Queer, Pregnant, and Parenting--February and March 2013! - Page 5

[easttowest]

All this talk about MA makes me dreadfully homesick!  But thankful to not be clearing 2 feet of snow out of my driveway.  Be safe, everyone!

[starling&diesel]

I've lost track of who mentioned that their baby seemed a bit constrained when it came to moving around in bulky cloth dipes?  

Anyway, I just want to lodge my two cents worth on that subject ... I'm not one for conspiracy theories, but I do think that the big cloth diaper corporations really emphasize that little baby butt that is only achievable by putting a slim disposable diaper on baby tushes.  

Most of the ads show babies with little leggings (girls) or jeans (boys) when clothed, and standard baby clothes are designed now to fit over that slender disposably-diapered butt.  The diaper ads also go on about moveability and crawlers and snug-fit, etc.  

Having had two babies in big fat cloth diapers, and having countless more as friends, I can vouch for the FACT that big cloth diapers don't hinder babies from getting around.  It is true, though, that you often have to put pants on that are a size up, and many onesies or shirts that snap at the crotch don't fit right, but I also don't buy into the aesthetic of dressing my babies like tiny adults (jeans, button up shirts, structured pants/dresses).  I dress my babies in what's comfortable, which does set them apart from a lot of sposie-diapered kids, but perhaps more out of philosophical difference than an affinity for cloth diapering.    

[pokeyAC]

sphinxy--DW and I got married in MA too.  We had a lovely time and hope to go back someday when the weather is nice.    As for the massage, I tried to get one earlier and the massage therapist would not do it because I was too close to the first trimester.  She was always taught nto to take the risk and do it too early.   I was bummed, but it made sense.  She wanted to wait until I was more into the second so I went back a few weeks later.  It was really nice!  She had a big pillow with a hole for your belly and boobs so you can comfortably lie on your tummy.  She said if a therapist does not have this, they have you lie on your side which doesn't sound so fun.  So before you schedule a massage, I would talk to them about when they want to do it and if they have the pillow.

[outdoorsy]

Sphinxy - Good luck to DW on the job search!

[DesertSunsets]

outdoorsy, I took some pics of the way we diaper, maybe it'll be helpful.  We usually just lay the prefold inside the cover, in fact we don't even own any snappis.  

You can lay the trifolded diaper in like this and put it on easy-peasy.

We usually let the top flop open and set her butt inside the little pocket it makes.  I don't know if it's accurate, but I feel like doing it this way contains poo better.

Wrestle your baby into the diaper. 

Then just pull the front of the diaper up while leaving the end of the prefold folded and secure the tabs; velcro or snaps.

Here is one place a prefold can escape a cover.

In the back, prefolds can also sneak out past the waistband.  Like Seraf said, you need to make sure the prefold is tucked entirely inside the cover to prevent pee from wicking out to clothes that touch the area.

Diapered!

Planet, you asked about diaper stripping.  I'm not sure if you wanted to know how I do it, or why I do it, or... ?

But basically I strip the inserts and prefolds because they tend to get a little ammonia-stinky and they give Ever little speckles when it's time to strip them.  I run them in 3-4 hot washes with just Calgon water-softener, then a final wash with Rockin' Green Hard Rock soap with an extra rinse at the end.  I love freshly-stripped diapers - so crisp and clean-smelling!  

Anyway, more pictures!  Haha.

5 months old!!

Through the paper towel tube!

[prettyisa]

Just jumping in to say that the side-lying massages are still AWESOME. I had some back problems with my pregnancy and my chiropractor comes with free massage (I love her so), so I had quite a few. In some ways I actually like it better than the face-down massages--not as much face smoosh!

Did anyone else's kids get really sassy around 10 months? My sweet baby girl has started throwing little mini-tantrums, knocking food out of our hands, and looking at us while she dumps cheerios on the floor. Any advice? She's too little to even really gently reprimand, but I don't want this to be a habit!

[seraf]

Desert, holy cuteness.

Isa, lol, key difference between boys and girls? Soren smacks and dumps and throws and goes stiff as a board when we try to set him down but he makes it seem more like silly puppy than sassy tantrum. He loves high five, all the better if we have our hands up, but faces seem good enough, too. We put food directly on his tray so he can't dump it and the child cannot sit for the life of him, it's like the floor is lava. He smiles his little cheeks off, so it's hard to see those things as sassy.

[DesertSunsets]

Whoa Shay!  Way to go with the chopsticks! 

[esenbee2]

isa -I definitely remember DD at 9 months purposefully testing our limits. DSp wanted to jump in with yelling no to her and even spanking. I felt she was too young for reprimanding and tried to step in before DSp to redirect her to another activity.

