Somebody might know :)
I don't have any real insight for you, but I was thinking that you might look into tongue tie aas a cause of the weird muscle use for crying and aspiration.....my daughter had a tongue tie ( posterior) and it was the cause of her difficulty with swallowing and aspiration as well as her difficulties with speech. I am sorry that you haven't found any other families who are experienced in what your family is dealing with. There are a few support groups through Orphan net I think, though I am not really familiar with them....we researched extensively with our daughter but have not yet found what we are dealing with. Hugs!!!
Hi. I'm sorry I have not experienced what you are going through. A couple things you said made me think of a condition called Cri Du Chat. I have heard about and met people online that have children with it but never met them personally. Kids with it typically have difficulty swallowing and sucking, and have a really strange cry. It may not be it at all. Just thought I'd mention it.