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Queer, Pregnant, and Parenting--February and March 2013! - Page 7

post #121 of 539
Seraf-- obviously we don't have much experience with kids who look like Edie yet, but I will say that kids we are close to (mostly our friends who lived downstairs for a year while their older daughter was a baby/toddler, but other good friends, too) we have some very protective/familial feelings for that don't show up with kids we know casually. I would imagine that if they looked like Edie we'd be even more attached. I hope it's a good thing for you--I really think (having three moms and a dad, myself, plus lots of semi-adoptive friends' parents) that more caring adults is better. The more parental types Edie collects through her life, the more varied her experience. If your kids differentiate between parent/stepparent, that might answer some of the questions a little. I usually just say 'my stepmom' and don't differentiate unless it becomes necessary to say my mom's wife or dad's wife. People get confused sometimes, but it doesn't bother me.
post #122 of 539

Seraf ... Our kids have two full sibs, and I have Big Feelings for them and their mamas have Big Feelings for our children, especially because our kids are bio-kids of one of those mamas.

And E has a huge connection to those girls, even though we only see them a handful of times throughout the year.  And my DP has Big Feelings for those kids too.  It's endlessly fascinating to me.

post #123 of 539
Originally Posted by prettyisa View Post

Seraf--Yay! So excited that you'll be back again! Our house may or may not be under construction--we are really really (REALLY REALLY) hoping that it is both started and finished by then, in which case we'd love to have you guys stay again! If it looks like it won't be, I'll let you know well in advance.

Edie's started standing alone occasionally, usually when she gets distracted and doesn't realize that she's not holding on to anything. I live in fear of toddling.

Seraf: If Isa's house isn't ready for you (or even if it is and you want to spend a second night, or whatever), you all are more than welcome to stay with us. We are an hour outside the city in the wrong direction for you all, but we'd love to have you. This invitation goes for anyone else who could come join us for Chicago pride this summer.  We have plenty of space out in the burbs. Come play!  


Also, I find your stories about the emotional, biological, and other forms of connection between members of your big family fascinating and moving. Thanks for sharing. 


Isa: Standing! Yikes! Yes, toddling is terrifying.  Lilah *still* smashes her face almost daily.  She has a cut above her left eye at the moment. I keep putting breastmilk on it to help it heal. Though I usually apply it carefully, she thinks it is more fun for me to squirt milk at her face.  But I try to remember that lots of bumps and bruises are perfectly normal, and they are designed to withstand a lot.  My doc says that as long as she doesn't fall from a height greater than her own height or show signs of a concussion, he doesn't need to hear about it, and we shouldn't worry.  So we try not to.  


Starling: Thank you for the hugs and understanding. I'd love to talk about E and Z.  It is looking promising that we'll be in Vancouver for a few days in very late July or early August, so maybe we can talk in person!  I'll be in touch as our plans firm up. 

post #124 of 539

Toddling=Terrifying!  When DD was just before walking, she was in the kitchen and I had canned goods on the floor, putting them away.  DD was sitting and she toppled forward onto a can and busted her chin open.  It was quite horrific!  Had to get liquid stitches.

post #125 of 539
Originally Posted by KnittingTigers View Post

Bigfoot, I am going to send you my DP's address so you can pass on some "how to pamper your preggie wife" reminders.


I'll do it! Haha. 


Tourney - I am sort of relieved to hear your boys are also not jumping up and down. I am just excited that ours has graduated from upset to "whatever." He is cute about it more often than I expect him to be.


Sphinxy - our thing with this successful cycle was massages every night to keep stress levels down, and who knows if that helped but it certainly hasn't seemed to hurt. I think with work stress for us massages are going to have a much healthier impact than anything else. Maybe one by a more skilled massage therapist would do some detoxifying but my skills probably aren't at that level! Sorry to hear your symptoms arrived, although hopefully it is a sign of healthy progress.



Desert - Ever continues to be cute as, well, ever. Are those bright red Thirsties? I haven't been able to find Thirsties in that color.


