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Queer, Pregnant, and Parenting--February and March 2013! - Page 11

post #201 of 539

Welcome Skyandtru! Congrats on your little babe!

post #202 of 539

I just have to come here and say, (because this is really the only place I have where everything that I feel is natural to mothering, is actually the norm) I am just discovering more and more that DSp and I are NOT on the same page about anything.  Not even in the same book or genre!  I should have really considered all of these things BEFORE committing my life to him.  Through our discussions on giving birth, and we have discussed circumcision (guess how DSp feels about THAT?), and now breastfeeding when I return to work, I am just completely and utterly DISGUSTED with DSp.  DSp basically feels like (through either ignorance about the mechanics of the breasts in relation to milk and feeding or buying into what is "socially acceptable") that breastfeeding mothers pumping at work is nasty.  Quote, unquote.  I was talking with him about my discussion with my 37 week pregnant office manager about me being pregnant and said that work was already setting up a space in the supply closet and adding a lock to the door for her to pump at work.  DSp said it was nasty and asked if we were going to hold hands and sing while pumping.  I mean, WTF?  DSp is the most insensitive and rude person I think I have ever met.  My hormones getting the best of me?  Maybe they are instensifying things, but I really don't think I am far off from the reality.  Being that DSp and I are just no where near compatible to be having kids together.  Things seemed fine with DD, but that could have been because he felt everything was up to me since coming into the middle of the pregnancy and it not "really" being "our" baby, though I tried to make it seem like it was for him.


This is just so hard because every day I feel more and more like I'm alone and having to stand up for me and the baby inside me.  That is my job, to protect it, but it is so difficult when I feel like I have to protect it from DSp... 

post #203 of 539

Threadcrashing to send you love, esenbee... I'm so sorry. This sounds to be a heart-wrenching and incredibly difficult situation.  Of course breastfeeding isn't nasty in any way shape or form, and you are right to stand up for your values. I wish I had more useful advice, but aside from recommending therapy (for you alone if DSp won't attend!), all I can offer is support. We're here for you. hug2.gif

post #204 of 539
Thread Starter 

skyandtru-Welcome back!  I thought your name sounded familiar.  Nice photos in the contest.  Congratulations on little Avi!


bigfoot-DW is surprised someone isn't already making a Steeler baby carrier.  Why not?  Plenty of men wear their babies.  We have a few Steelers items on the registry already.  We are planning on getting 2 diaper bags so we each have our own style.  The Bjorn she picked out is a little nicer than the regular one.  It has extra back support.  I have heard a lot of people say the regular one hurt their back.


seraf-Thanks!  You always have great babywearing info.  I don't think 4 is too many.  I want to get a range of styles so I can see what works best when.  I am hoping DW will like some of the other styles besides the Bjorn.  It's not my favorite.  I was born and raised in Columbus.  It has become quite the hot spot for many reasons.  I have some queer mama friends from grad school who still live there.  Also, my Mom and sisters all live in the area.  I don't know when we will be there next but it would be lovely to visit.  It's cool your kids will get to have city and country living.


Amanda--Thank you for your support!  I would like to have more than 4.  They all look so fun.  I don't plan on going totally crazy like that lady, but I would like to have some options.


lisedea-Congrats on making the circumcision decision.  That's a big one.  I hope you can decide on some names too whent he time comes.  Good luck with your washclothes!  I was thinking about learning to crochet.  I know how to knit but I haven't done it in a while, and I feel like I could be spending my time making something for the baby.


carmen-The Bjorn is not my favorite, but DW is really stuck on it.  Their info says it does give babies good posture, but I'm not sure about that.  I'm hoping she will like the Boba Air because it's very lightweight and she gets hot easily.  The baby can ride on your back when it is older and it goes up to 45 pounds. 

I understand getting worried about the babe, but I'm sure the wee one is just fine in there.  I hope you're getting (gently) punched soon.


AFM-Any thoughts on which is better, Moby wrap or Boba wrap?  Boba is cheaper and looks like it might be easier to tie/have a little less fabric.   

post #205 of 539
Lise--glad to hear you came to the decision together--it does feel great to be on the same page, especially when you feel strongly about something!

