Queer, Pregnant, and Parenting--February and March 2013! - Page 23

[seraf]

Starling, I'm sorry the system is set up in a way to prevent her adoption by you. That sounds very sad.

Escher, that's a better chance than odds of pregnancy on a given cycle, so I'll take it. A Sagittarius and a Scorpio. Good times will be had by all.

Sphinxy, mmmmm bagels.

[KnittingTigers]

Starling, that just blows. I'm really sad and angry on your behalf, and the child's.

Escher, congrats and welcome!

Bagels and cream cheese. That was my whole first trimester. You do what you gotta do. I learned from this experience that the only two decent NY style bagel shops in my (smallish southern) town are located next to the Jewish synagogue and the Unitarian church. Totally cracked me up. I know how to find my people now. (And yes, I am clearly a northeasterner in exile.)

All is well here. I'm rocking along at 33.5 weeks. Kind of crazy to think they could be here in a couple weeks! We're feeling reasonably ready. We've got tons of cloth diapers, buttloads of herbs and meds to help with breastfeeding, the co-sleeper set up, and a dresser from Ikea assembled and full of baby clothes. Things we still need to do are install the car seats (I've been reluctant to give up the whole back seat of our Accord, but it's time), file our taxes, and tour the hospital. At our last ultrasound baby A was headdown, and B was sideways, but with her head lower than her butt. As long as they stay that way, I can deliver in an L&D room, rather than the OR, so fingers crossed. The hospital is 40 minutes from our house, but there's a hotel right next door to it with rooms that have jacuzzis. We're thinking of checking in there when labor starts, and then heading over to the hospital at the last minute, so that I can labor in peace (and in a jacuzzi). Does this sound crazy? When DD was born, I stayed home til I felt like I needed to push, then went to the hospital. She was born an hour later. I hate hospitals and think that trying to get through labor in one is going to seriously stress me out.

No other big news. My mother arrives in 10 days for the next four or five months. I'm excited about the extra help, but a little stressed about having another large personality in our relatively small house.

[wishin'&hopin']

Welcome Cocobird and welcome back Escher!!!  

Sphinxy--glad to hear the fatigue is lifting!  

Granite--add me to the list of folk who could only stomach bagels and cream cheese during the first trimester, and it HAD to be everything bagels (for DW it was peanut butter toast).  

Planet--our DS was a CRAPPY sleeper, we tried everything, but I think ultimately what happened was we didn't stick it out with anything long enough.  We DID swaddle for longer than 6 months (altho' I don't remember when that changed, I think when he started crawling) and then we used sleep sacks.  For the brief while we tried co-sleeping (it didn't work for him) he went down for naps on our bed (a very high and probably wildly dangerous bed) but since he would only nap attached to a nipple at that point (my nipple to be precise) it was pretty much supervised.  Sounds like you'll continue to practice "smile and nod" when given advice that doesn't jive with yours.  (DW is a doc and has people ask parenting questions all the time, sometimes I wonder if there is a board somewhere with folk discussing the bad advice she's given about how to find resources for safe co-sleeping and why topping off with formula when there is not medical indication--as in, the baby is growing/gaining/pooping/peeing fine--may torpedo breastfeeding).  Doctors are people too, and parenting is NOT covered in medical school, so I think MOST doctors are operating out of their own parenting experiences (their own or others) when they offer suggestions (I think that's the case not just for doc's but for all the folk with the slew of letters behind their names).  

Starling--So sorry to hear that your families adoption hopes were squished, I hope that you do manage to keep a connection to the baby.  

 I've always loved the aesthetic of the hammock, does anyone here actually have/use one?  Because of DS's sleep issues (up every hour and a half most of his first 14 months) we're trying to set it up so that we have consistent sleep expectations from the get go.  But, since DS2 will be a second with a busy big brother, I think many (probably too many) of his naps will take place in carriers (we walk a LOT, especially in nice weather).  

AFUs ;)  We are cruising along at 32 weeks, DW looks like she literally has a basketball under her dresses...dresses because her back has been so bad that pants are WAY too uncomfortable and the belly bands in them were giving her contact irritation rashes.  We are both suspecting that this baby will be bigger at birth than average, but holding onto "your baby will be the right size for your body".  Speaking of which, LOVED the hypnobirthing class.  It just ended and I feel like it gave me lots to offer DW as the "supporting mom" during birth.  And, the instructor/materials were WAY less heteronormative than the Bradley class we took for DS (the Bradley class was a very negative experience for a variety of reasons).  So, I recommend (I found the book less helpful than the class) taking a class for folks who can swing it--and even tho' we had to get/pay for a sitter to go, it really did mean that we got 5 weeks worth of date nights!  Our hospital tour is this week and I'm looking forward to it too.  

DS, will be three (!) next month.  He is adorable and sweet and really just delights me most of the time.  The rest of the time he makes me want to scream, mostly when he's being clingy or hyper sensitive--he asks multiple times a day if we are happy, if the answer is anything but "yes, we are happy" he tantrums and completely freaks out (and, looks heartbroken!).  Anyone have suggestions for how to deal with that one?  We are trying to get him to observe ways to know if someone is happy, we talk about all feelings being okay, we use the book "How Are You Peeling, Foods With Moods" to talk about feelings...but this concern with happiness is really hard to cope with for me.  Of course, it's also incredibly sweet when his response to the question "what things make you happy?" is "mama".

[carmen358]

isa: wow, that is a quick turn around! I'm sure you don't need to be told this but don't rush into anything if you don't feel completely ready :)

Welcome and congratulations, Cocobird!

starling, I'm so sorry to hear your adoption won't be going through...I was excited for your family. I can understand the "waiting families" thing (and the "twin" thing to some extent") but of course if a child already has an existing relationship with a family as amazing as yours I think that should trump things. Big hugs to you.

Knitting, I can't believe you are so close! It seems to have gone by so quickly! I think it's completely awesome that you plan on delivering these babies with what seems like a ton of confidence and bravery...it will be amazing! If the hospital is right across the street from the hotel I don't see a problem labouring there until you are ready. Will you have  doula or midwife with you?

wishin: DD sometimes asks me if I'm happy. Usually when I'm upset or angry about something. It's recently changed to "are you happy with me?"...I've always suspected that she's really asking if I'm mad at her or if I'm upset because of her. I always make sure to let her know I love her and that I am happy no matter what...but that I can be upset or angry and still be happy with her. I don't know if that makes sense when I write it out on here lol I worry that she takes on others emotions...especially mine. I think it's just part of her personality.

Afm: I feel like baby has had a big growth spurt or something...my fundus is suddenly well above my belly button. And yesterday when I was laying down I could *almost* feel movement from the outside once or twice. I can't wait for DP and DD to be able to feel the kicks :) My anatomy scan is next week and DP has to work now so I'm trying to figure out the best thing to do with DD. I wanted her to be able to come but DP thinks it could be scary and is a bad idea in case something is wrong in the scan :( However, I don't have anyone to ask to come along and be with her if needed...nor do I have anyone to watch her while I go! I may have no choice but to suck it up and just put on a brave face if something is wrong...and bring her along with me.

[prettyisa]

Hi Coco! I love Amadora—we had thought pretty seriously about Isadora (since my real name isn’t Isa, but it has some sentimental value to me) but ended up with Edith instead. Still, I think it’s so pretty! I hope that things continue to go well and that you have no cause to worry any further!

MrsandMrs—Interesting, for sure! I’m glad you are finding people that you think will be good additions to your birth team!

Escher—Yay!! Congratulations! How exciting! My sister’s birthday is the 22nd—I always thought it was a nice time of year for a birthday.

Granite—A good question! Last time we did IUIs, then medicated and monitored IUIs, then IVF. My insurance is pretty awesome and will start us right at IVF for future babies, since there’s demonstrated history of needing to use it to get pregnant. DP wants to spare us the time and pain of going through another egg retrieval and transfer, and would really like me to just get pregnant more ‘naturally’. I’m open to trying once at home, just to see what happens, but I really don’t want to go through months and months of variously complicated procedures just to end up back at IVF again, especially considering the costs involved and the fear of running through our little stockpile of donor sperm (since we would prefer to try and use the same donor for all kids). I am at the point where if we’re going to involve a doctor I want to just go all in and hope that what worked last time will work this time. Of course if an ICI at home worked on the first try, I’d be thrilled! Also, I still haven’t kicked the bagel habit from pregnancy. It’s just sooo gooey and perfect.

Sphinxy—Oo! I hope you guys have fun!

Oh, Starling. What a disappointment, and what a crappy system. I’m so sorry to hear that you won’t be getting to adopt that little girl. Hugs to you.

Knitting—I would TOTALLY go hang out in the Jacuzzi until the last minute. That sounds perfect—nice and close but also private and unmedicated. Ideal. Also, I wish you lots of strength for that long with your mom around. I’m sure she’s going to be phenomenally helpful, but it would be a total triumph for me to make it that long with my mom in my house without losing it.

