Hi all! I'm at a loss for what to do at this point. I recently started going to yoga 3x/week, which are my first consistent outings since DD was born 1.5 years ago. I recently returned home from class to have DH tell me he "actually had to use the belt today" on DS (4.5 yo). I was SHOCKED! DH really is not one to resort to spanking, and I was under the impression that we had committed not to spank after we each digressed a couple of times a couple of years ago. Since then, my mind keeps going to the thoughts of "If I leave kids with him for very long, he may resort to this punishment again". I refuse to leave them alone if there's even 1% chance of a repeat. I explained my feeling about this and requested that he commit to not spanking, but it has spiraled into this big mess of him refusing and me sticking to my guns about it. It is 100% wrong in my mind, and I cannot let this happen. I have no idea why he is holding on to this need to have this (option to spank) as an option. He claims to have no plans or intentions to spank in the future, but will not make a promise. Am I being unreasonable to need this promise for my own peace of mind? He is an amazing father in every way, and almost always uses beautiful GD with the kids when I am present. That's why I was SO BAFFLED that a BELT was even considered! I've turned it over and over in my mind and read numerous similar posts. But I can't seem to find the right solution for us. THanks for reading and any advice.
A quick preemptive response for some expected replies:
1. He is not open to counseling.
2. He is not interested in materials I offer for reference about parenting.
3. He is the sole breadwinner, I am the SAHM with no savings of my own and no family in town- meaning a separation of any kind is pretty unlikely.
4. To further #3, I feel that a divorce would lead to more alone time for him with kids, since some sort of joint custody would happen. This is likely to escalate stress which could trigger further punishments of this sort.
5. We live in TX, so there's no way of making spanking (even with a belt) look very bad, and I would never wish to cast that sort of "abuser" claim against him. He most certainly is not.