Sad and Alone

[AstroBlue]

Hello everyone. I am new to this forum. I have been dealing with post partum depression since june of 12' I really dont know what to do at this point. I am on medication, I am seeing a therapist, I meditate, I do everything. Now my husband is gone for a month and I feel so overwhelmed. I have such bad anxiety. I get so scared with the what if's. Like what if I hurt my baby. It is scary. All my doctors tell me it won't happen, but in that moment i feel so alone and lost. I don't know what can possibly help me. I am such a loving and caring person and right now all I want to do is cry.

[TizTaz5]

Hey, AstroBlue. I am sorry to hear that you're struggling with postpartum depression. I wanted to write and share my experience. I didn't have postpartum depression, but I did end up in a horrendous depression after a miscarriage and being told that my husband and I would probably never have any other children. I had the miscarriage in June '09, we found out about the infertlity issues in November of '10.  I had a breakdown in January '11 after being depressed for a long time. I'd refused to get on medication because we'd been trying again after the miscarriage--before we got the infertility diagnosis--but after the breakdown, my choices were get on meds. or be hospitalized. I got on medication but still had a lot of depression symptoms--crying, fatigue, inability to focus, suicidal impulses--and it was all very frightening and isolating. I had the urge to hurt myself, and that terrified me. My heart goes out to you.

I'm sure that you're a good person and a great mother. How old is your baby? Do you have only one child, or more?

I wish that I had some magic words to say that would make everything OK for you, but sadly, I don't. Try to hang in there. It sounds like your doctors are sympathetic--maybe you should go in and talk to them? Maybe you need your meds adjusted. My doctor was very kind. He listened and I trusted him.

Do you have any friends or family nearby who can help you? Any clergy person with whom you could talk?

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, I will say that. It is SO easy to loose sight of that. I felt like I could see no way out of my situation either, for a very long time, until I took charge of things. I allowed myself to grieve for the child I lost. I also began researching our infertility issues. I found an exploratory treatment online, asked our family doctor, and we went for it. I'm currently 15 weeks into another pregnancy. There have been some issues so far--I still grieve the child I lost, and I've struggled with some autoimmune issues--but I just keep pushing myself to keep going and think positively.

Has your doctor checked you for any physical issues? (I'm assuming that he/she probably has). And do you know what may have caused your depression--like a bad birthing experience? I have heard that progesterone supplements may help some women.

Best of luck to you, and you aren't alone, although it may feel that way. I hope that my message will help you to feel better. Depression is a very difficult situation.