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Mothering › Groups › September 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › A little vent...husband has no sympathy.

A little vent...husband has no sympathy.

post #1 of 61
Thread Starter 
I don't know if anyone else is dealing with their husband/partner having no sympathy for the nausea, discomfort or exhaustion? I know my husband loves me but I don't think he really understands how hard the first trimester is and this is our 2nd pregnancy! He just complains about things not getting done around the house instead of helping out. Dinner doesn't get made because of my morning sickness and what does he do? Fusses. Laundry hasn't been folded because I have NO energy to spare and instead of folding them for me he just goes through the pile and picks what he needs. Never folds or puts away. I'm so mad at him!

Sorry, I just needed to vent. I tried talking to him about it and all he said was he will help out once the baby is born! 😡
post #2 of 61

Oh ewwww. Yeah, mines' been driving me NUTS too. During the week that I didn't realize I was pregnant (I'm sure you read my complaining about the Kaiser craziness!), he just "shut off" meaning he pretended everything was normal and it just wasn't for me at all, I wanted some extra hugs and didn't get them till he apologized.

 

He's on top of it now though, let me tell you. He is even indulging my new fruit cravings and taking care of the 3yo while I lie down. Keep letting him know how your feeling, that's been working for me. And about help when the baby comes, oui am I worried about that. Might just ask my sister to stay and help out because the first few weeks are SO overwhelming!

post #3 of 61
Right there with you. Mine has been out of town for all but 3 days of the last 2 weeks. So, he hasn't really witnessed how bad I've felt the last couple weeks. He's home now though. He has not helped with anything, although before he left he did do all our laundry. I really appreciated that. My problem now is since he was gone so long he obviously has a high sex drive right now and mine is non existent. I have nothing left by bedtime plus I'm touched out from my dd. I did appease him last night but when he came begging tonight I had to say no sir not happening. I truly do not think they get how hard this is.
post #4 of 61
So I picked up a little book for DH at the library the other day: "She's having a baby and I'm having a breakdown", sort of skimmed through it, seemed funny though maybe a bit dated. Anyway, DH said: "Doesn't it just say to do whatever your wife wants you to do for the next nine months?"
Ok, so if that's what you think it says and you're not going to read it, then why don't you just do whatever I want you to do?
Oh well...

Oh, and mamamash, I have the opposite problem: DH doesn't want to be intimate for the next 7 months and 2 weeks (I was surprised he had it down that specifically), he feels weird about it.
post #5 of 61

My DH was the same way in my first pregnancy. I really think he believed I was using pregnancy as an excuse to be lazy. I ended up making his dinner with a clothespin on my nose as to not puke! I don't know what has changed this time, but he been amazing and so helpful.

post #6 of 61
I would welcome that Dakipode haha. Not really.. I know I felt so gross later on in my pregnancy with my dd that I needed him to want to have sex. But, this time I'm feeling like I don't even care. I'm so bloated. So constipated from my zofran (tmi sorry). Exhausted. I hope he helps with laundry again! I have sooo much to do. Ugh.
post #7 of 61
Thread Starter 
My DH still wants some so I may make a deal with him. He helps around the house and I won't complain when he wants to do the deed. 😉
post #8 of 61
Mine has no clue. Men are really from mars and this area is highlighted.
I have difficult pregnancies and this is our first together, we have been together for a few years but finally got moved in together into our dream house half a year together.
he has never considered any alternative (read: natural, but non mainstream in the western world) lifestyle practices......so I hope he comes around quick and is totally supportive with natural pg/birth/infant policies and of me in general until the birth -fingers crossed.
I'm already dreading vax and co-sleeping conversations.....
post #9 of 61

