Angry Toddler

[swanny809]

What are other parents doing when their kids throw aggressive tantrums? Biting others. Kicking others. Hitting others. Scratching others. It's unacceptable.

I have a three year old. He expresses his anger very well. I'm glad for that. He's on track. He's expressing it the only way he knows how. My concern is the reaction I give to him and what I do when he "acts out."

Now, let me explain these acts of aggression. All kids are different and I'm sure some parents have seen worse. But just so that you have an idea. We deal with spitting, kicking, biting, scratching and very lengthy (he doesn't like to give up) tantrums. Lengthy for him can last 20 to 30 minutes.

I've been told to just hold him while he fits (which makes him angrier.)  I've been told to just leave him in his room while he cools off (he left a small hole in the door because obviously Spiderman made him angry so he threw him.)

[skycheattraffic]

One idea is to provide acceptable "angry" activities. Throwing stuffed animals on the bed for instance can help release a lot of tension without being destructive. My DD has a little plastic drum set that she bangs away on each day. It's loud but safe. She's not usually very angry but if she's really getting ticked, I grab a drumstick and start, and she runs right over and takes over. I'm not too experienced with anger but these two activities help DD release some frustration and tension each day. Hth. Good luck.

[EchoSoul]

My son is nearly 2, and though he isn't angry(or at least not yet?) whenever he throws a fit because he was told he can't have something or whatever, I'll leave him where he's at while throwing a fit, turn my back, say nothing to him and completely ignore him, and go back to doing what I was doing. Usually in this fashion the outbursts last 30 sec. I follow the whole 1 minute x their age, so if he's still crying for more than a minute and a half - two minutes, I turn back around and comfort him.

My son doesn't bite or kick or scratch or spit, but my mother-in-law had what I thought was a great idea in that, if he ever does reach that stage, to show him it's okay to do it to one of those bounce-back boppy toys. You know the kind I mean? My son has one, it's a penguin, but he doesn't show much interest in it either to take out frustration, or to play with.

Perhaps you could try that, and the next time he starts getting physical, gently redirect him to the boppy toy? Of course, there's always the old-time method of using a pillow.

Oh, also, if other methods of solving this don't work, you might want to consider he has a food sensitivity. When my fiance was younger he couldn't eat ham, or have chemicals, because for whatever reason, they made him bite.

[devinsmommy26]

Your son  sounds alike like mine. My son is a "difficult & strong willed child" we are seeing a behavioral therapist. He is 2.5 years old. He hits, kicks, spits at us and even blows snot at us for no apparent reason. We tell him if you "hit us, throw anything at us, spit at us, or pretty much any aggressive behavior at us again.........you will go in your high chair to calm down" Now mind you we have added to his 5 point safety strap harness high chair, the chest clip that is on all of the car seats.....so he can not escape out of it. This method has been pretty successful  for us.

If we shut him in his room....he will get even worse. Throwing all of his heavy toys at the door...leaving scrapes and dents in the door. He does not calm down just gets more and more upset and aggressive if hold him tightly.....the same thing...more and more aggressive and upset.

These types of children I think are born with this amazingly strong spirit. They are not born little baby's......they are born little people that demand respect.

So if we give them respect......and talk to them like they are another adult.....maybe we can make it thru this thing called child hood. Then onto to the teenage years...................god bless our souls!

[swanny809]

Thank you so much! It's nice to hear your ideas and thoughts. Devinsmommy, you are so right!! I consider my son to be a little man! He is very strong willed and demands respect. He has put dents in his door as well. I think the advice doctor's have given to me are for "normal" willed children. We'll definately get through it. I just want him to learn that physical aggression towards others is simply unacceptable. I love the drum idea! I just picture a drum stick being thrown at my head. I'm going to try to talk to him like an adult. This is something I have not tried.

[devinsmommy26]

Ive started reading the book "the difficult child" by dr, stanley turecki M.D. I really like it so far. Im hoping it has the tools in it that I need to learn to better deal with his well difficult behaivor. Ya you gotta love the advice dr.s Or other people will give that would work for a regular toddler going thru the terrible twos. People have no idea, unless they them selves have a strong willed child.
But ya I have noticed the more I explain things to him in detail...the more compliant he will usually be. Yup talk to him like a little adult. It can be exausting....when u have had a long day and just want him to for once just to comply right away when u say "come put your coat on now" But I guess explaining its cold, we can't leave untill u put it on, if u want to go bye bye in the car you need it on.....ect, is better then a wrestling match with him rolling like an aligator while I try to get his squirmy little arms in the sleeves....as he makes them completely limp! Haha!
I don't know if your son is like that but that's what I mean by talking to him like a little adult
With hitting I try to be as consistant as possible. Very sturn voice, then I don't talk alot to him....I keep it short & stern. You do not hit, that is not ok, do it again time out, high chair, if we are at the library or some where he wants to be he gets a warning, then time out....the third strike he's out we leave.
I have been hit with his drum stick many times
There is not one day that gos by where he does not physically asault me in some way....im still trying to figure it our good luck mama