Haha, thanks! It's definitely a funny tale to bring up at parties. I always get some jaw drops!
akemi, my husband's side are pretty big boned and tall German folk. So those genes have completely taken over (so far) my genes-- I come from a very petite family.
Dia, I'm also a FTM (funny...that acronym means something *so* different on other boards I'm on!) and having moments of irrational panic, but mine go more along the lines of: What if I never go into labor and this baby is never born? What if I go into labor and don't realize it? (As if those are actually possible!) I think that major change always comes with fear; it's what we do with that fear that counts. I'm trying hard not to let my monkey mind take over, which is much easier in some moments than others. At least we know we're not alone in the madness. 
In the meantime, I'm so encouraged by everyone here: the sharing of concerns, the new babies and birth stories, all of it. Love all around!
Dia - I had some thoughts like before my first was born - and then I actually had a really rough transition into motherhood. I cried every day for nearly 3 weeks and felt like I had made a mistake and then felt very guilty for feeling that way which made everything worse. I felt fiercely protective of our baby but I didn't feel the warm fuzzy loving feelings. I definitely did get better though and I can honestly say having children has greatly enriched my life and it's actually brought DH and I closer together in many ways. So you may fall instantly in love, or you may not...but either way, these fears are normal and everything will be okay in the end! Better than okay, really. 
37+ weeks!
I'm so excited, I just found a doula through the affordable doula network! I always imagined having one at my birth but with our current financial situation, I didn't think it was possible. It is pretty last minute but I found one that I really mesh with. It is great resource, they work on a sliding scale from $1 - $300 for a birth and prenatal and postpartum visits.
etsdtm99 - I started feeling something similar a couple days ago. The "hot knife stabbing pain" is below my belly button, no stretch marks but really sore to the touch. It feels worse with clothes rubbing on it, but it comes and goes. Ouch!!
Dia - I think it is total natural to have those freak out moments. DH and were sitting on the couch the other night, we looked at each other and had a "in a few weeks our lives are changing forever!!!!" I have been going back and forth between zen and feeling ready to stressing and scared. What has helped me is to identify some specific things that were freaking me out and address them. I realized I was really nervous about breastfeeding so I talked with a lactation consultant and feel much better. Making a list of postpartum resources for support - friends, family, professional - might give you a piece of mind. I also made time to just sit and sort of meditate, just being aware my body and the life inside of it. It really calmed me down.
Yay for a doula, Katie! That should be a big help.
I haven't had any contractions to speak of, so I'm assuming that my (continuing) bloody show is related to Monday's membrane sweep. But oh, how I wish something was happening.
Today is my due date if you go by early ultrasound...but I'm pretty sure the most accurate one is the 10th. Not that it matters, but these dates do stick in your head, eh?
Haha, thanks! It's definitely a funny tale to bring up at parties. I always get some jaw drops!
akemi, my husband's side are pretty big boned and tall German folk. So those genes have completely taken over (so far) my genes-- I come from a very petite family.
hehe- my hubby is also a big German guy w/ a couple of cousins well over 6'5" and women who are 6'.....
and my family is all more compact and the women petite (i'm tall enough at 5'4", though one uncle married into tall german stock and so i have a cousin whose a 6' woman too)
but i've been blessed to have late and still compact babies! my biggest was 8lbs 8oz, 23 inches long, and she's 3 years old and in size 5, so she's gonna be on the big side. this one feels a bit bigger than my 7lber (my 2 7lbers are petite and dark and look more like me than my blond blue-eyed german kids.)
Dia- i'll confess i worried about this and didn't process it well before birth. a rough birth and then a lonely transition into motherhood didn't make it easier. i didn't fall in love right away- i was fiercely possessive and adoring and maternal, but it was also just exhausting and overwhelming and my DS1 was not an easy baby... but we grew together in it- my husband, son and i. we all changed, we all softened and shifted, and you know what? even w/ my struggles, i was the right mother for this little man. and he was the right child for me. and we couldn't love each other more- even if i wasn't baby crazy and it was hard, it was the change that we both were supposed to go through. even now, number 5 on the way, my husband freaks out and shrieks 'i can't believe we're gonna have ANOTHER baby! what are we gonna do with it?' i'm laughing b/c the movements freak him out a bit, labor isn't his favorite thing, he's terrified of the newborn state (though he's amazing with them), and the thought of one more needy thing is pretty intense. but we're also really excited and ready and know it will be amazing. i think it's perfectly normal to be processing this! it's a lot like labor- it's real, it's brutal, but it's not a problem if you can release your fears and embrace that this child is yours, it is uniquely and beautifully part of you and totally NOT you. you are responsible for this new person, but they are also totally independent individuals from birth and you can't be responsible for every aspect of them. you are the best mother for this child.
