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Vent on New Parents

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

I need to vent...been bothering me this weeek...irked.gif

 

I have 2 boys (5 and 7) and I have a friend who recently had her first daughter.  She was so happy to announce their first child after a long time and felt blessed to have me as a friend to help her in the future, because she called me "experienced". I told her that I am always here for her.

 

BUT....

 

AFTER baby arrives...she turned 360 degrees on me.  Her attitude was rude when I visited her, she was afraid to acknowledge her weakness when she was tired, hurting and not sleeping, she didnt want my help, my advise and didnt want visitors.  I just wanted to help her on the basic baby needs that I learned from Attachment Parenting and raising 2 almost by myself.

 

And now I feel like she doesn't see as a friend.  She made me feel so low...so lame...I just wanted to try to help her.  I know I need to let go...

post #2 of 8

A lot of women want to figure it out for themselves and don't want the advice. Sometimes, they'll come around when they really need it. I'd step back, let her find her way, and be supportive. Who knows, she may take a different route to parenting than you did, and that's ok.  Being faithful as a friend while she adjusts to this new life will be an aid to her, even if a lot of time passes before she's receptive of advice.

post #3 of 8
Also, I tend to reject help when I need it the most. I had an awful time when DD was an infant, and what I really needed was someone to demand to help me.

On the other hand, my SIL always wants to do things her own way, and I have felt hurt that she doesn't seem to respect what I've learned so far on my mothering journey. So, I get where you're coming from.
post #4 of 8
I think this is common for first timers. I had a hard birth and my self esteem took a blow and I had my raging hormones, missed my dead mom plus other stuff. I just really felt like I had to protect myself and know I was doing it and becoming a mom on my own. Be patient with her, I doubt it has much to do with your relationship and more to do with her own journey and wanting to own her experience. As she returns to you, if she does, hold back the advice and if she asks for it, guide her to her own solution, don't tell yours right away. I think after number one we welcome the help more because we are secure in our motherhood.
post #5 of 8
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CookAMH View Post

A lot of women want to figure it out for themselves and don't want the advice. Sometimes, they'll come around when they really need it. I'd step back, let her find her way, and be supportive. Who knows, she may take a different route to parenting than you did, and that's ok.  Being faithful as a friend while she adjusts to this new life will be an aid to her, even if a lot of time passes before she's receptive of advice.

You make a good point.  She might be taking a different route in parenting..

 

Thanks!

post #6 of 8
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmamalizzy View Post

Also, I tend to reject help when I need it the most. I had an awful time when DD was an infant, and what I really needed was someone to demand to help me.

On the other hand, my SIL always wants to do things her own way, and I have felt hurt that she doesn't seem to respect what I've learned so far on my mothering journey. So, I get where you're coming from.

Thanks!  Maybe she is just having a difficult time and wants to adjust on her own...

 

I guess not everyone have to have the same parenting style...

post #7 of 8
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by eabbmom View Post

I think this is common for first timers. I had a hard birth and my self esteem took a blow and I had my raging hormones, missed my dead mom plus other stuff. I just really felt like I had to protect myself and know I was doing it and becoming a mom on my own. Be patient with her, I doubt it has much to do with your relationship and more to do with her own journey and wanting to own her experience. As she returns to you, if she does, hold back the advice and if she asks for it, guide her to her own solution, don't tell yours right away. I think after number one we welcome the help more because we are secure in our motherhood.

Thank you.  I will step back and let her be. It is her own journey, you're right. 

post #8 of 8

I'm sorry.

 

Also consider that she may be dealing with PPD, thyroid issues, PTSD from birth... I know that after I had babies in the hospital I didn't want anyone telling me anything about MY baby after a couple days of being lectured and feeling like I wasn't really the mom yet.
 

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