Pokey--my only thought would be not to take the tags off until you have a chance to try them out with the baby. That way you can return any of them that you don't like immediately upon wearing. DP and I ended up only really liking the snuggy baby wrap that Ahope gave us, and the Boba carrier. None of the others felt comfortable and/or Edie hated them. I think having a range is a great idea!

Esenbee--I'm so sorry. Pregnancy and hormones can complicate things, but it sounds like your dsp has more going on than just the stress of helping care for you while you are pregnant. I second the suggestion for counseling (together would be better, but alone is still helpful). In the end, you're right--you need to do whatever it takes to protect your children. I hope you can work it out, though!
post #206 of 539

Hi everyone! So exciting to hear all these great updates!


Welcome Sky! I love your profile pic! Congrats on your little one.


Pokey, four carriers is definitely not too many! My DP was set on the Bjorn at first too, but came around to the Beco. We just bought a new one on Mamabargains for about half price, in a nice dark brown color. Also, DP is a Boise State alum, and if they made any sort of carrier in blue and orange, I have no doubt that we would own it already. Thank goodness I haven't found such a thing yet.:)


Bigfoot and Mrs, congrats on "graduating"! Very exciting. I remember it being a bit bittersweet as well. I can't remember- are you planning to find out the sexes ahead of time?


Lise, I love that picture! Hope you're keeping yourself busy and not too bored. Bedrest seems sort of nice to me right now, but I know that it wouldn't actually be. Diaper covers are fun to knit, or to sew from old felted sweaters.


Carmen, have I mentioned lately how psyched I am that you are pregnant? heartbeat.gif


Cananny, I've been Facebook stalking you to make sure that I have up-to-date reports.:) Excited that your little guys will be here soon. I'm sorry the hospital is getting old. I realized the other day much to my embarrassment that I never sent you the books I had set aside. Sorry! Hopefully you have plenty to keep you busy. Congrats on growing those nice big babies!


Seraf, I'm feeling envious of your ability to pick up and go. We are both pretty tied to our jobs, so hopefully we'll move eventually (the south is really bumming me out these days), but it will require a lot of planning and coordination.


Easttowest, how are you guys doing? I remember feeling like I had to get everything clean before the baby came. We did, and then four days after she was born, my upstairs neighbors overflowed their bathtub and flooded my freshly scrubbed bathroom with four inches of disgusting brown water. I just stood there and cried. We are currently looking at our budget to try and figure out if we can have someone come and do a deep clean every few weeks. I'm already a crappy housekeeper, and I can't imagine that's going to get any better with two more babies in the house. At least this time we don't have upstairs neighbors!


Outdoorsy, how are you doing? Thinking of you with all the weather up there.


Esenbee, I'm sending you more hugs. I don't know if we've talked about this before, but my DP and I also got together early in my first pregnancy, and there were A LOT of challenges around that, many of which didn't surface until years later, when the "honeymoon" had worn off. You are doing really hard work, and tackling tough issues, and I'm sorry that you are having such a rough time. I echo what others are saying, that counseling sounds like it would be really helpful. Do you think your DSp would agree to go with you? Does he have any sense of how frustrated you are feeling? Please know that we are all here for you, whether you guys find a way to make it work or you don't. hug2.gif


AFM, We are trucking along at 30 weeks! I am huge and uncomfortable, and also feeling really out of shape, which freaks me out a little- I'm worried that I won't have the stamina to make it through labor and delivery. I was so fit when I had DD- I swam a mile every day during that pregnancy, rode my bike a lot, etc.- this time I can barely walk from car to my office. Those of you on the Facebook group know that I was right on the borderline for the one-hour gestational diabetes test. Instead of doing the three-hour, my midwife has me monitoring my blood sugar at home. So far, everything looks fine, which is good. I did have to sit through an incredibly painful nutrition class in which the instructor taught us how to order off of fast food menus (I don't eat fast food), and kept asking us about our husbands and our baby's daddies, even after I mentioned my job, which is very clearly gay-for-pay. Now, I actually do have a male identified partner, but I didn't mention that, and it pissed me off to no end that she just assumed we were all straight. (Please see above note about feeling done with the south...)


