Hi everybody! (Sorry, this is long. I totally got carried away.)
I'm Susie. I'm 38+1, and I've been lurking on my phone for a few weeks since I didn't know how to join and post. I hardly get onto a real computer these days, but I managed to tonight and realized that joining forums isn't mobile-friendly. Ooh, I get it!
I'm a FTM, hoping for a birthing center experience, and am lucky enough to be delivering within the practice owned by one of the very midwives that was present at my own birth (at my parents' house, 27 years ago). I love both of my midwives, but I'm crossing my fingers that the owner will be on call when I'm laboring since it'd be a cool full-circle thing!
I've really enjoyed reading your stories and experiences and supportive comments to each other. I was craving a community like this so desperately, after thinking for most of my pregnancy that the only groups out there were for a different kind of momma (cough-babycenter-cough; all of those willingly-highly-medicalized births and generally negative and dramatic posts). It's refreshing to come here and feel instantly comforted by thoughts so similar to my own, and be inspired by ideas for research that I hadn't considered, and feel like I kinda know all of you nice gals in some strange capacity already.
I've been starting to feel kind of funky, emotionally. I've been pretty darn stable the whole pregnancy, but last night I felt weirdly introspective, but couldn't figure out why or how - and today it spiraled down. My DH surprised me by coming to my midwife appt today, but a few things happened there that cut me open. First, there was another husband in the waiting room as we were quietly discussing vaccines. Unsolicited, this guy gives his opinions, and then justifies them because "he's a nurse and he likes to help out when he can." DH didn't notice the ice-cold glare I was giving him or the other dude, and he chimed in, all, "Ha, I told you so!" Ugh. Second, during our actual appointment, both DH and our midwife ganged up on me while I was asking (perfectly normal) questions, saying, "Oh, anyone can write something on the internet," and basically criticizing me for not understanding when interventions are actually needed (not true, I get it; I just like to know everything about them) and telling me I'm a control freak. They both softened when I started crying, at least. I almost feel like I'm PMSing - I needed junk food all day, and I've felt hurt and vulnerable ever since. And crampy. On the plus side, at least I'm finally getting noticeable (practice) laborish feelings! (Midwife actually pointed out a BH contraction for me while she palpated, since I hadn't felt/noticed/distinguished them from baby movements yet.) I also have noticed funny cervical-area pinches and some round ligament pains (for the first time since the first trimester) today, which is all new.
Midwife chatted with me a little more: basically said that I need to deal with my control issues so that I can have a smooth labor. Yeah, I know! I've had this all of my grown life - how can I fix this in a matter of days/weeks? I ran to prenatal yoga tonight feeling raw and helpless, and sobbed in "share time." So grateful to have local ladies that "get it" and let me take up their energy. Everyone agrees that journaling is the way to go. I'll do it, but for the babe. It's one of those things that I can't justify for myself. Won't. Will, someday, hopefully.
I work 45 hours/wk as a nanny/cook/housekeeper/personal asst/secretary for a high-need single mom and her two young boys (one with Asperger's), and my control issues are what help me do my job well. I'm working 'til I go into labor, so I don't know how to balance this. Also, I've been wasting all of my nesting energy on HER house, and have nothing left for my sad, nowhere-near-ready, list-a-mile-long apartment.
Thanks for reading, if you made it this far. All of this was really just to say that I'm happy to be here and I've enjoyed reading what you all have to say! <3
Just for fun: I'm vegan, have struggled to gain a whole 15 lbs (on a good day) and haven't had a single.stinking.craving. I'm tempted to make something up just for the experience. Anyone else?