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So nervous! 2 month check up tomorrow

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
Title says it all. I'm hoping I won't have any issues and we can breeze out of there, but I know our ped's pet vax happens to be DTaP and he feels pretty strongly about pertussis. I would actually consider that vax too if it weren't the pediarix that they offer and if the doc didn't brush off my family's seizure history as if there was no problem. I also have the fact that LO has a cold on my side. I'm planning on saying maybe we'll vax when he's not sick if there is a confrontation.

Guess I'm just looking for support from like minded mamas before I face the firing squad, so to speak smile.gif
post #2 of 21
I didn't even bring my last child in for well child check ups. I can see he's growing and since he's not getting shots I didn't see the point.
post #3 of 21

All they can do is lecture you, make you sign waivers, or tell you to switch care providers. Stay firm that you have decided against these vaccines, discuss your reasons if you want to don't if you don't want to. And yes, you can skip checkups if you'd rather.

post #4 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by tm0sweet View Post

Title says it all. I'm hoping I won't have any issues and we can breeze out of there, but I know our ped's pet vax happens to be DTaP and he feels pretty strongly about pertussis. I would actually consider that vax too if it weren't the pediarix that they offer and if the doc didn't brush off my family's seizure history as if there was no problem. I also have the fact that LO has a cold on my side. I'm planning on saying maybe we'll vax when he's not sick if there is a confrontation.

Guess I'm just looking for support from like minded mamas before I face the firing squad, so to speak smile.gif

I mean this in the gentlest way possible because I know how it feels to feel nervous about this issue but as to the bolded why? Why say that? It just sets you up for further problems down the road IMO. If you have made the decision to not vaccinate at the appointment tomorrow, just say NO. This is your child. If your doctor brings up DTaP and advises you to get it, nod your head, thank him/her for any "info" they provide, and say thanks but no thanks. What I have had to get over is that I really don't care if the doctor agrees with my parenting choices or not. They don't have to agree with me. I don't need their approval. As long as they are respectful of my choice (ie do not bully me or use intimidation) than I don't care. Your doc can feel strongly about anything, but don't you feel just as strongly about the vaccine? At the end of the day it's your choice. If this ped of yours is willing to treat your child should you not vaccinate and can be respectful of your choice, than he/she is a keeper if you ask me. If not, then you need to find a different doctor anway! Best of luck. Remember you are in charge :)

post #5 of 21

I remember that feeling. I made my DH come with me. He's not afraid of anyone ;)

 

Just stand your ground mama. You could say that you are still researching it, and for now, you are not doing any vaccinations. If you change your mind, you will let him know.

post #6 of 21

Pointing out that I was breastfeeding and my children were not in daycare has pacified doctors in the past.  

 

Stay strong, mama.

post #7 of 21

Hi there...just read this and had to reply...I have been in your shoes MANY times! My twins are now 5 years old and I know that feeling all too well.eyesroll.gif  They have not had any vaccinations as of yet. I only wish I had this forum when they were younger because it wasn't until they were 4 years old that I found this site for moral support, ideas, research, laws, school exemptions, etc...I was completely stressed out before every single doctor's appt, ER visit, specialist visit until I learned a simple statement that works great when they ask if they are up-to-date on vaccines or what vaccines we will be getting today...We now say, "We are a non-vaccinating family."  IF asked why, I simply state "for religious reasons."  (Whether it is religious or not, it will buy you time to make an informed decision.  You can always change your mind.)  

 

On another note, be careful of signing any waivers.  I have heard this might not be a good idea.  You can always take the waiver home with you and do your research.

 

Prior to finding our current vax-friendly pediatrician, everytime we tried to state our "concerns" or our "need to do more research" about vaccines with other doctors, the discussion immediately turned into an umcomfortable lecture and it became confrontational.  I always left each appt feeling so completely stressed out, kicked down, and even angry.   I remember wanting to get in and out of appts as quickly as possible and forgetting to ask important questions b/c all I was thinking about was avoiding the 'vaccination' question.  I only wish I had known to simply state we are a not vaccinating our children.  They still would have given us the vaccine information, but at least they would have known our answer and we would have just politely said "thank you" after the lecture. (It was a bit uncomfortable when you are asked to leave the practice.  I also might add we were never rude or confrontational...but somehow, the seemingly nicest doctors turned on us rather quickly.