Esen - woohoo, the first trimester is chugging right along! The Unisom has been a lifesaver for DW. It really seems to be the only thing that makes a big difference.

Carmen - your trip sounds awesome! And congrats on 15 weeks.
Cananny - hope you are not too uncomfortable. It is getting so close! You two must be so excited.
AFU - getting close to "graduating" from the fertility clinic. We have one more ultrasound there next week and then I think we are done. We are excited for the milestone AND to start weaning off progesterone, estradiol, and Metformin. We got to see the babies this morning, and I can't think of a better Valentine's Day present. They were both sound asleep and the doctor told DW to cough to wake them up. Only B woke up and wiggled around. Finally DW laughed at something and baby A woke up and flipped around a bunch. A then looked directly at the wand and we got a direct face view which was adorable (although I think they have graduated from Gummi bears to cute aliens). They continue to measure ahead at 11w2d and 11w4d.
We also had our first visit with the OB. DW is still grieving not having the midwife we fell in love with, but I think she is warming up to the place a tiny bit. Really everyone there is genuinely nice. The OB was funny and sweet and had read all our records. She said that while they typically induce at 38 weeks she would let us go to 40 weeks if we wanted with extra monitoring. She also didn't mind when we declined the pap they had set up. I am really relieved to learn they are flexible, because I have no idea how we would go about picking a new OB. Scheduling and insurance stuff is such a PITA.
Happy V-D everyone!
post #126 of 539

Bigfoot: That u/s sounds delightful! So glad they are both doing well and that your DP will get to start weaning off of the medication.  joy.gif

post #127 of 539

Desert and anyone else who wants to chime in--- Could you please tell me what brand of prefolds you use? The store where I've been looking at baby stuff only carries Gerber (which didn't get great reviews) and Thirsties (which are expensive). I liked the look of the Green Mountain ones I found online, but their website has religious content I'm not crazy about.

post #128 of 539
Bigfoot--Aww..that sounds so sweet. I'm glad they woke up to dance for you!

Outdoorsy-- Ooooh. I was wondering what you meant since I only saw a passing reference to God. And then I clicked on the cross. Honestly, even though she and I have (very) different beliefs about evolution, and I'm not into proselyizing, I would probably still buy from them. But I can totally understand your reticence. The nice thing about GMD diapers is that they're square instead of rectangular, so there's less fabric to have to fold over and put somewhere. We got some these e at one point but they were too long.These,e are the shape I like better. Not sure of the quality, or the company, but the price sounds about right.
post #129 of 539

in between my bouts of all-day nausea and exhaustion, i wanted to drop by and say hi, everyone. wave.gif i hope you're all doing well and i love seeing the cute photos of the kiddos and hearing about how everyone's pregnancies are progressing. 



everything is great with us. yes, in case you were wondering if it is a typo, bigfoot did type that she gives me a massage every day. it is kind of a ridiculous habit but i am pretty sure it helps with my stress levels a lot. i try to have a lot of compassion for straight people in all areas of my life, but i genuinely feel bad for anyone who has to go through pregnancy with a partner who isn't as great as her and it seems like a lot of husbands kind of fail at that. i am constantly crying about how grateful i am to have her. (pregnancy hormones, blech) 

post #130 of 539

Hello everyone....


Happy V day.. I read along but its hard to keep up and post right now.. 


BigFoot and Mrs.. Yay for dancing aliens and getting ready to wean of meds. I was so happy to wean off them!


To everyone else HI...


To those who asked.. I am beyond done.. my body HURTS.. my hips and legs .. sleeping is really painful and un comfy :( We are excited . 12 days until the C section.. we are on 2x a week monitoring now.. and they are impressed with how well I am doing and how big the boys are getting.. they are over 4 lbs!  Getting a bit more active and kicking harder..  