That is still something we argue about. "She would be like this we had just spanked her. When I was little, I knew better than to act up or my dad would have beat my a**" Well, that's all good and nice for your dad, but I'm not going to have daughter afraid of me hurting her. Everyday seems like a lesson learned on compatability that I need to teach my daughter for when she grows up and is going to get married... Make sure you agree on the most important issues.

AFM -actually felt normal yesterday, finally got the outside Christmas lights down... Been taking half a unisom and 50 mg of B6 at bedtime, 100 mg B6 and prenatal in the morning. Lasts me til late afternoon/early evening, then take 1 generic for zofran, orally diasolvable. Gets me through enough to be able to eat dinner, cooking has been a challenge, but it's getting better. I was even able to stand around and pick up around the kitchen after DD was put to bed. Usually I was in bed after dinner and could barely get up for DD's bedtime... Glad things finally seem like they're on the up and up!

[carmen358]

Originally Posted by prettyisa 

Just jumping in to say that the side-lying massages are still AWESOME. I had some back problems with my pregnancy and my chiropractor comes with free massage (I love her so), so I had quite a few. In some ways I actually like it better than the face-down massages--not as much face smoosh!

Did anyone else's kids get really sassy around 10 months? My sweet baby girl has started throwing little mini-tantrums, knocking food out of our hands, and looking at us while she dumps cheerios on the floor. Any advice? She's too little to even really gently reprimand, but I don't want this to be a habit!

Personally, I still think that's still a little young to be knowingly acting sassy. I would just avoid it (ie move quicker or take the bowl away before she gets into that mode) or ignore it if it happens, clean up and move on. It becomes a game at that age...I think it's more experimenting than testing in any real sense of the word. Just my 2 cents :)

[seraf]

I was being a little silly, I'll say it in plain English. I agree with Carmen that its not really limits testing yet. They all go through these phases, it's like they can't help it, must learn. When Soren was born, one of our favorite librarians told us that with her fourth so could finally see the difference between the personality of the individual child and the stages they all go through. It really resonated with me, perhaps because the boys are so close, we can just watch these phases clicking through like clockwork. It does me no good to get upset, he's going to pass out the other side pretty quickly.

S+B, way to stand up against yelling and spanking. I know oodles of kids from non-spanking families who are absolutely delightful (your dd is 3-4? There are so many challenges at those ages) are there jerks in the bunch? Eh, maybe one kid gets on my nerves. Do I know jerky adults who were spanked as kids? Boy howdy! I'm not convinced its an effective long term strategy (lesson I learned was don't get caught). When people bring it up, I mention the studies that say spanking lowers IQ.

Desert, lol, he wasn't using the chopsticks effectively, but he sure was trying.

Shay is getting his 16th tooth. He has been having a harder time with this one than the last 7 combined. He is biting everything. He bit Soren, he bit a piece of wood off O's bed! Poor kid. He was up at least hourly last night. Twice I just laid him back down, kissed his cheek and he looked at me for a second and went back to sleep. Several other times they were both shrieking in their sleep. Of course mostly they were both thrashing around, crying and nursing. I'm so tired. Sara is still in bed. I'm totally giving them both Tylenol before bed tonight.

[onemommyonemama]

Isa - Some things that help us right now with sage:

- we put a few bites of food right on her tray at a time.

- I spoon feed her anything that isn't fingerfoods for the most part. At the end of the meal, I load up a spoon and put it on her tray so she can use it. She doesn't get the bowl. I fill the spoon as often as needed.

- if I'm really not wanting to pick things up, I even attach her sippy cup to a string attached to the chair.

- you could try suction bowls but in my experience they just make the game more challenging and fun...lol.

Sage is getting fussy because she wants to communicate with us. Signing is really helping. She only has a few signs but they are very helpful.  She also shakes her head no. WIth this we can narrow down what she wants (especially at the table, she often is asking to try something new or have a drink). Sometimes she wants something that she can't have/ is unsafe - that is when distract is helpful :)

Seraf - love this pics of your boys :) I hope sleep improves with a bit of tylanol. molars are they?

Desert - great pics! she is so smiley!!! what a cutie :)

DP and I are talking bit by bit about a third child. DP is feeling mostly done. She is done with night time parenting to this degree, done with diapers, etc... she has enough  for Sage but feels she'd like to move on to new stages after she grows. I'm not feeling done at all! I really loved pregnancy, I really loved birth. I love infants. I want to experience all of these things again. Honestly, I'd like to have 2 more! I'd love to just stay at home and raise babies and little people for many many years.

life with 2 kids is cheaper, simpler in some ways. We have a small car. We could travel easier. We can pay more attention to each child. We are one on one with no one left out, etc...

