Queer, Pregnant, and Parenting--February and March 2013! - Page 14

[pokeyAC]

Cananny-Those boys are looking great!  Thanks for the pictures.

Sphinxy-I'm so glad your ultrasound went well and you are feeling relieved.  Things will get even more real as you go along.  I started wearing maternity pants around 16 weeks I think.  I had bloating from the beginning, but I think my pants were a little bigger and stretchier to begin with.  I was able to use either a rubber band or safety pin for a week or so to make things more comfortable.  The belly band didn't work for me because it would roll up on my hips, but if you are less curvy, it might work better.  I have some pants my sister gave me that I can't wear if you're interested.  They have the big elastic that goes under the belly, not a full panel.  She is about 5'3" and around a size 12/large. 

I'm not really familiar with maternity bras.  I didn't grow a lot in that area right away so my bras didn't get really tight until the second trimester.  I went out and bought new bras a few sizes larger.  I figure I can wear them for a while now and maybe after the baby is born.  I wasn't planning on getting nursing bras until I get closer because I figure my bb's will get even bigger and it will be easier to get the right size later.  I got a new sports bra without an underwire because underwire can cause problems with nursing breasts.  That way I can wear it now and later.  It has a little extra room in it just in case.

[cordelia15]

sphinxy. . CONGRATS on the ultrasound. . this time I think I was in maternity shortly after my BFP :)  my first I had clothes that were a size up for a while before I bit the bullet. . pants I needed way before shirts.   as for bras, I wouldn't bother with nursing bras bc they are generally more expensive and chances are your bra size will change at least one more time before you are in them.  Really it's hard to size those until you actually get milk in.  but I bought a few different sizes of cheap ones along the way.  I started off at a 36 A and think I ended up at 38 D or DD in one brand of nursing bras. . so my journey was pretty crazy 

canannny.  OMG how amazing are those boys. . so happy for you and DP. . and the recognizing the triplets cry is a wonderful story. 

eseenbee.  .glad you are really working things.  it is sometimes hard to know when people want advice and when just support when you only know folks online but def please keep talking to us. . we are here for you!!  and seriously even being open about it and researching things shows your strength. . 

[pokeyAC]

cordelia-Your story is a little scary!  I am in a 38DD now.  Oh boy!    I will definitely wait to get the nursing bras.

[seraf]

I forgot about bras. I only wore nursing bras for a couple of months before I got sick of them and switched back to my normal bras.

[mrsandmrs]

cananny - i can't believe the boys are here! they are so beautiful. congratulations! it's wonderful that they are doing so well! how are you feeling? 

esenbee - i don't have more to add to the wise words already shared, but it seems like you know what you need and i am sending you strength and good luck. 

omg. cordelia. i'm a DDD already. if they grow much more, i'll have to remove them myself. at home. you're scaring me.

sphinxy - i think a lot of people start pretty early if it's not their first pregnancy, and the most important thing is being comfortable, so there's not really such a thing as "too early" if you ask me. I only wear skirts and dresses, so most of my clothing still fits, although it looks weird. i am struggling with tights and leggings, but i'm nearly 13w pregnant with twins, so that's to be expected i guess. i don't plan on buying maternity jeans at all, but i have acquired some maternity leggings and dresses and shirts. they are all kind of big at this point, but i suspect i'll fill them out in no time. i bought a lot of stuff a size larger than i normally wear because i anticipate being the size of a house. all this to say, i think if you dress strategically and depending on your personal style, you can get away with buying a full 'maternity' wardrobe later. but you should be comfortable now, and if that means maternity jeans, girl, go shopping! 

also!! i am so excited about your ultrasound! yay! 

pokey - how are you feeling? 

afm - sometimes i can eat without gagging! not all the time, not consistently, but sometimes. we announced our progeny to everyone & their mothers on facebook over the weekend and the response was a little overwhelming. it is good to feel so loved and all, but i was not prepared for that. we have our nuchal scan tomorrow (just the ultrasound part, not the bloodwork) and bloodwork for the maternit21 test at the MFM. that should be fun. i wonder if the twins have dimples yet. i wonder if we will be able to guess the sex. i spend a lot of time wondering about them. i can't believe we're almost at 13 weeks.

