Significant Other is 100% on board, but totally clueless! LOL

[Kharma1182]

I am 20 weeks pregnant with my 5th child.  First two were vaginal hospital births, third and fourth were c-sections.  My boyfriend, on the other hand, has no children, has never seen a birth, or really even been around pregnant women.  When I brought up the topic, I figured I'd have a challenge talking him into it.  Not so!  He said that whatever I feel comfortable doing, and want to do, he's fine with!  Even an unassisted birth, with just him and me.

I feel that I'm well prepared for a UC, even completely by myself.  This isn't a new idea to me, and one that I've wanted to do (PLANNED to do) for most of my life.  My question is, how do I begin to prepare HIM for this?  I saw in a recent post an idea about writing up a step-by-step plan for hubby to follow, I'm definitely going to be doing that.

[BlessedJess]

Infant CPR class.

Welcome! I am so happy for you! What an opportunity.

[slyons83]

Welcome and congrats. Infant cpr is not the same as newborn cpr so keep that in mind if you are going to take a class. I will be having a uba3c in sept. Are you getting prenatal care or having an unassisted pregnancy as well?

[BlessedJess]

Originally Posted by slyons83 

Welcome and congrats. Infant cpr is not the same as newborn cpr so keep that in mind if you are going to take a class. I will be having a uba3c in sept. Are you getting prenatal care or having an unassisted pregnancy as well?

Oh, yeah, thanks for catching that. I remember that from our last review of CPR several months back but forgot to be accurate when I wrote the last post. But I think the midwife who certified us as a couple the first time - She did several types I think.

youtube also has great neonatal resuscitation vids.

[Kharma1182]

Awesome, I will do some research on that, and make sure both he and I are prepared for that.  As far as the pregnancy, I guess I've kinda had a *mostly* UP so far, but not by choice.  An all around bad situation from the beginning has prevented me from getting any prenatal care so far.  I did have one scan in the ER at 9 weeks (I was there for fluids, had hyperemesis gravadarum), but absolutely nothing since then.  HOPING to get my Insurance card this week, and be able to schedule an appointment.  At the 9-week ER scan, they didn't let me see anything, but the ER drs later came in and stated that they couldn't detect any upper limbs at all on the baby.  I haven't seen a dr since then, I'm 21 weeks now.  Now, if a new ultrasound indicates that the first diagnosis was indeed correct (and a lot of people, doctors and nurses included have told me they just don't see how they could say that for sure on a 9-week scan), but if it WAS correct, I will not be attempting UC.  My studies on completely missing upper limbs indicate that they are usually SIDE OCCURRING with other more serious defects.  But assuming that the scan reveals a normal, healthy baby, we will be UCing, and most likely, UPing the rest of the pregnancy.

[BlessedJess]

That does change things. So you will get another scan, then?

[Kharma1182]

Yes.  Hopefully soon.  The last eleven weeks of not knowing if my baby has arms or not, has been really tough.  But I managed to lose ALL my IDs in a cross country move right after that ultrasound, and it's taken this long to get enough ID to get medical care. Which reminds me, I haven't checked the mail yet to see if my Insurance card came in...  brb... nope, no mail, but it is cold and a bit rainy out there, lol!

I do have a question though, about UP and the Rhogam shot.  How does that work?  Is it one of those things that we're told we need, but we really don't?  Or do I still (whether I continue prenatal care after the ultrasound or not) need to get the shot?  And what about after the birth?  I've always received it again before I left the hospital (if I remember right), will I need to go in and get it done then, too?

[BlessedJess]

Originally Posted by Kharma1182 

Yes.  Hopefully soon.  The last eleven weeks of not knowing if my baby has arms or not, has been really tough.  But I managed to lose ALL my IDs in a cross country move right after that ultrasound, and it's taken this long to get enough ID to get medical care. Which reminds me, I haven't checked the mail yet to see if my Insurance card came in...  brb... nope, no mail, but it is cold and a bit rainy out there, lol!

I do have a question though, about UP and the Rhogam shot.  How does that work?  Is it one of those things that we're told we need, but we really don't?  Or do I still (whether I continue prenatal care after the ultrasound or not) need to get the shot?  And what about after the birth?  I've always received it again before I left the hospital (if I remember right), will I need to go in and get it done then, too?

Personally - personally I would not get those shots. I don't believe that it is needed (look at the sensitization rates for one thing, and compare it to the risks of vax byproducts) and most of the time sensitization happens when pitocin cord pulling, premature cord clamping or anything else of a similar nature comes into play. Basically, the body handles birth naturally in such a way as to protect against blood mixing. In the hospital the risks of sensitization go way up along with the interventions they deploy on you. But even then, it's still not like everybody who births that way will become sensitized. 

