February 2013 Rockstar Mamas Thread - Page 11

[AnnieA]

Well, the diarrhea showed up this morning so I'm not buying the food poisoning theory. Plus, Ava and I eat pretty much the same thing and I haven't been sick. DH said she eats different stuff at the sitter but usually food poisoning shows up about six hours after injesting the bad food so the timeline doesn't match up. Oh well. No pukes since yesterday evening so hopefully it's passed us.

I have issues with some of the patches. There are things, like fertility and family planning, that I think should only be taught at home. Just like in school, the troop leader is supposed to let the parents know before discussing something like that so they can opt out but I still don't think that is an appropriate venue. I also don't like the pledging and vows. It feels to military or Hitler youth to me. I don't know. Kind of hard to explain. My big kids did a program at their mom's church, AWANA, that's kind of like BS and GS but very religion focused and they start every meeting with the AWANA pledge and it always freaks me out. It feels like brainwashing kind of?

[Baby_Cakes]

Poor Ava! <3 Sending good thoughts.  

I think that's the unsettled feeling I get from GSA as well, Annie.

MW what are your opinions on our control over what our kids eat/consume for health reasons?  For example I don't let them eat artificial sweeteners or red 40.  I could also argue a huge part of vegetarianism is for health concerns.  If this is what I think is healthiest, aren't I obligated to express that opinion and do what it takes to keep my children safe/healthy?  I think it's within my right as a parent.  It won't last forever.  I have trouble figuring out at what point I'm comfortable handing over that much responsibility to my children.  I feel like it's somewhere around pre-teens.  But it obv depends on maturity and circumstance.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

MW what are your opinions on our control over what our kids eat/consume for health reasons?  For example I don't let them eat artificial sweeteners or red 40.  I could also argue a huge part of vegetarianism is for health concerns.  If this is what I think is healthiest, aren't I obligated to express that opinion and do what it takes to keep my children safe/healthy?  I think it's within my right as a parent.  It won't last forever.  I have trouble figuring out at what point I'm comfortable handing over that much responsibility to my children.  I feel like it's somewhere around pre-teens.  But it obv depends on maturity and circumstance.

I think that as long as they aren't asking for it, you don't need to give it to them. But once they start asking I think it's wrong to absolutely deny them because you think it's bad. Again, the best way to get your kids to eat healthy food is for you to eat it.

You mentioned that Nora wanted to try eggs and dairy but you have ethical issues with that. Could you find local, cage-free eggs that you are know are truly cage free and maybe go straight to a dairy farm to get milk or whatever?

[Baby_Cakes]

I'm still just not comfortable with that idea at all.  I still don't think she's mature enough to be making this choice.  As a family we've decided this is who we are, it goes beyond just a dietary restriction.  It's a lifestyle and a belief.  I can't just say oh, she wants to try something, and give up all I believe in just like that.  I want to focus more on educating her on the whys.  And go from there.

[MarineWife]

Well, I have to admit I'm the same way about school. E still periodically says he wants to go to school but I just can't let him. It's mostly fear that keeps me from saying yes to that one request, which is sad. There is a part of me that wishes I could let go of the fear and let him try it out. Other unschoolers who have talked about say that their children usually choose to come back home pretty quickly after trying school out. I'm just too scared of what might happen at school while he's trying it out. But then maybe I can put that under my list of safety issues because I do draw the line at that.

Why do you think Nora isn't mature enough or old enough to choose what she eats? I presume it's because your main reasons for being vegan are ethical. If you can explain it to her and she's ok with it (for now), that's fine. But there will come a time when you won't be able to control what she eats and if she views you as too controlling or judgmental about it she's much more likely to sneak.

E's and K's neighborhood homeschooling friends spent the night last night. K was cute at bedtime. He climbed into his bed and said, "See ya tomorrow, Mom!" with a huge smile on his face. E came in my room around 1 am after his friend fell asleep and said he couldn't sleep without me. It's funny how the younger one wasn't concerned at all about sleeping somewhere else but the older one couldn't sleep at all. Different personalities. E was worried about what his friends would think about him not being able to sleep without his mom. I hope they don't tease him. I told him that a true friend wouldn't tease him.

