February 2013 Rockstar Mamas Thread - Page 7

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

 I don't think there's really anywhere safe (no roads, no crowds) that I could let him just go until he decides to come back. 

I know the weather isn't good for it now but are there any parks with walking trails? That might be a good thing to try, walking along a trail that is edged with woods to see if he'll stay on the trail and not go too far ahead or lag too far behind.

D does not like to hold my hand. He will run away if I try to get him to do that.

DH actually cleaned the downstairs bathroom! I can't believe it. I don't think he's cleaned a bathroom since we've been married. I remember that being one of our first struggles. He said bathrooms disgusted him so he couldn't clean them. I was like, "So, you think I like cleaning them? Or you just think it doesn't matter whether I like it or not. Since you don't like it, you don't have to do it because you are better than me?"

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

Ha - food for thought, one of my friends posted a link on how to show respect to your husband.  I found most of the points very old fashioned and a little too religious for me.  BUT I clicked on the flip side and found myself nodding along with SO many of the tips on how to show your wife you love her.  Thought it was worth sharing!


[URL=http://http//alltruthisgodstruth.wordpress.com/2012/08/14/25-ways-to-show-your-wife-you-love-her/]The tips for the husband.[/URL]

the tips for the wife.

Those are interesting. Some good points but some things that do grate me the wrong way, like #10: Practice Servant-Leadership. I get the gist of it and it's a good idea. However, I can't get past the assumption that, first, there has to be a leader in a marriage and, second, that the leader is always the man. Blech! But the message about humility is a good one for everyone.

[Baby_Cakes]

Johnson park might have trails...but I think it's more paved like with an asphalt sidewalk type thing.  I can't wait for park weather!!  I'm so so so over winter.  This morning I heard some birds chirping outside and they are DEF spring birds.  The end is near!  I hope!!

Omg yeah, I feel you.  Chris won't clean bathrooms either.  But he does ALL the yard work and I won't do that.  I've never shovelled (more than just the steps or front walk so I could get thru) or mowed a lawn.  In some ways I do feel like I shouldn't have to.  If he didn't want to, he could hire someone.  I certainly won't do it.  

[Baby_Cakes]

the tips for the wife gave me the creeps.  Dress flattering?  admire him?  don't slap his hand away if you aren't in the mood?  Uh....no thanks.  I get mutual respect and I'm all for that, no need to be rude, but damn, if I'm tired I'm wearing sweats, if he's being an ass I'm going to tell him, and if I'm not in the mood -- sorry hon, move your hands awayyy!

[akind1]

Those sound very old school. I will say I generally try to not say no unless I have very good reason - I can be gotten in the mood - but that may be because for a long time in our marriage, I was the one who wanted sex more, and I felt rejected alot, so I try to be accomodating now that his drive has picked up. I don't ever regret it, after all. But you know, dress flatteringly? most guys could care less.

As for servant leadership - while there doesn't HAVE to be a leader in a marriage, there usually is. It may not be the same person the whole time marriage, or even in regards to all things - but it seems like in most relationships there IS a leader. Like DH is probably more so in regards to finances, and I'm more so in regards to things regarding the kids. I think servant leadership is also a really good model for kids - I don't like authoritarian style leadership - it doesn't teach your children very much, other than how to be bossy and demanding.

Gabe was really cute yesterday, he and Norah were playing in a bin of scrap paper and I said something about Norah, but what he heard was "ask" Norah, so he was asking her to help him clean up. "please, baby, please, help clean up. please?" it was so adorable. Of course, she did not. But it was still really cute. I love watching their relatiionship grow, I just hope he likes Theo as much as Norah. He still thinks boy babies and dolls are yucky.

What is it with guys and bathrooms? DH will sort of clean the toilet. and maybe wipe down a counter. but not actually clean it. I'm picky about bathrooms, so I don't mind, but geesh.

[Baby_Cakes]

aww that is cute!  I love seeing siblings interact.  I think honestly it's one of my biggest joys these days.  When Nora hops up and says, "Where's Finn?  Finn!  Finn!  Wanna play!?" and goes hunting for him.  I just have to smile.  It's *happening*.  All those months of TTC/whatevering b/c I wanted her to have a sibling, the whole long pregnancy, the daydreaming about *someday*...it's unfolding right now.  It's amazing.  It's humbling.  

