To enroll my 3 y.o. or not?

[L. A. Richman]

I am so confused!

I have gotten my little boy, born in Dec. of 2000, accepted into a charter Montessori which is just down the street from me. School runs M-F from 8 to 11:30a. The thing is, it just doesn't feel right to enroll him at such an early age. And for five days a week!

But if I don't enroll him, he won't get a place, and maybe he won't have a montessori education at all. It goes until 9 years old. I like this school b/c it is a charter school & he'll get to mix w/ kids of all different cultures. I went to a Montessori and I think my son would be especially suited to the program.

I feel strong in my conviction about him being at home at 3, but I feel sorry to make him miss out on this opportunity. I keep hearing other mamas talk about how they couldn't get their child in to this school and here mine has the chance.

I want to do the right thing but I don't know what it is! I like Montessori theory but I wonder sometimes if I can give him the same thing & maybe more at home.

Any advice?

[lauren]

Hi L.A. and welcome! It sounds like a neat school. Will he be 3 1/2 by then? (I think there's a big difference between 3 and 3 1/2) Three hours is not so terribly long, though I know it probably feels that way when you havne't been apart very much. It is a typical amt of time for preschool, but usually not 5 days. How do you think he would do? Is he pretty social? Would he separate easily from you? How flexible is the program if something is not working well with it for you--- in other words, if 5 days were too much, would they let you bring him 3 or 4 days?
If you chose not to, would they let you put him on the waiting list for when he's 4 so you can be guaranteed a spot a year later when you are more comfortable with it?

[L. A. Richman]

Thanks, Lauren. This is my first post. He'll be 3 yrs 9 mo. by September. I haven't discussed anything with the people at the school because I wanted to keep my options open. I think my boy would do alright. When I observed a class, the kids looked like they were doing the things my son does at home. He suprises me all the time, so maybe he would do well with separation but I just don't think so. I asked him what he thought about starting school and he said he'd like it but doesn't want to be away. I tried leaving him at the YMCA during an exercise class, and he loved it the first and second time, and refused to go the third and successive times we tried. I know it isn't much time away, but this is how I see it: he'll be gone during the morning when we have our grandest adventures, and then he'll come home for lunch, have a nap, and then we'll have an hour together before dinnertime.
I'm sure I can put him on the waiting list, but there aren't many spaces, and priority goes to siblings of those attending, and getting in for those older than 3 is rare.
I don't really even think a 4 year old should have 5 days/wk of school. Maybe 2 or 3...

[lauren]

I definitely hear you. My kids went to a great preschool that was 2 days a week for 3 year olds and 3 days a week for 4 year olds. Some parents complained that it wasn't enough preparation (time wise) for k-garten, but I thought it was fine. I have never understood why some of the private programs insist on a 5 day schedule for little ones.

I hear in your voice strong reservations about this, and I think you might have the answer in your 'gut.' Perhaps there is another great option nearby that suits you and your ds better. Playgroups? A home based option?

[rainsmom]

My dd was also 3 in december......and I am contemplating 2 differnt preschools that are both 2days a week. My dd sounds alot like your ds in that she loved going to the Y at first, then refused to go after the 3rd time. SHe was in a moms day out program that was one day a week and did fine, but I wouldnt consider anything more than 3 days a week for her,just based on how she is and her needs. Im a SAHM, and dont feel she needs that much time away from me. Im surprised the school doesnt give you an option in the amount of days. The private school I am considering for dd has 2, 3 or 5 day options....all 1/2 day or full day for working parents. Look around at what else is in your community.......you might find something else more suited for you and then can go to the Montessori next year.

[momtokay]

oh man, i could have written your post, except my dilemna involves a waldorf school and a 4-year old. i had planned on keeping her home one more year and sending her to k the following year, but just found out there is a spot for her in the 4-6 year old kindergarten for next year. it's 4-hours a day, 3-days a week and i'm unsure of what to do because if i don't send her next year she may not get in the following year. good luck with your decision.