[onetwoten]

OMG, had the most random horrific sick day yesterday. I've been feeling better from my throat sick issues. I went to bed Friday night, and by about 2am, I was noticing that when I rolled over in bed, it felt like the room was spinning and my stomach would roll everytime i did so. Around 5am, I got out of bed to grab a glass of water and a chocolate to see if it was a blood sugar issue. I barely made it to the kitchen, I was so dizzy and the room was spinning so much, I had to hold onto the walls to move. I went back to bed for most of the day, alternating only with lying on the couch with my head pressed on a pillow. Even turning my head from side to side was enough to send my head spinning. But.. I had no other sick symptoms-- my stomach felt fine unless I moved, my head didn't hurt, I wasn't light sensitive, nothing. It was so odd.

Anyways, I slept more than I was awake yesterday, and then finally around 7pm I was well enough to shower (washed and conditioned my hair sitting on the floor of the shower), and felt a lot better after that. Went to bed shortly after Tenley did, and slept most of the night. Feel a ton better this morning. No dizziness, just a bit of light headedness-- probably from not eating much yesterday. 

Anyways.... this discussion has been interesting. Obviously I do think that there is a point when you as a parent need to make decisions based on what's best for a child, when they're not old enough to understand the implications of their choices. All of us are going to have different opinions as to what constitutes something important enough to have to take control of the situation. Right, like for me I look at the vegan/vegetarian  issue and say Oh, well that's not fair, because she should have the opportunity to eat those things if she wants. BUT-- Carrie, I also know that you guys as a family have looked into the health and ethical issues, and consider it a very serious choice. So I respect that, and why you wouldn't want her to make that decision when she's not old enough to have and understand all the facts.  One could look at it the same as some other ethical issues-- bullying for instance. When you explain to a child why bullying isn't nice, and all the consequences of it, but they still do these things-- do you allow them to, simply because you told them about it, and they need to make their own choices? No, you would take steps to correct the behavior/remove them from the situation-- because you as an adult know more about the harm of this than they do. 

I think there's too much of a move towards this fear of saying no to children. I don't think saying no is a bad thing-- I think saying no -for no reason- is a bad thing. There's tons of studies out there about how children thrive with limits. Developmentally, they aren't equipped to make all their own decisions, and it often leaves them floundering. Gentle boundaries help them remember that they don't have to always be in charge and 'strong' and the one making all the choices, especially when the subject is so important and potentially life changing (eating animal products, bullying, going to public school). I think it's good to give them the opportunity to be i ncharge and make decisions about smaller things- what to wear, how much to eat, whether they want to play with so and so, etc etc. But I believe the research that says we're doing them a disservice by not setting any boundaries-- especially when it's about such important things. 

[Baby_Cakes]

Oh yes I know the time will come when I have no control over their choices, and i know those days are coming.  I just don't believe they are here now.  It's much like the school analogy, MW.  Sure there may come a day when N or F have really thought about things and have decided the social pressures, the temptations, the allure of a lacto ovo, or god forbid, an omnivorous diet, make veganism too much of a challenge.  Maybe they won't feel as passionately about things as Chris and I do.  That's a possibility.  A bridge to cross for sure.  And we don't want to be too controlling b/c like you said, that leads to rebellion and being sneaky.  But those aren't the thoughts she's having now.  She sees a kid at school with something, I do my best to find it in a vegan version.  She wonders why her ILs eat cows and pigs and chickens and I do my best to explain that some people feel differently about animals and eating them.  We are working on educating her on the whys, and hoping that it clicks on some level so she makes what we feel is the right choice.

In the meantime we get to exert what control we have and provide plenty of fun healthy food for our kids, and do our best to model what we want them to be.  They aren't lacking for anything.  I don't think they're deprived in the least.

Anywho, yeah, it's gonna be a challenge.  But what part of parenting isn't?