Wishin—oh, that is so sweet! And I have no idea what would help. Can you help him learn what things might mean you are unhappy, so he can look for the negative signs and just kind of assume that everything is good unless you’ve got some kind of warning? Good luck! Also, your poor DP! I hope she likes dresses! That’s still a ways to go…We found the hypnobirthing cd that our instructor gave us really soothing—once in a while DP asks if we can listen to it before bed, since we are always both knocked out within the first two minutes.

[prettyisa]

carmen--crosspost! Would the nurses be able to watch her for a minute or two while you get started and make sure that everything is ok before sending her in? I think it would be amazing for her to see her little sibling's u/s!

[AmandaHope]

Congratulations, ESCHER! Wow! So exciting.  Fingers crossed for an easy, healthy pregnancy for your DP.

Welcome to Coco, too! 

Sphinxy: really glad that you are getting some energy back. What a relief!

Starling: That is just heartbreaking.  The child's best possible welfare and outcome should be the guiding criteria, not bureaucracy and rules.  I get the reasons for having policies like not "twinning," but the specific context matters a great deal, and it is tragic that the worker won't consider your situation fully. I'm so sorry...for all of you. 

Knitting: WOW so close! I love the idea of laboring at the hotel with the jacuzzi.  Minus the jacuzzi, that's what we did (though we hadn't planned to...).  I had active labor and transition in about 90 minutes of time at a hotel that was 5 min from the hospital. In your case, I'd say try to get to the hospital before the (first) baby is crowning, though. Ugh. I can only imagine how upset the ER staff would be if the first baby of twins is about to hit the lobby floor.  It was crazy enough for me with one.  Anyway, best best wishes for your  mom's visit and all of the transitions to come.  

AFU: Night weaning is...over.  Amazing. She now wakes up, but I tell her "milkies are sleeping," and she rolls over, cuddles against me, and goes back to sleep.  I can't believe it still.  Yesterday, I took her to my doula's office to pick up a few more cloth diapers (of the one of only two brands that still fits her and doesn't leak--Thirsties and Blueberry pockets, in case anyone is interested), and she was finishing up a birth class and asked if I'd tell Lilah's birth story.  It was kind of intense to try to tell, especially with Lilah running around and protesting. The downside of her being so verbal is that can tell everyone in the room very clearly that she has no interest in hanging out with them.  We walked in, and she called out clear as day, "NO PEOPLE. BYE BYE PEOPLE."  So I made it as short as I could and tried to entertain her with an exercise ball.  It was just so funny, all of these first-time parents with their beautiful bellies, holding hands with partners, sitting in yogic positions all peacefully on the floor, and me scrambling around after Lilah telling this chaotic birth story about racing into the ER....  That's just how life feels right now--hugely chaotic--but also wonderfully full.  I do hope that you first-time expecting folks enjoy the peace and quiet, though :).  

Edited by AmandaHope - 3/18/13 at 8:12am

[carmen358]

Originally Posted by prettyisa 

carmen--crosspost! Would the nurses be able to watch her for a minute or two while you get started and make sure that everything is ok before sending her in? I think it would be amazing for her to see her little sibling's u/s!

Likely, no. They are crazy busy.

[escher]

Hi Everyone,

Starling: I'm sorry. How disappointing.

Carmen: That sounds like a hard situation with needing to take your daughter to the ultrasound. Hopefully everything will be just fine and it will be a joyful and calm scan, but I definitely understand not being sure about that. I remember going to the 20-week scan for our son and thinking on the way there about who I would need to call first if there wasn't a heartbeat. I agree that we (my wife) got pregnant insanely quickly this time (second IUI, first well-timed one). It seems crazy that it is possible that such few insems might really produce a baby.

AmandaHope: I am so impressed that night-weaning is over! Way to go!

Wishin: It's interesting to hear that you found the hypobirthing class. My wife and I have been discussing what kind of birth class we should do this time around, We had a good experience with Bradley for our son's birth (but I think it was the teacher, not the Bradley program, that made it good), but it seems like too much to do that again, even though we will be in different roles this time. Your DS sounds sweet, but I can definitely understand the challenges of him wanting you to be happy all the time. Good luck figuring out what, if anything, to do about that.

KnittingTigers: It sounds like you are impressively ready! I think your idea of spending most of labor in a hotel is brilliant.

AFM: Waiting for beta results. Trying not to worry.