I just don't think I can move on though. I know that DP would very likely agree to a third child because it is important to me. I also know that if we chose to have another baby she would give it her all again and be just as supportive/involved, etc... I just feel a lot of pressure to make the right decision for our family. Am I listening to my hormones? How do you know when your family is complete? I'm 7 years younger than DP as well. Sigh... I can't imagine being done with this.

thoughts!?

We have a year or so to make the decision, because we really liked having 2-3 years between our kids so far.

Hi everyone! Cananny! Hope you are feeling as comfortable and well as possible! So excited for you!!!

[starling&diesel]

Oh Desert, tempting us with those scrumptious photos!  Gorgeous!

Sassy-ness vs Developmental Phases:  I agree with Carmen and Seraf on this one.  No manipulation or intentional sass or 'pushing buttons' is happening at ten months.  They're just experimenting with their world and all the interesting bits and bobs and reactions to be messed around with.  I don't think my 4yo is ever being intentionally manipulative or sassy either, again, just testing the world around her in news ways as she gets to them developmentally.  

Does that mean that I let unacceptable behaviour slide?  No.  I ignore the negative behaviours and constantly model and encourage what I want.  

For food chucking, I let it happen until the thrill of it passes.  No reaction whatsoever.  I only put out what I'm prepared to clean up off the floor. And this includes beverages (our kids don't use sippies, only open cups), which usually means just a swallow or two at a time until they get past the upturning/throwing phase.

The more reaction from the parent ("No throwing your food!" or even if it's framed in the positive:  "Food stays on the tray!"), the more exciting it is to elicit said reaction. If you don't want the behaviour to persist, ignore it.  They'll move on soon enough.

On the subject of kids and food in general ... We have very few rules at the table.  I don't care if they eat their cookies or fruit first.  I don't care if they don't want to eat anything at all.  I don't care if they only eat noodles and carrots for three days straight.  I don't care if they want to read or draw or play with a jar of rocks while they eat. I don't care if they play with their food (hello, science experiments and witches' brew!).  What we do expect is that they join us at the table until the adults are done, and that they understand that restaurants are the place for restraint.  At home, pretty much anything goes.  My partner and I both have such emotionally fraught relationships with food ... we're trying something a bit different with our kids.

More babies .... We would.  But we have no more embryos and we don't want to expand the search. I loved being pregnant and growing our babies. We do like being done with the teeny-tiny infant stage though.   Our neighbours are foster mamas to a child who is 2 weeks younger than H.  When she comes up for adoption, we might go for it.  

[seraf]

I'd love another baby. Someday. Once I've slept and adjusted to cleaning up after a family of 6. But I don't know that I want one enough to sign up for another year of subjecting my family to a crazy hormonal person, myself or otherwise.

[planet]

Desert, hi! I forgot to say this before, but that is nuts about your job! Way to go standing up for yourself. How are things going now? And about the diaper stripping, I was just curious because I didn't know what that meant, that's all! Thanks for explaining, that makes sense! I an amazed by the simplicity of your diapering. you guys don't have poop leaking out of the covers? We found that not fastening the prefold led to a big mess! A always, your photos are amazing, and Ever is too cute!!!

[CascadiaMama]

Starling: That sounds almost exactly like our philosophy for food. We successfully took alex to a pretty fancy restaurant this weekend for DP's bday, too. He ate Spanish tapas right alongside us, and flirted with the lady at the next table. Then there are days he takes his strawberries off the plate and sets them aside, and only eats the bananas. And the days he's not hungry at all.

Question for you, though - how do you keep the littles at the table? Alex is 18 month old, and can climb down from his chair himself after he waves his arms "all done" and busses his dish (well, he slides it toward me). I don't know that he understands "we all sit at at the table until everyone is finished," though I keep saying it. Any tips?

Everybody: Hi! Glad you're all well. I started a new job in January... will be linking all about it tomorrow on facebook (we're breaking some news). Life is super busy, but good. Now that I'm settled into a new job (I knew for the past year-plus that my last job was ending in Dec, but didn't know what would be next until after xmas), we're starting to think about baby #2. Haven't started charting or anything, waiting for my cycles to settle down a bit, and debating night weaning to help that along. But it's an exciting (and terrifying) prospect!

[AmandaHope]

Originally Posted by seraf 



Shay is getting his 16th tooth. He has been having a harder time with this one than the last 7 combined. He is biting everything. He bit Soren, he bit a piece of wood off O's bed! Poor kid. He was up at least hourly last night. Twice I just laid him back down, kissed his cheek and he looked at me for a second and went back to sleep. Several other times they were both shrieking in their sleep. Of course mostly they were both thrashing around, crying and nursing. I'm so tired. Sara is still in bed. I'm totally giving them both Tylenol before bed tonight.

