/*\ February Pagan Family Thread /*\ - Page 2

[greenwitchymama]

Our ritual went great!! We (me, my bestie, her two daughters age 6 and 7, and my son age 3.5) all got together and rolled the natural beeswax candles. Then everyone wrote down what they wanted to do for the year (DS said he wanted to fight bad guys with swords...) and rolled up the paper into seeds and planted them into a little pie pan full of dirt. Then we stuck the homemade candles in and did a little circle where we all faced each of the directions and grabbed all the earth energy and 'threw' it onto the altar (we had to do something energetic to keep everyone's attention) and then we lit element candles and then the light garden candles. Then we stuck the kids on a blanket on the floor while the two mamas walked around in a circle with our own lit candles and then a jar of water (from the Monterey Bay) to do the Imbolc blessing from Circle Round. 

Then we went to the park and walked the labyrinth and in the middle did a short little chant to invoke Brigit and then the kids played on the playground while bestie and I did tarot readings for each other. Afterward, we went home and had warm honeyed milk for a dessert while we talked about Brigit and what she means. 

Nobody asked about what we were doing, but there was a woman sitting on a wall in the labyrinth doing Christian history research. She had a bible out and everything and was on the phone with someone talking about Pharisees. I was giggling slightly to myself... Who knows what she thought... 

[Maiasaura]

That sounds like a wonderful Imbolc! I like the impromptu energy-raising. I think y'all put all that energy into the seeds for growing

I just planted some lettuce and onion seeds in those little peat pots, yesterday.

[Kaydove]

I loved reading about everyone's Imbolc celebrations and rituals!

We're in Klamath Falls, staying with DHs grandma. At first I loved it, shortly thereafter I started longing for my own space and bed and place to put things, now I'm so so tired of grandma bossing me around! I'll admit that I'm sensitive because my mum is so critical and her bossing has double meanings, but grandma mashing up DDs peaches for me without asking when I was giving her breakfast and telling me to watch DD when she leaves the room grates on my nerves. It makes me feel like she thinks I'm not a good mom. I'm all, I've kept her alive this long! DH assured me that if grandma told him that she thinks I'm a great mom.
I just really really hate being told what to do. Always hated it. I get that she's the matriarch of the family and does it because she cares. My grandma isn't bossy at all

Sorry for the unloading and venting. Just wanted to check in. DH has a couple interviews in Seattle and that's looking most likely.

[Maiasaura]

Originally Posted by Kaydove but grandma mashing up DDs peaches for me without asking when I was giving her breakfast and telling me to watch DD when she leaves the room grates on my nerves. It makes me feel like she thinks I'm not a good mom. I'm all, I've kept her alive this long!

I bet she doesn't even notice she's doing it. Have you said anything? Perhaps you could say something in a really kind way...like "Grandma, I bet you didn't realize it, but I keep hearing you tell me how to do things with my dd. I'd love your help, but please let me do things unless I ask first?" No...that sounds contentious...but you get the idea maybe?

The dishwasher guy is at my house right now, replacing the sink handle hot/cold thingy. And he got me some stuff to flush the drain with and the vent thingy on the roof, and some dishwasher cleaning tablets. Cross fingers all this stuff solves the problems!

All y'all in the north east....hunker down and be safe, K?

[revolting]

Kay - I hope the interviews go well. My mother can act like that. I try to ignore it, but I don't live with her. I hope you get a new housing situation soon!

Maia - I hope all your repairs went well.

Me: Looking forward to the new moon. We set new goals on the new moon. My eldest has been absolutely horrid lately: pushing other kids on the bus for school; kicking, hitting, spitting, calling her father, brother, and me at home over nothing. (Seriously, we had an epic fight this morning, because she ate the last cheese stick and was furious that she didn't have one for her lunch today.) I haven't been as gentle as I want, and I'm trying to commit myself to work on being more gentle this moon cycle (rereading The Explosive Child), while hoping she wants to commit to chilling the frack out.

[Maiasaura]

Originally Posted by revolting Me: Looking forward to the new moon. We set new goals on the new moon. My eldest has been absolutely horrid lately: pushing other kids on the bus for school; kicking, hitting, spitting, calling her father, brother, and me at home over nothing. (Seriously, we had an epic fight this morning, because she ate the last cheese stick and was furious that she didn't have one for her lunch today.) I haven't been as gentle as I want, and I'm trying to commit myself to work on being more gentle this moon cycle (rereading The Explosive Child), while hoping she wants to commit to chilling the frack out.