[pokeyAC]

mrs-I'm feeling just fine.  Thanks for asking.  I have a checkup on Thursday.  I'm hoping we can get more info about where I can travel so we can plan our babymoon.  I'm glad you can eat without gagging sometimes.  The gagging is hard to handle.  I often felt like crying when it happened.  It's much better now, but it is sometimes still an issue.  I hope everything is great for your scan tomorrow.  I'm interested to hear about the materniti21 test.  I don't think my insurance offers that, and we got good results from the other screening so we didn't pursue it, but it sounds like a cool test.

[mrsandmrs]

for me, the worst is gagging when i brush my teeth (oral hygiene is very important to me, so this aversion is really distressing) and gagging when i take pills (which is about 10,000 times a day!!) but it will be over someday. whether it's 14 weeks or 20 weeks or 40 weeks, it HAS to end sometime. 

what other babymoon options are you considering? i know you had a plan A, but have you thought about plan B if they say you can't go as far? 

i am excited about the maternit21 test. the nuchal and quad screenings have high rates of false positives for multiples, but the maternit21 is pretty close to 100% accurate with multiples. that's really reassuring to me. it's such a new test that a lot of insurances do not cover it or they don't know if they will cover it yet (i have no idea if mine will). however, the company is trying to make the test more accessible, so they never charge more than $235, whether or not your insurance decides to pay (as long as you have some form of private insurance). so, that's pretty cool. also, the genetic counselors are available by phone and they are super reassuring and helpful. figuring out the testing crap has been stressful for me because i really don't want to deal with tests that come back positive only because they are twins, which leads to an amnio blah blah blah. i would rather just have a blood draw and get nearly 100% accurate results for the same conditions. 

[cordelia15]

pokey and mrs and mrs. . don't be scared!  I think I just had nothing to start with and even when I gain weight without pregnancy I get it in my breasts first.  I doubt you will go that big!  

mrsandmrs. I got the materniT21 done too and it was easy and reassuring. . my insurance did pay for it but I know a bunch don't.  We also found out the sex from it.  I assume they could do that for multiples too.   (unless you're not finding out, I know you said you were wondering but can't remember beyond that)  either way have fun and good luck. . 

pokey.  glad you are feeling better and hope the babymoon is back on! 

[granite]

Hi all! I'm joining you from the QC thread, after getting a BFP this past weekend and then having it confirmed with a beta of 194 IU/L yesterday at 13 DPO. It took me a while to get to it, but this was my first insem! A one-hit-wonder!

Name/Username? granite

Who is in your family? My DP (age 38, genderqueer), the old cat, the new kitten, and the dog (Plus we share a house with some chosen human family too)

What pronouns do you and your family members use? She, she, she, she, he (...for now, as far as I know)

If you're pregnant, when are you due? Early November

If you already have kids, tell us two interesting things about each of them. This will be our first kid!

If you work outside the home (or inside the home at something other than parenting), what do you do?

I am an apprentice electrician, just over halfway done my qualifying hours and schooling for becoming fully certified (~1.5 years to go)

If you stay home with your kids, what do your days tend to look like?

I'm *so* looking forward to the chance to stay home with this baby... I love my job, but it's hard work and long hours, and I'm a homebody at heart.

What are your favorite things to do when you're not working/doing the grunt work of parenting?

Working on my veggie garden, knitting, sewing, cooking, reading, hanging out with DP, visiting friends, community organizing (mostly around food security/urban agriculture issues). I love how-to books, and am always trying to learn how to make everything/anything from scratch.

[bigfoot]

Yay Granite!  Great beta! So good to see you over here!

[mrsandmrs]

i was thinking "red rover, red rover, send granite right over." and here you are. yay! 

are you doing serial/repeat betas? that number is great! 

