February TWW Thread - Page 26

[marquess78]

there are days i feel greedy for wanting more kids. im not greedy. everyone has a picture of what their family will be like. Mine includes 4 children. to spin my tale...our oldest was an honest oops. a BCP "failure". Best failure ever :) so i didnt think anything of trying to get pg on purpose. never in a million yrs would i have imagined the journey i would be taken on. while on that journey(if you do the math, our oldest will be 13 in a week adn the twins are 2y3m, so there is 11ish years total), ive helped 2 other families have children as a gestational surrogate. also one of the best things ive ever done. month after month of disappointment, i know how that feels. during those years(8.5 of active ttc), my 3 sisters had 5 children between them. you cant be mad at family for having kids, you just grin and bear it even though your heart is breaking. It took alot to get hubs on board for IVF #1. the process was stressful. we tried to make it fun. we even took  our oldest along to PA for the duration of the cycle. we went to DC, Baltimore, NYC, Philidelphia. Made an educational family fun trip out of it. I dont regret a minute of it. I dont think i would do it again, it was stressful and insane! but we didnt want our daughter to feel left out and it made sense for her to be there. and we did get pregnant after all. we did have 2 gorgeous babies (boy/girl) who make me crazy but who i couldnt love more. i see my children and think, look at my miracles. look what we made. how could i not want more of that? 

so here we are. hubs says no IVF (but for some reason IUI isnt as big a deal...riddle me that). we can go through the testing again, but not anything drastic. he's an oddball. so here i am. i took soy this cycle to see if it would make me ovulate. im pretty sure it did. but without a progesterone level, i have no confirmation. limbo is not my fav place to  be. i wont take clomid again, it was harder to deal with those side effects than from the follistim i took for IVF. i can handle femara(thats a wonderful drug) and soy isnt horrible i suppose. as long as it doesnt make the rest of my cycles as crazy as this one. we wont prob do injectibles again either. thats spendy and with hubs poor swimmers(motility is horrible) its not going to do much. i can make eggs, i can even make healthy eggs. but there isnt much we can do for his issues.

ok, i really need to finish my english paper! thanks for being so supportive

[katiecornflakes]

jjh - I know, there's no clear answer abut vitex. Some stop at o, some stop at a BFP, some go through the first trimester. With DS I think I stopped at o. I had had an a ovulation cycle due to stress and it brought on o very nicely and then I got pg. Things were so simple then. Ha. With DD we tried for 7 months so I think I tried a few different things. The cycle I got my BFP I weaned during the TWW. This time I had been stopping at o but I'm worried I need it to support implantation. So this cycle I've been taking my two pills so far in the 2WW. In the next few days, implantation time, I'll wean to one and then if I get a BFP I'll wean off. I totally made that up but it's what I'm trying now! We will see in a week if it works! I honestly think the progesterone is a lot more important for my body but the vitex certainly doesn't hurt.

[katiecornflakes]

Marquess - wow, what a journey! It's amazing your were a surrogate. Sometimes I think I would love to do that since I really love being pregnant - mostly - but it must be so hard at the same time. I don't think it's greedy to want more kids. I often think people will roll their eyes at us if I get pg again. Especially since most of our friends don't have kids or are just starting so the idea of 3 is nuts to them. But I know there's someone out there who belongs in rue family so I'm going to try to bring him or her here. It's none of their business! Anyhow, I hope that your TTC journey is shorter this time and you won't need IVF. Did you do IUI last time? Sounds like that might be a reasonable compromise if motility is the only issue. Hugs.

[jjh5351]

Originally Posted by marquess78 

there are days i feel greedy for wanting more kids. im not greedy. everyone has a picture of what their family will be like. Mine includes 4 children. to spin my tale...our oldest was an honest oops. a BCP "failure". Best failure ever so i didnt think anything of trying to get pg on purpose. never in a million yrs would i have imagined the journey i would be taken on. while on that journey(if you do the math, our oldest will be 13 in a week adn the twins are 2y3m, so there is 11ish years total), ive helped 2 other families have children as a gestational surrogate. also one of the best things ive ever done. month after month of disappointment, i know how that feels. during those years(8.5 of active ttc), my 3 sisters had 5 children between them. you cant be mad at family for having kids, you just grin and bear it even though your heart is breaking. It took alot to get hubs on board for IVF #1. the process was stressful. we tried to make it fun. we even took  our oldest along to PA for the duration of the cycle. we went to DC, Baltimore, NYC, Philidelphia. Made an educational family fun trip out of it. I dont regret a minute of it. I dont think i would do it again, it was stressful and insane! but we didnt want our daughter to feel left out and it made sense for her to be there. and we did get pregnant after all. we did have 2 gorgeous babies (boy/girl) who make me crazy but who i couldnt love more. i see my children and think, look at my miracles. look what we made. how could i not want more of that? 