Alright they are climbing all over me!  LOL!  Bbl!

[AnnieA]

This discussion on choices is definitely interesting. I don't know what the "right" answer is. What it has made me realize is there's not much that I feel so strongly about that I wouldn't want Ava to do/eat before she's mature enough to really consider the consequences. Maybe caffeine? Other than that, I got nothing. If she decides she wants to go to school, I'm fine with that. We don't follow a specific diet so I don't really care what she eats. I don't even think I would be that put out if she decides when it's time to prepare for First Communion that she doesn't want to right now. Hmmm...more to think about.

AFM, we ended up taking Ava to the ER in the middle of the night. She started vomiting again while I was at work and we didn't have the zofran because we hadn't gotten her script filled since she had stopped vomiting. She was awake when I got home at midnight and she asked for milk so I gave her 2 oz of breastmilk and she fell asleep. She woke up about 20 mins later SCREAMING and then started vomiting everywhere. She kept screaming so I woke up DH and said we need to take her in. I'm sure I overreacted but it was scary and I don't think I could live with myself if I downplayed something she was going through and didn't get her help and then she died. Her heart has really adjusted my "wait and see" approach that I took with the big kids. I remember one time DSD 13 had a fever of 104.3 and I was totally ok with alternating tylenol and motrin, giving her a tepid bath, etc. Her fever was responding to my interventions so I was ok waiting. I'd be in a total panic if Ava's fever hit that high now. So we got to the ER, she vomited again while the doctor was trying to examine her. They don't know why she's vomiting but she looked ok from a cardiac standpoint. So they gave us more zofran, did a fluid challenge and then sent us home. I was really starting to question the virus theory but then her sitter texted me shortly after we got home from the ER that she was vomiting. So I guess it is something viral. And now my stomach is tight, I'm lightheaded and dizzy and don't feel good. Gah. I really hoped I was going to escape this one.

[Baby_Cakes]

Ugh I guess it's too much to hope it's just from exhaustion and stress?  Stomach bugs are just plain awful and Ava's seems like such a doozy.  I'm so sorry!  I hope you feel better soon!  Both of you!!!

I can't even put into words how awful the whole getting stitches experience was for Finn.  OMG.  Never ever want to go thru that with a child again.  Ever.    He seems ok this morning, a little bothered by the bandage but really, he's smiling and happy like nothing went wrong.  He slept well last night too -- didn't wake up until 6.  Hoping for an uneventful day. 

[MarineWife]

I can't imagine trying to get stitches into a toddler. Did he have to be restrained?

I sure hope Ava recovers soon and you don't get too sick, Annie.

Here's one way I look at things with my kids. Is whatever we are butting heads about important enough that I'm willing to risk our relationship? If not (and most things aren't), then I let it go.

I have had the opposite observation as JJ. Maybe it's because I've been living in military towns for so long now where people seem to be much more strict and rigid. Or, maybe it's just a difference in perspective. IME, it seems more parents are afraid to say, "yes," to their kids. The parents think they have to control their children. They don't want to spoil them. They don't want other people to think they are permissive. They don't trust their kids and think the kids are just trying to manipulate them or be bad, which I guess in a way they are if that's the only way they can be themselves, be kids. I see parents being really horrible to their children and I find it very sad.

[Baby_Cakes]

MW  - Yes, and I had to hold him still in addition.  A nurse held his head as still as possible and I stayed right in his line of sight, but it was still awful.  The dr did such a great job considering how unhappy Finn was to get it done.  As soon as they were finished, they opened the restraint and he frantically signed all done, all done, and I just put him right on the boob.  He sat in shock calming down latched and not even nursing for at least 5 min, probably longer.  I let him nurse for a long time, 20 min?  Maybe more.  The dr and nurse had to leave, so they showed me how to bandage the wound.  There was no way I was popping him off before he was ready.  He drifted off to sleep even he was so exhausted.  Once I felt like we'd both calmed down, I carried him to the car and he was really ok.  I was really shaken up.  I had my ILs stay for awhile after we got back to help me w/them a bit more.  

