February 2013 Rockstar Mamas Thread - Page 4

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 



You could try modeling wanting something but understanding that you can't get it right now if you don't already do that. Find something you want but can't buy and talk about how much you like it and why and how you wish you could get it but you can't right now. Then maybe talk about things you could do to get it in the future.

yes this I do.  we look at all the stuff I want but can't buy right now, and we talk about how maybe I can ask for it for my bday or something like that.  

[akind1]

In regards to what to do when the money is gone - I think that's part of the learning process. You have $20 - when that is all gone, it is gone - there may be tantrums at the end. But I think she's at a good age to start understanding the limits of money. (or anything) What happens when all the ice cream or pizza or whatever her favorite food is, is gone? it's gone - there isn't any more until you buy or make more.

Of course your first instinct is too spend it all. I think that's ok. over time she'll learn to pace herself.

My kids are pitiful. I don't think Gabe and I will be going to the sibling tour at the hospital tonight :( I'm bummed - was looking forward to doing that with him. There isn't another until the last Tuesday in February I think.

I'm measuring 4 weeks ahead. joy. Doctor says he thinks this will be a bigger baby than my other two. I said, yup, that's been my feeling all along. No worries about induction due to big baby, as they won't induce (with pitocin) a VBAC. just hope baby decides to come on his own, sooner than later. I'm tired.

[MarineWife]

As far as the spending getting out of hand, once she runs out, she runs out until she gets more. That's where I think an allowance would be a good idea so she knows she's always getting more at some point. There is a limit to it based on how much you can afford, though, so it's not like she can just buy, buy, buy. She may spend every penny she has every time for a while because she won't necessarily trust that things will always be this way. It works the same as food. After a while, though, if you really do let her spend her money as she pleases, she'll begin to trust that things will always be that way and she won't feel the need to spend it all at once (but sometimes she may still want to and that's ok, too).

Ethan and Kellen do a lot of looking online and figuring out how much money they have, how much something they want costs, how much they'll have left (if any) if they buy it and then whether or not it's really worth it. Ethan is old enough now that he look ahead and figure out how many weeks he'll have to save to buy something he wants. Kellen still needs me to tell him how much he has and whether or not it's enough to buy something and how much he'll have left but he makes the decision to buy or not himself. There have been plenty of times when he's decided not to buy something or to get two things that cost less than one thing that costs more. I think giving kids their own money to spend however they choose goes a lot further in helping them learn how to manage money than refusing to let them buy things because we think it's too much or whatever.

Hm...I'm not sure what to do about the hair washes. Can you wipe his hair with a soapy cloth and then rinse it with a wet cloth so that soap and water isn't dripping down his face? Dylan loves baths but he hates to have water run down his face. That's why he refuses to take showers. I never wash his hair but I do sometimes take a wet washcloth and wipe it to get it wet.

[akind1]

Gabe rarely gets his hair washed. Too be fair, it's rarely really dirty. The best thing I've found is to let him do the rinsing. It started with him dumping water on Norah's head, and seeing that she didn't seem to mind or cry (at the time) and then he started doing his own head. Would Nora be game for letting him help wash her hair?

And really, unless his hair is dirty, I'd not bother.  Norah gets food and crap and tangles in her hair All.The.Time. I have to wash it at least every other day. I'm not used to girl hair, LOL. I actually have to comb hers!

[Baby_Cakes]

She would but he won't go near the tub if there is water in it.

But he will play in the sink.  So.  

his hair is so long! sigh.  love it freshly washed.  his ringlets bounce.  Sigh.

Thanks for the ideas about money.  It helps!  

kat - cannot WAIT to meet the big little guy.  4 weeks ahead?  maybe you dropped.  That's a good sign!  Do you do EPO or RRL tea at the end?

[onetwoten]

Mobile, but I'm assuming he won't go in the shower with you? Just wondering if he might like it more if there's no standing water. Or you could try a spray bottle of water? That might be a good thing to get N invoked in

[AnnieA]

Late to the game here and the other mamas have already given you some good advice but if it's really become a problem just recently, I'd probably take a break from going to the store. I know that stinks and we use stores a lot as activities when it's cold outside but if she's having a hard time "getting" it right now, I'd remove the problem. Then, in a couple of days, if she asks to go to the store, you could say something like "Nora, I'd love to go to the store but the last time we went, you got really upset. Do you remember that? I'm concerned about going to the store and having the same thing happen again." Then see what she says. If she says she won't do it again, trust her and try again. If she starts tantruming, a quick reminder that that type of behavior isn't ok and then leave the store. Rinse and repeat. I don't think there's anything wrong with putting a spending limit on impulse buys. I also don't think that there's anything wrong with letting her spend her money. You could ask that she save a specific portion and then let her spend the rest. But you're right, you could run in to the same problem when the money is gone and she wants something more.