Well, i may have a new labor sign! or a mild stomach bug :P I've been feeling a bit icky and having some loose stools last night and this morning.. lots of pressure last night and a little tiny bit more mucusy discharge (like, a tiny bit of something vs nothing, nothing obvious) but feels like baby really floated up overnight and it in my lungs again.. midwife appt today, so we'll see i guess, again i'll consider having her check me, but eh - i hate cervical exams and i know they don't mean anything so i'm not sure what the point is - i'm more thinking that her messing around in there might help move things along.. or at least make me feel like i'm doing something..
I really have nothing else planned now so i need to have this baby before i get terribly bored... 39+2 today.. i'm now in the time frame where i have actually given birth before - as #1 was born at 39+1 (after a 19 hour labor, so went into labor at 39+0) ..
I totally relate and I'm a first time mom too. ;) I had a total meltdown panic attack last week when I realized I'd forgotten to file some really important business paperwork in the previous calendar year and imagined that it could get me arrested (pregger brain here, yes I went to the extreme immediately and no, I'm not going to be arrested.). I think fear is an easy place to go right now. I was shocked at the intensity I had for this whole imagined scenario and lost a night of sleep over it. I think panicking about mistakes I make is part of realizing that the dumb things I might do in life are now going to effect another human and I'm not quite confortable with that yet. In the first trimester I was really depressed and a lot of the things I thought about were very much what you describe... life never being the same, "am I really cut out for this?" etc. My husband had his own version of this anxiety I think in December when I was on bed rest and he was absolutely manic about doing baby prep stuff. I don't think I've fully worked through my parenthood fears but I feel like it is pretty normal and somehow that helps.
Typebug- Same here, I my ribs feel that way pretty much everyday. My baby is still not engaged and keeps floating into my ribs at night so I think that is the cause.
Mine is supposed to be engaged but I have a crazy short torso so the bump is really impeded by my ribs now. Like i have a big indent where my ribs begin. I feel like it gets better when I sit up or stand but lying on my side seems to put a lot of pressure.
Great post!! You're definitely not alone Dia - I am a FTM as well and go from being excited to terrified all the time (mostly about the whole gigantic life change thing).
HOP - My husband sounds a lot like yours - the movements freak him out too, and he is not the best with needles/blood etc, so I am worried about him passing out or something during labor. LOL
Well, last night was interesting...although apparently not productive. I had a good hour and a half of real contractions (my first), and while I didn't think there was actual labor going on I did experience something odd/unexpected that sent me into a bit of a Spinning Babies tizzy. This babe is still riding fairly high, shifting around quite a bit at 37+2, and was more or less posterior at the time. So, while I could tell that the contractions were starting and stopping (pretty darn close together, by the way) by touching my belly, the lock up in my back was constant. Experienced mamas: was that an easier taste of what back labor would be like if the little one doesn't engage anterior?
Just got home from my OB appointment... Had a cervical check, with the intention to sweep my membranes, but my cervix was high, long and closed 
Even though I read over and over that cervix condition is not a predictor of when the baby will be born it was still depressing. I felt like crying.
The baby isn't engaged either, which is probably why my cervix is not changing. DH was there and afterwards he was such a sweetheart trying to cheer me up, saying that this was a great appointment. The Doctor was supportive in keeping with the plan of a vbac, and not moving up the section, he said my BP was great, I asked if I had been borderline GD, but no, I was 4.3 and apparently GD is at 7 so I was quite a bit away from that. Dr said we just are big people so it makes sense to have a big baby.