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by akind1 

As for servant leadership - while there doesn't HAVE to be a leader in a marriage, there usually is. It may not be the same person the whole time marriage, or even in regards to all things - but it seems like in most relationships there IS a leader. Like DH is probably more so in regards to finances, and I'm more so in regards to things regarding the kids. I think servant leadership is also a really good model for kids - I don't like authoritarian style leadership - it doesn't teach your children very much, other than how to be bossy and demanding.

What you are describing that you and your dh do is not the same as the servant-leadership style marriage that is pushed by many fundamentalist religious groups. In those marriages, the husband is always the leader. He makes the final decision on everything. What you are describing is each of you contributing to the marriage in different but equal ways. Unless, of course, you are the leader with the kids as long as your husband tells you it's ok.

[AnnieA]

I actually liked both articles. I think that the tips for the wife are just good habits in general, tips for being a nice person and treating other people with respect, you know? For me personally, I take stuff out on my DH and show my "bad" side when I wouldn't do that with other people. And he's supposed to be the person I love more than anyone else in the whole world. I try to remind myself of that.

Ava must be going through a growth spurt because she is eating a lot of food. She ate for a solid 45 minutes at Whole Foods today at lunch. I finally had to pack her up and let her finish her pizza crust in the car because we had to get home!

She was so freaking proud of herself today picking out her underwear. She got them off the shelf and I asked her again if that's what she wanted and if she wanted to put them in the cart. She nodded yes, I put them in the cart and then she started trying to push the cart towards the front of the store! She was a woman on a mission! She wanted those underwear. I changed her diaper before we left Whole Foods and she stayed dry all the way home, all through nap, to the babysitter and then she peed in the potty there. So I guess I just need to bite the bullet and put diapers away except for nap. Gah! I don't know if I'm ready for this!

[akind1]

I wasn't taught servant-leadership by the church, maybe that's why my view of it is different? I was taught it during my time in the Young Marines (kind of like JROTC, but not affiliated with school) - we were taught you lead by serving others. In general I don't disagree with having a single leader in a marriage, and that in a lot of cases it should be the man. I honestly have not seen one case of the wife leading that worked out well - they may be out there - but mostly when in couples where I've seen that, no one is really happy in the marriage. Granted, I've seen plenty of messed up husband-led couples too. Worse is when no one wants to lead.  My ILs are a prime example of woman leading gone badly - MIL has no respect for, and maybe never did - FIL. she yells and demeans him constantly. As a result, he's been checked out of the marriage for years. Not saying he doesn't have his faults. But I don't really blame him either. And if the husband is doing servant-leadership well, the wife shouldn't feel bullied or steam rolled or less than. I think, with men's egos, it just is a big challenge for them to step down and let a woman lead in everything.

Annie - that's adorable! she's getting so grown up! yay for no more diapers! One day I'll get there . . .

Carrie: isn't it? I wasn't sure, with the gender difference, how it would work out, but Gabe loves his baby sister. When she's not around (sleeping) he seems so disappointed! And he is actually pretty respectful of her sleep, shushing everyone, when she is. It's getting him to be quiet and get lost while I try to GET her to sleep that we have trouble. LOL. Do you think Finn will catch Nora in height soon? Gabe and Norah are only 6-8 inches different in height. I see that gap closing at some point.

Happy Valentines day! All 3 of us in Norah's FB DDC are now full term (one is 40+6, one is 38+2, and I'm 37+1) and waiting to see who's going to be born first! I love these last couple weeks, but it's a little scary and exciting that even though it's really unlikely in my case, it really could be ANY DAY NOW. OMG.

MIL's family has scheduled my baby shower (I"m so grateful to be getting one!) for next Sunday, I'll b e 38+3 . . .I think that's the latest I've ever had a shower. Oh well.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by AnnieA 

For me personally, I take stuff out on my DH and show my "bad" side when I wouldn't do that with other people. And he's supposed to be the person I love more than anyone else in the whole world.

I agree that it's not good to always treat your partner badly. However, if s/he is supposed to be the one person in the world that loves you unconditionally and you can't show your bad side to him/her safely, who can you show it to? I'm not talking about beating the person up, with words or fists, but people need a safe place to express all of their thoughts and feelings, even the bad stuff (maybe especially the bad stuff). That was one of the things I loved about dh. I could tell him all the nasty things I was thinking about whatever and he wouldn't hold it against me because he knew I wasn't a bad person. If you can't be your complete, true self with your partner, who can you be that with? KWIM?