Also, according to what I've read/heard it's not just the rh-/+ that causes immunity issues. There are other rare blood type combos they don't check for that can turn into sensitization problems. They are just interested in treating majority statistics*, though, so it's not cost effective in their minds to test and vaccinate us all according to our body types. (somebody prove me wrong if that's not so, but I grilled my midwife about this issue way back when I was having my first two)

I've never needed to worry about RH incompatability. But if I did I would first give birth and then look at how it went. A complicated, messy third stage might make me reconsider, but I would always look at it on a case-by-case basis. I also would refuse the pregnancy shot to protect my baby's developing brain.

ETA: "Majority statistics" to me means the majority of sensitization cases, not the majority of moms, because we know that relatively few couples have rh compatability problems.

Edited by BlessedJess - 2/1/13 at 9:56am

[prescottchels]

I too would wait until after birth to determine if a rhogam shot was necessary. 

If you PM me your email address I can send you some UC cheat sheets and the emergency childbirth book if you don't already have it 

as an aside it seems to me that 9 weeks is pretty early to be able to see clearly on an ultrasound whether or not your baby has upper limbs... Keep breathing and lovin on that baby. Worrying won't help either of you 

[phathui5]

http://www.webmd.com/baby/tc/rh-sensitization-during-pregnancy-treatment-overview

If you are planning on having any more children, I would absolutely have the postpartum Rhogam shot administered within 72 hours of birth if you have a baby with a positive blood type. Without the shot, you have a 14% chance of becoming immunized against positive blood types. If you have antibodies to the Rh + blood, what will happen with future pregnancies is that your blood can attack your baby's blood, causing hemolytic disease of the newborn. From the Rhogam site: "They attack and destroy the baby’s Rh-positive red blood cells, causing anemia (low red blood cell count), jaundice, and in severe cases, heart failure. This condition is known as hemolytic disease of the newborn, or HDN."

This is a FAQ from the manufacturer:

http://www.rhogam.com/Patient/PaFAQS/Pages/default.aspx 

Quote:

 A complicated, messy third stage might make me reconsider, but I would always look at it on a case-by-case basis.

I wouldn't, because I am Rh- and dh is Rh+ and unless we were absolutely sure we were not having any more children (so permanent birth control options), I would get the shot postpartum (if baby was Rh+). I'm not willing to take an up to 14% chance that a child would be sick or die because I wasn't comfortable with the idea of the shot.

Rhogam was invented to treat a very real issue. I'm all for natural alternatives where they exist; we take herbs and homeopathics, we don't vaccinate. I personally get the Rhogam shot.

[MeepyCat]

Kharma1182, do you know your partner's blood type? Can you find out?

If he is also rh-, you don't need to worry about the shots. Otherwise, I would get it and I would recommend it. The first descriptions we have of the problems we now know are caused by rh sensitization are from the 1600s. Medical intervention did not cause this problem, and avoiding medical intervention doesn't prevent it.

The reason we treat for rh incompatibility and not other blood factor incompatibilities is that we don't have effective treatments for those others. There's research being done - scientists haven't just given up on those patients because they aren't a statistical majority. We just don't have the answer yet.

[Kharma1182]

Wow, lots of different opinions on the rhogam shot, lol!  Still not sure what I'm doing with that.  Baby's sperm donor is not in the picture, and I don't know what his blood type is.  I did get my insurance card though!  So I have my first prenatal appointment scheduled for the 19th.  Hoping to be able to get in for a scan the same day, but I don't know how they do things here, if that'll be possible or not.  Baby's been kicking up a storm!  If she doesn't have arms, she sure is one acrobatic kid, cuz it feels like there's a frickin' octopus in there, LOL!  :-)  

[Kharma1182]

UPDATE!  Great News!