My husband was that way my first pregnancy. I could not function without puking. I was depressed, exhausted, I couldn't eat or drink and he had the nerve to complain about it!  One night I had a breakdown after one of his hissy fits. I said, "You do not get it and I hate you. I wish we never got married because you're being such a jerk right now and you think I am faking? You think I wanna be puking 24/7? You think I enjoy not being apple to eat a simple apple or drink some water!?!" Oh yeah and I let into him and after that he stopped being such a jerk. Of course I am happy I married him but man was he being just plain mean back then! He;s much nicer now and much more helpful! I think that was our first fight too...hahaha I laugh now but back then..it was so far from funny. Hang in there and if he keeps being a whiny baby, start crying and playing a guilt trip on him. That should help! ;) 

post #10 of 61

I know the feeling. My partner seems just incapable of understanding why I haven't put the laundry away, or why I need to nap after showering (side note- has anyone else experienced that??). We hired someone to come in and clean every other week, since we both work full time, I'm exhausted and his idea of going above and beyond is putting the dishes away two weeks ago. I'm trying to be understanding of the fact that he is having a hard time adjusting (this is an unplanned pregnancy)- but I also don't want to live in clutter. He thinks he is being understanding, but really just doesn't get it, and seems baffled that I want to go to bed at 7pm.I'm glad to hear I'm not alone

post #11 of 61
SwissMiss, your husband has got to be my husband's twin. O.o
post #12 of 61
He says it's because I wasn't like this with my first pregnancy. He doesn't get that no two pregnancies are the same... Plus I didn't have a one year old stealing all of my energy last time! So frustrating.
post #13 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by swissmiss2584 View Post

I don't know if anyone else is dealing with their husband/partner having no sympathy for the nausea, discomfort or exhaustion? I know my husband loves me but I don't think he really understands how hard the first trimester is and this is our 2nd pregnancy! He just complains about things not getting done around the house instead of helping out. Dinner doesn't get made because of my morning sickness and what does he do? Fusses. Laundry hasn't been folded because I have NO energy to spare and instead of folding them for me he just goes through the pile and picks what he needs. Never folds or puts away. I'm so mad at him!

Sorry, I just needed to vent. I tried talking to him about it and all he said was he will help out once the baby is born! 😡

My husband is like this baby or not. I have been having food aversions as well and he just doesn't get why the smell/taste/look of chicken (even writing it makes me want to throw up) has me turning green around the gills. I like listening to music but since I got pregnant, music and television/movies make me feel over stimulated and I need to lay down. Husband thinks it's all in my head. :(

post #14 of 61
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CDsMom1031 View Post

SwissMiss, your husband has got to be my husband's twin. O.o

Hahaha! I seem to be more tired this pregnancy and I have a 4 yr old to clean up after, feed and homeschool. More work this time around.
post #15 of 61
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrairieDawn View Post

My husband is like this baby or not. I have been having food aversions as well and he just doesn't get why the smell/taste/look of chicken (even writing it makes me want to throw up) has me turning green around the gills. I like listening to music but since I got pregnant, music and television/movies make me feel over stimulated and I need to lay down. Husband thinks it's all in my head. greensad.gif

My husband has never had nausea as long as we've been married (8 years) so he doesn't get it. Nausea is the worse!!
post #16 of 61
DP is pretty good about handling meals and such when I don't feel up to it.

OTOH, any time I say I'm exhausted or don't feel well he ALWAYS says "me too". Um, doubtful. He did that before I was pregnant too though.
post #17 of 61
Wow. I just had to post this awesome comment my DH gave me (while at dinner for Valentines day no less):

Me: "Wow I'm so nauseated this pregnancy, It wasn't like this at all with DD"

Him: "Maybe it's your weight?"

He knows how horrible I am feeling about being overweight and pregnant. Ugh!!!
post #18 of 61
Men r so insensitive, mine keeps saying 'your looking pregnant' I'm only 10 weeks with my first! I said you still want me even though I'm getting fatter? And he said ' it's ok, I like fat women!' Men!!
post #19 of 61
Mine has a board he puts things he wants me to see and keeps pinning things on Pinterest all about not letting yourself go during pregnancy, not letting yourself go after baby comes, how to get back into shape quickly after pregnancy.

I told him I know he means well, but I told him do not even dare to discuss such topics with a majorly hormonal woman. Lol
post #20 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by thefreckledmama View Post

Mine has a board he puts things he wants me to see and keeps pinning things on Pinterest all about not letting yourself go during pregnancy, not letting yourself go after baby comes, how to get back into shape quickly after pregnancy.

I told him I know he means well, but I told him do not even dare to discuss such topics with a majorly hormonal woman. Lol

 

That's amazing that yours uses Pinterest, but I'd prefer he use the powers for good and not for evil!  :)

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