I feel like such a bad mother!!

[courtneym89]

I fear that I may be suffering from postpartum depression, or maybe an anger disorder. My anger has never been this bad though. I had my son 4 months ago and ever since then it seems like I can't stand my 2yr old daughter. Everything she does irritates me or anger's me. Things like throwing food on the floor or continuing to do something after I told her "no" or "stop". I yell at her on a daily basis and i feel so bad for it but I feel like I just can't help it. At times I feel so angry with her that I just want to punch something or spank her till she get's the point (which I don't and I know is irrational). I just need some support here on how to stop this cycle. I have no issues with my son though. I am going to see a psychiatrist on the 14th to be evaluated and talk about these issues.

[lovemylab]

Well it sounds like you are heading in the right direction and getting help. It could be from a lack of sleep? I went threw a time of depression and I purchased: ppd for dummies. For me it helped. It pointed out how exactly I was acting and feeling and I can't explain it but it got me to get out of the rut I was in. Good luck!

[courtneym89]

I get a pretty good amount of sleep, both kids sleep thru the night. I just feel such anger and rage towards my daughter though. Like if she wakes up during the night i feel so enraged and angry that i just yell at her to lay down and go back to sleep. Or if she fights me to take a nap I will do the same or just leave her there to cry. I feel like I just want to spank her till she get's the idea of what she is doing at the time is making me ANGRY!!!
 

[lovemylab]

First let me comment: omg your kids sleep the night!!!! What I would give for that.

All moms at some point probably "see red" as long as your not acting on it. Do you have anyone that could give you a break? Sometimes I have to tag my husband in when I have had enough. Also, I noticed for me if I don't get a little bit of alone time to destress things bother me quicker.

[creativeGeoMom]

I just wrote a blog post about my postpartum http://creativegeographer.blogspot.ca/2013/01/2012-what-year.html?m=1 hang in there you are not a bad mom, you recognize something is wrong and you are trying to help yourself. Be proud of that.

[courtneym89]

Well if my husband tries to put my daughter to sleep she thinks its time to play. She knows when i put her to bed its bed time and i mean business, which is a bad thing i suppose. I did have some alone time a few weeks ago when i started going to the gym but I have been getting sick here lately and I feel like complete crap so I haven't gone. I just feel so terrible that I have the felling of wanting to hurt my child because they are upsetting me. By hurt i mean repeatedly spanking her till she lays down and goes to sleep :(. I mean I yell at her to shut up when shes crying :(
 

[Jennyanydots]

my DDs are 25 months apart, and after DD2 was born I remember feeling very similar in my relationship with DD1.  She regressed some and acted out following her sister's birth, and I had very little patience.  It was a struggle to be a good mother to her, and I didn't always behave the way I should have and wanted to.  I did spank, I did yell.  I'm not proud.  I saw the mother I was being and I didn't like it one bit- it reminded me too much of my own mom, and was a real wake up call to me to choose gentle discipline.  They're teenagers now, and best friends- both are very happy and well adjusted kids, but I will always regret not being a more patient and loving mom to DD1 during the period after DD2 was born. 

I can relate and sympathize, and the best advice I can give is to try to rationalize with yourself and talk yourself through the angry, impatient feelings.  Give yourself a timeout when your temper flares.  Sometimes we can't control how we feel, but we can control how we act.  Also, try to take a broader perspective.  For instance, with my son now, nothing phases me quite the same, or gets under my skin- not tantrums, sleep deprivation, etc- because after raising two kids to near adulthood, I know how brief this period truly is.  It doesn't feel like it when you're in it, but it's just a flash when you look back on it.

Good luck, I hope things become more peaceful for you.

[courtneym89]

Originally Posted by Jennyanydots 

my DDs are 25 months apart, and after DD2 was born I remember feeling very similar in my relationship with DD1.  She regressed some and acted out following her sister's birth, and I had very little patience.  It was a struggle to be a good mother to her, and I didn't always behave the way I should have and wanted to.  I did spank, I did yell.  I'm not proud.  I saw the mother I was being and I didn't like it one bit- it reminded me too much of my own mom, and was a real wake up call to me to choose gentle discipline.  They're teenagers now, and best friends- both are very happy and well adjusted kids, but I will always regret not being a more patient and loving mom to DD1 during the period after DD2 was born. 

I can relate and sympathize, and the best advice I can give is to try to rationalize with yourself and talk yourself through the angry, impatient feelings.  Give yourself a timeout when your temper flares.  Sometimes we can't control how we feel, but we can control how we act.  Also, try to take a broader perspective.  For instance, with my son now, nothing phases me quite the same, or gets under my skin- not tantrums, sleep deprivation, etc- because after raising two kids to near adulthood, I know how brief this period truly is.  It doesn't feel like it when you're in it, but it's just a flash when you look back on it.

Good luck, I hope things become more peaceful for you.

Thank you :)

[courtneym89]

Thank you all!!!