I feel like a failure.

[courtneym89]

Right now I am feeling like a huge fat FAILURE! I feel that I am failing as a mother. I feel I am failing as a wife. And most of all I feel like I am failing to live a every day normal life like a lot of mother's out there. I also feel I am going to fail myself, I feel if even seeking treatment and getting help I am going to damage my children's little brain's. I feel like all they see me do it yell 24/7 and get angry 24/7 over EVERYTHING. I also feel like self harming here lately. I have not cut in 4yrs now but lately its just all getting to over whelming for me.

Sorry for rambling on and on but I needed to vent and I can't do this anywhere else because my husband fear's if I "like" or "post a comment" on a postpartum page on Facebook that it will cause issues between myself and his parents. So this is the only place I have to go for now :(

[pokeyAC]

Hello courtneym,

  Please see this page for resources that can help you in this very difficult time.  The most important thing I can tell you is that you are not a failure!  Being a mom and a wife is hard work that requires a support system.  You can't do it all or fix it all by yourself.  Getting help would only benefit you and your family.  I urge you to find some local help and/or a local support group.

[chrissy collins]

Hi Courtney,

How hard this must be and scary feeling this way.  Mothering and running a household is hard work and no wonder why your emotions are getting away with you.  I hope you can turn to someone for support, hubby, friend, counselor, or even the samaritans hotline in your area. You are not alone.  Take care of yourself. Shower everyday and take a walk in the neighborhood.  Find a small thing each day to cherish. At the beginning it may be hard but just a smile from starnger can remind you that when we are low their is always a high coming. Hang in there. 

[Viola]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, although I can assure that many of us have felt that way too.  Why would your in laws have issues with you trying to receive treatment for postpartum depression?  That seems like it is just going to exacerbate the problem.

[PathLessTaken]

I just saw how many views you have and not so many responses. I dont have any specific advice to give. All I can say is that you are not alone. The women you see that seem to have it all together, really dont. Send love your way.  :hug

[courtneym89]

Originally Posted by Viola 

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, although I can assure that many of us have felt that way too.  Why would your in laws have issues with you trying to receive treatment for postpartum depression?  That seems like it is just going to exacerbate the problem.

Yes it would, I am currently seeing a therapist and they don't know about it, only myself and my spouse do. I have to keep it that way otherwise I will most likely be judged and looked down upon by his family. It is a pretty stressful situation. Living with them just makes it worse.

[babyruthie]

Please don't feel like a failure.  You are NOT! You made the choice to be a mother and that in itself was a very important and selfless decision ya know.  Mothering is a HARD job.  I too find myself yelling at my kids.  Please take some time for yourself and give yourself a break.  Have you thought about therapy so you can just talk to someone about your feeling.  Mamma, you are not alone I promise. 

[babyruthie]

PS your little ones are SOOOO cute.