If you don't have a birthday party for your dc

[Neera]

Do you still get cake for your dc?

[Red Pajama]

Not sure I understand. How old is the child? is the child home? Why not celebrate? If not celebrating is for religious reasons, and culturally you don't "do" birthdays, I suppose that would extend to cake.

Would I? Yes, I'd still do a special meal and cake if I wasn't planning a party or get together. But that's me.

[Neera]

Originally Posted by Red Pajama 

Not sure I understand. How old is the child? is the child home? Why not celebrate? If not celebrating is for religious reasons, and culturally you don't "do" birthdays, I suppose that would extend to cake.

Would I? Yes, I'd still do a special meal and cake if I wasn't planning a party or get together. But that's me.

Thanks. That's what I meant. I am sorry, I have to edit my question. I meant if you're not having a party NOT if you're not celebrating. She is turning 6. We always get cake cause she lives for Cake. This year there's no party but there sure'll be cake.

[mamazee]

If we don't have a party (which we don't plan to do with the younger one this year as she doesn't really have a circle of friends yet) we still get a cake and sing happy birthday and do candles and all that. We have a little family party moment or something like that.

[Neera]

To elaborate a little and to whine a little, recently a cousin of dd's was at my inlaws place and so was dd and it was the cousin's birthday. Both were being baby sat for a bit. Dd mentioned to me about the cousin's birthday and said she had no cake. Of course it was grandma's place so I didn't expect that they'd have cake there. Dd loves cake so much she expects that if it's your birthday you gotta have cake. Ok. So, I mention that to grandma that dd was wondering about the cake. To me it was just funny. And grandma turns around and says with emphasis Oh you just get cake for the first birthday, implying that we are wasting money getting cake every year. So, I am wondering if we are weird.

[mamazee]

Uhm, no, you aren't weird. I can't imagine thinking celebrating my kid's birthday with a cake was "wasting money." We could not possibly have a child's birthday here without cake. If we were traveling, we'd find a cake somewhere. And candles.

[stormborn]

How old was the cousin? Maybe Grandma was just covering up so the birthday child wouldn't feel bad just in case there wasn't cake at home?
I guess technically one of my kids doesn't because she's not a big cake fan but she does get her dessert of choice (usually a giant cookie) decorated with candles....mine all end up with 2 or more most years between friend parties the weekend before and family celebrations on the actual day.

[mtiger]

Or maybe Grandma figured that the child's parents should be the ones to provide cake?
 

[skycheattraffic]

See for me cake is minimal money and effort. I get a cake mix, bake it while I'm making dinner anyway and let it cool. Then I get good whipping cream and fill the cake with that and berries, cover with the cream and done. Maybe $8-10 altogether and fairly low sugar - at least as far as the frosting goes. We do a little party for immediate family and maybe a couple of friends. I put out healthyish appetizers, fruit, veggies, hummus, etc and we just have an unstructured playdate with the cousins. Budget around $50, definitely under $100. It's just as much for us as it is for DD and if we couldn't make the party happen, I'd still make a cake because it is an occasion and a milestone.
I'm not sure of grandma's angle but if I tried to let DD's birthday go by without cake, she'd have one from each grandma lol

[100%mom]

We just have cake and supper that the child picked out. Nothing fancy and it's just us. If extended family happens to be in town then they are invited.

[missyv]

We do only do parties for milestone bdays, 1st, 5th, 10th, ect...all other birthdays are celebrated by going out to dinner (choice of the birthday child) and cake to follow at home.  When our 12 year old was younger we always allowed him to choose a special day out and pick an activity he wanted to do.  As he got older the parties stopped and we would allow him to choose 3-4 friends and they we'd take them out and follow it up with lunch, but as a family we always do the dinner and cake thing.  I don't think your weird at all, who doesn't enjoy cake or some special treat on their bday??

[owlhowl]

The birthday person gets to pick what they'd like for dinner and dessert We don't do parties anymore. I decorate the night before so birthday kid gets to wake up and feel special

[heatherdeg]

We do parties some years and not on others (mine are 9 & 4).  But I don't think we've ever had a year where our kids birthdays aren't recognized.  At minimum, we do something fun as a family and we absolutely have dessert (which we never have).  Usually, the birthday child picks that and my kids happen to like cake.  I'm pretty sure we've always done candles and singing, but I can't guarantee it.

Also wondering if maybe grandma meant that grandma only gets the first birthday cake and the parents take care of the rest.  Is this your SO's family?  If so, ask your SO how birthdays were handled when they were young for some perspective.

[34me]

We don't do parties often.  All three have birthdays at weird times for friend birthdays and we have no family nearby.  We always do immediate family meal of choice and dessert of choice.  For my ds!'s 10th we just so happened to be with family in nowhere'sville Alaska and his grandma whipped him up an apple pie!  I have no idea how.  I think she got crisco at the gas station.

[alaskanmomma]

We do birthday parties but they've never had their party land on their actual birthday. I get them a cake for their actual birthday, and probably would if we didn't do parties as well :). 

[glassesgirlnj]

Yeah, I'm thinking about this already because my daughter's birthday is near Thanksgiving (this year, it will be ON Thanksgiving) and her "half-birthday" is near Memorial Day weekend.  So I fully expect, as she gets older, that most of her friends will be out of town, or will have other plans, for both dates / closest weekends. 

I have a summer birthday, and when I was growing up, we celebrated it with a day trip to the beach.  Maybe there's some November-ish equivalent? 

[pek64]

Maybe the grandmother was covering for having forgotten the birthday.

[Neera]

Originally Posted by stormborn 

How old was the cousin? Maybe Grandma was just covering up so the birthday child wouldn't feel bad just in case there wasn't cake at home?
I guess technically one of my kids doesn't because she's not a big cake fan but she does get her dessert of choice (usually a giant cookie) decorated with candles....mine all end up with 2 or more most years between friend parties the weekend before and family celebrations on the actual day.

The cousin is 4. Grandma never buys cake. That is the parents' thing to do.

[Neera]

We have only done parties on 2 of dd's birthdays. Dd absolutely loves cake because she isin't allowed sugary delights the rest of the year. I don't even give it a second thought and buy a cream cake for her birthdays and we go out to a restaurant i.e. when we havent' had a party. This time dd picked where she wanted to eat. Grandparents have always joined us. Honestly, I don't know either, what grandmother meant or why she said what she said. Dd's birthday fell on a week day. I did not tell grandparents about our dinner plans because I know they have to be up early to go watch dd's cousins. But she called dh and proposed going to a restaurant. Up until now we have invited them. This time she called. I guess it was her way of making up??

If she hadn't called and invited herself I had no intention of inviting them. Dh isin't aware of this, but he would have understood that it is a week day and unneccessary to invite them.

Edited by Neera - 2/19/13 at 1:50pm

[onlyzombiecat]

We haven't had a party since dd was 3 years old. She has cake every single year. I usually make her cake.  She chooses a special meal. We do special activities.

Her living grandparents mostly don't acknowledge her birthday when there isn't a party- no card, e-mail or phone call even usually- so they might not think she should have cake either but I don't care.

I didn't usually have birthday parties growing up but there was cake every year with my parents and siblings.