Just another quick update on this thread:
DH made good on his promise not to spank, but I did suspect he used the belt as a prop to get cooperation, as in a nonverbal threat. That was discussed, and he revised his vow to not use CP, and also not use threats of any kind regarding CP.
He also is now open to counseling, so we are setting up an appointment right now. I really hope it helps. WHile he has made huge strides in his disciplinary approach and relationship with DS, he and I are still on shaky ground. I realized it was a problem when it took me 3 WEEKS and another MDC thread just to figure out how to approach him about the perceived threat. I realized I was leaving too much unsaid, in general, to keep the peace around here. His triggers are few, but very strong. One wrong word or stepping in at the wrong moment can make for a disastrous day or week, in terms of our family dynamic and household morale. Even though major blow-outs were only happening 2-3 times per year, it also coincides with my willingness to be assertive. I think things would have been a lot more unpleasant had I not learned to keep my damn mouth shut. Moving forward, I am no longer willing to keep my damn mouth shut, but need to make sure he and I are both equipped to "fight fair" and not turn into a silent but hostile environment. Fingers crossed that counseling will help us work through this. Feeling ever grateful that he is so loving and compassionate in his relationship with the kids. Those relationships are the most important, regardless of our future as a couple.
I just saw this post, sorry: but good for you. Keep your damn mouth open:-) Sounds like you got a live one. I tell my husband, his job as husband doesn't end when he walks in the door.
All the best.