[seraf]

Tiger, second labors can be insanely fast. If I had started for the hospital when I realized I was pushing, A would have been born on the front sidewalk. And of course, S was born in the car less than 2 minutes from the house (longer run up labor, but he was nearly 2 pounds heavier). I guess I'm saying, if you want a hospital birth, make sure you leave early enough.

Escher, hopefully you've got a good news beta by now!

Carmen, you've made it this far, the ultrasound will be a huge relief. Sara took S to many ultrasounds while I was working. The nurses were disappointed when I came because they didn't get to play with S. when she was sent to the hospital for observation at one point, the L&D nurses played with S until my mom got there to take over. Your DD may be cool to just look at books if she comes along. Maybe play I spy with the magazines?

Wishin, no real ideas. How is his communication these days?

Nothing really going on here. The boys are a whirlwind of destruction these days.

[KnittingTigers]

Huh, Seraf. Food for thought. I do not want to deliver twins in a hotel or on the sidewalk or in the lobby of the ER. I also do not want to spend hours laboring in the hospital, getting poked and prodded and fighting off interventions. I guess we'll have to play it by ear, and see how things feel when the time comes.

I went back to work today after working from home for most of last week (spring break). Kind of sucked. My goal is to make it through the end of next week, and then transition to working from home til the babies come. Hoping I last that long. By the end of today my feet and ankles were huge, and I felt totally wiped. Not good. My gigantic Crocs (bought two sizes large just for this pregnancy) weren't fitting by mid-day. Yikes.

Carmen, we had to take DD to our first scan this time around (during which I was terrified of seeing an empty sac). We broke with our normal parenting protocol and let her watch a PBS show on my phone, wearing headphones. She didn't even notice the scan, or DP practically passing out when the doctor said "twins!". Whatever you do, I hope it goes well, and that there's good news!

Escher, thinking of you and your beta. Fingers crossed!

[carmen358]

Thanks for the feedback. The place we are going for the scan is an ultrasound/xray lab - not in a hospital. It's a private place and they don't really have nurses hanging about like they do at hospitals....but I suppose if I completely freaked out someone would indeed help me. 

I hadn't thought of the iphone thing - I don't have an iphone but I do have an ipad (aka icrack for kids) so that could work if she's bored - but luckily she doesn't usually get bored.

I'm feeling better about taking her.

Good luck, escher!!

[escher]

Seraf: It doesn't surprise me that Shay is into everything, but Soren is already a whirlwind of destruction? I'm impressed! He is an advanced baby.

KnittingTigers: Good luck with your last weeks of work! It's impressive that your DD was so engrossed she didn't even notice the scan even with a big reaction from your DP.

Carmen: I'm glad you're feeling better about taking your DD to the scan. It's nice to have the option of iCrack in case it is needed!

AFM: Thanks for the crossed fingers. Beta fine (29 hour doubling). Progesterone still on the lower side (it was 14.6 at 12dpo and 13.6 at 15dpo), but supposedly maybe that is ok for an unmedicated cycle (any thoughts on that?). Next beta tomorrow.

[granite]

Hurrah for great beta, escher! I don't know anything about progesterone levels differing between medicated/non-medicated cycles, but hopefully someone else here does!

I'm glad you're feeling better about taking DD to the u/s with you, carmen... FX for a good scan.

Wow, Knitting, when even extra-large crocs don't fit, that's some swelling! Nice to know that I'm not the only one devouring bagels w/cream cheese, too... I'm jealous of your good authentic ones, they are just really hard to find in my city. I guess I should look near the synagogue too!

Love your story about trying to tell how L's birth went, Amanda... LOL.

I'm so sorry, starling, about the adoption not working out. The system is just completely messed up, and so obviously not in the best interests of the child. Hugs to you.

PrettyIsa, thanks for the explanation... I totally get the ICI followed by IVF plan, given those circumstances! No point in wasting those donor vials when you've got more effective options.

Wishin, you're the second person recently to talk up hypnobirthing classes, and I'm looking into it now... Especially because I want my DP as the NGP to feel like she can provide meaningful support to me during the birthing process.

AFM: Today was our 7 week ultrasound and it was amazing! The little bean is measuring perfectly, as is the yolk sac! And we got to hear the heartbeat! I am so full of exclamation points right now!

DP was able to come along to the clinic, which made it all the more special... It's our second wedding anniversary today, and this was the perfect gift. I called my assorted parents and siblings afterwards, and they are all so thrilled too... And a little surprised, because I'd stopped updating them on baby-making plans a few months back, when we kept encountering delays.