 

The only thing about taking this stance about being a non-vaccinating family is the doctor might give you a choice...ie: start to vaccinate within a certain time frame or find a new doctor.  In the end, I can assure you that finding a new doctor who respects your choices will make the visits will be less stressful and you'll get a good night sleep the night beforesmile.gif.   We have discovered that most pediatric practices usually won't see you if you don't vaccinate.  (I might be wrong, but this is our experience with 4 larger pediatric practices.)   At one point, I doubted we'd ever find a doctor, but low and behold we did!  It was a very small family practice that we love.  It took lots of phone calls and asking lots of people - maybe throw the question out on this forum about a vax friendly doctor in your area.  Whether you delay, opt-out, whatever, it is just nice to go to the doctor without added stress.  After all, going to the doctor is stressful enough and you are paying these visits...You should feel good about going.  It should not cause any more worry:) 

 

If you are set staying with your current doctor, then the only approach is to thank them for the information but let them know you will not be vaccinating at this time.  You will have to feel out the situation as to whether or not you can stay in the practice without vaccinations.   

 

Whatever you choose, stay strong to your beliefs.  Don't be bullied! 

 If you do decide to vaccinate, spread them out, delay, or whatever...do it when YOU are comfortable doing it!! 

Good luck!  Let us all know how it goes.

post #8 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marnica View Post

I mean this in the gentlest way possible because I know how it feels to feel nervous about this issue but as to the bolded why? Why say that? It just sets you up for further problems down the road IMO. If you have made the decision to not vaccinate at the appointment tomorrow, just say NO. This is your child. If your doctor brings up DTaP and advises you to get it, nod your head, thank him/her for any "info" they provide, and say thanks but no thanks. What I have had to get over is that I really don't care if the doctor agrees with my parenting choices or not. They don't have to agree with me. I don't need their approval. As long as they are respectful of my choice (ie do not bully me or use intimidation) than I don't care. Your doc can feel strongly about anything, but don't you feel just as strongly about the vaccine? At the end of the day it's your choice. If this ped of yours is willing to treat your child should you not vaccinate and can be respectful of your choice, than he/she is a keeper if you ask me. If not, then you need to find a different doctor anway! Best of luck. Remember you are in charge :)

Marnica,

Well said! 

wave.gif

post #9 of 21
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all the responses ladies. Marnica, you have a very valid point. I wasn't even thinking in the long term scheme of things, just trying to get through tomorrow, but I definately don't want to come up against this at the next appt.

I would love to skip well checks altogether, we always get sick from the germy waiting room, but DH feels they're important. He was going to come with me tomorrow to show solidarity, but it turns out he has to work. Yikes!

Mom of Twins, I think you're approach is probably dead on. I get so nervous in situations like this! I'm going to have to stand firm and look confident wink1.gif

The DTaP is the weak link in my chain. Pertussis worries me, but I also feel strongly that this vax is responsible for my older boys' dairy allergy, and i feel my family's seizure history should be taken into account. Please correct me if I have been mislead on either of those.
post #10 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by tm0sweet View Post

Thanks for all the responses ladies. Marnica, you have a very valid point. I wasn't even thinking in the long term scheme of things, just trying to get through tomorrow, but I definately don't want to come up against this at the next appt.

I would love to skip well checks altogether, we always get sick from the germy waiting room, but DH feels they're important. He was going to come with me tomorrow to show solidarity, but it turns out he has to work. Yikes!

Mom of Twins, I think you're approach is probably dead on. I get so nervous in situations like this! I'm going to have to stand firm and look confident wink1.gif

The DTaP is the weak link in my chain. Pertussis worries me, but I also feel strongly that this vax is responsible for my older boys' dairy allergy, and i feel my family's seizure history should be taken into account. Please correct me if I have been mislead on either of those.

then delay the appt until he can go with you

post #11 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by tm0sweet View Post

Thanks for all the responses ladies. Marnica, you have a very valid point. I wasn't even thinking in the long term scheme of things, just trying to get through tomorrow, but I definately don't want to come up against this at the next appt.

I would love to skip well checks altogether, we always get sick from the germy waiting room, but DH feels they're important. He was going to come with me tomorrow to show solidarity, but it turns out he has to work. Yikes!

Mom of Twins, I think you're approach is probably dead on. I get so nervous in situations like this! I'm going to have to stand firm and look confident wink1.gif

The DTaP is the weak link in my chain. Pertussis worries me, but I also feel strongly that this vax is responsible for my older boys' dairy allergy, and i feel my family's seizure history should be taken into account. Please correct me if I have been mislead on either of those.