[cordelia15]

YAY. . welcome granite and congrats!   

[carmen358]

Welcome, granite, congrats

[planet]

Welcome Granite!  Congratulations!  One hit wonder, that is amazing!!!

Cananny, I was just facebook stalking you to see more pictures/read more news.  I have been thinking about you guys a lot.  I am so excited the boys are doing so well!  And it's so cool to hear about how they are already starting to show you their little personalities.  How are you feeling about leaving the hospital? Are you going to keep pumping once you go home?  That's amazing that you were able to pump colostrum!  Is it possible to exclusively breastfeed triplets or will you be supplementing?  I'm glad your partner is spending nights with you in the hospital.  How is she doing?  I imagine it must be hard for her to be away from you and the boys all day while working!  How much time are you able to spend holding the babies?  How long will they need to be in the hospital, do you know yet?  Sending lots of love your way!

Esenbee, Damn.  It totally sucks that you are going through this while pregnant.  It would be hard at any point, of course, but as somebody said earlier, pregnancy is a time to be supported and lifted up, not dragged down by bullshit.  I'm glad to hear you are seeking support, making a plan, and figuring things out.  It sounds like you are setting some powerful boundaries. Damn you are strong!!!  Hugs to you.  We've got your back, at least from the internet.  Keep us posted on how things are going! xo

Sphinxy, YAY for the good ultrasound!  Congrats! :)

Mrs, I'm happy to hear that you are able to eat without gagging every now and then.  When I was pregnant, I did a lot of gagging, especially when trying to take my many vitamins and supplements, and that was VERY unpleasant, as you know!

Pokey, a babymoon is a great idea!  Where do you want to go!

On bras while pregnant, I was confused about what to do, too.  I got some stretchy sports bras and those fit me the whole time.  I think it was a good choice.  I found good, cheap ones at Target.

On maternity/family leave, this conversation on here about that bummed me out.  I was already aware of the injustice of it all, of course, but damn.  It got me thinking about how much it sucks to be a new mom with $5 in my bank account by the end of the month.  Things should be better in a few months when we have both been working again for awhile and I'll be back to (hopefully) selling paintings and teaching workshops in addition to my part time teaching job.  We really weren't able to afford to take unpaid leave, but I'm so glad we did because that time home together was so important. 

Seraf, you got me thinking.  There's no way I can lower Wylie enough in the Ergo to nurse AND feel like he's secure enough; I've tried.  Suddenly I am curious to try a simple sling carrier.  It doesn't put too much strain on one shoulder?  Is it too late to try starting at 6 months?  Which one would you recommend?   We won't buy one, but I bet I could borrow or trade for one eventually around here if I put it out there.  The conversation about carriers on here made me think about the fact that Wylie has never really enjoyed being in the Ergo inside the apartment for very long.  But maybe in a regular sling he would be happy to hang out while I did some stuff at home, because it'd be more like being held on my hip?

Update on the uncomfortable mom/childcare situation is that we came to a very mutual decision that it's better if she babysits for short periods of time due to her physical limitations.  Boy, that was a torturous process.  We miraculously found a nanny for Wednesdays who is friends with our Monday babysitter.  Both are queer and amazing with babies.  Tomorrow is Wylie's first day away from us for a whole 8 hours and his first day with the new babysitter.  I'm nervous, and I also know he'll be just fine overall, even if he only drinks 1 oz. of milk the whole time like the last full day he was away from me.  Wish us all luck!  The thing that is truly blowing my mind at this point is that I am more comfortable leaving my baby with someone that I just met than with the person who raised me.  Now that's some serious food for thought.

[seraf]

Granite, congratulations and welcome! November is a great time to be born and a fine time to have a baby.