The nurse was so impressed he was bf'ing.  She said it was great and wonderful, and that is why he's so big, healthy, and strong.  

I truly love our urgent care.  Truly.  I don't think I mentioned it but we are switching to them for family care.  No more pediatrician!  They can do well visits and vaccines and I'm really interested to see how it all turns out.  I can't tell you how much better I feel never having to go back to that awful pediatric group.

Oh and I def agree with you.   Nothing is worth our relationship.  Nothing is THAT important.  Agreed.

[akind1]

I can't exactly say what it is about either organization, but I just don't care for either. I know they are unrelated. Maybe it's the cliquishness? I don't mind fundraisers in general, but I truly dislike the intense competition and expectation of my children to sell things. It's one of the big issues I have with public schools. Yeah, there are ethical concerns at the big level - especially with boy scouts - but IDK if that really colors my opinion of a local group - whose leaders might actually feel quite differently. (they might not, but you never know)

Choices: we are omnivorous and don't really have ANY dietary restrictions. I am not strict about any of it. I do try to limit the food coloring (especially red 40), HCFS, MSG, etc, and artificial sweeteners. Haven't talked much with the kids about that stuff yet . . . one day. When we have a reasonable choice between say, farm fresh eggs and Wal-mart brand (at not too much of a price difference and availablity, etc) we choose the farm - one day we'll explain, but the question hasn't popped up yet.

If we did have strong feelings about it, I would set a specific age at which I might let them do some exploration, like maybe 10? And make it a true well rounded experience - not just buying ice cream at the store, or eating an egg, but taking a trip to a farm, seeing the chickens, where they lay eggs, how some eggs turn into chicks, etc, and see if the desire to experiment is still there. You could do that sort of thing now (the trip, etc) but I don't know if I'd be comfortable letting them make that decision at age 4. But it's a good age to satisfy some curiosity as to where food comes from.

School: I think somewhere in middle or high school, I'll let them make a choice to attend school or not. homeschooling to me is as important about laying a good foundation down for them as anything else (which I really don't think the school system currently does, in teaching or modeling good thinking skills, decision making, life skills, etc) But especially high school as much about an experience as learning stuff. But maybe that's because I enjoyed high school.

The only choice/decision I feel strongly about at this point is body alteration, like ear piercing. I'l let them choose to do that I think around age 10, should any of them want to pierce their ears. (or whatever) - there is no going back on that.

I hope everyone is well, and gets no more stitches this week! we need a calm week. Well, I'd love for Theo to be born sometime soon, but beyond that, that's all the excitement I need.

[MarineWife]

Aw, poor baby! D was like that with the x-rays. He screamed the whole time and two of us had to hold him down. As soon as he could get up he clung to me for dear life.

In other news, I told you all the boys had a sleep-over Saturday night. That means that at least when we went to bed it was just dh, me and D in the bed. We have a twin set up next to our king. DH put the twin mattress in K's room so each boy would have a bed an no one would have to sleep on the floor. You'd think that would mean that dh would sleep in the king bed with me, maybe even cuddle a little. Would you believe he slept on the twin boxspring?! WTH was that about? And, yeah, I asked him. He said the bed was too soft. So what? You finally have an opportunity to sleep right next to your wife and you choose to sleep on a boxspring with no pillow and no blanket instead?! He better not complain to me about any lack of intimacy in our relationship.

D is getting to be so much fun. In addition to the signing, he's been winking at me and waving at everyone who goes by. He has learned how to spin himself in a circle until he gets dizzy. That's not necessarily a good thing. He fell down a couple of times yesterday. It was kind of funny, though, considering he did it to himself. And he's becoming so dramatic. If he gets the slightest bit hurt, he comes to me with the most pitiful face, fake crying like, "huh, huh, huh," and wants a kiss. As soon as he gets a kiss wherever he was hurt, he runs off to play some more.

[lyterae]

Carrie - I think that you should be able to say that this is what your family does and you can discuss it as she gets older.

