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Our sad journey and looking for friends to share it with

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 

Hi, just thought I'd introduce myself. I'm Amanda (34) and my partner is Sophie (31). We've been together 6 years and have been trying to start a family for 4 years. We live in New Zealand. We waited a long time for a clinic recruited donor and started treatment in October 2011. This is how is has gone so far:


October 2011 - 1st IUI cancelled because I didn't ovulate

January 2012 - 2nd IUI cancelled because on 50 of clomid I had too many follicles

February 2012 - 3rd IUI BFN (25 clomid)

March 2012 - 4th IUI BFN (25 clomid)

April 2012 - 5th IUI BFN (25 clomid)

May 2012 - 6th IUI BFN (25 clomid)

June 2012 - Tubes test - all clear

July 2012 - 7th IUI BFN

September 2012 - 1st IVF (3 blasts created) hemorrhaged after egg retrieval and had to have emergency surgery. Transferred 1 blast, BFN

January 2013 - Frozen transfer, BFN


So at this point we are in $35,000 of debt and feeling very hopeless. I'm hoping to find other lesbians who have had as rough a road as we have. Coming up we'll transfer our last blast in March and start our 2nd fresh IVF cycle in May which is a government funded one, which is just as well because we can't afford to keep going.

post #2 of 10

Hi Amanda and welcome to MDC. Your story sounds really heartbreaking and I wish you the best of luck for your next try in March dust.gif

I can't really say that I know what you're going through, because I just started TTC (although I have wanted to have a child for more than 10 years), but some others on here, who've had long painful journeys to having their baby will certainly chime in. Feel free to join the queer conceptions thread too, it is a great ressource and offers lots of support.

post #3 of 10
Thread Starter 

Hi there, thanks for your message. I've been trying to figure out how to join the queer conceptions thread but can't figure out how to

post #4 of 10

Hi twomummies nz,

  I'm sorry about all you have had to go through.  It must be really difficult.  hug2.gif  We tried 9 times before getting a pregnancy that is sticking.  I had an early loss on the 6th try.  I did not got through IVF, but I can relate to the feeling that every cycle will end in a BFN.  I hope your next treatments are more successful. 


To join Queer Conceptions thread you just need to reply on the thread.  The threadkeeper will add your information to the first post.  That's all it takes.

post #5 of 10
Thread Starter 

Congrats on your pregnancy pokeyAC, what a blessing

post #6 of 10

I was 31 when we started TTC. We went through 10 IUI cycles (all BFN), some with hormones by injection. I had the tube test, laparoscopy, hormone testing etc and nothing was "wrong" except mild endometriosis. Moved on to IVF - first cycle we got 1 blast, I got PG and the baby never developed a heartbeat. Second IVF - I think they got 3 eggs, none fertilized. Finally moved on to donor *eggs* (I couldn't make more than 4 or 5 even with lots of hormone stimulation) and donor sperm, 2 blasts, put both in and we had twins when I was 36. Next time around we did donor eggs and sperm again, 3 blasts, they put all 3 in (yes, that was scary at age 40), but now we have a wonderful 2 yo DS too. I never imagined we would have to go through this much, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I too have been sad, impatient, and frustrated and often felt like I was the only person who had ever had to struggle to conceive, but I am not and neither are you. Good luck to you.

Edit: And yes, it is horribly expensive (I think we spent upward of $30,000 with the girls - on top of what was covered by insurance - and another $25,000 on our son (not covered at all by insurance), and that just adds to the overall stress so I really feel for you. It took us a long time to pay all of that off. And each time we risked coming up with a BFN again and we knew it, we got so lucky. PM me if you want to talk.)

post #7 of 10
Thread Starter 

Hi Kelly, thanks so much for your message, it's very inspiring for me. How wonderful to have 2 girls and a boy, that's exactly what I want. On our first IVF we got 13 eggs, 9 fertilised and 3 made it to blast, maybe that means my eggs are ok, but who knows. I've recently discovered that I have very low core body temp and I'm wondering if maybe that's the problem. I'll try and figure out how to PM you, but I'm finding this website quite hard to use. Thanks so much for taking the time to tell me about your story, it gives me hope xox

post #8 of 10


  I only have two seconds, but I wanted to say.. it took us 3 years and I don't even know how many cycles. We *guess* that we spent somewhere in the neighborhood of $20,000 for our wonderful, amazing, hilarious, pain in the butt daughter.  She's 2 1/2 now and every penny was worth it. Every moment, every heart ache, every cycle we had to sit out because we just couldn't stomach the idea of the roller coaster yet again.  All worth it for her, for us.  

  We're looking to jump back on again the ttc train soon and it is completely terrifying.  If you have moments where you just cannot imagine a life with no children ever? well then you've found the tiny molecule of strength needed to keep going.  It sucks, but not trying would suck more.. you know?

post #9 of 10
Thread Starter 

Hi there, thanks so much for your message. It's really encouraging. You are so right ' If you have moments where you just cannot imagine a life with no children ever' then you've got the strength to keep going. That's exactly how I feel, I want to be a mum over everything so all I can do is keep trying. Thanks for taking the time to write me a message and all the best for number 2 :)

post #10 of 10

My partner and I also conceived through IVF. We did switch clinics part way through the process and were surprised at the variation of services between clinics. We ultimately switched to a clinic which was willing to pursue a more aggressive treatment which had a greater chance of multiples.  Our first clinic was not willing to take this route with us. Now we are currently pregnant with a singleton. I doubt we would be where we are now if we'd stayed with our original clinic. However, it was hard to switch clinics and it meant living in another community for several weeks during the process.  good luck =)

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