Leadership in the military is much different than leadership in a marriage. A marriage relationship is nothing like a higher ranked/lower ranked military relationship. I don't think (and never said) that the woman should be the leader in the marriage, either. I don't think there should be an ultimate leader in a marriage at all. I think that both partners should be included in the decision making equally and come to important decisions within the marriage together.

There's a religious term for women who assume the submissive role in marriages. I can't remember what it is. It's been quite a movement in recent years within the Christian community in this country. I think it kind of ran parallel to the quiverful movement. It is propagated by some, usually more conservative, fundamentalist, church leaders. It puts women back I don't even know how many years to a position of complete servitude to their husbands. The husband has the final say in everything the wife and family does solely because he is the man, even if he is the meanest, dumbest guy on the planet. If he abuses his wife and/or children, they just have to take it. Think Andrea Yates or FLDS. I'm sure there are some marriages in which it works as long as the man is truly a decent, intelligent, caring person but a lot of times it ends up being more about control than anything else and it's very sad. It is not a good thing, imo.

Ava was very cute picking out her underwear.

We are supposed to go to a Valentine's Day party at CEC with our homeschool group. I don't want to go. I don't like CEC and I don't like the meaninglessness of exchanging valentines with people you don't really care about. It also feels a lot like school to me. The boys want to go, though, because they like CEC. They really couldn't care less about the valentines stuff but they have to bring something since everyone else is.

[MarineWife]

Have you ever seen a more perfect chart without temps? Not the current one, but last cycle. Amazing!

My Ovulation Chart

[AnnieA]

That is a great chart!

[akind1]

Well, you have the promise keeper movement which is . . . IDK . . . but it makes me squirmy. I don't think that's what the bible has in mind for marriage; but like anything, the bible is open to interpretation.

I think there is a difference in showing your bad (less perfect, kind, whatever) side and treating someone badly. Sure, DH has seen sides of me other people have not and loves me anyway, and I feel safe to show him that. But he doesn't deserve to be treated badly just because I know he'll forgive me for it, or because I know that he loves me because of or in spite of that ugliness. And vice versa, of course.

Military leadership is of course difference from leadership in relationships in some fundamental ways. But the idea of servant leadership can be applied to both. Leading in a family, or in a military unit - means putting others' needs ahead of your own and doing things for the good of the family/unit rather than just for yourself. In both situations you try to take the needs/desires, whatever of your "subordinates" into account of your decision making. To me, that's the general principle, and can be applied no matter where you're leading. As opposed to authoritarian leadership where the leader does whatever they want to, because they can, without taking others into account. I think maybe it just depends on where you are coming from, what you determine is meant by servant-leadership or whatever. Kind of like our discussion on what natural childbirth is. It means different things to different people.

I'm glad the boys like CEC. I never liked valentines day in school. Too much of a popularity contest. and also, when we really "did" valentines in elementary school, I never was the cool one giving out valentines with candy and crap. But that was 20+ years ago; now it seems all the valentine's have candy or something.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by AnnieA 

That is a great chart!

Isn't it awesome? If only all of my cycles were like that. I was getting nervous yesterday because hadn't shown. I was afraid I had somehow gone all that time with CF dry up and all my regular, horrible PMS symptoms and not Oed. I was rather happy to see red this morning. I wonder if being "overweight" will regulate my cycles. That's only one pretty cycle, though, so we'll see.

We made our own valentines. We did pass out little bags of those Sweetheart candies but it wasn't anything big. I don't even know what all the boys got. They sure had a lot of fun.

Kat ~ I know that is the way that some people interpret the idea of the man being the head of the household and that is the hope of most decent people of how things will be but, sadly, it is not how things actually play out a lot of the time. People, and especially women, need to be very careful to whom they give up their power. It makes no sense to me that the man would be the default leader of anything just because he's male. There is nothing in the male chromosome that somehow makes them innately better leaders. Just the idea of that right there is an affront to women.

ETA: People are finally buying my diapers, woolies and yarn! I just got a payment of $150 for a whole lot of o my woolies. It's a huge bargain for the person buying because it that doesn't even cover the cost of the yarn but at least it puts some money in my PP.

[AnnieA]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

ETA: People are finally buying my diapers, woolies and yarn! I just got a payment of $150 for a whole lot of o my woolies. It's a huge bargain for the person buying because it that doesn't even cover the cost of the yarn but at least it puts some money in my PP.

That's awesome that stuff is selling! At least it's not in your house anymore, right?

DH was all upset because he didn't get me a card or flowers. I texted him back and said that the best present would be if he folded and put away the mountain of clean clothes on the loveseat in the living room. Flowers will just make another mess for me to clean up!

