Spanking and the Church

[tanyam926]

What has been your experience with this?

I am feeling pretty heartbroken right now after going to a new Bible study group that handed out the book Shepherding a Child's Heart in order to start a parenting series. The leaders just said this book is amazing and that they feel led to teach it. I had never heard of it and just assumed it would be gentle if not crunchy.

In convo with one of them she mentioned spanking and my eyes probably widened. She must have assumed (we don't know each other at all) that I was on board and she said that the humiliation of being spanked (this book advocates parent's hand on bare bottom until a vague age then on underwear) teaches the child to be humble to God.

I was horrified! When I got home I read the spanking chapter and it made me sick. It wasn't lukewarm like most spankers I am acquainted with (who say it's last resort but don't find it wrong), but it said parents who don't spank don't take God seriously and that it's a must. It also said if the child is upset with the parent after spanking then they need to be spanked again until they are "sweeter".

I flipper through the rest of the book and it's all bad. The author's tone is condescending and punitive.

So I was really upset and agonized, prayed, talked to my husband, and just tried to come up with a solution that won't cause ill feelings or was unloving in any way. I thought about handing out alternative info (Christian and GD) when we got there but my church, like most, has an approved list that I haven't seen (my next step is to look that up and make sure the other side is there too).

So after sleeping on it I felt like God was leading me to lovingly bow out. I sent her an email with a link to a GD Christian site that goes verse by verse and explains a different perspective, just a reason for my decision and wrote that I'm not trying to change her mind. I wrote that I respect her family and can see they love their girls and that we both want the best for our kids. I said I hope there's no awkwardness.

How do you guys navigate this issue? I feel like I don't fit in and I don't understand how other people can't see what I see regarding Jesus being gentle and loving in all areas.

Sorry so long!

[Nazsmum]

Well this is somethng that I can see both sides. If you want to spank you can do that and be supported by the Bible. If you don't want to that is OK... also and it can be supported in the Bible.

I think that Bible study should always be about Jesus. He is our example and He can help us to know how to handle situations with our children. If you like I could tell you about my view of the WILL. I think that is the key our parenting role. Helping our children to control the WILL.

I have to run to church. Jesus Bless you.

[tanyam926]

Thx for your perspective, I disagree though that spanking is supported by the Bible, I think it's misinterpreted. If the Hebrew origin is studied it clearly does not mean physical punishment. I also think that the Bible does not contradict itself and the spanking interpretation contradicts the teachings of Jesus and most of the rest of the Bible. So, basically I think that it is unscriptural, not just a difference of opinion but I understand how others can come to the conclusion they have even though I feel it is false.

So I guess I'm looking for input on how others who come from my perspective have handled it in their own church experiences.

[Nazsmum]

Spanking is not something that I make an issue of. I don't spank. So if it comes up at church or Bible study I just don't add anything to the topic. On other "false" teachings I am all over it!!! We talked about this in the Cruchy Christian 2012 thread. Maybe around May or June. You look that up?

Sorry that I'm not more help. But I do understand where you are coming from. I DO

[tanyam926]

I will check out that thread, thx!

[Nazsmum]

I looked it up...pp. 12 POST #226

[tanyam926]

I read the pages and the discussion seems to deal with spanking in passing, informal convos between church members or friends. Like you I rarely join in these conversations unless I get a sense that those I'm speaking to are open to a discussion.

I guess what frustrates me is that the church, but way of church sanctioned Bible groups, endorse the teachings of that group, and in my case the disturbing recommendations of a supposed Christian author. This author recommends spanking babies as young as 8 months, among other things. So what would you do if your church was teaching this? Or your Bible study? Or your pastor in counseling sessions?

Anyway, I think I handled it in the best possible way after prayers and careful consideration. My goal was to show love in my response.

I got a group email today which surprised me and is a great example of God's greatness. The group leader said they had prayerfully decided to not do the book. I'm not sure if this means for the moment or at all and am praying for guidance on what to do next. I am praying for God to use me for His purpose, maybe I am there to be a gentle parenting example.

Thx for your thoughts, I will move over to your Crunchy Christian thread to learn more. :-)

[pek64]

I walked away from the Catholic Church years ago, so you may not be interested in my opinion, but I couldn't read this thread without saying "let he who is without sin cast the first stone".

[tanyam926]

I agree pek, but I'm not sure how your comment is directed. I understand how and why people think the Bible supports spanking, I was looking for other gentle parenting moms who may have belonged to a church they love but that may have very harsh and punitive attitudes towards disciplining children. My goal is to come from a place of love, I do believe all parents, regardless of parenting beliefs, want to do the best for their children.

Also, as I pointed out in a previous post, this is not an issue between my spanking friends and myself, so I'm not coming from a place of judgment and self righteousness. My ultimate concerns are how to continue to be a part of this small group while staying true to my beliefs and for other parents who may take this instruction as gospel, kwim?

Anyway, thx.

[Nazsmum]

Originally Posted by tanyam926 

I read the pages and the discussion seems to deal with spanking in passing, informal convos between church members or friends. Like you I rarely join in these conversations unless I get a sense that those I'm speaking to are open to a discussion.

I guess what frustrates me is that the church, but way of church sanctioned Bible groups, endorse the teachings of that group, and in my case the disturbing recommendations of a supposed Christian author. This author recommends spanking babies as young as 8 months, among other things. So what would you do if your church was teaching this? Or your Bible study? Or your pastor in counseling sessions?

Anyway, I think I handled it in the best possible way after prayers and careful consideration. My goal was to show love in my response.

I got a group email today which surprised me and is a great example of God's greatness. The group leader said they had prayerfully decided to not do the book. I'm not sure if this means for the moment or at all and am praying for guidance on what to do next. I am praying for God to use me for His purpose, maybe I am there to be a gentle parenting example.

Thx for your thoughts, I will move over to your Crunchy Christian thread to learn more. :-)

Spanking 8 month old

Can you have a meeting with the leaders & pastor?  Do you have a book about christian parenting that you could recommend?  Pray for wisdom in the meeting and go from there.

That is what I would do.

About Crunchy christian thread- not to many moms around anymore

[tanyam926]

Yeah, it's gotten pretty hateful around here and people have been disappearing for awhile. Too bad.

[Trigger]

Spanking is not supported in the Bible, i.e. the "spare the rod" passage .... that has been misinterpreted for ages. Good theologians and true Bible scholars will note that "the rod" was a tool utilized by shepherds to GUIDE sheep, never to beat them into submission. That the Pearls and other Christian parenting "experts" deliberately use misinterpreted Bibilcal passages to support beating children and fearing their parents is evil and reprehensible. "Fear" is another Scriptural term misinterpreted over time ... it actually means "respect" and "awe" when used in reference to God.

And - as has been noted - Jesus would not likely support the physical abuse of children in His name.

I would seriously consider leaving a church that promoted this stuff.

[tanyam926]

I agree Trigger, thx for your thoughts. In my situation it was two group leaders who independently chose the book, although it must be on a large approved list.

When the pastor did a parenting series a few months ago there was no mention of spanking, only love, teaching and patience.

I have chosen not to go back to the small group after much prayers, even though they decided not to do that study.