Thank you all for responding and for understanding. I am still am sorting through it all. And yes, the more I think about it, it just makes sense to pay the home birth fees. I had a c-section because I developed pregnancy induced hypertension at 36 weeks (never turned into pre-eclampsia) but I could not get it down. I also had diet and exercise controlled gestational diabetes. I am just so nervous that I will get both again and end up at the hospital. I barely failed the GD test and controlled it pretty easily but the hypertension was just too hard to control--I tried acupuncture, herbs, relaxation....My midwives think it was just a funky placenta/pregnancy but I know that both can re-occur.
I have read a lot of things I can do to help prevent. Increase Vitamin D, fish oil, exercise, eliminate sugars, eat a high protein diet, greens, etc. I was at a lower weight when I conceived and I nursed my DD until she was 2.5 years old (I randomly read nursing helps with GD but that is not why I nursed her, obviously). This first trimester has been a disaster for me because of extreme nausea and food aversions. All I can stomach is carbs!!! Fruit, bread, etc. I just want to feel normal so I can start taking care of myself properly so I can work towards my goal.
I am a petite woman- 5 feet tall, 120 pounds and I had this terrible midwife at the hospital who told me she doubts I could ever deliver vaginally because I am so small as is my birth canal. These things have really affected the way I feel about birth! and prior to my DD's birth I was so empowered. I am a doula and I have seen so many lovely births!
Okay, I am venting now. Hoping this all works out!