I also have a really bad hemroid :( sorry for the TMI.. but none of the meds are helping. or a sitz bath. sigh.. Basically I am miserable ... But I am trying to think of the end results is we get to meet our boys in 12 days...

we met with my first choice pediatrician today.. I have known her for a few years and she is awesome!  I am hoping I can have her ( insurance crap) she was really informative about vaccinations.. and we are def pro vac but want to do a delay schedule.. she was on board to whatever we decide... we told her no circ.. she was 100 % ok with that as well :) So I truly hope it works out we get her~



post #131 of 539
Thread Starter 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!  heartbeat.gif  I hope you all get lots of love.  My prenatal yoga class is having a special partner class tonight and I think it will be a nice way to spend the holiday. 


mrsandmrs--I've been kind of an emotional mess lately myself.  I got all anxious because DW went out after work and I thought I was supposed to wait for her to eat dinner.  It wasn't until 8:30 that I remembered she had told me to go ahead and eat without her.  Then I felt dumb for not realizing that I should just go ahead and feed myself.  (I had a snack when I got home so I wasn't starving.)  When I told her about it later, I started crying.  She takes such good care of me that sometimes I forget how to take care of myself and I feel ridiculous.  Oh well.  I'm working on it.


In good news, I found a barely used mini co-sleeper on Craigslist for $70.  That's less than half the new price so we are really happy with it.  It's the first substantial thing we have bought for the baby so I feel like we've made a start.  This weekend we will register.  Fun!

post #132 of 539
Originally Posted by pokeyAC View Post

She takes such good care of me that sometimes I forget how to take care of myself and I feel ridiculous. 


^^^ this is so me! i could have written that (if i had the brain capacity). i am really glad the twinz will have her to take care of them because i cant even like, feed myself or do anything. they would be screwed if i was their only parent.

post #133 of 539
Thread Starter 

ROTFLMAO.gif  That's hilarious!  We always joke that DW would make an awesome housewife, but sadly, I'm the one who would like to stay home (and will have the baby food on board) and she makes a lot more money than I do. 

post #134 of 539

12 days?!!!!  Cananny, way to go momma.  You ARE impressive, and those boys are going to be so perfect.  We're really excited for you! 


Mrs&Mrs, yes, you are so lucky to have that wonderful and amazing partner!  I feel for anybody who doesn't have a supportive and caretaking partner during pregnancy - unfortunately those kind of partners even come in lesbians, so you're just extra fortunate.  And hooray for weaning off all those meds soon!  - Also, love your new avatar, LOL. 


Bigfoot - that ultrasound seems like it was really great and hilarious.  Glad your teen is coming around to being "whatever" - it's a step up!  And yes, those are bright red Thirsties.  Maybe they don't make them anymore?  I bought all our cloth secondhand, so I'm sure it's an older generation of cover.  


Outdoorsy - unfortunately, I've never even bought prefolds new so I can't make any firsthand recommendations!  I bought a couple dozen gently used prefolds from www.diaperswappers.com - I will only buy Diaper Service Quality prefolds, they hold up better and supposedly are more absorbent.  I don't have anything to compare to, since I only bought the DSQ ones!  For what it's worth, I have heard the Green Mountain Diapers "Workhorse" diapers are great, but the religious stuff would turn me off, too.  Good luck, and if you find something you love, share where you got it!  


Seraf and Starling - I am finding the stories about your families really heartwarming and fascinating.  The Dragon Babies (our group of best baby buddies) are babies I feel attached to, but it doesn't quite sound like my attachment for them is at the level of say, Starling's friends' kids who are bio-sibs to H and E.  None of Ever's half-sibs live anywhere close, so we all stay connected via facebook but that's just not the same.  We all would like to meet someday, but it's pretty far off.  The oldest ones are just over 2, and there are still pregnant women out there who've used our donor and at least 2 of the donor sib families plan on having more with our donor, so that's even more kids.  I just don't think it'd be worth all the travel to meet them at this point.  I hope to, someday, though.  Ever doesn't really seem to resemble any of them closely, so it'll be interesting to watch them grow up.  