In other news, we're slowly getting the house and all our gear ready. I found the stroller I wanted on craigslist in perfect condition. Feeling pleased with that coup! I think our newborn diaper stash is in good shape. We will probably need more in the larger sizes, but at least we've got a start on things. Sadly, DD didn't get into either of our top magnet and charter choices for kindergarten. Now we've filled out a choice card, and are waiting to see where she lands in our "zone." Our home school is totally fine, so if she ends up there it will be okay, but obviously I want better than "fine" or "okay" for her. We shall see. Our fabulous nanny (who has been watching DD and one other child after school this year) agreed to be our nanny for the twins, and I'm feeling so grateful for that. We can't afford to hire her full time (and she doesn't want full-time anyway), so I'm a little nervous about making it work with part-time care, but DP has a very flexible teaching schedule, so he'll be home more during the day. The thought of trying to get out the door in the morning with two babies, two diaper stashes, two bags of bottles, etc., was seriously giving me anxiety.


Not too much else to report. I think I've been having some Braxton-Hicks, though I'm not really sure. I am definitely having crazy sciatica pain, which is horrible. My work colleagues are throwing us a shower next week, and then my sister and two friends are throwing one at our house next weekend. I am weirdly excited about them both!


Question for those of you who are pregnant and planning to go back to work afterwards: how much leave are you taking? I will take 12 weeks, but really want more. Unfortunately, if I go past 13, it would have to be unpaid, and we just can't afford it. My boss is awesome and very flexible, so I think I will be able to work from home for the rest of the summer at least (depending on when the babies come, say mid-April, my leave will be up sometime in July), but I'm still just feeling like it won't be enough time. Especially with twins... I rarely have moments when I wish I could be a stay-at-home parent, but I'm having a few now. At the very least, wishing I could stay home for 6-12 months. And part of how I'm stretching my leave to 12 weeks is by saving all of my PTO in advance (my school gives 6 weeks of parental leave, though you can use your PTO to top it up), so I feel like I can't take any time off now, even though I'd really like to. Oh well...


Hope everyone is doing well!

post #207 of 539
Outdoorsy, meeting up would be awesome. Here we have a group that has a babywearing library. I would imagine you could find carriers to test out in the Bay Area. Oh, you can rent before you buy online. It's fairly cheap. If you don't get a carrier and want to test it, that might be an option. I haven't tried either of those wraps. I like woven wraps, mine are all just fabric.

Tiger, sorry you feel crappy. I had zero paid leave. We saved and used tax returns to pay for a total of 12 weeks between the boys. We couldn't afford more and my job was grumpy about and tried to refuse the 4 weeks after S2.

S&B, hugs. These are hard things to argue about. I wish I had advice. Sara and I used to have very different ideas about how to raise babies. She eventually came around to my side. We still have friction around discipline and older kids, but not enough to call it quits. I also think pumping sucks (nasty? Only when I find mold in the parts) but it sounds like talking to him about it is not working out and you may be happier to just nurse and pump and not chat with him about it. If he's going to be a jerk, why does he get input? Let him think the milk-fairy stocks the freezer. Sorry, you should probably listen to the other girls.
post #208 of 539

Thanks for all hugs again!  For those of you who suggested therapy, last summer, we went through this huge rough patch where basically DSp demanded therapy in order for HIM to stay and work it out....  To him, I am just too sensitive to the way he interacts with me.  Anyways, the therapy was for both of us together, but because I had issues that needed to work on.  I set it up and we went to lady's home office for our first session, but she didn't answer her door.  She had called my phone and left a voicemail that she had hurt her back and couldn't sit up.  My phone had been acting up at the time and was shut off and wouldn't turn back on, so we didn't get the message.  Recently, I have thought a lot about therapy for just me, but can't really afford the co-pays per appointment (my insurance has changed).


Knitting -as to whether DSp understands how frustrated I am, he doesn't recognize my feelings/opinions as anything valid enough to consider understanding them.  This has been pretty consistent through our relationship.