I don't plan on giving Becca the option of choosing whether or not she is homeschooled at this point in time (she is 7) and her participation in church is not negotiable. There are certain things we do or do not do and as part of our family that's just the way it is. We're not willing to let her choose right now, it's simply not an option. 

[akind1]

Church isn't an option either here; Gabe does have the option of sitting with us or going back to the kids area. He chooses to sit with us.

I wish I had more exciting stuff to report. All I have got is lots of system purging and prodromal labor at night.

This icky weather needs to stop, Gabe is literally bouncing off the walls. Naked, I might add.

[Baby_Cakes]

NOOO not prodromal!  Oh lordy I hope that baby comes soon.  Thinking of you, Kat!

naked bouncing sounds...interesting!  I hope he gets his sillies out somehow.  

I need wine!

[akind1]

mmmm. Wine :) It's not as bad as it was with Gabe - with him it started at 37 weeks and lasted till birth, off and on, at 41+6. Norah I had a bit maybe last week or so I was pregnant. So I'm hoping I don't have much of it. mostly it's just a PITA. Just be the real thing, already.

I'm as ready as I'm going to be. The house is a bit of a mess, but I figure there is really no sense in trying to keep it spotless. We've been doing better at keeping it manageable, but really, unless we are not here, there is no chance it's going to stay really clean.

I have a final meeting with my doula on Friday, I'm kind of hoping he comes then. I'll be 39 + 2, day is 3/1/13 a good birthday - and it's a Friday, so all the grandparents will be available to take the kids. Plus my doula lives about an hour away, and she'll already be in town, so that's a plus.

Anyway - how's Finn and his toy story bandaids? holding up ok? is Nora jealous of the attention? or a good caregiver?

[Baby_Cakes]

If the mess isn't bugging you and it's sanitary who cares?  Once he comes it'll be a shitstorm of chaos anyway.  Just relax, do the minimum required to not stress out over it.  Ok -- sending birthy vibes for friday!!!  Lets go baby!!! 

Sigh.  Poor Finn.  He's really doing ok -- has his moments when I know it's just bugging him.  He's kinda bothered by the bandaids so I'm really only stressing keeping it covered when he's eating something messy or sleeping (b/c I figure that's a good chunk of time for it to be kept moist and still).  I just feel so bad for the guy.  Nora's being really great.  I think she still feels bad since it was kind of her fault.  She keeps saying, "Careful buddy, careful!  don't pop a stitch!" when he's being nuts!  It's kind of nice.  I worry so much about her lack of empathy overall so it's really nice to see this compassionate and caring side of her starting to come thru.

confession - sometimes I start to feel guilty for not homeschooling.  but by the time tuesday comes I'm SO READY and happy I can send Nora off to school!  I'm just not cut out to be (or patient enough) to do this and be on top of both kids all the time.  I reach my limit so often.

More and more I'm feeling completely done with having more babies.  I'm comfortable now saying that we will decide about another when Finn is in kindy.  Right now I can't fathom another even then, but we'll see.  I feel like once I'm that far out from newborn-ness, I'll either be too happy to want to start over, or the overwhelming desire to have another will be so strong I won't be able to say no.  That'll be the deciding factor.  Not having to think about it until then gives me a break from what if what if what if and I can just enjoy where I'm at right now.

Ive lost so much weight from being sick!  It's a mixed blessing.  I wanted the weight off but now I'm really trying to make sure I'm getting enough vitamins and healthy foods.  My appetite still isn't 100% and I think yesterday I barely ate enough at all.  My favorite jeans are too loose.  As nice as it is, I hate shopping for new jeans!  LOL.

[AnnieA]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

confession - sometimes I start to feel guilty for not homeschooling.  but by the time tuesday comes I'm SO READY and happy I can send Nora off to school!  I'm just not cut out to be (or patient enough) to do this and be on top of both kids all the time.  I reach my limit so often.

