*~*~*~*Spotlight on sunshinelove!!!!*~*~*~*
What type of birth do you plan for this little bean? :)
What is your favorite food that is prepared FOR you? What is your favorite food prepared BY you? :D
Sunshinelove, How is your relationship with your mother or a mother-figure? How has her mothering impacted how you mother/live as a woman? What are some differences?
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I know that we live pretty close to each other and you said you just moved to the area. How do you like it so far?
Where did you move from?
Jodie--i am planning a UC, if all goes well. I had a UC with my daughter 2 years ago and it went so beautifully that it makes sense to me to do it again .
I like how you distinguished between "for" and "by" lol, that is creative! My favorite food made for me would be sushi--i like all different kinds but I've always had a soft spot for veggie rolls. My favorite food made by me would be lasagna--I use my mother's tried and true recipe with lots of sauce and cheese yum.
Writermama--wow, great questions, thank you. My mother has always been a sore spot in my life. She has severe emotional issues that make it impossible to have a real connection with her. This left a deep hole inside of me that caused all sorts of problems for me (anorexia and compulsive exercising as a teenager, unhealthy, often turbulent relationships as a young adult along with years of social anxiety, depression, and a general sense of feeling different or alien). It took me a lot of soul searching and analytical probing to piece it all together for the purpose of identifying the root. As it turns out pretty much all of my problems are directly because of her and how she treated me over the years. Once I saw that clearly I've been pecking away at the layers, which has helped me feel a 100 times better. I used to live to please her, caught up in her emotional web of manipulations and superficiality. She will never be who I need her to be--accepting that has been the most difficult thing I've had to do but it has freed me from her web and allowed me to finally live my life on my own terms. For years I would go back and forth between trying to please her and trying to get as far away as possible from her until I took a stand and stopped the cycle. As far as how she's influenced my mothering, she has made me do everything possible to not be like her--i have dedicated myself to being emotionally healthy, grounded and centered. In a sense I am grateful to her for showing me what it means to mother by forcing to clear out everything that is harmful or useless and only keep that which is essential and primal in nature. As far as being a woman, she has shown me how important it is to love one's mate and show him respect (something she never had done for my father). She has also shown me how important it is to take care of myself, learn to love myself and make sure I dont neglect my passions.
Veganyogamomma--i would want to see the beautiful places in this world, give to charities that really make a difference and support my kids with their passions. I've wanted to visit Ireland, the Amazon rainforest, Machu Pichu (not sure about spelling), Hawaii, and the Bahamas.
Cocoanib--this area is nice, i love the weather and its also quieter than the last place I lived (i was living near downtown L.A. blah). I have also lived in santa cruz, san jose, portland, oregon and houston (where i was born). I must say that Portland, OR has been my favorite place to live so far. The air is so clean, there are a million trees (I love trees), the people are cool and interesting, and the rain is often light and refreshing. Theres a good possibility we'll move back there someday.
I do miss the sunshine of OC, but the restaurants, people and like mindedness keep us here.
sunshine, wow, I'll tell you something true: I could have written that word for word about my mother. And I am, you know, writing it. I am writing a memoir about my relationship with her and how I am learning to be an independent person and mother. That memoir was part of my thesis in grad school "Writing to dismantle fear, guilt, and shame in mothering"...She lives in Riverside now (as I did before moving to MA, but I grew up in OC. We moved there from Michigan). Anyway, uncanny the similarities. It is amazing you have come so far from where you were in your relationship with her. Really inspiring story.
Can I ask you how you managed to do it? You say soul searching and analytical probing...were there methods or media you used to do those things? I am very interested in the ways people access the very foundations of who they are and what media prove to be transformational. I have found writing to be transformational for me and other mothers. But sometimes I just don't feel like writing.
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Amazing that you had a UC with your first baby! I'm in awe! Now that you've gone through it once, what did you learn from that? What are you doing differently this time because of those experiences?
Babytoes: UC feels natural to me, i cant imagine giving birth any other way unless i absolutely had to (if theres a serious complication). What i learned from my daughter's birth is how important it is to trust my instincts/listen to the small, quiet voice within. This fear kept popping up inside of me that i wasnt progressing even though i clearly was and i realize now its because i wasnt fully trusting of the process and my instincts. As if to prove to me that it was okay to trust, near the end of labor i had a hunch to move my hips all the way to the right. I was on hands and knees and i remember doubting for a moment if what i "heard" was legit when suddenly, in the midst of my doubt, i felt a very strong urge to move my hips to the right and it would have felt unnatural not to. So of course i did and i am almost 100% sure she rotated then. I then moved position a little and felt an urge to move my hips to the left--this time i didnt doubt it, i went with it and i think she finished her corkscrew rotation because a few minutes later she was born. I am still in awe of that occurrence and it has helped me deepen my trust in the process and the small, quiet voice within. So, to answer your question, the only thing i would do differently is trust even more, to not be afraid, to allow my instincts to take over since they obviously know better than my doubting mind how to give birth.
Sunshine, Thanks for such a detailed response. Totally interesting to read. I do hope you decide to give it another go and write that book-- I think the very best way to communicate complicated relationships is narratively, in prose, either memoir or fiction. Then readers CAN see how you did it without you having to tell them how to do it for themselves. Takes pressure off of you as well to figure it all out.
Sunshinelove, I'm glad you made it back to us! What kinds of things do you like to do with your daughter for fun? What kind of personality does she have? And what's your favorite way to pamper yourself just for you?
Hmm, i have a few favorite ways i like to pamper myself--taking long, bubble baths, doing yoga, watching a favorite movie and getting a massage.
Oh my gosh, what a lovely description of your daughter! She sounds like someone I would love to meet.
(sometimes I wonder if my screen name was such a good idea, since every time *I* sign in, it makes me think of chocolate!!)