Originally Posted by sugarpop
I am losing it. my dd is testing my limitss and I failing to parent the way I had envisioned it. I have torepeat all requests three times. time out is not effective. she makes me threaten before reacting. I tell her no and she does it any way. I feel likeI have to break her spirit to get through. she is in constant motion, pinging from one thing to the next. it is overwhelming and frustrating. I losemy temper and yell. I am not the sweet gentle angelic mother I should be. I am a ranting raving lunatic that hardly smiles.
so I recognize that my reaction to her behavior isn't acceptable. now...how do I fix us? how do I know if pinging is normal? is she bored?does she ignore me because I am notparenting correctly?or is that par for the course? I feel like I haveto break her spirit to get her attention, make her sad that I am mad...I don't want her to be sad. I don't want her to behave so I am not mad. I just want to say no you can not have a yogurt, you haven't finished the granola bar and for her to finish her granola bar. not for her to run to the fridge and get the yogurt out any how then show me she has it.
I just don't know what is normal for her or for me. my mom was a screamer...how do I unlearn that
Well, if it's any help, this sounds an awful lot like life with my almost-three year old right now. The "pinging" in particular caught my eye. My daughter makes my head spin lately. She asks for one thing, and as I start to get that set up for her she asks for something completely different over and over and over again until I'm completely confused. I think this is the hardest part for me because it really messes with my own sense of clarity and calm when I have this little non-stop-talking-person pulling my head this way and that all day. A few things I've found helpful so far:
* Follow through. I mean....REALLY follow through. I thought that I was following through on the things I said to her until I reached this stage, and I realized that I'm not, really. I think the difference is that that second chance used to always work, but now she's so stubborn that we're moving on to third and fourth and fifth chances for stuff, or talking about it endlessly...So I've mostly stopped giving second chances.
* My DD can be inspired by immediate logical consequences. We used to to "If you don't put your shoes on, we can't go to the store." Now what works best is "If you don't put your shoes on, you'll have to go out without shoes." Or "If you don't let me help you put on your shirt, I won't help you put on her shirt." I know that sounds ridiculous, but it hits her where it counts - in her sense of rigidity, and things having to be a certain way.
* Be more playful. This is absolutely the hardest thing for me to do, but when I can do it, we have better days. I actually HATE playing, and playing along with DD's pretend play stuff is sooooooo trying for me. But I've developed this whiny child persona that I use now when we play, and it's making things a lot easier. Plus I get to give DD a little taste of her own medicine!!!
* Get out more. I realized I had kind of stopped doing stuff because DD was so difficult to get along with. I'm forcing the outings to happen, getting DD out to see more kids, getting myself out to see more grown-ups, and it's helping.
I still snapped and yelled at her today. It's tough stuff, and I understand how you feel.