More and more I'm feeling completely done with having more babies.  I'm comfortable now saying that we will decide about another when Finn is in kindy.  Right now I can't fathom another even then, but we'll see.  I feel like once I'm that far out from newborn-ness, I'll either be too happy to want to start over, or the overwhelming desire to have another will be so strong I won't be able to say no.  That'll be the deciding factor.  Not having to think about it until then gives me a break from what if what if what if and I can just enjoy where I'm at right now.

Honestly? That's the way I feel about being a WOHM. I hate leaving Ava, don't get me wrong, but it IS nice to go somewhere and have adult conversations for 8 hrs. Since DH and I pretty much just switch off, we do a lot of solo parenting and that crap is hard! I wish I had a better childcare situation. Actually, scratch that. I wish my DH would be more comfortable saying that his work day is from 7a-3p so that he could just come home and be with her. I don't like shuttling her all over the place or waking her from a nap to load her in the car.

I don't know where I am on the more babies thing. I'd absolutely love another. But if I'm really honest with myself, I'm ok if it's just going to be Ava. When I think about things I want to do in the future like homeschooling, travel, vacations, etc. I only picture Ava. That's got to mean something, right? I took last night off from work because our local doula group had arranged a private tour with the head nurse for the maternity unit at the non-state hospital here in town. They were in the process of moving to their new building when Ava was born so I missed going to the shiny new building by about 3 weeks. Anyways, I hadn't been in the new hospital and I was going to be my friend's doula for her Aug birth before she lost the baby so I decided I should go and familiarize myself with it. I had a thought that it might be hard for me since I hadn't been on a labor unit since Ava was born but I figured that since it was a new building, I wouldn't have any issues. Man, was I wrong. The head nurse had two LD nurses and one of the nursery nurses come in so we could ask them questions about procedures, policies, etc. One of the LD nurses that came in was one of my postpartum nurses. She REALLY helped me the second night when I was at the hospital alone and having a really tough time. She sat with me for a few hours while I cried and just listened. She was awesome. I have wanted to send her a thank-you card but I could never remember her name. It was great to see her and thank her in person but I was fighting back tears for most of the meeting. But the new hospital is GORGEOUS. I'd love to birth there. I'm ok leaving that door partly open but I don't think I would be devastated if it's closed for good. 

akind1, I hope baby Theo shows up soon. I love the feeling of those last couple of weeks. The anticipation of the baby watch. I can't wait to see him!

MW, that's so weird that your DH chose to sleep on the boxspring. Sometimes, I want to knock him upside the head for you!

[lyterae]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

I worry so much about her lack of empathy overall so it's really nice to see this compassionate and caring side of her starting to come thru.

confession - sometimes I start to feel guilty for not homeschooling.  but by the time tuesday comes I'm SO READY and happy I can send Nora off to school!  I'm just not cut out to be (or patient enough) to do this and be on top of both kids all the time.  I reach my limit so often.

More and more I'm feeling completely done with having more babies.  I'm comfortable now saying that we will decide about another when Finn is in kindy.  Right now I can't fathom another even then, but we'll see.  I feel like once I'm that far out from newborn-ness, I'll either be too happy to want to start over, or the overwhelming desire to have another will be so strong I won't be able to say no.  That'll be the deciding factor.  Not having to think about it until then gives me a break from what if what if what if and I can just enjoy where I'm at right now.

 I understand about the lack of empathy, Becca seems to be running on the low side also. It is so very frustrating and it's something that it seems like should just be natural, not forced.

Don't feel guilty for not homeschooling, there are days when I wish I could send my kids to school! One of the reasons I didn't want to homeschool was because I wanted some time to myself, now that we are in the midst of it (a year in now) I don't notice as much if that makes sense.

While I was pregnant with our last one we were talking about ending up with 4 or 5, I don't know how I feel about that right now. I know that I want more babies, but I don't feel the overwhelming desire to have a baby right now. I do however have a crazy urge to be pregnant again.

Ben turns 2 tomorrow! I have no birthday plans whatsoever and his presents (a small set of bongo's and a picture book) are still sitting unwrapped in my room. I should probably make a cake of some sort.