Ahope - poor Lilah!  I know that falls and bumps and bruises are "okay" and that the kids will be fine but... it's just so sad!  Our foster son had a head in the 97th percentile and one day he was playing inside, standing up and leaning against our security door.  I was coming in and from outside couldn't even tell that the main door to the house was open and didn't see him, so I pulled the door open outwards and he toppled out after it, falling down the 2 inch threshold and banging his wee porcelain forehead against the concrete outside.  A brilliant blue/purple/red blemish bloomed immediately and he had road rash and a bruise for like a week.  I felt terrible, and he was so upset.  It's awful. I hope maybe Ever will be more cautious with her head, but I know that babies aren't particularly careful by nature so I'm pretty much screwed.  At least Ever has a lot of hair, maybe that'll cover up her bumps.  


pokey - crosspost!  That partner's yoga class sounds nice.  DW went to one of those when she was pregnant, but I couldn't go so her sister went with her.  I'm glad she had someone, but I'm even gladder you get your wife!  It's okay to have someone take care of you right now, you're doing the most important work of all.  That's what I always told my wife when she'd feel bad about not getting something done or wanting to nap or whatever. 


Hope everyone is having a lovely Valentine's Day.  



The Dragon Babies do Valentine's Day!  (There are actually 2 more babies absent this photo, lol.)


Ever and her bestie, Benicio.  They were due at the same time, and he ended up beating her by 8 days. 


She is kind of a bossy-pants already. 

post #135 of 539
Thread Starter 

Desert-Seriously?  Could she be any cuter?  I love all that hair too.  I especially like the third photo.  She looks like Benicio's trainer yelling at him to get up and keep going!

post #136 of 539

Oh, pokey and m&m, I'm right there with you. Literally just got off the phone with DW who is on her way home from work, sobbing, and somehow managing to tell her that I had ruined Valentine's Day because I'm too starving to wait the hour and a half that it takes to roast the chicken I was planning for our romantic dinner (which I was home in time to start cooking back then, but too dazed I guess to realize start cooking now until my stomach started growling... ) So she's swinging by one of our favorite restaurants and grabbing some take-out. 



post #137 of 539
Thread Starter 

Cananny- I think we cross-posted there.  I'm so sorry you are feeling so crappy.  Back when you got pregnant, this part seemed so far off and now it's here, and your babies will be here in 12 days!  Where does the time go?  I hope you get to work with your pediatrician! 

post #138 of 539

cananny - omg baby countdown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you are like, in the home stretch of the home stretch! 


sphinxy - hey, i ruined valentine's day too by being so indecisive and nauseous that i refused to agree on where or what we would eat for dinner. i have no idea what my wife will come up with. high five for ruining romantic holidays! 


pokey - it's pretty much the same here. she's just a lot better at ..... everything around the house. too bad she makes too much money. 


desert - i know unsupportive partners come in all sexualities but it seems like there is a higher rate of that in the het community. we don't have cultural images of a queer mom passing out cigars at the bar while the other partner labors. yay for the straight people who get past that, but for a lot of dudes i know, it is their default. but also, yes, I AM SO LUCKY !!! 





i am trying to decide how to reorganize my office so i can fit in a couch to nap on. and reorganize my workday so people dont need me from 2-4 pm.

post #139 of 539

Whoa, I totally missed the Christian content on the Green Mountain site. I have been burned too many times by accidentally spending money on businesses who donate money to  hateful organizations. I hate to assume that just based on religion, but often when business is mixed with religion... ugh.


Cananny! 12 days! 4 pounders! I can't wait to see your baby photos. 

post #140 of 539

i hear ya pokey and mrs^2 -DPs is sooo much better at keeping up with the house than I am and has way better time management!  I blame my dad...... tasks take him twice as long too!  What sucks about DSp being better at keep house, he just doesn't understand how I CAN'T keep it as efficient as him, which is spun in a very negative way toward me crap.gif   While DSp doesn't particularly want to work (who does when you can spend time with your family?!), we need to have both of us work to meet bills.  Though it is my dream to one day be able stay home with the kiddos and keep house better!  I've never been able to juggle too many full time commitments at one time!  I think I could manage full-time mom, full-time housekeeper, but with full-time working, I can't keep all the balls in the air at one time....

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