Good gracious, revolting, my morning is freaking beastly, too. AND, I didn't sleep all that well because I let ds crawl in with me and he is so freaking squirmy. I am a righteous bitch today, sorry for the language, I am PISSED. And it's Saturday and I have a whole two days with ds I can't stand that I feel like this about my own child, half the time. We met a new friend last  night-- another single mom of a boy with ADHD who just moved into town. She got her boy off meds-- I do not know how. Mine is like Jekyll and Hyde, on them and off. I hate the first and last hour of the day so much anymore that I want to just give him up during those times, I kid you not, it is just horrible And I used to love morning so much. It's (or, it was) such a sacred time of the day.

[amlikam]

Originally Posted by Maiasaura 

Good gracious, revolting, my morning is freaking beastly, too. AND, I didn't sleep all that well because I let ds crawl in with me and he is so freaking squirmy. I am a righteous bitch today, sorry for the language, I am PISSED. And it's Saturday and I have a whole two days with ds I can't stand that I feel like this about my own child, half the time. We met a new friend last  night-- another single mom of a boy with ADHD who just moved into town. She got her boy off meds-- I do not know how. Mine is like Jekyll and Hyde, on them and off. I hate the first and last hour of the day so much anymore that I want to just give him up during those times, I kid you not, it is just horrible And I used to love morning so much. It's (or, it was) such a sacred time of the day.

 your doing a good job- my little one has been in my hair big time, I have no patience for her at all!!! ugh poor little one is only 4.5... Im a miserable bitch when preggos at times- I can sooooo relate.

I didn't do yoga today because of the driving ban but tonight I am going to the Red Tent and really don't care if we get another blizzard (only about 10-12 inches here.... can you tell I was born and raised in New England when I say only 10-12 inches ).

Cannot wait for Red Tent tonight. and to get out of the house and be with people besides my DD and DH (dh has really been trying, I give him credit, I am not an easy goddess though I have been working on inviting more love, gentleness and kindness into my life... but my "destruction" power is sometimes more than even I can handle.)

[Maiasaura]

Originally Posted by amlikam 

 your doing a good job- my little one has been in my hair big time, I have no patience for her at all!!! ugh poor little one is only 4.5... Im a miserable bitch when preggos at times- I can sooooo relate.

I didn't do yoga today because of the driving ban but tonight I am going to the Red Tent and really don't care if we get another blizzard (only about 10-12 inches here.... can you tell I was born and raised in New England when I say only 10-12 inches ).

Cannot wait for Red Tent tonight. and to get out of the house and be with people besides my DD and DH (dh has really been trying, I give him credit, I am not an easy goddess though I have been working on inviting more love, gentleness and kindness into my life... but my "destruction" power is sometimes more than even I can handle.)

Wait'll she's 12 and hormonal

He ended up driving me to tears, it was that bad I have recently started having higher blood pressure I do not know why; it's been a pretty consistent 110/70 my whole life; now it's more like 140/82ish. I took out the electronic BP cuff to show ds what it looked like after all that. 140-something over 88 I am really scared of my BP now. DS knows it's "the silent killer" and that I am his only family. If something happened to me, I told him, he would have to go live with his Nana, which he was NOT pleased about. He loves her, but I said you know she would be way stricter than me.

Thank you for the hug. I needed it

We're probably meeting our new friends at the park this afternoon. It's 47* and sunny and likely to get warmer by 10* (not gloating, srsly, I would rather be snowed in right now, too) and I am so defeated and tired and exhausted by ds's behavior that I just want to go back and hide under the covers, but I know I need to get out and maybe walk. I know it would do me good, both for my BP and my mood.

M can't even get out his back door, there is so much snow. Go look at the pix on CNN.com! 47 really wild photos.
 

[greenwitchymama]

I'm almost ashamed to admit this, but I'm really down today because I feel totally isolated with DS again. I feel like I have PTSD from his first year of life when I was alone so much so often and so exhausted trying to make breastfeeding work (we had invisible thrush for six months and I didn't know what was going on). And so now every time DH leaves to do something else (today it's homework, last weekend it was snowboarding) I just feel so depressed and alone. My son is high energy, but not a truly difficult child so I always feel bad that I have such a hard time with it. 