In other news, away from my crazy relationship troubles, I let my boss know that I'm pregnant (yesterday) and my office manager (today).  We had a meeting all together today and it went really well, and they seem totally open to figuring out a solution for my request to take 6 to 8 months out of the office and working from home part time.  So yay! on that front!joy.gif

post #209 of 539
esbenbee--6-8 months?!?! That is AWESOME!

knitting--If I was not on bedrest, I would have taken 12 weeks paid (from saved up sick days)--I had to take off 24 week with medical/maternity combined because of the bed rest (also paid from saved up sick days and some borrowed sick bank days). I have the summers off so I will be going back this fall--when the babies are just over 3 months adjusted age.
post #210 of 539

Ugh, how timely a discussion of time off.  I went to an information session yesterday about what we can get, etc. and left extremely upset.  There's basically no way for a non-pregnant parent to get paid time off except take sick and vacation days, and I'll only have about two weeks saved up when the baby gets here.  Extremely frustrating.  Not to mention the workshop started with "This is a workshop on planning your pregnancy leave.  I see there are some men in here; are you sure you are in the right place?"  There were FOUR of us, and as far as I know, we are protected in taking time off to be with our children as well.  Maybe we don't get paid for it, but we are entitled to up to 12 weeks without getting fired.  Cannot believe that's the best the U.S. can do.  Sorry, needed to vent a bit.


Knitting, you were in grad school when your daughter was born, correct?  That would be a conversation worth having (on or off forum)!  I don't know how to balance "well, you're the one with the flexible job (and not a ton of money), so we shouldn't have to put the baby in daycare because you can stay home" with "you really need to be able to finish a dissertation".  Any stories from the battlefields?  Sorry to hear you don't feel so well, but those babies will be here so soon!

post #211 of 539
Thread Starter 

I hear ya, easttowest and knitting tigers and seraf and everyone else who's thinking it.  Our maternity/paternity leave policies suck big time!  And the sad thing is the Family Medical Leave Act hasn't been around that long and that's what lets dads take time off without getting fired.  Is that the best we can do?  Ugh!  DW really wants to take off 6 weeks when the baby comes, and she thought it would be paid.  I encouraged her to check with HR to find out for sure because I didn't think it was paid.  I had to break it to her the other day that the 6 weeks paid she was thinking of is only for the pregnant person because it's disability pay.  She took it pretty hard. She just started a new job last year and she only started earning vacation time this year so she probably won't have very much.  If she came to work for my company, she would have more right of the bat.  My boss and the guys I support are good with me taking several months off, but I'm not sure how much I will actually be able to take.  6 weeks is paid disability, but that first week I have to use PTO hours.  So that's 40 hours gone there.  I can cash in the PTO I have accrued up to the point when I go on leave, but that may only be about 40 hours or so.  I didn't get to roll over very much to this year partly because of all the time I took off last year trying to get pregnant.  We are saving everything we can, but I'm not sure how long it will last.  My job doesn't really lend itself to working from home or working part-time, but I am hoping I can adjust my schedule a little and maybe DW can change her schedule a little or find a different job.  The nice thing we have at work is a lactation room that's private and has a fridge so I will be able to pump at work.  We also have a nap room that I have used a couple times in the last few months.  I really wish we had daycare onsite or nearby.  I feel like we are a big enough corporation to have something like that but we only have resources for emergency daycare.  Quite a few women in my office have had babies and never come back.

post #212 of 539

easttowest - It is so frustrating to not have proper parental leave options. Big hug for you on that. The wife of a queer colleague of mine gave birth to their son a few years ago. She had done a lot of research about her options just like you are and I remember the day she came into my office to vent about how frustrating it was. Plus, and I'm not sure how this all might differ for you, but even as a legally married same-sex couple in Mass., as the non-gestational parent she was not eligible to even take the 12 weeks of Family Medical Leave until she had completed the process of adopting their son. It was really important to both of them that she have that time with him, so they saved up aggressively and she took her 12 weeks unpaid after the adoption was complete, when their son was about 5 months old. And, on another topic you brought up... my sister got pregnant with my youngest nephew (just turned two) while working on her PhD. She already had a 3 1/2 year old at the time, so it was a challenge for sure. She should be finally defending her dissertation later this year. The biggest help for her was to have a designated time and space for writing. It was much easier once she moved last year and lived closer to our family. She worked out a deal with my parents where they watched her kids at least one day a week so she would always know that was her writing day. I doesn't get done fast at one day a week, but at least then she had no distractions around and had planned ahead not to try to use that babysitting time to get anything else done. 