The dr did say that he's not terribly optimistic that I will go into labour spontaneously and that I will probably end up having to have a section at 41 weeks, but he's not pushing me to move it up since I'm healthy. Even though the baby apparently gained 2 lbs this week, I lost 2lbs.
On the upside, I got an email from a doula I had contacted but who was fully booked, and all 4 of her February mamas have already given birth (insert jealous smiley here) so she is available if I want to hire her. I'm thinking if I do VBAC a 12 pounder a doula would be a definite asset ;)
Just got home from my OB appointment... Had a cervical check, with the intention to sweep my membranes, but my cervix was high, long and closed
Even though I read over and over that cervix condition is not a predictor of when the baby will be born it was still depressing. I felt like crying.
The baby isn't engaged either, which is probably why my cervix is not changing. DH was there and afterwards he was such a sweetheart trying to cheer me up, saying that this was a great appointment. The Doctor was supportive in keeping with the plan of a vbac, and not moving up the section, he said my BP was great, I asked if I had been borderline GD, but no, I was 4.3 and apparently GD is at 7 so I was quite a bit away from that. Dr said we just are big people so it makes sense to have a big baby.
The dr did say that he's not terribly optimistic that I will go into labour spontaneously and that I will probably end up having to have a section at 41 weeks, but he's not pushing me to move it up since I'm healthy. Even though the baby apparently gained 2 lbs this week, I lost 2lbs.
On the upside, I got an email from a doula I had contacted but who was fully booked, and all 4 of her February mamas have already given birth (insert jealous smiley here) so she is available if I want to hire her. I'm thinking if I do VBAC a 12 pounder a doula would be a definite asset ;)
Are you doing Evening Primrose Oil vaginally? Might help soften things up. And a cervix can go from high hard and closed to a baby in 24 hours. Don't let your cervix get you down!
so, she will come when she is ready, and ill be ready. Though I do feel its very close, she also dropped last night! Exciting stuff!I am feeling REALLY ready right now. restless and ready to have a baby NOW - don't want to do anything else but lay around ... just want to have a baby.. ugh. it seems midwife appointments make me like this !! At my appt this morning my blood pressure was up a bit again and then they just talk about wanting me to have a baby and it stresses me out and totally messes up my zen waiting thing! guess i'll go fold laundry and walk around the house.. its not quite warm enough to go outside today.. :/
oh and my belly measured 40cm for the first time ever in 4 pregnancies.. fun times.. I hope this baby isn't really that much bigger than any of the others ..
i'm glad that your heartburn has diminished! i get some reflux randomly throughout the day, but it's much more angry than it has been prior. i mean, throw up in the mouth gross.
i feel like myself, hubby and the rest of our family are just waiting on baby. she's holding up the show. ::taps fingers on belly::
I am feeling REALLY ready right now. restless and ready to have a baby NOW - don't want to do anything else but lay around ... just want to have a baby.. ugh. it seems midwife appointments make me like this !! At my appt this morning my blood pressure was up a bit again and then they just talk about wanting me to have a baby and it stresses me out and totally messes up my zen waiting thing! guess i'll go fold laundry and walk around the house.. its not quite warm enough to go outside today.. :/
oh and my belly measured 40cm for the first time ever in 4 pregnancies.. fun times.. I hope this baby isn't really that much bigger than any of the others ..
I'm glad you even have a zen waiting thing. Mine flew out the window about a week and a half ago...can't seem to get it back... :)
We will have babies soon. Soon soon soon. Repeat as needed.
Hey, enjoy it! That's awesome. And I'm guessing you won't stay pregnant forever...I'm totally convinced that everyone else will have eventually a baby but me, so you're safe. 
Hey, enjoy it! That's awesome. And I'm guessing you won't stay pregnant forever...I'm totally convinced that everyone else will have eventually a baby but me, so you're safe.
LOL!!! YES! my friend is newly pregnant, and i have no doubt in August or Sept she'll have a baby, same w/ my baby sister- but this enormous thing on the front of me that is contracting almost daily? nah, never. except we're due for a whopper of a snowstorm this weekend.... OF COURSE. and midwife is 2 hours away in good weather!
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