Oh wow, that sounds rough for everyone involved.  I really hope you all got some sleep this weekend.

[AmandaHope]

Starling: What a breathtaking possibility of adopting a child (whom you already know) who is nearly the same age as H.  I'd love to hear more.

Isa: Philosophically, I'm in total agreement about ignoring behaviors you don't like and assuming they are experiments rather than attitude.  Practically, I find this challenging. I find it really hard not to react when Lilah picks up the dog's water bowl and dumps it all over the floor...or takes a plate of food and swipes it off the table.  Until recently, we were only using the high chair tray for this reason, but she's gotten more interested in table behavior lately (moving from the high chair to a booster at the table with us, handing her plate to me rather than dumping it most of the time, etc.).  But she still does it, and I just don't have the mindfulness at the moment to not react. I'm trying.

Desert: What kind of camera do you use? Those photos--and your munckin--are just incredible! Thanks for sharing them.

Cascadia (new name--lovely!): exciting exciting exciting on the new job and talk about another babe fronts.  So glad things seem to falling into place for you and your family, even though things are  very busy.

OMom: Whew.  The decision about another is hard.  You sound like you and DP are communicating really well about it, which makes all the difference.  I'll tell you that I tried very hard to repress my deep, strong desire to have another baby for about 5 years.  That's a long time.  At one point, I really felt like I had an epiphany about how full and different and easier our family's life (and our lives as individuals and as a couple) would be without another child.  Within 6 months, I was crying about it again.  I just couldn't shake it.  Everyone is different, and at some point, enough has to be enough, right? But those deep feelings are powerful.

AFU: I don't want to ramble on about it, but I'm at a really low point in my parenting of Z (10--almost 11), which is probably related to my feeling  overwhelmed with parenting L, as well.  DP was just sick with the flu for four days, and despite the help of my in-laws, I just couldn't handle it.  I couldn't get L to go to sleep for naps (finally resorted to the car yesterday, which worked, though then she woudn't go down at night), so she cat-napped on me in a carrier, which was so sweet, but didn't get me a break.  Z (who has anxiety and mild OCD) won't go to sleep on her own, which means that she was staying up waiting for me to get L down, and then I fall asleep with her, so I have no time to myself at all.  And Z is having a very hard time stepping up to the level of responsibility we need from her.  She struggles especially with keeping any track of time.  So she gets in the bath when I take L to bed, and when I finally creep out of L's room over an hour later, Z is still soaking away, not having washed up at all, etc.  I ask Z repeatedly to clean out her art cabinet, but she stops every 3 minutes to do something else, to use an art supply, to get a snack, to pee, etc.  I have to ask her 5 times to put away a stack of clean laundry.  This sounds really petty, and I know that there are ways to handle it (ie, lay out the expectation--clothes put away by 5pm or whatever--clarify a consequence if it doesn't happen--and then calmly implement the consequence if necessary).  My problem is that I just can't stay calm. It is like I have no reserves at all and am just reacting constantly. And I don't like what comes out of my mouth--nothing directly insulting, but the tone is harsh, annoyed, exasperated, impatient.  I don't want to be like this. I haven't felt like this before--able to see how I want to handle something but just unable to do it.  I have an appointment later today with a counselor (who is available any time to university employees) to talk about this later today. We'll see how that goes.  Sorry to be such a downer!

[esenbee2]

Ahope -I know exactly what you mean with reacting constantly and being harsh, annoyed, exasperated, and impatient.  DD has been helpful and uses words to tell me that it doesn't make her feel very good, so I have been able to immediately see the effect it has on her and change my tone right away.  Maybe have a sit down with Z and ask her to help you out by having her express her feelings when you interact with her?  I have frequent sit downs with DD and tell her that mommy really wants to try to talking calmly to her and we both can work it on it together.  She seems very receptive to these talks.

[seraf]

AmandaHope, we do something like chore sticks. http://www.toddlerapproved.com/2012/08/bedtime-battles-and-chore-sticks-for.html?m=1 for our morning routine. The kids have a time limit and it has totally cut down on my nagging (um, and it helps me out, one of their chores is to pick up all the toys so I can sweep, they also put away their laundry, put their dishes in the dishwasher, hair and teeth). Is there a clock in the bathroom? That may help.

Good luck, Hun. Also, if bedtime isn't working, give it a change. Would she be comfortable going to bed with you sitting by the door reading? Out of the room with a walkie talkie or baby monitor so she can talk to you? Tin cans and string?