Planet, I shot you a video the other day, but couldn't get it to post, so here's another attempt.http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?feature=youtube_gdata_player&v=8maZb5REoOs&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D8maZb5REoOs%26feature%3Dyoutube_gdata_playerOn slings, I don't know any of the brands to recommend. All my slings are just a piece of cloth. Some were fabric from the store, others had a past life as sheets. 2 yards is enough for me to tie in a square knot or use for the African back carry and 2.5 yards is enough to tie a slip knot and use it like a ring sling. My current favorites cost a dollar a yard, but using something else will get you theough until you have money again. I will try to shoot another video when I get home from work because I'm totally opposed to spending money, lol.
Here's someone else's video to get you started. http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=bSw-kde19Q8&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DbSw-kde19Q8
I love all the babywearing videos. You can look around and see how other folks nurse in their ergo and how they use carriers. Pretty sweet.
ETA:
This one is about nursing in a ring sling. The fabric spread across your back does help distribute the weight. I also do more of a hip carry and pull the fabric up over baby's shoulders. I nurse from under my shirt instead of from the neckline because I don't wear low cut shirts, but that's about it. I will have to shoot a video tomorrow, I forgot that I work past bedtime today.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UUTmsB5qaOQ&feature=relmfu
Edited by seraf - 2/27/13 at 6:26am

[esenbee2]

Congrats Granite!!!!!  So happy to see you over here!  It's awesome that you graduated after 1 cycle!

     

      

      

      

[planet]

Thanks for the videos, seraf! I'll try again in the ergo. Why not, right? You've probably shared this on here before, but what kind of fabric do you like for your handmade slings? Also, what is that swing hanging in your doorway? That looks like something Wylie would enjoy! He's a bouncer.

[esenbee2]

Planet -we had doorway bouncer too, but I wouldn't recommend it if you just have a regular size doorway.  We used it for DD in a regular size doorway and she knocked her head quite a few times on the doorway, so we stopped using it.  I would only use it if I had double doorway (that has a frame so you can hang it up) like seraf has.

http://www.walmart.com/ip/22236469?wmlspartner=wlpa&adid=22222222227000000000&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=&wl3=21486607510&wl4=&wl5=pla&veh=sem

[seraf]

Planet, certainly try it again. I couldn't do it without lifting the breast to the baby. They hold it up like a sippy cup sometimes. It's funny. That's just a regular jump up. We thought S would love it because he loved to stand but it took a while before he enjoyed it. He loves it now because he can run, lift his feet and swing in a big circle. S2 started to enjoy it recently because it gives him just enough support (or courage?) to stand unassisted. He doesn't bounce in it at all. There is a different brand with a tray that seems it would prevent head bonks in narrower doorways but allows finger pinches. We have a wooden swing in the narrower kitchen doorway.

Here's an old picture of our swing, with an 11 month old Ari, at the house we're about to move to, in the doorway to the room she was born in.

Edited by seraf - 2/27/13 at 8:38am

[mtnlisa]

Threadcrash--I've only been active on the fb board lately, life is just too busy with an infant and a toddler. I just wanted to see if there were any pics of the triplets (yay, they look awesome!) and I feel compelled to respond to esenbee. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for nearly ten years. Well, then rel was ten years but the crap got. Bigger and bigger over time till it was mostly crap. I didn't really understand what was happening til I was in therapy with an awesome therapist. She almost never would say what she was thinking, you know, drawing out my ideas, but between the breakup and the actual dissolution, I saw her once or twice a week. One day she asked me what I call it when X writes me letters and I started explaining how I understood how upset he (ftm) was feeling and she said "no. You say to yourself,'I don't listen to X's words because he is emotionally abusing me' " it took several more weeks for me to say this to myself and now, six years later, I still argue with him in my dreams about how downtrodden I was.
I know you have to make your decision yourself, but I want to offer support for leaving. You are strong, you will make it work out, you deserve to feel like you have a charmed life. I feel that way now and I am so, so thankful to the people who supported me in leaving. I hope I haven't overstepped here, but I speak from a btdt perspective and I wouldn't wish for anyone to be there where I was then
Edited by mtnlisa - 2/27/13 at 10:35am