so here we are. hubs says no IVF (but for some reason IUI isnt as big a deal...riddle me that). we can go through the testing again, but not anything drastic. he's an oddball. so here i am. i took soy this cycle to see if it would make me ovulate. im pretty sure it did. but without a progesterone level, i have no confirmation. limbo is not my fav place to  be. i wont take clomid again, it was harder to deal with those side effects than from the follistim i took for IVF. i can handle femara(thats a wonderful drug) and soy isnt horrible i suppose. as long as it doesnt make the rest of my cycles as crazy as this one. we wont prob do injectibles again either. thats spendy and with hubs poor swimmers(motility is horrible) its not going to do much. i can make eggs, i can even make healthy eggs. but there isnt much we can do for his issues.

ok, i really need to finish my english paper! thanks for being so supportive

Oh my heavens! That's a really incredible journey! Have you tried L-arganine (I think that's what it's called) for hubby's motility issues? I read somewhere that it's supposed to help, I believe there are other supplements as well. I have wondered if any of our issues are due to my husbands swimmers! Since we've been TTC less than a year I am not going to pursue testing on that until may probably. But I truly do want you to know that we're all rooting for you!

Originally Posted by katiecornflakes 

jjh - I know, there's no clear answer abut vitex. Some stop at o, some stop at a BFP, some go through the first trimester. With DS I think I stopped at o. I had had an a ovulation cycle due to stress and it brought on o very nicely and then I got pg. Things were so simple then. Ha. With DD we tried for 7 months so I think I tried a few different things. The cycle I got my BFP I weaned during the TWW. This time I had been stopping at o but I'm worried I need it to support implantation. So this cycle I've been taking my two pills so far in the 2WW. In the next few days, implantation time, I'll wean to one and then if I get a BFP I'll wean off. I totally made that up but it's what I'm trying now! We will see in a week if it works! I honestly think the progesterone is a lot more important for my body but the vitex certainly doesn't hurt.

Good to know- I have been planning on doing a version of that. I don't know that I have implanted except maybe once when I got a false positive. I'm really hoping this month is our month because then I wouldn't feel pressured to quit my job. I work at Walgreens so we work during the holidays and being 700 miles away from my family I didn't see them at all. This way my family could come visit us and I would be off work the whole time.. Yeah November babies for us!

[katiecornflakes]

Oh I'm never sure about implantation either but the average is 8-10 DPO so I just go off of that. It definitely sounds like a November baby would be great for you! I think it would work as well as any time for us and would definitely be nice with the holidays. I really can't have a tiny baby much past February or maybe early march of next year so I feel like things are ticking by. Probably 3 more tries after this one until we hold off for about a year. I will get a new job in July 2013 and having started this one with DD being 9 weeks I know I just can't do that again. It was just too hard. Transitions are always hard for me and that made it nearly impossible. Anyhow, all that to say that November would be great here, too! Early December would be fine as well, I'm telling myself.

Getting into the tough part of the TWW over here. Distract me! What are you obsessing about besides TTC? Anything? I have an important exam on Wednesday so I can't wait to get through that. It's one of the few objective measures of our progress and last year with a teething nursling who needed mama all the time I didn't do very well! Whoops. Oh well. So this time I'm trying to show them I'm trying. We shall see how that goes!

[Livnkadesmom]

JJH- I am working on some weight lose goals too. Just joined weight watchers and hoping I can focus on getting healthy until DH is 100% on board with TTC...hopefully in a couple of months. HOWEVER, if it happens before then I would be totally excited. I am EAT up with baby fever. All these BFPs just add fuel to my inferno!!