esenbee - I think some therapy time just for you sounds like a fantastic idea. I'm sorry to hear that financially it doesn't sound feasible. There have been some tight times for sure, but like a lot of people DW and I both have some childhood baggage that really benefits from individual therapy. We made a decision long ago that it was a non-negotiable expense for us. There were some months that it went on the credit card unfortunately, but I swear it is the best money I ever spent (once I found the right therapist, of course!). Hugs to you too. I can't relate to your specific struggles but I do know that in the times DW and I have argued since the BFP, it's been very different for me than a normal argument, and lots of emotions about needing to feel safe and supported start to come up. So I guess I can relate to your feelings of needed to protect yourself and your baby and I wish you calmer waters ahead.


lisedea - Your pictures are so sweet! I will go vote as soon as I submit this post.


knitting - Regarding leave, that is definitely the topic of the week! I just had this conversation with my boss. I am allowed the federally mandated option of up to 12 weeks, but no more. In terms of how to get paid during that time, there are a few options. The company purchases short-term disability plans for its employees, but I believe that in order to take advantage of them we are required to drain any of our sick and/or vacation time banks first. Now I've worked here for a while and there was a very generous sick time accrual method when I was first hired, so I believe at this point I have about 10 weeks worth of sick time banked. So I'm not really worried about the income, but I am worried about what happens when our newborn inevitably gets sick and all my time banks are empty! I have always daydreamed about being a stay at home parent, at least for the first few years, but I just don't think it is going to happen. I'm actually currently work from home, even though the schedule is not as flexible as you might think (standard 9-5 full time). So when it comes to child care we are going to have to figure out whether to bring some help into our home to take care of baby while I'm working, or do daycare (which feels like such a waste if I am working from home, but I can't really be on a conference call with a crying infant...). I honestly have no idea what we are going to do after my leave runs out, but thankfully we have a lot of time to think about that. 


pokey - I am so glad you "confessed" about your mutliple carrier wishes. My sister is giving me her Ergo, Moby, and ring sling as hand-me-downs, and I was feeling excessive for still coveting the Boba 3G, too.


Welcome, skywave.gif


Afm, thanks for all of your input on the awful situation with my sinuses! I've been basically glued to my humidifier for over two days now and things are SO MUCH BETTER. Ahh... It really makes me feel good that this was probably just a dryness issue and not a return of my allergies, but regardless of that I am glad to hear that some of you have had good recommendations for allergy medicine while pregnant. I was honestly in such a tunnel-vision "do not medicate during the first trimester" place that I hadn't been willing to consider it, but to who ever said it - yes, it IS a quality of life issue so I will definitely bring it up with my mid-wife just in case. This has been a tough week. Less than an hour after returning from my business trip, DW left to go on her own and I won't see her until tomorrow night. She has been really good about checking in on me, and got me set up with some meals and snacks before she left, but it's still lonely and frustrating. Right now my dog is snuggled up to my thigh snoring away, so I guess I'll just try to focus on how nice that is. One more day.

post #213 of 539
Originally Posted by easttowest View Post

Ugh, how timely a discussion of time off.  I went to an information session yesterday about what we can get, etc. and left extremely upset.  There's basically no way for a non-pregnant parent to get paid time off except take sick and vacation days, and I'll only have about two weeks saved up when the baby gets here.  Extremely frustrating.  Not to mention the workshop started with "This is a workshop on planning your pregnancy leave.  I see there are some men in here; are you sure you are in the right place?"  There were FOUR of us, and as far as I know, we are protected in taking time off to be with our children as well.  Maybe we don't get paid for it, but we are entitled to up to 12 weeks without getting fired.  Cannot believe that's the best the U.S. can do.  Sorry, needed to vent a bit.


