Preparing for a new baby when toddler still co-sleeps and only falls asleep by nursing

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post #1 of 11

1/29/13 at 8:33pm

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5 Posts. Joined 6/2011
Location: Midwest
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Looking for help and ideas...

I have one 16 mo-old daughter. She has slept in bed with me pretty much since birth. She nurses to sleep for naps, and at bedtime, and when she wakes at night, which is now averaging 2-4 times per night. I have never tried any sleep training with her; I just let her nurse to sleep, so now she has a REALLY strong attachment to that. DH cannot put her to bed without me being there to nurse. If I am not there, she sobs uncontrollably, and I really don't want to let her cry. I read the No Cry Sleep Solution but I have not had the energy to consistently try to implement those ideas yet.

The issue is, we are now ready to have a second child and I am wondering what to do with getting ready to nurse a new baby when my toddler still will only fall asleep by nursing. What books and resources are out there? Do people nurse a toddler AND newborn at night? I can't imagine doing that, remembering how demanding nursing a newborn was. What are the methods and ideas for helping a toddler learn to fall asleep without nursing? (at bedtime or during the night.) ?? Thank you...

I nightweaned at 18 months for this reason. My kids are 27 months apart and whereas I could handle dealing with tandem nursing during the day I just physically could not take having to be available for going-to-sleep nursing for both of them. My husband started doing night time for our older child while I stayed with the baby. At this point our kids are 2.5 and 4.5 and we trade off bed time back and forth for both at once and it is really comfortable and happy for all of us. I doubt it would work so well if he hadn't had to get started years ago. :)

post #4 of 11

1/31/13 at 6:45am

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Thank you. How did you night-wean the 18 mo-old? Looking for ideas...

post #5 of 11

1/31/13 at 7:12am

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Ok. So does DD2 wake up at night and you nurse then also? This is what I am wondering what to do with. Thanks

post #6 of 11

1/31/13 at 8:45am

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I have a 22 month old and I'm due with baby #2 in July. DD will be about 28 months old. I'm still nursing DD and hope to tandem nurse once baby arrives.
The first thing I want to say is that 16 months and 22 month nursing for us is drastically different. I'm sure that the pregnancy has a big part to play but my 8-12 session girl has very happily cut back to 3 or 4 sessions. She nurses to sleep and her sessions are naptime, bedtime and once or twice overnight. I'm sure there will be more nursing once baby arrives but I can deal with one or two sessions overnight.
Our sleeping arrangements are different though since DH is an epileptic and sleep deprivation is his primary trigger. We had DD in her own room from day one and I'd sleep on a recliner in her room in the early weeks. She slept in a crib and I'd transfer her after she fell asleep nursing with me in the recliner. She became very difficult to move around 19 or so months and we transitioned her onto a low double bed. Now I lay down with her and nurse her to sleep, then leave the room. Until VERY recently she absolutely needed to nurse and pass out on the breast. With the pregnancy I started to get sore and at times needed to cut nursing sessions shorter. There was a little resistance but I offered water and cuddles and she rolled with it. About a third of the time she will nurse a bunch, unlatch and cuddle up to me to fall asleep. My plan for baby is to have a separate nursery where I'd spend most of my time nursing in the recliner like when DD was little and go in to see to DD the one or two times she wakes and needs me. It won't be easy but DD has a double and if she is having a rough night, I'd just bring baby in with me in a Moses basket on the floor and nurse nurse nurse. We sleep better in our own spaces and for me cosleeping is a coping strategy when illness or teething causes lots of waking. Baby #2 may have a higher need for my presence and if my plan flops, I'll change it.

My point in all of this is that the average nine month pregnancy gives the older sibling a ton of time to grow and develop. Some of the issues you worry about today may completely resolve themselves on their own before baby comes and other issues may crop up. 16 to 24 months is a time of big changes for any toddler with huge leaps in language skills and understanding. My DD who didn't really understand the concept of pain for other people when she was that age now spontaneously gives me a hug if I say something is ouchie. My best advice is that if you feel you need to make a transition with sleeping, do so but recognize that your toddler will change and grow a lot in the next few months. Good luck!

post #7 of 11

1/31/13 at 8:49am

639 Posts. Joined 3/2011
Location: Near Portland, Oregon
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One trick I used to nurse both kids at once in bed was to lay the baby on top of the toddler. The toddler nurses from the bottom breast, the baby from the top breast. My toddler-at-the-time would fall asleep that way.

post #8 of 11

1/31/13 at 4:44pm