I'm glad we are having this conversation and that I can join in even though we did want to know. I could have been ok waiting for the surprise, but DW really wanted to know. One of the reasons I wanted to wait was because I didn't want anyone, including me, to put anything onto the baby in terms of projecting a personality or behaviors onto them. As a feminist and someone with women's studies degrees, I know how big a deal sex and gender can be. I want to give my child the chance to be whoever they are without feeling pressure to make certain choices. There was an interesting study done recently of lesbian parents. They didn't find any big differences between those kids and kids raised by heterosexual couples. The one remarkable thing they did find was that the children tended to go into professions that weren't stereotypical for their sex. So it seems to me that the attitudes of the parents in raising their child can have an effect on who the child grows up to be in a positive way. It's always good to have choices.
It's always good to have choices.
Fascinating conversation!
We are having a daughter but we have no intentions of pushing gender roles on her. I grew up extremely tom-boy and by cultural standards I am still quite tom-boy. If anything, our daughter may help me expand my gender horizon! Who knows!? As much as we will try to allow our children to define their own gender, they will teach us so much about gender and personality along the way. 
Bet this conversation would not be happening on another parenting board! (Yeah for us)
This is like picking a thread on a sweater - thanks Sweet Huck for that.
I am a nurse doing a PhD, my thesis is on women's experiences of illness and illness narratives. All of these topics swirl in my head. We speak about how the nursing profession is shaped by sociocultural constructs and I see in my own research how everything is impacted by gender and our many layers of associations and assumptions. It truly makes my head hurt as there are no easy answers, yet is so important that people are starting to speak about these topics. I have, until recently, held a deep seated fear of the word 'feminist', but suddenly it has become such a big part of my work.
Meanwhile, DH is from India. Gender there is so defined and yet so different than here. There are great pics of DH sporting pink and lace as a tot. Men freely hold hands in public, yet until 2010 homosexuality was punishable by prison time. A country where an acceptable defence for rape is "it never would have happened if she was respectable" (in 2013) and girl children get the worst of everything. I both want to take my girls there for the experience and fear they might absorb too much. I'm so lucky that DH is a free thinker who has torn away from so much of that.
It has always been clear to me that I will encourage the interests my child shows - soccer, dance, etc. and try to expose them to the riches of a diverse society. But outward appearance is still a challenge for me. My girls wear everything from skirts to denim overalls - I aim for a rainbow of colors for them to choose from. But should this baby-in-me be a boy - do I wait for a desire for pink or a dress? do I put him in non-descript jogging pants and t-shirts and wait? To what extent do I buy into societal norms while I still decide what goes?
and FarmerMama I just gotta ask - what is a Veggy meet up group???
so I'm a bit late, but hey everyone.
I didn't want to know with my first and feel the same way this time.
It didn't really seem like a big deal until other people got annoyed cause they wanted to know what to buy.
Really I found that insulting. I get it people want to be involved and they are stuck in a certain reality of how things should be.
I had no intensions of dressing my baby in the "appropriate" color, and wanted to avoid pink and blue all together.
It is hard I'm sad to say, especially when they are really little. Everything seems to be blue or pink. So I bought everything in white.
I won't turn down gifts or hand me downs so we do have a lot of blue stuff at this point, but if I have a girl she can wear the same things.
As it turns out as far as colors my little guy prefers pink. His favorite shoes are pink, he picked them out and is not bothered when people comment (he is 3)
However I was very surprised to discover as his personality developed that there is no mistaking his love of what people would call male interests.
I am a strong woman raised by strong women, I also have a lot of brothers. I think it is important to honor each person and the life they are drawn to.
Just as it is important to encourage someone to do something that may currently be considered incompatible due to gender.
I now believe it is equally important to support someone when they choose to do things that are "traditionally" gender specific.
Not sure if that is coming out right, but Iv'e learned a lot from my little guy and the men and women in my life.
I am surrounded by open minded people and I am so grateful for that. It saddens me to see people put down for the choices they make and it starts at such a young age.
I have been looked down upon for choosing to be a full time mom and have friends who are experiencing the opposite side of that choice.
Men also are looked down upon for being true to their nature weather it's being not manly enough or too manly.
ok so I guess I feel pretty strongly about this, but maybe for a different reason then before.
What a great thread!! I have been thinking about this a lot as now that I am half way through and showing quite a bit it seems like everyone is asking me if we know the gender. The question erks me every time, but I understand other peoples desire to be interested in me and the pregnancy without really knowing what to ask. Asking the sex question is way better than the friend of my boss I met the other day who just pointed at my belly and smiled like a jackass.
My sweetheart and I have always agreed we don't want to find out until the baby is here, we love the surprise! I have been feeling boy since the second month or so, but I will be happy either way. I find myself using 'he' and 'him' more often, but we call the baby "TRex" which really has no gender assigned to it.
I had a hard time growing up with my brother who is two years older than I am (youngest of 4, but the older two are 13 and 15 years older than me, so they weren't always around) and still have a very struggling relationship with him. Because of this I always wanted a girl first, thinking a big sister would be better than a big brother (silly things in my head, I know). My mom has 3 grandchildren, all boys (although same brother's wife is expecting the first granddaughter a few weeks before I am due!), so she keeps asking me to please have a girl. She said the same thing to my sister, who is the mother to all 3 of my nephews.
Either way, as long as Baby is happy and healthy, then I am more than thrilled to just share life with them!
As for gender roles, I think our family doesn't play into society's expectations much. I was a tom boy growing up, he is much more fashionably inclined than I am (he recently told me he was going to have to teach our kids how to dress and walk in high heels, since I really know nothing of those things!!). He cooks most of our meals, although he also fixes the car and knows all about electronics and what not. I tend the garden, take care of the animals, and am the more nurturing of the two of us (I am a massage therapist, so the baby will get lots of touch from me!). I think both he and I encompass a lot of masculine and feminine qualities within ourselves and will bring that to our children, not limiting them by societal gender roles.
I also feel that colors are for everyone and I am not afraid of putting a baby boy in a pink onesie and hitting the town! I wear a lot of color and, while my sweetheart wears mainly black, he loves pink and bright colors of all kinds (as long as they match, of course 
). His mother is making us a purple and beige quilt (our color choices) even though no one knows if we are having boy or girl.
Again, someone said it earlier in this thread, COLORS ARE FOR EVERYONE!!
Hi Greenies -
I came across this TED talk the other day and thought of all you on this thread. iO Tillett Wright gives a talk about photographing people who place themselves on the LBGTQ spectrum, but it is also the grey of gender.
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