Weaning, Meds, and feeling so guilty. Vent

[47chromosomes]

I've been off meds for ADHD since I conceived by first child almost eight years ago.  I've been pregnant or breastfeeding (or both) since.  It has not been easy on me, my marriage, my faith, or my kids, but I felt the benefits of extended bf'ing was worth it for my children.  Now I am finally back in therapy after a few very rough months, and am abruptly weaning my 27 month old son so I can start back on meds.  I have so much optimism about the positive changes for our family with ADD meds back in our "ADHD toolbelt" so to speak, but I feel SO GUILTY for being a broken person that needs an Rx for a disorder that many people don't even "believe in".  I can't talk to friends about this pain because everyone just says "Of course you're having a hard time, your a mom."  (No one said that when I was a student and a worker.)  I just keep thinking 'maybe if I tried harder'.  Of course, in eight years I have tried EVERYTHING.  Everything and anything safe to do when pregnant or breastfeeding to help heal or remedy my situation.  Nothing has solved the issues I have, just driven me deeper into a despair that my brain is sabatoging my life.  I am just stuck.  My son is actually taking to weaning very, very well.  But *I* am a mess.  Not to mention he is our last child.  He's my baby.  But, I need a positive change and the opportunity for bringing some semblance of routine and order for me and my family.  I just hate that I am personally the wrench thrown into the works, and I hate that my little guy has to give up this special closeness.  I don't have any questions.  Just needed to vent is all.

[Mirzam]

You might find this interview of Dr Edward Hallowell on adult ADD helpful.

He talks about the positives too!

[47chromosomes]

Thank you.  I found that very interesting.  So much of what he said resounded with me.  I would love to read his book.

And update:  DS has weaned valiantly.  I am very blessed.  Started on stimulants, and I have so many strong feelings about it... I'm a crunchy mama, so I wish there was a more natural way for me.  I wish everything was simpler, but the truth is these meds seem to help in a wonderfully subtle yet effective way.  It helps me to still be me, but I can drive my own brain.  I am starting to feel a lot of hope for my life and experience as a mother.  :Deep Breath: