Sex after bad tear?
I had a 3rd degree tear with my ds, and was given the go ahead for sex at my 6 week check up. I didn't attempt sex until closer to 10 weeks pp though, because I was still having a lot of pain. Honestly, I didn't start really enjoying sex again until about 8 months pp, because of residual pain/discomfort. I definitely found kegels helped though. I saw a physio therapist that specialized in pelvic floor muscles at around 8 weeks pp, and she had me on a schedule of doing kegels every time my LO fed. Kegels will improve blood flow to the area, and help with healing. One thing I found really valuable was that the physio noticed that I was constantly keeping my pelvic floor muscles tense, so she recommended I really work on relaxing between kegels. I think the fact that I was keeping them tense constantly was also the cause of a lot of my discomfort during sex. Once I started focusing on relaxing, things went much more smoothly! Another tip, is to use tones and tones of lube, heh.
Healing for me was a really slow process, but the good news is that everything feels normal now and sex is back to being great :) I would just give it a try when you are feeling up to it (I would still wait at least 6 weeks though), and if it hurts too much, focus on kegels for a few weeks and then try again.
I had a third degree tear with the birth of my second child and recently with my third child. We had sex a little after five weeks. Basically when things felt "normal" or close to it. With my second, if I remember correctly, sex was uncomfortable and I can't say that I enjoyed it. It did get better each time we dtd. I would say it took a few weeks for me to really like having sex again (so about the two month mark).
The tear with my third healed much quicker for some reason but hurt worse initially. I was anxious about having sex but it felt fine, enjoyable even.