I feel the same way! Pertussis concerns me to. Not because I think it would be deadly (except in a tiny infant perhaps) as I have made it my business to know how to treat it naturally should it ever come our way, but because it can last such a long time and be quite unpleasant. As for the DTaP, it is one of the vaccines that I find the most disturbing for a variety of personal reasons. It also does not prevent transmission and as I'm sure you are aware, at least half of all reported WC cases are among the fully vaccinated. I would def be concerned about this vaccine with a seizure history and a history of allergies. Anyway just stand your ground. It feel good to walk out of there knowing you have done the best for your child and have not allowed yourself to be talked into anything that you are not comfortable with. Let us know how it goes :)

post #12 of 21

I agree with delaying the appointment until he can attend, if that is possible. Once he sees what takes place, it may be likely that he will agree they are unnecessary. That's what happened in my case. Having a doctor for our little one was important to my hubs until he had to leave work to attend the well visit and see first hand how pointless it was.

 

She is 5 months old now and we are still in the process of finding a vax friendly doctor to see in the event that we would need one. We've ceased looking for a pedi as I don't think one of those exists in our area, and are now looking at family practitioners.

 

Best of luck to you and your family!

post #13 of 21
Thread Starter 
It actually went really well. I kept waiting for the bomb to drop, but it just never did. I was able to have a very respectful conversation with our ped. The take away was "this is your child and I'm not going to tell you what to do or bully you into anything". He even admitted that some of the vaxxes are dumb. He sounded like he was holding out hope that I would just do a delayed schedule and he mentioned a few times that schools wouldn't accept an exemption if I was selectively vaxxing--anyone have thoughts on this, as I am still considering a few rounds of DTaP? I'm glad I went in there prepared for a hard time, but so relieved it wasn't what I expected.
post #14 of 21
Are there any naturopaths in your area that might offer separate dtap shots? We see a regular pediatrician but do shots through our ND as her office offers the best options vaccine wise.
post #15 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by tm0sweet View Post

It actually went really well. I kept waiting for the bomb to drop, but it just never did. I was able to have a very respectful conversation with our ped. The take away was "this is your child and I'm not going to tell you what to do or bully you into anything". He even admitted that some of the vaxxes are dumb. He sounded like he was holding out hope that I would just do a delayed schedule and he mentioned a few times that schools wouldn't accept an exemption if I was selectively vaxxing--anyone have thoughts on this, as I am still considering a few rounds of DTaP? I'm glad I went in there prepared for a hard time, but so relieved it wasn't what I expected.

Sounds like you found a good one!

post #16 of 21

In terms of school exemption, you CAN start off vaxing and then stop for religious/philosophical/medical reasons, whichever may apply.  You just can't pick and choose once you go with an expemtion.  I stopped vaxxing after the 2nd round of DTaP bc DD had such bad reactions to the vax.  Even though my ped fully agreed at the time that the reactions were bad, in the aftermath she still wanted (wants) me to continue vaxxing.  She doesn't harass me but leaves it open as 'whenever you want to discuss it, let me know" - yah no thanks.  But bc of her stance she won't give me a medical expemtion for DD so we'll be going with religious.

post #17 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by tm0sweet View Post

It actually went really well. I kept waiting for the bomb to drop, but it just never did. I was able to have a very respectful conversation with our ped. The take away was "this is your child and I'm not going to tell you what to do or bully you into anything". He even admitted that some of the vaxxes are dumb. He sounded like he was holding out hope that I would just do a delayed schedule and he mentioned a few times that schools wouldn't accept an exemption if I was selectively vaxxing--anyone have thoughts on this, as I am still considering a few rounds of DTaP? I'm glad I went in there prepared for a hard time, but so relieved it wasn't what I expected.

This depends on what state you live in. If you live in a state with philisophical exemptions, you can object to individual vaccines. This is not the case with religious. It is all or nothing, but sassy is correct in that you could get whatever you wanted before school and then file a religious exemption going forward. 

post #18 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by tm0sweet View Post

It actually went really well. I kept waiting for the bomb to drop, but it just never did. I was able to have a very respectful conversation with our ped. The take away was "this is your child and I'm not going to tell you what to do or bully you into anything". He even admitted that some of the vaxxes are dumb. He sounded like he was holding out hope that I would just do a delayed schedule and he mentioned a few times that schools wouldn't accept an exemption if I was selectively vaxxing--anyone have thoughts on this, as I am still considering a few rounds of DTaP? I'm glad I went in there prepared for a hard time, but so relieved it wasn't what I expected.

Did he say which ones he thinks are dumb?

post #19 of 21
Thread Starter 
He didn't agree with the varicella or giving hep b at birth. He did say he'd rather see the DTaP givin at birth. Scary thought to me.

We do have philosophical exemptions in my state. I had hoped to go the religious route since there seems to be a push to do away with philo exemptions. I don't need to worry about school for another year until my 4 yo goes to kindy and he has all his shots except his 4 year vaxxes.
post #20 of 21
With your family history, I'd stay far away from the DTaP. Just my opinion
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