally Posted by horsecrazy100 View Post I'm cheap and broke and I refuse to buy new baby clothes with how fast they outgrow them, so I have tons of thrift store ones.


yeahthat.gif Wahoo for Thrift Stores!!



Oh, we don't EVER find out the gender. It's always an amazing gift on the day of the birth.   To quote my horseshoer...


"If we were supposed to see what's going on in there, we would have been given little TVs on our bellies."   thumb.gif

post #16 of 30

We chose not to find out the sex for many of the reasons ya'll have listed:


  • For us, the baby's sex wasn't a way to "get to know" or envision the personality of the baby.
  • We would prefer to avoid pink/blue washing and gender assigning-- both by other people and unintentionally by us.
  • We chose ultrasounds strictly for the medical benefit. Getting a picture of genitalia is not important when planning for a less medicalized birth.... getting a good look at the heart is. 
  • Maybe it'll be the mystery that helps get me through labor.
  • We just wanted the extra surprise!


As for gender neutral nick names----  we refer to it as "Little E" because both our first names start with E .... and it just so happens we are considering other E names for the babe.  My husband an engineer/mathematician, and he gets an extra kick out of the fact that "little e" is a math term, too.  ROTFLMAO.gif  More often than not, though, I simply refer to it as "the baby."


As for what the baby will wear in its first few months --- it'll be a summer baby, so I'm hoping we can get by with just diapers! But really... all sorts of colors and patterns, and lots of hand-me downs from friends and thrift-store finds. This is less of a gender-neutral plan and more because we like saving money and being a bit green by extending the life of previously owned goods.


The "what flavor baby are you having" question is getting easier to shoot down... I find that people don't pursue it once you say "we don't know, it's a surprise." What I'm finding more difficult to explain is why we're not doing a nursery! (What, no color scheme? No Disney or Winnie the Pooh theme? What about picking out furniture and mobiles and draperies?!)  My mother in law is TOTALLY perplexed... but why we're not doing a nursery is for another thread.  ;)


Any way. If you're looking for an interesting blog about identity-neutral parenting, this is a good one to explore (below).



Edited by Sweet Huck - 2/4/13 at 8:52am
post #17 of 30

Thank you for that link sweet huck!!!! I am feeling a little flustered. We found out and DD started telling people so we figured we might as well share the news too. However I have been very careful to say the baby has a penis vs we're having a boy. But already pronouns are being used and gender is being assigned. It is much easier to say with DD that we were avoiding the whole gender/sterotype thing... though very early she self assigned to feminine dominance with a fluid tendacy to move into the masculine. However it seems like people just figure I wouldn't want this baby to be "too girlish" or something. But I keep reminding people sex is different than gender and that isn't an assignment I will make yet... so I am pulling pink, purple, blue, green, orange, red, chartruse, teal, sparkly, and so on clothes that are in great shape. And figuring all will work itself out as long as I provide a loving open home. DH is still a bit confused by my drive to not peg this baby into a hole with such a vengance. But I feel in our culture it is harder for "boys" to embrace non-hyper masculine qualities... and I'll be damned if my child feels limited before they have a chance in this life.


Can I still be on this thread seeing how I know I am not keeping it a surprise until baby arrives? love.gif

post #18 of 30
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by amlikam View Post


Can I still be on this thread seeing how I know I am not keeping it a surprise until baby arrives? love.gif

of course.... It would appear team-green-ies is as much about a philosophy of child rearing for some as it is about looking for penises on blurry u/s screens. 


sweet huck - thanks for the link. 


Our u/s is tomorrow. Really hoping we don't see the 'bits' (DH is a physician with an interest in radiology - if he isn't looking away he will be able to tell) and also hoping the radiologist doesn't put it on the report. In previous pregnancies I did not have this worry as it was 'illegal' to report sex before 20 weeks in our province, but that has been repealed, now anything goes. 

post #19 of 30

bearandotter--I hope they don't put anything in your report either.  My OB said they don't put in in the report for her because they don't want her to spill the beans accidentally in case the parents do not want to know.  That seems like a good idea.  That's interesting that you had a law about it. 

post #20 of 30

Identity politics are complex, and that might be an understatement. I totally understand the flustered feeling. Thinking too much about it causes me anxiety, like pulling at a loose thread on a sweater. Embodiment, socio-cultural assignments, privilege and consequence...... and then it sounds like I'm in a graduate seminar and my head explodes.


I think Raising My Boychick is a great blog, but I sometimes find it overly pedagogical /  teachy. It is not very accessible to people who aren't already thinking about these challenges, and it can be overwhelming even for those who are. That said, the blog is a great window into how one person raises their children in a neutral way. Ultimately I do believe that the process starts just like that---- at home, within the family, and with open discussion and teaching that enables kiddos to express their own preferences and develop compassion and understanding for all.


This thread will benefit from any and all participants! From those who chose not to find out the sex "just because" to those who are intentionally pursuing gender-neutral thinking, to those of us (like you) who know the sex but are also pondering the meaning of colors/themes when it comes to our child's identity.


Oh, and not to over share resources, but here's a great book written by a friend. It's called "Pink and Blue: Telling the Boys from the Girls in America"




You might enjoy it!



Also-- BEARANDOTTER--- We very clearly told our tech at our 20 week u/s  that we didn't want to know the news. I closed my eyes for most of it and only peeked when she could guarantee genital-free shots. She was great about warning me to turn away as she moved the imaging around. Since it wasn't a medical necessity for her to look for the bits, she didn't even actually bother spending time looking for anything other than the important measurements. She didn't put anything on our records. Hope all goes well for you tomorrow!

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