As for washing, will he go in a swimming pool? At least that would get him wet. Or a spray bottle is a good idea. Taking him in the shower with you. I have so many sensory issues with textures and smells that I'd probably have to just torture him for 60 seconds and wash and rinse his hair.

akind1, sorry that Gabe is sick! Tummy stuff stinks!

Oh my goodness, I meant to tell you guys. Ava snagged a doll from my mom's house the other day and when I was putting her in the car yesterday, she pointed to the doll and said "Baby Ava". I pointed to her and said "here's my Baby Ava" and she shook her head no and said "Unh uh". I said "Oh, are you Big Girl Ava?" and she shook her head yes. So sweet! When you ask her what her name is now she says "Ava". I love that girl so much!

[lyterae]

I'm with the others that she is going to realize the money is gone and it will be a sad learning experience for her. How many times on average do you go to the store in a week? Would it be better to say on Tuesday we will go to the store and you can spend 5.00, but the rest of the week we aren't buying anything.

Will Finn play in the empty bathtub? I would start with an empty tub with bath toys and then progress to squirt bottles and such in the tub, and then start trying to add water again.

Becca stayed at my dad's house last night and I already had plans today so Ben and I went and visited friends. I love visiting friends, but I hate how cranky he is by the end of the day. It's 5:30, he has slept for about an hour today and he is so tird he just sobs and cries when I try to lay him down. He is currently snuggled in the chair with Becca watching a movie.

[MarineWife]

I, honestly, don't get going to a store as an activity. I only go to the store if I need something, especially with the kids. That would not be fun for me.

I don't understand how learning that there isn't an unlimited supply of money to spend would be sad unless it is presented as sad. It's not a trauma.

Has there been new info saying that pitocin is dangerous for VBACs? When I was induced with Ethan I had pitocin. I did a lot of research and what I read said that pitocin wasn't the problem. The stuff that is applied to the cervix is what was associated with an increased risk in uterine rupture.

Not that I think anyone should be induced. I just find it curious that different docs seem to follow different rules. It really makes me wonder if any of them actually know what the science shows.

[lyterae]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

I, honestly, don't get going to a store as an activity. I only go to the store if I need something, especially with the kids. That would not be fun for me.

I don't understand how learning that there isn't an unlimited supply of money to spend would be sad unless it is presented as sad. It's not a trauma.

Has there been new info saying that pitocin is dangerous for VBACs? When I was induced with Ethan I had pitocin. I did a lot of research and what I read said that pitocin wasn't the problem. The stuff that is applied to the cervix is what was associated with an increased risk in uterine rupture.

Not that I think anyone should be induced. I just find it curious that different docs seem to follow different rules. It really makes me wonder if any of them actually know what the science shows.

 I don't think of it as a trauma but it is a reality of life and it will be upsetting once her personal money-tree is gone. Heck, I feel sad when the spending money is gone! I'm not traumatized by any means, but I definitely wish that it would go further.

 We don't shop as an activity either, the store is much to far away for us.

I'm not sure on the reasoning for no Pitocin, it always seemed safer to just avoid induction all together when going for a VBAC. That said I thought that using a foley catheter was supposed to be the least invasive induction method?

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by lyterae 

 I don't think of it as a trauma but it is a reality of life and it will be upsetting once her personal money-tree is gone. Heck, I feel sad when the spending money is gone! I'm not traumatized by any means, but I definitely wish that it would go further.

Isn't that the truth?! She's already very upset over the money situation or else she wouldn't be having tantrums. Giving her as power and control over it all as possible will help to alleviate at least some of that upset, if not all, imo.

I have never heard of a foley catheter but I will assume that it is something that is inserted into the cervix and/or uterus. I don't think I would agree to that. I have an issue with having anything inserted into me. I made an appointment for my annual exam (it's been at least two years now). It's on Monday. I've been trying to talk myself into canceling because the idea of having a speculum inserted into me and having my vagina artificially stretched is really freaking me out. I am seriously beginning to wonder if I will be able to go through with it. It just seems so medieval and gives me the shivers.

Off to google.

[AnnieA]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

I, honestly, don't get going to a store as an activity. I only go to the store if I need something, especially with the kids. That would not be fun for me.

I don't understand how learning that there isn't an unlimited supply of money to spend would be sad unless it is presented as sad. It's not a trauma.

Has there been new info saying that pitocin is dangerous for VBACs? When I was induced with Ethan I had pitocin. I did a lot of research and what I read said that pitocin wasn't the problem. The stuff that is applied to the cervix is what was associated with an increased risk in uterine rupture.

Not that I think anyone should be induced. I just find it curious that different docs seem to follow different rules. It really makes me wonder if any of them actually know what the science shows.