[AngelKissedKids]

marquess, that's an amazing thing you have done being a surrogate.  If anyone deserves another baby, it's certainly you, after you have been so selfless.  I definitely don't think you're selfish for wanting a 4th child.  I'm sorry that you weren't able to get the bloodwork you wanted and that the ultrasound results didn't provide a lot of answers, that must be frustrating.

livnkadesmom, that must be so tough to be wanting another baby and not being able to actively TTC.  Wishing you patience and peace as you wait for your partner to be ready.

katiecornflakes, good luck on your exam!  I'm in midwifery school part-time and have been trying to work on a major paper all week (it is reading week, after all!) but this 2WW has me totally distracted and I haven't been able to accomplish as much as I would have liked.  Not to mention, it's hard to get much done with 2 kids at home vying for my attention.

jjh, thanks for your vote of confidence this month.  Dahlia's success is definitely my inspiration!  And please don't apologize for your need to vent, that's what we're here for.  I would guess that all of us have worries about not being able to conceive, whether we're trying for our 1st or our 4th!  Have fun with your upcoming week of BDing... although I agree, it's fun but also very tiring!

writeonyogamama, sorry AF found you.  Fx that the supplements will bring you your BFP next month!

chuord, I have such a good feeling about you this cycle!  I hope the mood strikes at the right time for you this month now that you're on the mend ;-)

mamaBlue, yay for smiley OPKs!  Wishing you much patience this 2WW and a BFP soon!

PrimalJoy, wishing you much success this upcoming month too!

I hope I haven't missed anyone.  My own little rant - I think I'm feeling extra apprehensive about this cycle because not only am I dealing with fear of another early loss, but if I do get preggo and stay preggo, my EDD will be Nov 2nd.  The last time I had an early Nov EDD, my baby was born unexpectedly in Sept at 33.5 weeks.  I worry about history repeating itself.  If I consider it all with more optimism, I can see how it would be healing for me to actually make it past Sept and go on to have this baby full-term in late Oct or early Nov, just the same as it was healing to have DD2 at 38.5 weeks, but I know from experience how anxious I'll be!  Still no signs of AF - despite my ambivalence, I hope she stays away.  I'll POAS again tomorrow (so far, only BFNs but I usually get late BFPs), FX I might get a squinter at least!

[jjh5351]

Katie- good luck on your exam! I have nothing to obsess over because I lead a very boring life. DHs job moved us far from home and I work about 30 hours a week while he works 60, so I am always by myself lol I went from school full time with about 5 extra curriculars that I was very involved in plus 30 hours of work a week to just working. Haha woe is me. If we don't conceive by the time we move again I am planning on putting TTC on hold and going back to school for special Ed. Maybe that is an obsession, thinking about the future... Bah!

Livn- I do WW as well! It's really a fantastic program- I lost 30 lbs on it last summer and I have gained that back plus about 10 more lbs because of stress. I am not paying the fee, I've just downloaded a great app that helps a lot. If you haven't done it before, try to get as involved with the message boards as you can just like you do here. I found them so helpful as a way to meet people who had similar goals. Some people there are definitely not as friendly as everyone here though are you doing meetings or just online?

AKK- I don't blame you for being apprehensive. That's definitely a big fear of mine when TTC #1. I worry about all of the things that can go wrong but all we can do is try to stay positive and hope that, just like anything in life, everything goes great. Which in all likelihood it will

[crunchynerd]

Marquess,

I know what you mean, sort of, about the idea that you might be seen by some as "greedy" for wanting another.

That thought is never far from my mind...having my 1st was a bit of a miracle to me, as I had had years of thinking I might never be a mother.

And now I have 3. Having a 4th puts a person squarely into weirdsville in some circles (heck, even 3 does that, some places!) so I feel you.

Your story was inspiring and impressive to read.

[crunchynerd]

Angelkissed,

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through, and are going through. 

If you don't mind my asking, how late a BFP have you had before, and did you have symptoms of being pg when you finally got it?

[Livnkadesmom]

JJH- I am doing the online version of WW and I love it! I did the whole meetings thing a couple of years ago and was successful but I just do not have time to go now. I have always struggled with weight and know that I need a life style change. WW just makes sense! That is the main reason I am okay with DH's timeline for TTC. I would really like to lose some weight to have a more healthy pregnancy and with me being a teacher a spring baby would be better timing...BUT that fever always takes over and I would be just as happy with a Nov baby! How much fun would Christmas be????

[SparkleMaman]

Marquess Big I don't think anyone could get what you're going through like this group here. Even though we all have our own unique journeys through this territory TTC, we've all had that anticipation and huge let down. And I think everyone here understands that you're are not greedy!! We all want to grow our families, whether TTC #1 or #5. I so hope your visit yesterday will ultimately yield some answers for you and provide some help to move you closer to a new baby.

Jjh Rant away!! As others said, this is what we're here for, to support each other and listen. I totally get it, mama. I joined these boards in October, after already trying for almost 5 months. I felt like everyone seemed to move on within a few months except me. You are doing all of the things you need to to take care of yourself and really seem to be in a good place. Focusing on taking care of you is so, so vital to your own sanity and well being as well as in TTC. I have very high hopes for you this cycle!! Are you going to continue the Guafenesin? I swear that's what tipped it over the edge or me!