Had that long-awaited ultrasound today!  After 3 months of wondering and worrying about whether the baby had arms or not, and if there might be any other defects, we finally got our confirmation today!  The first thing that popped up on the screen was two gorgeous, perfect arms!  I bawled!  For 3 months now, I've been replaying that ER doctor's words in my head, "We can't detect any upper limbs on your baby.  I'm sorry." and cursing myself for losing all my ID so I couldn't even get in to see anybody about it until now.  But it was all worth it this morning when I saw those perfect arms on that screen!  Not only does she have arms, but every other part of her looks perfect as well!  Very clearly a girl (yay!  a boy would have been just as welcome, but I was kinda hoping for a girl).  Placenta is high anterior.  Everything looks good, so it looks like we're all set to plan our UC.  Doctor was very nice, and went to great length and detail to make sure everything he said was well understood.  But he also rubbed me the wrong way, when he was talking to me about communication and cooperation between me and the doctors, and saying that they are my "safety net" and that I absolutely need their support to get through this (I'm bipolar, and we were talking about going back on a low dose of my safest med).  And I'm sitting there thinking, "Yeah, you're gonna feel kinda funny when, come June, you hear through the grapevine that I disreguarded your safety net and delivered my daughter myself, aren't ya?"  :-)  Yup, they're my safety net, but not in the way they think they are.  They are there to confirm the health of the baby so I know it's okay to UC (which, normally I wouldn't have even bothered with, but with the circumstances, and the likelihood of more severe birth defects if, in fact, there were no arms, I felt I needed that sono), and they're there to leave a paper trail to prove that I'd been seeing a doctor, and not just planning a homebirth (it's going to be an "oops, labor was too quick!" to all but a couple very close friends).  That's all the "safety net" I need from you Doc, thanks!

[BlessedJess]

Haha! Awesome ending to that little saga. But man, you are just one more person to point out how incorrect and horribly stressful those U/S technicians can be.

THANK GOD there was at least one person who could kindly say she didn't know how they could assume that sort of thing at 9 weeks. 

I'm sorry they put you through all that grief but now at least it's over.

[prescottchels]

Oh! I'm so glad to hear baby got a clean bill of health!! Hallelujah!!  Hopefully the rest of your pregnancy will be clear sailing!!

[erinsuzy]

Originally Posted by phathui5 

http://www.webmd.com/baby/tc/rh-sensitization-during-pregnancy-treatment-overview

If you are planning on having any more children, I would absolutely have the postpartum Rhogam shot administered within 72 hours of birth if you have a baby with a positive blood type. Without the shot, you have a 14% chance of becoming immunized against positive blood types. If you have antibodies to the Rh + blood, what will happen with future pregnancies is that your blood can attack your baby's blood, causing hemolytic disease of the newborn. From the Rhogam site: "They attack and destroy the baby’s Rh-positive red blood cells, causing anemia (low red blood cell count), jaundice, and in severe cases, heart failure. This condition is known as hemolytic disease of the newborn, or HDN."

This is a FAQ from the manufacturer:

http://www.rhogam.com/Patient/PaFAQS/Pages/default.aspx 

I wouldn't, because I am Rh- and dh is Rh+ and unless we were absolutely sure we were not having any more children (so permanent birth control options), I would get the shot postpartum (if baby was Rh+). I'm not willing to take an up to 14% chance that a child would be sick or die because I wasn't comfortable with the idea of the shot.

Rhogam was invented to treat a very real issue. I'm all for natural alternatives where they exist; we take herbs and homeopathics, we don't vaccinate. I personally get the Rhogam shot.

From what I was told, you can still get pregnant without getting the shot, so it does not work well as birth control. I am Rh- and my husband is Rh+ as well. My midwife told me after my last birth that I should get the shot because if I did get pregnant again, I could lose the baby even in late term pregnancy (without getting the shot). I usually prefer natural options, but in this case I hate to think that I could lose the baby and it would be my fault. I'm glad I got the shot too because I ended up pregnant again, however it keeps me from having UC because I have been getting my Rhogam shots from midwives and I am unsure how to aquire things like this that the midwife offers, including paperwork. I'm paying a pretty penny for convenience I guess.

[prescottchels]

Doctors & ER's can administer rhogam shots and birth certificate paperwork is available online or by making a call/visit to the vital statistics office for your state/county. Easy peasy. No MW necessary 

[phathui5]

"From what I was told, you can still get pregnant without getting the shot, so it does not work well as birth control."

Rhogam and birth control are completely different things. You can still get pregnant if you don't get the shot, but your blood may attack your next baby if they have a positive blood type and yours' is Rh-.

[Pillowy]

I agree with MeepyCat and phathui5 - If you're Rh- and you don't know the blood type of the father, I would get the Rhogam shot. It prevents the possibility of your own body attacking a future baby of yours if the baby's blood type is positive.

[dayiscoming2006]

Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of vaccines or shots, but I hadn't gotten the Rhogam with my UC and I didn't check the baby's blood type like I planned. I had read that it was unlikely needed with an uncomplicated birth. So, anyway, I had an early miscarriage before my current pregnancy and I was kind of concerned that I might actually be sensitized. Thankfully, I'm not, but that was not a fun feeling. I have decided this time if the baby is rH+ I will get the rhogam,