Had an interesting morning with Ava and her underwear. I think the cloth fabric confused her some. She peed in the first two pair but got upset when I needed to put them in the dirty clothes. The third pair stayed dry while playing outside and through lunch. Not sure if I'm ready to do underwear away from home!

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by AnnieA 

DH was all upset because he didn't get me a card or flowers. I texted him back and said that the best present would be if he folded and put away the mountain of clean clothes on the loveseat in the living room. Flowers will just make another mess for me to clean up!

Had an interesting morning with Ava and her underwear. I think the cloth fabric confused her some. She peed in the first two pair but got upset when I needed to put them in the dirty clothes. The third pair stayed dry while playing outside and through lunch. Not sure if I'm ready to do underwear away from home!

Yeah, I was glad dh didn't get me flowers. He usually does but it does end up being one more thing I have to take care of.

It sounds like she did pretty well with the underwear once she realized how they worked.

[lyterae]

MW: Your chart looks lovely!

Annie: It sounds like the underwear is going well, it's awesome she was so excited to have them :)

Carrie: How are you feeling?

AFM: Tomorrow is bible study so I need to clean the house and get ready for company. Also I volunteered to make a meal for a family that is returning from the NICU with their baby, and I need to make a cake for a birthday gathering on Saturday. I thought my Friday was going to be quiet but it's looking to be quite the opposite! I also have a bowl of mushy bananas that needs to be turned into something. DH brought home pizza for dinner and once we put the kids to bed we had pizza and played a round of Killing Floor. We are getting snowed in once again and DH is going to need to get up early to plow us and the neighbor out in the morning. 

[Baby_Cakes]

I have a min I think!!

MW - great your stuff is selling!!

Annie - Ava looks so proud picking out her undies and that's awesome she's getting it! Hooray for big girls!!  Welcome to the world of having to know where every single bathroom is within 10 min of wherever you are, lol!!

Kat - Nora's really tall for her age so I'm not sure.  She's 42" right now and Finn is 34".  He'll outweigh her first,  I'm sure.  

I'm feeling better but last night I got hit with an excruciating UTI.  OMG mamas I thought I was going to die.  I was out walking with the kids and it came on like fire.  I walked them to walgreens and I got some of those pain relieving uti pills, and of course the lady in front of me was talking to the pharmacist about her prescriptions endlessly, Nora was like, "CAN I GET THIS TOY!!??" and finn was starting to melt.  THEN she goes to make out a check and I HAD IT.  I ran to the front of the store to pay, and the line was 100,000,000 people long b/c it was valentines day.  OMG.  I ran home and threw the kids at chris and hopped in a bath of hot hot hot water, and took advil.  OMG.  the PAIN.  it felt like the ring of fire!

So the pain eased up in a few hours on the medicine, and now I'm torn.  Idk what to do.  I'm already on abx (amoxicillin) but that isn't one they use for a uti.  do I go and get a diff abx?  Do i just try to beat it naturally?  Chris leaves for Tampa on sunday so if it gets worse while he's gone, I'm not sure how I'll get to the dr (unless i bring all the kids with...and that doesn't sound fun at all).

Idk.  Going to think some more.  thoughts?  Lesson learned tho.  I'm never going to forget to pee after dtd AGAIN.  EVER.  GRRR.

Valentines day was tough.  The kids got so much absolutely awful crap candy from grandma.  I had to be strict and pack it away/throw out the really bad stuff.  She KNOWS no food dyes and she gave them a lot.  I tried to be grateful at the time, but now that it's over I'm kind of mad.  And she of course just handed them each the bags and I wasn't going to take it away or be a jerk while they were all right there.  Sigh.  So hard.

[Baby_Cakes]

Where is everyone!?  Busy weekend I suppose.

It got bad again.  I went to the dr.  She said my urine did NOT look good, that it was FULL of bacteria.  It took her some time to figure out what I could take that was safe.  On a new abx now, that should hopefully help.

I'm so sick of being sick!!  I just want to be well!!

[MarineWife]

That stinks, Carrie. I hope the new abx get you all fixed up.

I haven't been on the computer much. Kellen has been using it a lot to play Roblox. I check FB with my phone and Kindle but those aren't very good for posting on message boards like this.

D has been so fussy since Thursday night when he fell. Something is obviously still hurting him but we have no clue what it is.

It's snowing here. I hope it sticks for at least a little while tomorrow so we can play in it some.