Ave absolutely loves going in stores. She loves looking at stuff, seeing people, talking to them, having them tell her how cute she is, etc. One of her favorite things is to go to BRU and ride in all the strollers, sit in the carseats, play in the cribs, etc. One of our weekly activities is to go to Whole Foods, walk around, get some lunch, etc. We'd probably live at IKEA if we had one close.

I get how running out of money would be traumatic for Nora. From my interactions with her, she strikes me as a kid that feels emotions to the MAX. So she's happy to the point of giddy and then when she gets sad or mad, it's the worst thing ever. Dealing with the emotional fall-out can be rough. My DSD 15 is that way. Her highs are very high and her lows are very low. She feels everything so intensely. She has started crying before when we pass a dead animal on the road because she's so sad.

As for pitocin w/a VBAC, my understanding is that it can cause unnaturally strong contractions that would stress the c-section scar. I would not be comfortable with any type of chemical/artificial induction with a VBAC. If I were in that situation, I would probably opt for another c-section. To me, the risk is too great. But that's for me personally. Foley catheter inductions can be a great alternative, especially if mama is already showing signs of being ready.

[MarineWife]

Actually, the stuff I just read suggested that a chemically induced VBAC would probably still be preferable to a repeat c-section. I don't remember all the details now because I just skimmed it. The website I was reading was based in the UK, which might explain the different recommendations than here in the US.

Ethan has very strong emotions. Maybe I just don't see feeling and expressing emotions as something to try to prevent or avoid. Some people do feel things more deeply than others. They should feel comfortable expressing that.

My kids like to look around stores, too. I don't enjoy it, though, and it's not something I would choose to do for fun. I wouldn't take the kids to a store or the mall just to get out of the house. That is more exhausting to me than staying home with them even when they are being wild. I also don't like to window shop or browse. If I don't have money to buy something and plan on doing that, I don't see the point in going to look at a bunch of stuff I can't get. I guess that's another way that I'm weird.

[AnnieA]

I know not everyone comes to that conclusion but I'm just not comfortable with the risks associated with a chemical induction. That's one of the reasons why I declined an external version when Ava was breech. If my OB had been able to turn her to vertex, he would have wanted to induce me right away. The risks of stressing the baby during the version combined with the risks of the chemical induction were more than I was comfortable with. So I declined.

I don't think it's so much of not being comfortable with strong emotions being expressed, it's just having to work through it, especially with a young child. It's draining. So if there's a way to avoid or defuse, I would definitely go that route.
 

[lyterae]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

Actually, the stuff I just read suggested that a chemically induced VBAC would probably still be preferable to a repeat c-section. I don't remember all the details now because I just skimmed it. The website I was reading was based in the UK, which might explain the different recommendations than here in the US.
 

Originally Posted by AnnieA 

I know not everyone comes to that conclusion but I'm just not comfortable with the risks associated with a chemical induction. That's one of the reasons why I declined an external version when Ava was breech. If my OB had been able to turn her to vertex, he would have wanted to induce me right away. The risks of stressing the baby during the version combined with the risks of the chemical induction were more than I was comfortable with. So I declined.

 I'm with Annie. Because we were opting for a homebirth we didn't want any of the risks that can be associated with chemical induction. When I hit 40 weeks with Ben we did have the discussion of what our options were if we needed them. I had my membranes stripped with my first as preparation for the induction they were pushing on me (my "big baby" was 7lbs7oz) and I believe that is what caused my water to break before I was in active labor. Membrane stripping and AROM were off my list as a possible induction techniques as I believe my water breaking early is what contributed most to my c-section.

[akind1]

The reason for the OB practice non use of pitocin to induce with VBAC is the increased risk of uterine rupture with it - There is an increased risk of uterine rupture period with pitocin, regardless of presence of scar on the uterus. I do not know exact stats. I know women who have had successful inductions as VBACs with it, they felt the risk was worthwhile. For me . . meh. I don't like Pitocin. So I am absolutely fine in skipping it.

And yes, ACOG says that the mere fact of a TOLAC is not a contraindication in the use of pitocin.

Foley bulbs for induction are not commonly used for induction at the hospital I'll be delivering at. But they can be quite effective.

gabe asks to go shopping. on icky days, it is sort of an activity for us. sonetimes we just need out of the house.

Baby does seem lower lately, but hard to say if I've dropped, really. I'm uncomfortable, that I know.  But I need everyone to get well hopefully before I have this baby. grandparents get freaked out by illness.

[MarineWife]

I don't remember the exact stats, either, but I do remember that they weren't significantly different. That means there was enough of a margin of error in the numbers that there may be no increase in risk at all. There are obviously significant increases in various risks associated with a c-section.