Knitting, you were in grad school when your daughter was born, correct?  That would be a conversation worth having (on or off forum)!  I don't know how to balance "well, you're the one with the flexible job (and not a ton of money), so we shouldn't have to put the baby in daycare because you can stay home" with "you really need to be able to finish a dissertation".  Any stories from the battlefields?  Sorry to hear you don't feel so well, but those babies will be here so soon!

The lack of paid parental leave for non-gestational parents in the US is infuriating.  And the attitude like you got only makes it worse. I'm sorry.


I was in grad school when I had Z.  I got pregnant right after my PhD qualifying exams.  We did part-time informal childcare (with a neighbor family) from about 6-17 months and then full-time university-based (highly subsidized) childcare starting at 18 months.  Can you get subsidized childcare through the university?  Any chance of a part-time schedule?  I will say that having had one baby in grad school and one on the tenure track, the former was SO MUCH easier for me.  With an infant on the tenure track, I seriously felt like I was juggling a dozen flaming batons, without really knowing how to juggle. I still feel that way sometimes, though it has gotten easier. That said, the dissertation requires a persistence and focus that is really challenging. I know that isn't easy; it is just a question of relative difficulty.  What field are you in? 


Esenbee: HUGS coming your way. Your situation sounds REALLY tough and not healthy for you.  Have you thought through what it might look like to leave?  Just to have some ideas in your head in case you need them?  


Lise: I wish I could visit you and Cananny.  Congrats on 28 weeks! That's fantastic!  


Sky: Welcome! For those of us who weren't on qc with you, would you tell us a bit about your lovely family?


Knitting: I hear you on being over the South. That's how I felt when we lived in IN. It was rough. It had its benefits, too, definitely...but the sexuality/family/queer politics part was just difficult. Nearly every day.  I'm sorry you're feeling sluggish.  When I was pregnant with Z (in grad school, see above), I worked out every day.  HAH for the second time.  It is so hard when you're working full time and trying to preserve precious vacation/sick days.  I did the same thing--used all my leave days and still didn't get to 12 full weeks of paid, though I did manage to work mostly from home until L was 6 months old.  It isn't going to be easy, but you'll get through it. I'm glad you have a trusted caregiver to help.


Outdoorsy: Natural Resources in SF has a babywearing library, I think. I know that they carry lots of carriers and have an expert on staff to help with fit, etc.  One of my closest friends is there all the time with her newborn. 


Isa: Poor E. Aren't you going out of town? UGH to traveling with a sick babe--hope she feels better VERY soon.


AFU: All's good.  Things with Z have been much better.  I'm loving the Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child book (Starling) and am already finding it very helpful with both girls. Lilah cracks us up every day.  She used three full sentences this morning, including "Mama found her purse." Whoa! And she has started singing "Old MacDonald" with this hilarious custom blend of words, sounds, and mixed up animal noises. I have to get it on video. She "counts" all the time. She points back and forth to my two bbs, "two, three, four, eight." Eight! No way! Two big milky bbs are enough, thank you very much! lol.gif

Edited by AmandaHope - 2/22/13 at 7:27pm
post #214 of 539

Soooo, I have a non emergency type issue that I need help with!! We are trying to think of a nickname of sorts that DS can call our known donor. A quick background of us: MY 3 teenagers have the same dad. We were married at one point and after we split, we remained the very best of friends, even being roomates for 8 more years until one of us found someone else...He was our donor for Elliana (RIP) and is also our donor for the baby on the way! He is amazing all around and April & I are close to him, as close as BFF's can be. He plays a role in our kids lives of course, he has them on the weekends and we SEE him on a daily basis. He just moved 6 houses down from us to be closer to us all, which is great! We all know and agree that he won't be called "Daddy" or anything of the like. The baby will know in due time, that T helped us out, why he chose to help us and who he really is etc...T will play a huge role in our sons life, and again will see the baby on a daily basis just because we already do...Anyway DW and I had discussed "Uncle" but not in depth. Today T was leaving out house to take our DD to her father daughter dance at school and and before he left, he made a joke about teaching the baby something funny. DW said "Oh, well baby doesn't get to go to uncle Ts house then, ha ha!" I had to stop her right then and say that didn't feel right to me. Ugh,, I am lost on what to call him once baby boy is here. Like a special nickname JUST for him. Is it rude to ask T to choose a name for himself or would it be better for us to? Anyone have any ideas or good websites that may help us? I am hoping that something happens to pop up one day and "Click" and give us the answer, lol....HELPPPPP :)

post #215 of 539

Hi all, I have been MIA on posting but checking in on everyone on my phone which for some reason will never let me post! 