And I'm also trying to let go of the feeling that the church I grew up in is why I had a child in the first place. I feel like my choices were not really my own because of the intense cultural pressure and I don't quite know how to let go of that resentment or just ENJOY being his mommy. I've been trying to design a ritual but my heart hasn't been in it. Anyway. Just having a lonely day. 

Hugs for you guys having the really hard problems with the kids and hugs for every single mother--I don't know how you do it and I respect you very much.

[Kaydove]

There must be something going on in the Universe for so many of us to be struggling! Anyone know astrology well?

[amlikam]

Jupiter is turning direct for the lunar new year (new moon in Aquarius) big changes to be received in the year of the water snake.
Lots of big fluid shifting energy happening in the cosmos.

Ahhh hugs to us all. I give thanks for the support I have in my home to nurture my soul.
For the space in my community for me to gather with other women. I am blessed. Now praying I can meet my dd where she needs to be met this week.

[DaughterOfKali]

Hugs to everyone.

I have one thing to say.  I hate winter.

[philomom]

I spent all Saturday morning doing a tree planting with the hubby on local trails. It felt so good to be giving back to Mother Earth.

http://www.solv.org/

[vydalea]

hey mamas!  i'm here and have been keeping up but like EVERY.ONE.ELSE.  I have been feeling like my energy is really blocked and very exhausted.  My kid was also being a total... test of every last thread of patience that I may or may not have had.  So, yes, Jupiter turning direct has been rough.  Very, very happy the new moon has arrived and I am really hoping for new energy.

On a different note, I bought myself Natural Witchery and am loving it.  Thanks for suggesting it.  Was it you, revolting?  I don't know... it was like 3 months ago... or more... 

bah... anyway... group hug!!     

[greenwitchymama]

 

yes. more group hugs. The waxing moon seems to have bounced me out of my funk and I'm feeling a little better. I hope you all are getting the same!

[SaguaroMoon]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vydalea 

BLESSED IMBOLC!  

This week was insane - doing our celebrating tomorrow.  I could not maintain today!! haha.

Originally Posted by Maiasaura 

DS has been an absolute BEAST today. Beast, I tell you. I sent him to his room and there he will stay. I have had quite enough. Tomorrow and Sunday better be better, or he will have hell to pay.

Haha - what was it about the days before Imbolc this year? DS was a little monster on Febraury 1st (he's mad because he can't quite crawl yet), and while I had planned our whole big feast and everything for Friday night, I was in no shape to do anything after a day with him! It actually worked out really well, though; DH took him for most of Saturady, while I prepared everything in a leisurely fashion. DH & I decided we wanted to do a bit more of a formal ritual, so before we put DS to bed, we lit a candle, called Brigid (DS rang the bell as an invocation - he looked SO PROUD of himself!), and brought out an offering of milk. Then, after DS was asleep, we did our more formal ritual with the potted seeds, and ate our feast. It was a lovely night.

Maia - you are from Morris County! No way! My MIL & FIL live in Morris Plains! And I know Denville, too! I actually kind of like it; they have a great health food store that DH & I go to when we're staying with his parents, as well as a really good vegetarian Chinese place.

amlikam - that tub ritual sounds great! We only have a shower in our apartment, and I miss baths so much!

I'm very excited; I have everything I need to start my indoor worm compost, except the worms, and I will order them as soon as I have everything set up. I'm also going to plant some rainbow chard and broccoli raab in window boxes this week. Yay waxing moon energy!

[Maiasaura]

I haven't been back to Denville since 1999, when my dad died, and boy howdy, it's changed. There sure were no HF stores when I grew up there

I am going to C&P a post I posted to FB to a private group I am on. I would like feedback, please. It's VERY long, but I tried to break it up with paragraph breaks:
 