[L. A. Richman]

To rainsmom, the reason why Montessori programs often require 5 days a week is b/c that's what Maria Montessori required. The reasoning is that kids get confused if you don't set things forth with consistencies. They need to be able to contemplate their schedule.

Sometimes w/ Montessori I wonder: M. Montessori taught that Montessori school houses should have rooms with children of mixed ages, and they should learn every day living skills and there should be a garden for them to dig in, and that they should be left to do tasks on their own if they are able. Isn't that kind of like being at home?!

I think you guys are right. I know what is in my gut, but I feel sorry that my son will miss an opportunity, and it bothers me when people imply that I am too attached and that I am smothering my son.

I still nurse my 3+y.o. and so by now you'd think I would not care what others think. But such critiscism makes me waver a little, since I've never had such an important job before, and I've never been a mommy before!!!

Thanks for the help. Keep it coming if you've got it! What's your story, momtokay? Good luck to you to! I haven't even looked into Waldorf.

[Misia]

Here is my experience with preschool at 3 years of age:
My daugher just turned 3 last July and I sent her to 2x a week 2.5 h preschool run by church. The best preschool by all of the parents I talked to. We just took her out before Easter.
I believe preschool at 3 is too early especially for summer birthday kids. She was 6 month younger than all but 3 kids. She simply did not understand routines, sitting stil, standing in line, etc. or just didn't fallow them. In February, the teachers told me they were concerned about her development and not quite understanding things, not able to sit for longer period of times, not finishing art projects (when I was there she finished way before other kids but was told she was not finished, sit and work on it more! why?-just to sit!), no eye contact, etc. They scared us so much, we did the formal psychological evaluation, because they thought there may be some developmental delays or some form of autism. Guess what? She tested in the gifted range on IQ test!!! and above average on other tests well within the norm. She is incredeably sensitive though and they psychologists thought she may have some anxitey and sensory integraton issues (sensitivity to touch, sound, etc). She definitely has her own agenda and can't sit still for long. They wanted her to be just like other kids, and she definitely is not!!!
She is much more mature now and I just know if we have kept her at home another year and started preschool at 4 she would have been OK. It all depends on a child and the program. She is going to go to a different preschool next year, less accademic, more learning through play!

[mamaley]

my son has been going since he was 2 and a half. it has been awesome. it's helped him to learn how to deal with problems in ways other than hitting, to have a group of friends, to encourage his independence (but at the same time they are so nurturing). and he loves to learn. they garden, play, sing, take turns serving snack and drink, and do their montessori work. he has such pride in his school.
and i'm glad he goes 5 days a week--it might seem odd to us adults, but it is important for the children to have that routine, so they know what to expect each day. my son stays till noon, and it goes by very fast. some kids start there at the toddler program as young as 20 months, and they do well.
you have to do what feels right for you and your little one, but i definitely encourage it--especially if it's charter! wow, free montessori!!!


(hope my post was coherent, no coffee yet).

[monteregie]

Hi Kristin and all others,
I'm also looking at a Waldorf pre-school for my three year old. She would then be three and a half. She has just started to say that she would like to go to pre-school when asked. I think she may be feeling pressure to do as her friends who da day-care. How is the Waldorf day-care? Are the children well surrounded and cared for?

Mother of Ophélie

[Leatherette]

I think you can give him the same types of experiences with the hands-on learning, but the social stuff will be different, of course. Kids are also different with their teachers than they are with their parents.

You should not feel pressured to do anything you are not ready for.

That said, my 3 and a half year old son goes 5 days a week and really likes it. But he is very social, and he has a baby sister at home, and it's nice for him to have his baby-free zone. If he seems stressed or overly tired on a given morning, I keep him home.

Good luck with your decision.

L.

[monteregie]

You're truly right! I'm not the one feeling pressure thougt; it is my daughter... Almost all the kids we know go to day care. Maybe she feels she's missing out on something or out of the croud. At three, is this possible? That she wants to blend in more than we offer?

Thanks for the good words.

[L. A. Richman]

Well I can say that I am feeling pressure, but I don't think my son is. Leatherette, thank you for your words. They are comforting.