I don't even know how to catch up on all the personals but here goes


cannanny. . i can't believe you are so close!  it sounds stressful to try to be resting in a place that isn't great for rest but I am glad the end is in sight!  You have done such an amazing job!  


lisedea. . your pics are amazing!   do you have the link to vote?  I will totally vote for you! 


pokey. . register for as many carriers as you want!  no one is obligated to buy them and you can test them all out. . I have heard the same thing about baby bjorn being hard on their hips re weight distribution.  We have moby and ergo and some random Jeep carrier someone gave us.  I loved the ergo and liked the moby but was overwhelmed by the wrapping at first.  I now want to get a new one that is super light weight for summer carrying and nursing.  I know there are stores near me that let you try them all out too so that might be something worth doing.  


essenbee. . sorry you are having a hard time, it's always rough to not have your feelings validated, esp during pregnancy. . JMO but I would try to find a way to make the therapy work now bc as you know stuff just gets crazy harder post baby. .  hope things get better.  the pumping at work comment is crazy!  


tourney. . we have two KD's too and have a hard time coming up with names.  we let our KD pick his name which is poppy. . even though he is not a father, he will be part of our kids life as will his DH who is donor #2. . we don't know if he will be poppy too.  last time we got together we kept calling him Pippy but I suspect that won't stick.  though I like pippy and poppy. . my DH (who is FTM) is clearly the father so it was hard to find a name where it wasn't too much like Dad but Uncle felt wrong to us bc we call 100 people uncle and aunt!  good luck!  It's not easy! 


sphinxy. . glad you are feeling better!  sinuses on top of everything are hard


easttowest. . paternity leave/other parent leave sucks and is very unfair.  I wa mad DH only had two days at his last job and turns out this time he has NONE that are not vacation days.  I find this ridiculous especially as he works for a large non profit that deals with healthcare.  .makes no sense to me. . 


knitting. . wow 30 weeks.  times flies!  I feel the same way you do.  last time I was in such good shape and worked out almost every day and this time, my primary workout is chasing DS around and walking everywhere.  that's rough about DD and K  . .I find this whole process overwhelming . .I hope something works out


skyandtru. . welcome!  and congrats!  


AFM. . no real news. . just hit 24 weeks and time seems to have slowed down.  I am feeling so sentimental about losing time alone with DS. . I know he will adjust and I will but it seems like it will be such a drastic loss for him at first. . I know it will be also a great gain and in the long run, independence is what we are all aiming for but it is coming up on his 2nd birthday and I just think we have basically spent our last two years together!  I don't think I've ever spent so much time with someone!  any advice from folks moving from one to two? 


I go back to Dr next week and feel like it has been ages since our last appointment and I am so excited to see/hear DD again! 


okay.  i know I missed some folks so I will try to catch up with everyone else next time!   

post #216 of 539

Cordelia~Thanks so much for your reply!! I love the Poppy, but we can't do that because our DD who was stillborn, was nicknamed "Poppy" when DW was 6 weeks pregnant. It is on her headstone and everything, we don't even call her by name when we speak of her, it is 99% of the time Poppy. Soooo with that being said, I LOVE the name obviously but we have to think of something differnt...Blah. I am sure we will find a name in time...I LOVE your KD story!! Very cool :~)

post #217 of 539
tourney--we were going to use 'uncle' until we switched to a bank. we actually didn't even consider anything else.

cordelia--I can't believe you are already 24 weeks! How did that happen?!?! I am sorry that I don't have any advice siblings--but I have been worried about that with our dogs--and that doesn't even compare!!! So the link is here: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1374807/motherings-annual-pregnancy-photo-contest-win-a-hushamok-baby-hammock/20 We are post #40. There are a couple of others from the board that posted pics on it as well...but I am the only one obnoxious enough to ask for votes. smile.gif I am chalking it to not having anything else to do... Ha.