There is this woman here that is one of the Pagan clergy for the Goddess temple here and is one of the ones very involved in the public rituals (leads them, sometimes). She and I are not friends, not enemies...I would say acquaintances. Enough to say hi and chat occasionally in public, but we have never hung out. We are FB friends.
She posted something yesterday that was a repost of a radio station poll. It invited comments. The question was "If a woman says don't get me anything for Valentine's Day ... should the guy listen?"
There were a couple of comments. I didn't realize, when I commented, that it was reposted from this woman's page.
There were a couple of differing answers, and hers was this: "Yes, he should listen. Nothing pisses me off more than when he gets me something after I have explicitly said not to. I don't play mind games with V-Day and I find it sickening that some men and women do. Furthermore if my husband truly loves me, I shouldn't have to wait for V-Day to be shown love."
Mine was this: "NO. I love small gestures and I agree with those who said it needn't involve money. For me, it involves gestures, however small. Even a "Happy Valentine's Day" and a kiss, that's enough for me."
Here's where the fun starts. IMMEDIATELY after I posted, she came back with this: " I am sorry but if a woman says she doesn't want something, she should own her words and mean it. If you want something, just freaking say you want it instead of playing mind games."
And I posted "Well, there is that. I don't do games, either. I guess I am now in a relationship that works, finally" with a smiley face.
Her: "But look at the question in which you just said that the guy should ignore her request. Telling a guy you don't want something for V-Day then getting pissed when he believes you IS a mind game. Telling a guy to ignore her request further perpetuates the mind game."

At which point, I realized, hey wait-- she's getting into an internet snit with me. This is not the first time-- more like the 3rd or 4th at least, where she vehemently disagreed with me on something, and appeared (you know how online is) to get really pissed about it. Pissed at ME, not just heated about the topic. But this is the first time I realized that I am feeling really angsty about her angry attitude. She is NEVER like this in public. I have another Pagan acquaintance that is quiet and demure in public, but posts contentious topics on FB all the time-- she loves an internet argument, but never disses the person posting-- just the topic. This one, I feel like she is getting really mad at ME for my opinions and not just at the topic.
I see no reason why she should have chosen to post back, in the comments of a radio station's comments, directly to me and not to the others who also said NO he should get me something anyway.
So at this point, I took it off public and wrote her a PM: "A____, I answered a question posed by a radio station, just for fun. I'm not trying to argue with you or any particular person, really!
Perhaps you are right. Perhaps I wasn't paying attention. But I don't want contention-- I like you. I was just playing a silly radio station game."

Because, for me, being kind is more important that being right. Because for me, harmony is really important. AND, I don't really even know her personally beyond public chit-chat, and I feel that she's taking this way out of line.
So this was her PM response: "I don't sugar coat anything. You'd don't get to hide behind a "silly" radio station game when you suggest mind games in a relationship. You said it, own it. They are your words and words have power."

Now, this has really been upsetting me all damn day. I did not see what she did, that I am suggesting mind games, but whatever. I also thought more about the question and realized that she could be right, however, it would involve another person and their will, too. Suppose the man honored his own feelings that he felt compelled to give her something anyway? Don't his feelings count for anything?
But, that is beside the point.
I haven't answered her yet. I don't know what to say. M says let it go, but I can't. I want closure about this, PLUS, we see each other every 6 weeks for ritual AND sometimes other times, too.
The big problem for me is, I feel like she is picking on me or picking fights with me for some reason and I don't know why. I don't CARE why, I just want it to stop. She does not have to agree with me-- apparently she doesn't agree with me about much of anything, let alone mildly disagrees.
She doesn't have to LIKE me, even. You can't be liked by everyone.
But why this freaking picking a fight online? I want it to stop. I want harmony. I am not like this. I don't fight with people, online or otherwise.

What would y'all do? What would your response be?

I am thinking something along the lines of:
"A____, listen. I feel a whole lot of contention from you, and this is not the first time on FB I have felt this way-- more like the 3rd or 4th at least. I realize that you very strongly disagree with me on a lot of topics, and that's OK. Perhaps you don't even really like ME, and that's OK, too. But please, for the love of all that's holy, stop picking fights with me on FB. Maybe you don't realize you're doing it, but it feels that way to me.
I don't not get along with people. I don't dislike you. I don't care if your opinions differ from mine. This has really been stressing me out. Not the topic, or the difference of opinion-- but the vehement anger I feel emanating from you towards me.
I believe with all my heart that it is more important to be kind than to be right.
Please, let's just drop it and get along, K?"

Thanks for listening, mamas, if you stuck with me that long. I would LOVE to hear feedback. For the record, I go to every single public ritual, and she is involved in them all. I've been going for years. I am not by nature a contentious person, as you can tell from reading that...but help?

[amlikam]

Personally I agree with M. I think you wont find closure with this woman. I find when people "don't sugar coat things" they often (but not always) are harder to show your way of thinking. Also replying to her is giving away your power. I think for you if it REALLY bothers you and you want to really have her see *you* - that perhaps you ask her to check in next time you are in person with one another. I find people are less likely to be human on FB than in person.
 