Now tomorrow I've got to tell my boss, which I'm not exactly looking forward to, but can't be put off due to safety concerns at our work sites. As I'm one of only two women tradespeople in the whole local branch of the company, and I know there haven't been very many before me, I'm doubting they'll have much protocol to fall back on for how to accommodate pregnancy in the workplace! Which will be extra fun... As will, I'm sure, the comments I'm expecting from the more ignorant of my co-workers, who will likely be confused: These are the ones who don't seem to understand how a woman can be an electrician, and I've not got high hopes for how they'll deal with a dyke being knocked up. 

I'm so happy!

[seraf]

Carmen, iCrack, yes indeed. Our ultrasounds were all in the doctor's office so there were oodles of nurses.

Knitting, I met a twin mom recently whose babies were born at 4 and 6 pounds at 32 weeks! And only one of them had to spend a single night in the NICU. I thought about how you're already past there and how great that is for your babies. Is your DD crazy excited?

Escher, Soren gets around slowly, so Shay pulls stuff out and Soren shreds it before i get it picked up. He also loves to pull everything out of the cupboards.

Granite, I wouldn't know the pregnant electrician protocol, either. Good luck figuring that one out.

We moved our last load tonight. Tomorrow we unpack.

[carmen358]

Congrats on the doubling beta, escher  I'm not sure about progesterone...I opted not to have mine tested this time around and didn't use any extra. Do you trust your care provider to know when to supplement?

Great news, granite!! I'm so happy everything went well today 

Quote:

Originally Posted by seraf 

We moved our last load tonight. Tomorrow we unpack.

Jealous! I am excited to finally unpack...we're only going to unpack partially until we're completely moved in.

[wishin'&hopin']

Seraf--congratulations on getting everything moved and good luck with the unpacking!

Escher--yay for doubling!

Granite--good luck today! 

Carmen--our DS goes with us to many midwife appointments and we've had good luck giving him a lollipop for the appointment (it's SUCH a rare treat that he is quiet, focused and very, very slow in his consumption of the lollipop).  But, for ultrasounds they don't allow siblings so we actually ended up getting a babysitter for those (we saw one family in the waiting area that didn't know, so the partner and toddler were stuck in the waiting room and the birthing parent had to go back for the ultrasound alone...I felt so bad for them).  

And, as to Seraf's question...with DS's communication (he has an articulation disorder).  He's definitely made progress--now it's more like we live with a charming foreign exchange student with a VERY thick (and cute) accent as opposed to a martian who doesn't speak English.  He's going to need speech therapy for a long time, but we are grateful for the progress (especially since we understand him pretty well at this point...even tho' nobody else does!)

[KnittingTigers]

Originally Posted by seraf 

Knitting, I met a twin mom recently whose babies were born at 4 and 6 pounds at 32 weeks! And only one of them had to spend a single night in the NICU. I thought about how you're already past there and how great that is for your babies. Is your DD crazy excited?
 

Thank you. I really needed to read that today. Last night I started feeling really crampy and just kind of weird. Then DP said, OMG, I think the babies have dropped a little! I went to bed feeling full of panic that labor was imminent, and got a terrible night's sleep.

I'm feeling better now - cramping has stopped, and I feel more normal. I just don't feel ready to have these babies yet, but it's encouraging to hear that if they come now, things will likely be just fine.

I'm at work today, and my goal is to clean up my desk/office so that everyone is in order if I end up on leave sooner than expected. Like, today. I am planning to take lots of breaks and put my feet up. Small goals...

[seraf]

Wishin, yay for more understandable speach! Its great that ots goig so well. Where does his accent sound like he's from? O sounded like he was from boston for years. Yesterday we hung out with a girl Shay's age who spoke in phrases. Like, I could understand her. And Shay was all, ooo and eee and screeches. At least he is good with signs.

Tiger, that does sound scary. There are so many GI illnesses going around right now, I hope you skip them as well as preterm labor. Did you get the shot that matures their lungs? I think I spent a month treating every work day like it would be my last.

Carmen, how moved are you so far? This was my loving room at 10 o'clock last night. We had to unbury the table to feed the kids breakfast this morning.

[KnittingTigers]

No, I haven't gotten the shot. I see my midwife tomorrow and I'll ask her about it. Until now, I've had no signs of PTL, so it hasn't been on the table.

Cleaning my office sucks. Hats off to those of you who are moving right now.