A little vent...husband has no sympathy. - Page 3 « Back to Group Discussions

[serena76]

My DB has gone on a lads night out! Apparently pregnancy has no effect on his life😡 nothing changes for him, but everything changes for me. Sometimes makes me wonder if I've made a mistake

[dakipode]

serena, I think we've all had doubts and it's normal to question whether you're doing the right thing when it's such a life changing event! Hang in there!

[MamaMash]

I'm sorry Serena! Do understand that we become mothers the second we see that positive test, but they don't become dads until they hold the baby in their arms. But, you do have every right to be annoyed with all his nights out.

[tillymonster]

Ugh Serena I KNOW EXACTLY how you feel. This happened several times when I was preg. with DD1. He even continued to smoke though not around me just when we saw friends he'd go outside with them too. It sure left me to feel completely abandoned. He also drank without abandon at weddings and I became the designated driver GRRRR!

Once the baby came-- he became the best daddy and supportive more then I could have imagined. He helped me nurse, wrote down number of poopy diapers, rocked to sleep, made me dinner. It'll balance out. Hindsight is definitely 20/20!!!! Hang in there mama.

[serena76]

Thanks guys, I'm trying. We have been talking, but I think my hormones make it worse. He says he understands why am mad and he's gonna b more considerate, so fingers crossed lol

[vc2013]

Just a funny anecdote today. My partner eats my nausea food! I can only eat a few different things right now. This morning I came to the kitchen to find he finished off my cottage cheese during the night.. Ive been having it every morning the last few weeks. :P must get him to the grocery store.. I haven't been food shopping in weeks.

[tillymonster]

Here's a good one: "it's more mental than physical at this point" is what DH said about my nausea spells at night. Yeah, and that dry heaving was just all in my head. Ugh! I wish he could go ONE day in my body while pregnant. Just one!!!!

[cmu204]

Oh my word! How do you not just punch him?

[MamaMash]

Omg Tilly. I would be SO mad.

[tillymonster]

Haha I almost did. I said "Umh yeah I'm going to bed!" This was after he was trying to rub my back and comfort me (which makes nausea worse in my case!) and I don't quite think he meant to say it so rudely but yeah I was mad!!!

[vc2013]

we met up with friends yesterday who are new parents. that's how i learned that my fiancé apparently has the thought "omg! what did we get ourselves into?" several times a day!!!! i was actually really shocked because i NEVER have that thought, and i was mad cause he's never brought this up before.

i asked him about it later that day again and he said he doesn't have that thought "all THAT often" and that it's never "in a bad way". not sure what to think. i guess i'll give him the benefit of the doubt, but it still pisses me off since this was a planned pregnancy -- and i hate it when people say or think they're ready for something, and then panic later when it's too late. 

just hoping i'm making this into more than it actually is. still, UGH.

[katalopolis]

I have the same thought every now and then but it's not that I want to stop being pregnant and having a child, it's more that this is a BIG change and no matter how much I read ahead there's no real experiencing it before I experience it. It's a bit like the feeling I get at the top of the first rise on a rollercoaster, I wanted to be there, I chose to be there but it's still scary at that moment.

[tillymonster]

Oh I know how you feel. Except it was me thinking OMG this is going to be my life? And then the baby came out and I realized I know nothing and this life is the best thing that ever happened to me. Yeah I'd be upset with DH for saying that too but atleast he's honest about it. It's a huge change and I am still saying to myself "maybe this was a bad idea" sometimes. Guess that never goes away.

I would have argued that it sure looks different watching other people with their kids. When they are your own it really changes how you feel.

I think that's amazing your honest enough to say you never think that way vc!

[serena76]

We planned this baby but it stills scares me. My DB already has a son and is ok with it all, it's me who freaks out and thinks we're crazy for having a baby. Maybe it's coz I'm so settled in my life and I'm nearing 40 and this is gonna b such a big change forever.

[vc2013]

after reading all your replies, i think what pissed me off about it was not THAT my fiancé feels that way, but that he didn't tell me until we were hiking with friends, and he told them and i was there to hear it. whereas i ask him all the time at home how he's feeling or if he's worried about anything, especially when he feels stressed, and don't understand why he didn't tell me this before. 

EDIT. oh, and i should probably give the poor man a break. yesterday i was feeling really yucky, so he went grocery shopping by himself. he came home with alcohol-free champagne for us, and chocolate dip for dipping fruit! i thought it was so sweet. saving it for a night when i feel better. :P

[aimfatale]

Fifteen weeks and still 100% nauseous as long as I'm awake. And still have to remind hubby at least once a day that I AM PREGNANT.

[MamaMash]

Apparently because my dh works out his back hurts way more than mine possibly could. And he is obviously more tired than me. Since working out is just as hard if not harder than being pregnant. Yeah. That convo just happened when I asked if he would rub my back because it has really been hurting today. He told me he'd rather just pay for me to get a massage. But that's not what I want! I would like my husband to rub my back. Sigh.

[greentomato]

MamaMash -- that sucks. A little more sympathy from the partners would be nice sometimes. On the other hand, if you have an interest in a pregnancy massage.....

[dakipode]

Oh, mamamash... Guys seem like such brats when it comes to aches and pains and sniffles...

[lilmamita]

My partner has evolved in this area. I think it took a while for him to really register he was going to be a dad, hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time at 15 weeks helped. At first he kinda acted like I was exagerating the nausea, the difficult time sleeping, the cravings, etc. But then some friends of his from work who have kids came over with their wives and the two women only wanted to talk about pregnancy and chattered about how it takes men a while but they need to understand that they have to spoil their partners while they're pregnant. And the men quietly agreed. I think it helped my man understand a lot better because now he is totally spoiling me and taking care of me and indulging my tantrums. Right now we are going through a rough time because his mother is in the ICU. It is actually reversed now and I am spoiling him. It feels like the only thing to do at a moment like this that is totally outside of our control. But the switch of who's spoiling who has been effortless and natural.