AKK The waiting and not knowing is so hard. And I can completely understand all apprehensions you describe. I am so sorry you have had to deal with so much stress and sadness, especially recently. I do think you have a great chance of seeing a BFP this month but perhaps not for a few more days at least, considering your history of late +s. Sending you lots of

Livnkades Kudos to you too for the awesome self care!! I have slacked this past school year when I became full time in September (I've worked part time since DD was born). I used to run 60+ miles per week, now I'm lucky to walk 10. And my weight has definitely taken a hit for it. I am hoping the Spring air will lure me back into some longer walks. Wishing you much patience with TTC and your DH. I know I have already shared my challenges getting my DH on board, in fact it was only this past cycle where he actually felt like a partner. He still totally doesn't get it but at least he's trying.

Chourd I've got a really good feeling!!

Mamablue Yeah for the + OPK!! Get busy, mama!!

Katie The TWW is just endless!! Painfully so. My zen always flies out the window by the second week of the wait. I just have such a great feeling we'll be headed over to the November DDC together. and to wait. And I'm sure you'll do fantastic on your exam.

AFM FRER was a little darker this morning, still very faint and hard to photograph, but more obvious. I didn't need to search for it and it appeared really quickly. I'm hoping to have a nice clear line by Monday to show you all. Thank you for all the congratulations, I am just over the moon excited!! I am still in such shock, I really didn't think this would happen for me. Now for obsessing, do you think the early + means a higher potential for twins?!

[chuord]

Rofl sparkle! It could very well be twins - I've heard that's how it goes... Now we're going to hanging for your first u/s lol
Livn- lol I've been doing ww too - day 35 today, I got a pocket book off my friend... Only going slowly but have lost 2 kg and can almost fit into the larger of my clothes! (Wearing my mothers hand me downs at present - or dresses!) I'm not that huge, but migraine meds made me gain... And at 5'2" you notice really fast!
Hugs all and good night!

[marquess78]

I hate them. its not fair for them to mess with me like this. yest and thur i had neg FRER. I even tried really hard to make them turn positive just to confirm that they suck(some tests if you re wet them will turn positive cuz the dye gets stuck in the indent from the antibody strip...ive had lots of years to practice and discover these horrible things). its torture. i wish i could just not test. tried that, doesnt work :/ at this point i would gladly take a blue dye test, maybe it will actually be accurate, KWIM

i took one of my strips and a stupid FRER this morning. temps are still up

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3c35c

i was certain the FREE|| [url=http;//www.fertilityfriend.com]Ovulation Chart[/url]I w

at 3 min it looked neg to me, but no joke a minute later it looked like this :(

this is my cheapie at 5 min (which is its time limit). i dont see anything

and of course the FRER dried like this...see how the dye is darker on the top and bottom of the line. assume that is a BFN, despite its convincing 2nd line.

[writeonyogamama]

I just have to say you ladies make it so much easier to maintain a positive attitude during TTC. livinkades it's encouraging to see that my husband isn't the only one who gets scared off when I get too obsessed with CM and the such.

Marquess78 when is AF due? I see the faint lines too. How discouraging and confusing.

[jjh5351]

Sparkle- I take mucinex to help with my asthma anyway so I just take it twice a day around O time and I hope it works for me like it did for you!!

Marquess- I really hope this all turns out for you! That makes me definitely want to shy away from FRERs!

[crunchynerd]

If I have offended anyone, I wish someone would let me know. 

[SparkleMaman]

Crunchy Not sure what you mean This thread has lots of ebbs and flows of activity and many of us have been around here quite a while, hence the longer personal replies. Unless I've missed something, which is all together possible as I've been consumed with my own shock and excitement, I don't think you've offended anyone. Has AF arrived? Have you tested again? The TWW drags like nothing else.

to you all!! Happy Saturday!!

[chuord]

Crunchy - not that I know either, people try to respond on stuff they know about or such - and like sparkle said from the length of the journey you can't help but get to know the 'undergrads' lol

Sparkle - woohoo!!! So glad it is confirmed!!!! Monday is going to be a great day (beta) hope the rest of your weekend is totally awesome and you stay super excited xxxx

[SparkleMaman]

Thanks, Chourd!! I am still so shocked and excited. Can't wait for beta confirmation and to tell DD. She will be over the moon! Happy BDing to you