I'm certainly not suggesting induction for anyone. I did it and wish I hadn't. I'm lucky Ethan was ok and I'm lucky I was ok and was able to have more children. I think I came very close to having my uterus removed, although no one would admit that at the time. It scares the crap out of me to think of that. However, I would not have agreed to another c-section with him. I would do just about anything to avoid another c-section. But I wouldn't do anything at all unless it was very apparent that my baby was in danger, in which case an emergency c-section would almost certainly be the only way to go.

Originally Posted by akind1 

Baby does seem lower lately, but hard to say if I've dropped, really. I'm uncomfortable, that I know.  But I need everyone to get well hopefully before I have this baby. grandparents get freaked out by illness.

Yes, I hope everyone gets better before Theo decides to make his entrance.

We're going to the Chiropractor today. The adjustments have really helped with my pain. I scrubbed a bath tub yesterday and was certain I wouldn't be able to move by night but I was fine. That is one of those activities that would have almost certainly put me out with back and leg pain.

Our hot water heater is acting funny. It's switching itself off, I think. I may have to call someone to look at it but first I have to get Sean to move all the crap that he has piled up around it so that no one can get to it.

Oh, and I finally sold one of my soakers on Hyena Cart. It's not much but it's something.

[Baby_Cakes]

I think b/c shopping is like the only thing to do when it's cold/wet/rainy and you have kids with pent up energy.  I mean, IKEA we don't even buy anything.  It's just fun to walk around, they have a play area.  There's a cafe so we get lunch.  It's a change of pace.  Target and all that - I get a coffee and we do our grocery shopping.  It's not pointless.  It's not just to kill time.  I have to go anyway so we make a playdate out of it, I get to chat with my friend and Nora and Finn get to hang out with the other kids.  It's like... Idk.  Just what we do.

I can't say b/c I've never been faced with it, but I think I would try a chemical induction before consenting to surgery.  That's just me.  I know every mama feels their own way.  And I remember it was a no brainer practically for you, Lauri, when Ava was breech anyway.  It was way too many interventions and I think that if I were faced with that...well...I honestly have no idea what I would do.  So many factors to weigh.

Kat - hope everyone starts feeling better soon.

AFM - I really thought for a bit I had strep b/c my throat is really killing me.  But I don't have a fever.  Ugh, it's awful.  I hate it.  I'm so so so done with being sick!!!  Finn's eyes are clear, but I'm still fighting the pinkeye.  Seems mild.  I only wake up with crust, the rest of the day is fine.  

We are getting a ton of snow!!!  I'm excited.  I can't wait to see how much we get!  

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

 Target and all that - I get a coffee and we do our grocery shopping.  It's not pointless.  It's not just to kill time.  I have to go anyway so we make a playdate out of it, I get to chat with my friend and Nora and Finn get to hang out with the other kids. ...

We are getting a ton of snow!!!  I'm excited.  I can't wait to see how much we get!

I do plan for extra time if I'm going somewhere like Target or TRU anyway because my kids do like to look around. I don't just go to those stores to get out of the house and go somewhere, though. That's what I thought you were doing, especially since you said you go to Walgreen's just about every day since it's within walking distance. It sounded to me like you were walking to Walgreen's just for something to do. I'm an introvert and a homebody so I don't go out unless there's a reason other than just to go out.

I wish we would get snow. We had so much rain yesterday that the backyard ditches are flooded again. Rain dripped in through our roof (again). That means that most likely that really windy day a week ago or so blew a shingle or two off. I'll have to check. Why am I the only one who notices the drip, drip, drip and sees the wet spot on the ceiling?

[lyterae]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

I think b/c shopping is like the only thing to do when it's cold/wet/rainy and you have kids with pent up energy.  I mean, IKEA we don't even buy anything.  It's just fun to walk around, they have a play area.  There's a cafe so we get lunch.  It's a change of pace.  Target and all that - I get a coffee and we do our grocery shopping.  It's not pointless.  It's not just to kill time.  I have to go anyway so we make a playdate out of it, I get to chat with my friend and Nora and Finn get to hang out with the other kids.  It's like... Idk.  Just what we do.

We are getting a ton of snow!!!  I'm excited.  I can't wait to see how much we get!  

  That sounds like a lot of fun Carrie, we don't have anything like that around here. Target is 1.5 hrs away, it ends up being a full day trip if we go out that way. I love Target. Most of our playdates are taking turns visiting homes, there just isn't a lot to do here once it gets to cold for the park.

We were supposed to get hit with a storm last night and it didn't happen, the next one is due on Sunday/Monday. Not the quantity you guys are expecting though, we have quite a bit of snow but it's been a process over a few weeks not in one day.

AFM: Ben was up at 5 this morning, Becca slept in (very unusual!), and the little girl I watch called in at 6:45. We're all still in pajamas for the day.