AmandaHope--is that a book that Starling wrote? And...what I would give for 8 milky boobs...well, 6 would suffice.

sphinx--so glad you are feeling better.

So, I found out that apparently I lose my voice whenever I get a steroid shot. Weird.

ETA--Pokey! I just read that you were thinking about learning to crochet. That was my initial goal--but started with knitting (was told it was an easier way to start) and am still getting the hang of it. I still will eventually learn to crochet...but that might be a while down the road. Let me know if you decide to learn and how it goes!
Edited by lisedea - 2/22/13 at 10:02pm
post #218 of 539

Thank you everyone for the warm welcome!


Pokey-Thank you for compliment, I was little shy about entering the contest but DW convinced me to give it a try


AmandaHope- Sure I dont mind sharing, DW (24) and I (22) have been together for 6 years and married for 3 years and in 2011 we started TTCing with a known donor via ship,, two cycles of BFNs and donor got discouraged and less cooperative. We found a new KD that was willing to travel and started our 3rd attempt in 2012, BFP in march, and welcomed our baby boy into the world 11/18/2012 after 26 hours of labor at exactly 39 weeks pregnant, I carried our 1st child and DW is unsure if she will carry the next. now I am a breastfeeding and babywearing mama. If there is anything I miss feel free to let me know! 


pic of baby avi 3mins old


3 minutes in this world

post #219 of 539

Ugh, up late because I have a wicked head/chest cold and I can't sleep. Any suggestions for natural remedies? I don't like to take any meds unless my life depends on it ;)


I've felt more wiggles in the past day or so. I guess it's just too early to feel it strongly every day. I've felt movement for several weeks but until last week it hadn't been consistent. I know I felt movement starting at 16 weeks with DD but I can't remember how often.


I can't keep up with the baby carrier conversation lol We loved the ergo and used it with the infant insert from very early on. We had a peanut shell thing but only used it a few times as DD didn't seem that comfy in it. I think I'll try and borrow a baby buddha wrap from a friend for the newborn phase this time around and we still have our beloved ergo. I had to be careful with the ergo as I have had lower back issues at times for many, many years...sometimes I just couldn't wear it and we ended up buying a stroller and trying it around 4 or 5 months. DD didn't love it except for really long walks and she would nap in it.


angela, as you already know, canada has much different laws around maternity leave so I'm planning on taking 18 months off again (I did the same with DD) - without pay but I do get some employment insurance for 12 of those months so that helps keep us going. I hope you can figure out a solution to stay home longer if you want...I would imagine with multiples the motivation to stay home would be much stronger. 

post #220 of 539
Lise, crochet is way faster and easier, there are oodles of videos on the web. I learned and forgot when I was 4, again at 11 and then easily churned out booties while pregnant with S from videos I found online.

Sphinxy, when I did childcare, I thought it was much harder to keep kids entertained when their parents were home. Depending on what you do, I wouldn't really worry terribly about a baby crying on a conference call. Babies get a bad rap. Some babies cry more than others, and certain times of day come with more crying, but before they're mobile there are few things a boob won't fix (besides the need to potty, I suppose). I recently read that babies cry 5% of the day on average. That's a little more than an hour a day in smaller blocks? That sounds like a lot to me, but only one of my babies was fussy (she made up for the other 3, I suppose).

Cordeliathe transition from one to two wasn't bad at all. I had quit carrying O around on my front as much once I got big. He had adjusted to sitting with me more than on me (lap? What lap?) before a came. When she came, she was no more in the way than a little football. I was grateful at the time that she slept so much and disrupted life in small chunks and kind of acclimated the family to her presence. She lived in the front cross carry and rucksack. In there she nursed and slept. She came out to pee and for some of her little chunks of quiet alert time. She played hide and seek and Dora with us. She eventually got fussy, but she had food allergies. The transition from 2 to 3 was pretty easy, too. I think babywearing with the first is cool, but with the second it's nothing short of amazing.

I'm being lazy and trying to not lose my whole post, so I'm posting screen shots. These are some of my favorite pictures from A's first weeks.

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