I have basically left FB during the last few weeks (except this week I have been going on more because a womn I know is really sick and may be passing over sometime soon and her family has requested we keep in touch that way so they don't have a million calls to respond to.) The day my dad was crossing over I had a woman in my community try and tear me a new one.. publicly about something (she was wrong in this instance and 4 people tried to curb the shock but I ripped her head off - figuratively- and fully embraced my warrior goddess and boundary maker).  I typically try to be more kinder, even when being "direct" - but she was saying things she never had the nerve to tell me to my face. I say what I need to typically, but I try to remember like me others have feelings too..... and do so in a way that is respectful.
 

I think *we* (global we) often hide behinde a veil on FB and internent - and sometimes say things we can't say to each other.

Personally if she means that much to you, I would check in with her in person but not in FB - because obviously she doesn't get that she isn't being nice. In the end I find sometimes people don't jive with me and that's ok to. I persoanlly don't try to make people like me but I certainly don't try to be mean either...

I don't know if that maks sense.

Hope that helps. Remember FB is just a part of our worlds, you are so much more than this moment right now.

[Maiasaura]

Thank you, amlikam, for your kind reply. My reply to her totally backfired. Here was my reply:

"Listen, A____... I feel a whole lot of contention from you, and this is not the first time on FB I have felt this way-- more like the 3rd or 4th at least. I realize that you very strongly disagree with me on a lot of topics, and that's OK. Perhaps you don't even really like ME, and that's OK, too.
Obviously we see this much differently. I really am not that invested in this radio poll game. Sorry that i have somehow ruffled your feathers. You seem to be taking this conversation more seriously than I am...it's just not that important to me. I'm not interested in discussing this any further so I'm going to back away from this conversation and this issue.
I don't not get along with people. I don't dislike you. It's alright if your opinions differ from mine-- life would be so boring if everyone thought the same way. This has really been stressing me out. Not the topic, or the difference of opinion-- but the vehement anger I feel emanating from you towards me.
I believe with all my heart that it is more important to be kind than to be right.
Please, let's just drop it and get along, OK? No hard feelings, I hope."


Here is what she said-- first reply at 9:18 this morning, I mean seconds after I hit "send"--  rest of it at 10:30--- I should have replied to the fist one with "Thank you, glad to hear it", but I didn't-- I waited, and apparently it gave her time to stew

#1) There is no contention on my end. If your feeling that way that's something that has to do with you.

 

#2) You know this is pissing me off that you somehow equate this to a damned competition. I got angry because people encouraged lying & the " no really means yes" mentality and all you can do is focus on contention? Seriously? You have nothing I want. I don't compete with people. I am highly offended that you want to minimize this into something about you.

What bothers me a lot is that there were lots of comments and replies to the radio station poll-- and she chose to only come back at ME. So, yeah, of course I am feeling like it's "something about me".

Gawd, what a mess. Because she is one of the priestesses at the Goddess temple I am kind of involved in...I am not a priestess and I don't go to the Sunday devotionals (I have a boy and we go to the UU so he can get a well-rounded religious education), but I do go to every public ritual and I frequently offer my services for help, such as smudging and anointing people as they come in, or calling a quarter, or whatever. I wonder how that is going to play out when she's priestess. Guess I will have to wait and see. Dang. Plus, it's not like I am going to feel all spiritual if I know she's such a righteous beeyotch inside

[amlikam]

Originally Posted by Maiasaura 

Gawd, what a mess. Because she is one of the priestesses at the Goddess temple I am kind of involved in...I am not a priestess and I don't go to the Sunday devotionals (I have a boy and we go to the UU so he can get a well-rounded religious education), but I do go to every public ritual and I frequently offer my services for help, such as smudging and anointing people as they come in, or calling a quarter, or whatever. I wonder how that is going to play out when she's priestess. Guess I will have to wait and see. Dang. Plus, it's not like I am going to feel all spiritual if I know she's such a righteous beeyotch inside

Totally projecting my experiences here- but I say she isn't worth the energy. From my understanding of people and group dynamics, often our initial feelings are rooted somewhere in self, but it doesn't mean that sometimes someone isn't actually being not nice. As a Priestess myself, I couldn't imagine being anything but flowing love to my community. When I needed a break I took it, I didn't transfer my issues on others (which is sounds like she is doing).

Is there any other community for you to practice with?

I wish we were in real time, since this is a very loaded situation. Do you have a tarot deck you can meditate with?